I Have a God Simulator

Tree Demon Jody had two hobbies.

One was eating Little Elves.

The other was to pretend she was looking for a husband. Then, after her suitor had racked their brains to come up with a terrible story, she would reveal her true form and declare, "You’re wonderful! You’re the husband I’ve been looking for!"

Most of them would be scared shitless and run away without a second glance.

But some, for the sake of treasure, would muster their courage, force a smile, and try to wheedle a gift out of her.

Jody would present them with a large treasure chest.

And what was inside the chest?

A full-grown Pearl Cannibal Crab!

The pearls on its back were very valuable, truly qualifying as a precious treasure of the sea.

However, these beautiful Cannibal Crabs were also usually very irritable, especially after being locked in a chest for many years.

If the suitor was lucky enough to survive the treasure chest, they would move on to the next stage.

Jody would give them a sword, telling them, "This is the great Sword of the King. Wield it, and you will become a mighty ruler!"

But the sword had been sealed by the Old Gods, and it required the blood of the "Lake Fairy" to restore the Divine Sword’s power.

Once its power was restored, the Sword of the King would instantly turn its wielder into a Demigod, the absolute Monarch of the Southern Continent.

At this point, Jody would deliberately reveal a weakness.

Whether it was pretending to be asleep, injured and in a state of Weakness, or claiming a Magic backlash required her to rest undisturbed... she would create all sorts of opportunities for them to launch a sneak attack.

The moment the suitor stabbed her with the sword, Jody would squeeze out the tears she had been preparing.

"Why? Why... Why would you do this to me!"

And just as the suitor was gloating, Jody would finish them off.

"Face my righteous judgment! You faithless man!"

The faithless man would collapse in regret and pain.

The lonely woman would put away the fake sword and continue her search for a home...

And so, the story of the female Tree Demon and her husband would continue, a never-ending play.

But recently, Jody had been hiding in the sea, not coming out much.

The general situation was not good.

A God had come to the forest, shrouded in white mist, their true face impossible to see. The aura and oppressive presence that could only belong to a God terrified Jody.

However, the God’s focus seemed to be on the Elves and the Elf Lake, so they weren’t paying her any mind.

Although, strictly speaking, Tree Demons were also a type of Elf.

But the Elves never thought so, and there wasn’t another Tree Demon on this continent.

Jody found it very strange.

Elves loved trees, but they hated Tree Demons.

’Aren’t Tree Demons just trees that grew up and got smart?’

Later, she gradually came to understand.

What the Elves loved was dumb, clumsy wood. Because trees posed no threat, provided them with the power of the Forest Element, and could be freely modified and ordered about.

Elves didn’t like things that were too smart.

Jody felt it was very unfair.

’Why can’t trees stand up? Why must trees always obey the Elves?’

Jody decided to vent this frustration on behalf of all trees.

She controlled the Symbiotic Forest, using its roots to interlace underground and burrow into the Elf Lake. This way, whenever an Elf died and returned to the Elf Lake, she would use the roots to absorb and consume the Elf, learning what they were really thinking and what their lives were truly like.

Most of the Elves were even dumber than she had imagined, and each one was more or less the same. It was really boring.

Jody turned her attention to the outside world.

Those foreign Adventurers were far more interesting than the Elves.

And so began the extra-long, continuously running stage play of the Tree Demon and the faithless man.

...

Not long ago, Jody had met a brave and powerful man. He was looking for a Slave Trader and seemed to have quite a past.

Unfortunately, he had no intention of participating in her "faithless man" drama.

Jody found this deeply regrettable.

If she were to force him, it would not only spoil the fun but also frighten others, damaging the reputation of her "Lake Fairy" legend.

In the end, Jody’s search for other people’s stories and the creation of her own were all for the sake of entertainment.

Living alone for hundreds of years, one was bound to get bored.

Just as Jody was preparing to evade the God’s Divine Power and hide in the sea to wait for things to blow over, a group of people suddenly found their way to her beach.

The man leading them was the same one who had been looking for the Slave Trader. It seemed he had found some help. Behind him, besides a young man in black, were several fully armed Dwarves.

Jody laughed to herself.

’The key to winning over the Lake Fairy isn’t numbers.’

"Hello? Excuse me, are you the Lake Fairy?"

The speaker was the young man among them.

His skin was a bit dark, as if he traveled outdoors year-round. He wore a long black robe, carried a pack wrapped in sheepskin on his back, and had a large sea conch hanging from his waist, polished smooth from use.

What impressed Jody the most was that when he spoke, he looked her straight in the eye with great earnestness.

The young man asked, "If I tell a story, can I really get a treasure from you?"

"Of course."

And so, the young man began to speak.

Many years later, Jody would still remember that little story.

"In Yao City on the Western Continent, there was a young man named Muke. He fell in love with a beautiful maiden, and he had to beat her at a game of dice to win her favor..."

"...In the end, he lost to another woman he loved. Until the moment he died, he could never bring himself to say it. He could only ask her, ’Was my game that bad?’"

"The maiden, no longer young, said, ’No, I thought it was wonderful. Very interesting.’"

"He became the Ghost Soul of the theater, forever waiting for his game to be put on stage."

"That is the story of ’The Phantom of the Theater.’"

Jody hadn’t had her fill.

She handed the young man a gem. "Tell me another."

The young man happily accepted the gem and told her story after story... until the sky grew bright and the Sun rose from the sea.

It was only then that Jody realized something was wrong.

’This isn’t how it’s supposed to go!’

"Will you be my husband?" Jody returned to the main topic.

"Well... you’re very rich, right?" he asked cautiously.

"Of course!"

"Then I will!"

"..."

Jody felt something was a little off.

’This guy is only with me for the money. I don’t know if I should call him frank or just dirt-poor.’

"It’s because I want to travel everywhere. If I don’t have money, I have to work along the way, and that’s too much of a waste of time," he explained. "If you’re rich, can you support my travels?"

"I want to write down everything I see and hear on my journey into stories."

The man opened his sheepskin pack and handed her a thick book. "You can read the script of the Yao Race, can’t you? This is full of stories and legends I’ve recorded on my journey through three cities."

"But there are so many more people whose stories haven’t been told. They’ve done amazing things and someone needs to record them. I want to write everyone’s story."

Jody glanced at it. Half of the thick leather-bound book was filled with dense script.

With a shake, her appearance as a Fairy in white robes vanished without a trace. Her skin turned a greenish-blue, and her eyes became orange with only tiny black pupils within.

The female Tree Demon’s entire body was covered in Spells, and crows circled around her.

Jody flicked out a forked tongue like a snake’s and sneered, "Now, are you still willing to be my husband?"

"I am!"

He answered without a moment’s hesitation.

’This guy has a lot of nerve,’ Jody thought.

So, with a wave of her hand, a large treasure chest flew out of the sea.

"That’s too much, way too much."

The man waved his hands. "I need to travel everywhere, you just need to give me some travel money. I can’t carry all this."

"..."

Jody was a bit stumped.

’This guy really came prepared, didn’t he?’

Next up, the Sword of the King.

Jody drew the glittering golden Treasure Sword and spoke of the power and authority the Sword of the King carried. But the man didn’t seem very interested, even yawning distractedly.

Instead, it was the three Dwarves behind him who began whispering among themselves. They were speaking in their own dialect, but because Jody’s Wisdom was high, she understood them after listening for just a moment.

"Is that sword made of Gold? How amateurish. A sword made of Gold would bend at the slightest touch. It’s soft and flimsy; this thing is useless."

"Even if it’s just gold-plated, it’s no good. This Fairy isn’t much of a blacksmith. She doesn’t understand Refining or casting."

"She must be a novice. Look how skinny she is. Her arms are like dry twigs; she’d probably have trouble swinging a hammer."

"And I don’t see a forge anywhere around. The Gold on this sword is probably fake."

"Totally fake."

Jody was so angry she clenched her fists.

’These damn little Dwarves, all they do is nitpick!’

’Calm down, calm down, Jody!’

’You’re a smart and elegant Tree Demon.’

She looked at the man in front of her, the main subject of her attention, and kept a smile on her face.

But the man shook his head at the sword. "I don’t want to conquer anyone..."

"I was a slave once. I was beaten and cursed. I hope that slaves will never exist in the world again."

He smiled and said, "Whether they’re a Prophet or a Hero, a monster or a mortal, everyone surely wants to be remembered and praised."

"Only a God can last forever, truly Immortal. We are born lonely and small, destined to be drowned in the river of time. If we can be remembered as a story, that is already a fortunate reward."

"..."

Jody felt a little melancholic listening to him.

"What’s your name?"

"Pawa."

"Alright, Pawa. From this day forward, you have a wife. I will give you money to spread my story and the stories of everyone else. Are you willing?"

"I... am willing."

"I will eat you when you are about to die, so I can obtain the story of your entire life. Are you willing to accept that as well?"

"Is that so? That sounds fine, too."

Pawa scratched his head and said, "On the island where I lived, there was a group of people next to us who did that. The wife would eat the husband to raise the children. Raising kids is really tough."

Jody sighed.

’What a foolish man.’

"You should go now. Go into the forest, walk north of the Elf Lake, and you’ll find gems, pearls, and Agate under a pile of rubble. Take them and go."

"Huh? But we just became husband and wife." Pawa was stunned.

"I told you to go!"

’If they don’t leave now, they’ll face the God’s wrath.’

Jody looked into the distance.

The God’s indistinct white silhouette had already descended, and she could feel that terrifying aura with perfect clarity.

All the monsters in the forest were eyeing her menacingly.

’The God must have found out what I did to the Elves and the Elf Lake long ago.’

’In the end, I got a different kind of story.’

Jody was content.

Suddenly, sunlight descended from the sky, enveloping Jody and Pawa, warming them and instantly making them the center of attention.

A blindfolded woman in black flew down from the sky.

She was riding a Magic Staff and landed lightly on the ground.

The woman in black said softly, "This is the Lord God’s blessing for you as husband and wife."

"We are eternally grateful!" Pawa said excitedly.

Jody froze for a moment, then quickly copied Pawa and the others, kneeling on the ground to show her gratitude.

"Finally, lift the Curse on the Elf Lake. The God has forgiven you, Jody," the woman in black said.

Jody said hastily, "Yes, of course... I obey! Thank you for the Lord God’s immense mercy."

She glanced at the young man beside her out of the corner of her eye.

’If I had a child with this guy, would it be a small tree, or a small baby?’

’Or a running tree-person?’

’Or a tree with a human head?’

’This seems so troublesome...’ Jody felt a headache coming on.