The Parent Trap

Chapter 50

Chase Jacobs

POV

After the bomb Carly dropped, she had gone downstairs and I’d let her. She needed time and I believed her.

I did too. She’d named our daughter Estrella. Not Stella. Not some name out of a baby book, not a random name off on the street. she’d named her after her mother.

Carly wasn’t the orphan I thought she was. No she once had a family. She cared enough to name our daughter after that family.

But where were her parents now? Were they looking for their daughter? Or did they think their daughter was dead?

Michael was set to return in a few days and I couldn’t be more happy. Maybe we could find Carly’s parents. It shouldn’t be that hard. There shouldn’t be many people with the name like Estrella out there.

The house was dead silent. I watched my daughter sleep. When I got home with a passed out Carly she refused to leave her side, barely falling asleep around eight because she wanted to be there when Carly woke up.

Carly had scared me when she screamed out and soon passed out. I assumed another memory was hitting her. I had called my doctor just to make sure she was okay. And he promised me she was.

While Carly and Stella were both passed out, I stayed beside them, I watched Carly lay restfully with Stella beside her.

I walked out of the room and down the stairs to check on Carly.

The kitchen light was on so I walked in and saw Carly standing by the kitchen island with her back to me. She was holding a mug with both her hands wrapped around it. She was staring into the cup like it would give her all the answers she was looking for.

I leaned in the door way, arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

She turns to me, she offers me a tired smile.

"I’m fine. Just thinking about everything..." she looks out at the dark backyard.

I’ve been meaning to get lights installed out there. But never got around to it. It’s been a busy year. I didn’t know how much longer I could take, from a divorce, to a custody case and finding my daughter’s biological mother I didn’t know what to expect.

"Why don’t you try to get some sleep?" I ask as I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee before I take the seat in front of her.

"I don’t think I’ll be able to get any sleep right now..." She says honestly taking a sip of her tea.

"I’ve been thinking about what you said upstairs." I tell her.

Her fingers tightened around the mug. "About Stella?"

I nod. "You said you named her after your mother? Does that mean you remember your family and your name?" I ask.

A bittersweet smile forms on her lips. She shakes her head. "No. I don’t even remember my own parents faces. But I do know they’re both dead." she confesses. She laughs humourlessly. "Isn’t that sad?"

My eyes soften. Her parents were dead, that’s why they weren’t looking for their daughter. It saddens me to know that she had no memories of her parents. "She must have been a wonderful mother for you to name Stella after her..." I tell her.

She stared down at her tea. "Not that have any memories of the people who raised me and from what I do remember. I don’t remember loving them..." she says.

I watched her for a moment before saying softly. "I’m sure you loved them. Maybe you just don’t love them the same way you Stella."

She shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe..."

"You don’t have all your memories back yet Carly you can’t keep thinking like this..." I tell her.

She looks up at the ceiling like she’s trying to stop herself from crying. "I remember how much I loved Stella."

I paused not saying anything.

"I loved her so much that I knew I would have to let her go..." Her voice cracks. "I still don’t understand how I did it. It took everything in me to let her go and I nearly broke down, but I kept walking and running away from her."

I watched her. I couldn’t imagine what she must have been going through then. Now seeing her so broken. I realize how hard it must have been for her.

"I’ve never really thought about how hard leaving Stella must have been for you." I admit.

She looks at me.

"The more you remember..." I hesitate. " I fear the more it might bring up those feelings for you" I tell her.

Tears pool up in her eyes. "I don’t know how much more I can take..." she admits.

I don’t know what to say to that.

She absentmindedly rubs her thumb across the side of the mug deep in thought. She sighs. "I thought they’d work for sure..."

I frown. "You thought what would work?" I ask.

Her eyes widens. It looks like she didn’t want me to know. "I..." She swallows. "The tablets Amy gave me before..." she stops speaking.

I blink... Not understanding what is going on.

"I started taking them again." she confesses.

My frown deepens. "What do you mean you started taking them again? I thought they were finished."

She nods. "They were. But before our trip, I received a phone call from someone asking me to take them again. Then I started taking them again." she confesses.

Confusion settles over me. "What phone call?" I ask.

"Did the phone call scare you? Were you threatened or something?" I ask.

She looks away from me. "I’m scared Chase..."

"Of Amy?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "No of who I was, and what I was apart of. I don’t know if I want to remember anymore..." She confesses.

I was caught of guard by her answer. I stared at her confused. "I thought you wanted to get all your memories back..."

"I do, I did. But the more I remember the harder it is to understand who I was." she laughs quietly. She sounded exhausted and not amused. "But every memory that comes back, I am more confused by who I was..." she looks at the ceiling again. "I feel like a completely different person. Like in one memory I’m a flirty person then in the next I’m emotionless and playful. It doesn’t make sense..." she looks at me and her eyes are filled with uncertainty.

I lean forward slightly. "Does it scare you that you don’t know who the real you is?" I ask.

She nods tears fall from her face. "I don’t think I lost my memories in the accident..." she tells me.

A chill runs down my spine. "What do you mean?"

She stares past me, she doesn’t say anything for so long I start to think if she wasn’t going to answer me.

I was just about to say something when she whispers. "I think I chose to lose my memories..."

I stare at her. "Why would anyone choose that?" I ask.

She closes her eyes. "I think I did it to protect you and Stella..." she places her hand flat against her chest. Her hand trembling. "I remember making peace with it..."

"Making peace with what?" I ask.

"I remember making peace with never seeing Stella again as long as she was safe. As long as she was with you..."

The words hit me right in the gut.

"I remember looking at her knowing it was probably the last time I’ll ever see her." She swallowed. "And somehow, I was okay with breaking my own heart just so she could be safe..."

I clenched my fists secretly. I couldn’t imagine leaving Stella and never seeing her again.

"Carly maybe..." But she cut me off.

"I don’t remember everything. And for now that’s okay. But I have no idea who is after me, but I wasn’t afraid for myself. I was scared someone was after Stella." She says looking at her cup again.

My chest tightens. Like someone had my heart in their hand and squeezing as hard as they could.

"I remember planning to fake a miscarriage while I was on my way to Chicago to see you before I gave birth but someone was after me so I couldn’t come here... I don’t remember anything from then..." She looks out again. "A part of me knew I might never remember Stella. I was prepared to die and never seeing her again. I’m terrified that remembering too much might somehow lead them right back to her." she tells me.

I finally understood Carly. She wasn’t scared of the person she was, she was scared she led people back to Stella.

I reached across the counter and gently rested my hand on hers, giving it a squeeze.

"Carly."

She looks at me.

"You don’t need to hide from those memories. Maybe remembering your reasons but protect Stella even more. You’ll know how you’re hiding from and how to stop them from finding you..." I tell her.

She blinks.

I continue. "I don’t believe you’re dangerous Carly. You may have been a different person before you lost your memory. But you’re not that person anymore. You’re Carly Lewis. The woman who protected my daughter. Saved her from those kidnappers, before she even knew who she was. You saved my life six years ago. I nearly died that night. You gave me Stella too." I tell her.

I didn’t want her to feel terrible. I didn’t want her to stop trying to remember because someone had convinced her that forgetting was safer than remembering.

I don’t think I was getting any sleep tonight. Not after tonight’s conversation.

After our conversation Carly went upstairs. But I stayed.

I made my way to the living room and switched on the television. There was a football game on but I wasn’t paying attention to it.

I needed to process our conversation.