60. A Shrine Maiden’s Fate
「Katsumi」
At first it looked like a large fuzzy ball on the walkway to my flat, before my mind caught up with what it was seeing. The cold overhead light set her copper fur ablaze, the fox tail swinging behind her.
I give Ouha a sardonic grin.
After work ambushes when I haven’t yet had time to get out of this annoyingly tight bra or shower tend to me make me a bit cranky and defiant.
“You know when you sit here so obediently swaying your tail teacher, I get the itch to put a cute little red neckerchief on you.”
Ouha makes a noise I never heard before, but it’s pretty clear she’s displeased.
Maybe I went too far? She’s still a powerful spirit, not something I should be toying with to be honest.
But you have to understand she totally invites it sometimes!
“I am of the Wild Fox Court not a messenger of the Mistress. The little one would be wise to remember that.”
“Yes teacher.”
I unlock my door and she whizzes past me before I can even react.
“Come, come, you know the drill, little one.”
“Shower and get ready for bed?”
“Yes, yes, yes, we have a busy night.”
So that’s how it is. Time for temple duty I guess. Not that I’m opposed to it on principle because it also means it’s ⋆ ˚｡⋆♡ full girl time ♡⋆ ˚｡⋆ again—looking forward to that. But just for once it would be nice if I didn’t have these things sprung on me out of nowhere. Like give me a schedule or at least a heads up, or anything frankly.
Can I have a regular shrine-maiden job instead of this one?
With a slight grumble I shower and roll my eyes as Ouha in her human form hands me panties afterwards. I take them, swallowing my pills.
“Oh my〜 she has stopped resisting〜”
“Yeah whatever.”
Just turn me into a girl spirit already.
So I don’t have to think about it.
Somewhat hastily I pat down my futon and get ready.
Her finger soon finds my forehead and the world goes dark.
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
Disorientated, my eyes flutter open.
I’m laying flat on the ground again with the eerily bright night sky above. Only it’s not the only thing I see, to the side three heads push into my field of view.
At least two look kid like, the third? Well thats a carved stone. One that moves as if it were alive and yes it’s also a child’s face, I guess. Still super disturbing.
Not that the other two are much better. The middle one, his skin has a doughy quality to it and he lacks any and all hair and looks like one of those smiling Buddha statues, but as like, a twelve year old.
The last one of the bunch, his skin is a fire red and two horns part the wild mane of his black hair.
I stare at them.
“Hey, she’s awake.” Says the doughy one, ramming his elbow into horned one.
Yeah, definitely kids.
“I’m not blind!” Snarks the horned one.
Stone face looks at his two comrades and then at me but remains silent.
“Guys can you move?” I ask.
Oh I love sounding like this, such a great voice.
Thanks teacher!
“She wants to stand up, out of the way.” It comes from dough face.
“I’m not deaf,” red face protests.
Out of the corner of my eye I catch the one made out of stone wince and then look at me as if he’s asking for forgiveness.
With enough room to maneuver I get up and immediately become aware of something. Lying on one’s tail isn’t very comfortable, but more importantly: WHY DO I STILL HAVE THIS THING!?
The two tall very much fox like ears on my head react to my souring mood.
Here I was about to be happy with how my body feels just right like this, voice, chest, missing little fellow and all, but why are these here too?
And why does it feel as if these things are supposed to be there?
I mean it should feel strange and foreign, right!?
Why doesn’t it!?
Stupid fox-spirit with her stupid hex.
The three spirits with their child like appearance and their strangely anachronistic clothes stare at me with a frightened expression.
Hu!? Am I that scary?
“Apologies Miss Kitsune. He is apologizing too, and him too!” The doughy one affirms, gesturing at his compatriots before throwing himself into a bow.
“I’m not mute! I can speak for myself. He’s the mute one!” Red face chides and points at the one made from stone, before he turns to me. “We weren’t slacking off. We weren’t Miss Kitsune. We weren’t, nuh-uh. We were just checking.”
They leave, giving a few extra bows as they do as if they weren’t sure if the first ones were sufficient. With that I’m abandoned in the middle of the courtyard of the familiar temple.
What an odd bunch.
I remain the center of attention.
All around atop the three wooden structures that make up the temple, I see birds whose eyes harbor an uncanny intelligence. Yeah, those aren’t regular animals.
Am I really that interesting?
In my sweep I catch Ouha in her priestess appearance with her tail out leaning against in the doorway of the building to my left, her signature smile taunting me.
“Why do I still have these ears and tail?”
“I taught you last time how to have them vanish from sight.”
I grumbled inward, but not coherent words escape my lips.
Whatever.
Fine.
Focus; flowing mana; pull it inward; done.
I blink.
Wait that actually worked?
Ha! That wasn’t too hard. It does take some concentration to pull off, but that’s fine.
A step towards Ouha.
『 ! ! ! 』
A familiar feeling on the top of my head, and a bushy tail that goes rigid from the shock.
“… why… why are they back?”
Ouha snickers. “Fufufu〜 someone has grown quite fond of her tail.”
“No that’s, that’s,” I stammer, “no… teacher what’s going on? You said they would vanish.”
With a wide grin splitting her face Ouha closes the distance between us.
“You, little one, have accepted this as your natural form, so to hide it from others you have to concentrate continuously. Do not worry, if you keep practicing, in a few years you will be able to conceal them for as long as you like.”
“I have to pull them in all the time to keep them gone!?”
“Yes.”
“You… You tricked me. You said to keep them out last time, that’s why I’ve grown comfortable or whatever. It’s your stupid hex. Just remove it.”
I know it before she says it and yet the shock still comes at me like a tsunami breaking the shore.
“It is not a hex. I awaked something that was already there, something I planted yet you nurtured. I shall tell you, you had me genuinely surprised, little one, that it worked so early. I had thought it would take more time and my little kiss in front of the princess would fail.”
“What are you saying?”
“You decided to become an apprentice to a kitsune. What did you think that would entail?”
“No I’m… I’m…”
“You proclaimed it yourself in front of princess Yuzuki.”
“No… that… was like… a lie.”
“Was it? Even if it had been, do you think a human would come to the conclusion that the way forward is to attempt to trick the princess of the Wild Fox Court herself? That my dear little one, is behavior reserved for adorable little cubs. I am aware you are fond of lying to yourself, but you should stop now.”
There is a bite to her last words.
My hand takes hold of her skirt.
She’s not allowed to leave me.
She has to stay.
My voice comes unsteady, “What’s going to happen to me?”
Ouha pulls me into a hug.
I’m not letting go of her.
Her hand finds the crown of head.
Gentle strokes wash over my hair and ears.
“Everything is alright. No need to be so frightened.”
My grip tightens.
Ouha whisper is a soothing hum, “It will be alright. We shall continue your training, and if you keep being this studious, one day you shall to find yourself to happen on a brook and you will know. If you were to jump across it, you would cross over and free yourself of the vestige of your human existence.”
I see the faces of Chie, Mayumi, Haruki and Hotaru. I hear their laughter. I feel them in my heart, the care they have for me. There are flashes of Yukio and Miori. I see Hikari, stunning perfect Hikari, who so easily makes me smile. I remember how her hand felt that day at the aquarium. The way she held it.
“Would I be able to return to the human world?”
“Yes, but first you would need to master your shapeshifting and earn your second tail. I am not letting a young one roam the human world. It wouldn’t be your place. It would be dangerous. Your place is here.”
“Do I have to cross over, when I find this brook?”
“No. It would be up to you.”
I let go of her and take a step back.
“Then I can’t. I can’t. I already left behind a wreckage once. Out there in another world, I told you, I had a family and friends and I abandoned them.” Thick streams of tears run down my face. “I can’t do that again. I have people here, who care for me, who worry about me, whose hearts would break. I can’t do that again. I won’t. You can’t make me! They deserve better. I already made my parents bury their son once. I won’t force that kind of hardship onto anyone again! No, I...”
My eyes had long fallen to the floor. Ouha leaves without a word, through the door she was leaning against prior to her coming up to me.
Dark spots on the stone tiles beneath my feet.
She is not allowed…
I follow.
The inside reveals a crammed traditional kitchen with a big pot over the fireplace. Ouha lifts its lid to reveal a batch of steaming rice.
My voice is small, “Teacher… did I disappoint you?”
“No.”
She isn’t facing me but I can hear the hurt in her word nonetheless.
“Can you help me understand something? I’m not really human anymore, but also I’m not like you either right. So… what am I?”
Ouha starts filling small bowls with rice to set them down on a tray to the side.
“You are a nascent kitsune bound to a human vessel. You and it are one. Entwined until you find yourself able to cross.”
My fingers dig into my red hakama.
“But it’s still a vessel?”
“Yes.”
“If I were to die out there in the human world right now, I wouldn’t just vanish here?”
“No.”
“But I wouldn’t be bound anymore.”
“Yes.”
I wipe my face and take a deep breath.
“Then… will you wait for me aunt Ouha? Let me live out my life as a human. Let me do it right this time. Let me take this second chance. You said they’re rare. Don’t let me squander it. I’ll find you afterwards. And I still come visit in the meantime, and you can come too and we can have chicken-skewers together and if you'll still have me I still want to be your pupil.”
"You won’t be able to shapeshift if you stay bound like this.”
"I got the pills and I’ll get the [※MAGICAL SEX-CHANGE DEVICE 3000※]. I’ll be fine, you’ll see. I’ll fix myself.”
“Ha.”
“So will you wait for me?”
“Is that a promise little one? You will join me here, when your time has come?”
She raises her eyebrow at me.
There is no hesitation. “Yes, I promise.”
“I suppose the wisdom of age will make you a more engaging companion.”
A faint smile tugs at her lips.
Ouha hands me the tray with the full rice bowls. “Please take this to our little helpers.”
I take it. “Will do.”
With that I’m off, only to stop at the threshold.
I glance back at her and my ears are filled with the sounds of the forest beyond.
Out there, somewhere down the hill, the trees come to a stop and give way to sprawl of the city, but that’s not where I am.
I’m here with my aunt Ouha.
I move.
My steps are light.
Okay maybe this super bushy tail is pretty nice.
Swish, Swish.
I follow the murmur of voices and bangs and soon find the three spirits from earlier installing new wooden wall panels at the eastern building. It looks a bit funny as dough face stands on the living stone statue just to keep the panel up right.
Isn’t that like… child labour?
“Big sister kistune! Look how strong I am.” The horned one with the red skin shouts so loud I almost drop my tray. He’s holding one of the panels on his own.
“Please ignore him Miss Kitsune, he forgets his manners.” Dough face remarks climbing down from the other.
“I’m not rude. Big sister kistune has just such big sister vibes, she won’t mind me being less formal.” Red face argues, dropping his panel.
Uh… ???
“See she doesn’t mind.” He adds.
“Miss Kitsune is gracefully ignoring you and your uncouth behavior. She knows better than to correct a lost cause. ” Dough face huffs.
Better speak up before this gets out of hand.
I clear my voice. “I have brought you some rice.”
“Thank you Miss Kitsune.”
“Thank you big sister.”
The one that looks like a moving statue beams a grin at me and bows taking his bowl without a word.
Dough face elbows his red friend, “If you keep calling her that I’m not taking responsibility for you getting cursed. Everybody knows foxes know the nastiest curses. You’ll come to regret this.”
“If she’d mind she would have said something.”
“You really don’t know how to read a room, you dense ogre.”
Well, I don’t know how to cruse someone, but they don’t need to know that.
And I could say something about the whole 'big sister' thing. It feels weird, not because I care about how much respect they’re showing me or whatever—it feels weird because I keep expecting them saying—if anything— 'big brother'. I’m super not used to being called 'sister' in any context.
It feels as if I’m tricking them, but I’m actually a girl right now, so I’m not.
But it feels like it regardless.
“Boys〜” I open sweetly. I don’t know if they’re actually all boys but it’s my best guess and if I have this opportunity why not lean into it? “… be nice to each another.”
All eyes on me, even pure innocent stone face looks at me with guilt.
Fufufu. I bet I actually give the appearance of a graceful older sister right now in my little shrine maiden outfit. This is great fun, to have them so enraptured by me. Oh wait, this feeling of getting revered for being a pretty girl who is their senior is maybe a bit too intoxicating, can’t trust myself with that kind of power.
With an additional stern “be nice” I turn and abscond, tactfully hiding my grin from them.
I return to Ouha, who I find in the kitchen, not having moved at all, and get so close to her I could almost nuzzle myself into her. She doesn’t retreat, lets me cling to her.
“So… aunt Ouha I have a question: why am I girl when I’m in the spirit realm? I mean like you know fully.”
“I couldn’t tell you little one. Despite your odd ideas, I am not the one responsible. I suppose you wishing so deeply to be girl might have been the cause. Or you hold that wish so dear because your spirit has always been this way. Who is to say.”
“And there is no way to tell?”
“No, for you see, if one were to look closely, one would come to the realization that these two things are the same. Two Kois circling one another.”
She does that smile again where she closes her eyes.
Great!
Not!
That’s like the same level of nothing answer as I got from her when I asked why I ended up in this world with pretty boy’s identity and body.
Ugh.
I feel her arm wrap around my waist. An invitation, one I take to lean into her. She is soft and warm and has this wonderful smell of pine needles and underbrush and there is another note, as if a feeling could be a scent.
I’m slightly startled by it, Ouha smells of being cared for, she smells safe.
Squished, I mumble, “Why can’t I be like this when I wake up? Maybe I should just cut the stupid thing off and be done with it…”
“Ha! Not ready to cross a brook but open to maiming yourself?” I hear the amused grin in her voice.
WUAH!!! Did I really say that out loud?
Why did I do that!?
What’s wrong with me!?
I fully hide my face in shame.
“Little one〜”
“No.”
She tugs me along, “Let us move outside. Come.”
With me in tow and two bowls of rice on the tray she guides me to the far end of the platform the temple rests on. Overlooking the forest, a small prepared seating with mats greets us.
We sit down opposite each other.
A warm expression on her face.
I say my thanks and start digging in.
“Do spirits like, have to eat?”
“Not in the same way humans and animals do. Let me describe it this way; you know how one gets into a foul mood if one hasn’t eaten all day? That’s how it is for us spirits too. It is perhaps the root why demon have such terrible manners. Imagine a spirit whose hunger could never be satiated, not even temporarily.”
Makes sense I guess.
We finish our small simple meal without any further words.
It still feels as if she’s hurt.
Awkwardly wiping down my clothes so I don’t have to look at her I ask, “You’re really not disappointed with me?”
A heavy sigh. “We wild foxes are famous for having our own will. That shall be my lesson I suppose. And we shall continue your training and who is to say what the future may bring.”
“I’m not going to cross over.”
“You say that now.”
“I’m not. I have friends who care for me. A new family. I might be a huge disappointment to them but that doesn’t mean I can just up vanish without a trace.”
“Fine. I shall wait. But do not have me wait for too long. I am not known for my patience.”
“You’re wishing for me to have a short life?”
“What!? No.”
She sounds super offended.
That’s kinda fun.
“Sounded like it.”
“You have become very brazen as of late little one.” she chides me with a huff.
“Well someone turned me into a fox.” I poke with glee.
“Is that what happened? And here I thought I had simply taken a lost little miko as a student.”
Her continued offended tone has me snickering.
Ouha catches it.
Her eyes narrow, “You…”
A wide grin is my only reply.