41. I Must Be Cursed Or Something
What have I gotten myself into?
Whisked away into the spirit realm by a mischievous spirit moonlighting as my teacher. A crossdresser playing a fake shrine maiden for the enjoyment of a kitsune and now this!
The weight of the big fluffy thing attached to me and its involuntary movement have my mind confused beyond anything. It feels alien yet utterly normal, like as if it’s supposed to be there, just a regular part of my body.
WHICH IT ISN’T!!!
Same as the two stupid things on my head that don’t feel particularly small.
Do I even still have regular ears?
Nope, not gonna check.
Not gonna touch anything.
Best to ignore it all until I get my annoying teacher to undo this.
What was she thinking? Why place this stupid hex or illusion or whatever this is on me and get me into this mess, where a powerful spirit assumes I’m lying!
This being with its all encompassing presence that rises before me. Tall, imposing and wrapped in flowing bands of white silk, pristine skin and pearl like hair falling past big white fox-ears down to her ankles.
Do mine look like hers?
I mean shape wise, mine probably have the same copper color as my tail.
Which the radiant princess has nine of.
Because of course.
One ought to show deference to the spirits especially ones like her, or you might end up dead or cursed by the end of the encounter, that’s a given.
Really don't wanna get cursed!
With the tone of a mother, warm and maternal yet definitively stern she asks, “So what are you young one?”
I know what answer she wants to hear.
My gaze falls to study the ground, not that the stone tiles suddenly reveal a yet undiscovered escape route.
Bastards! Traitors the lot of them!
It’s no use.
What else can I do but play along?
It’s not like as if she believed me earlier and I have no idea how to disprove her assertion. Especially not with that stupid hex.
I'm just delaying the inevitable.
It is the wiser choice to not anger the fox-spirit princess.
“A kitsune.” I mumble gritting my teeth.
“Now was that so hard young one? I know it hurts your pride, but you have only yourself to blame. If you’d held your composure and transformation I might have believed you. Come to me.”
I perk up. “Hu?”
“I said, come.”
What does she want?
I move closer to her.
It’s odd, it’s as if she emits some sort of soothing warmth. A strange kind of aura. It envelopes me.
Out of nowhere she cups my cheeks and I stiffen at the soft touch.
“Such temper and yet willing to obey her elders. Admirable. I expect great things from you, and to that effort, you young Katsumi shall have my blessing.”
She kisses my forehead and a momentary weightlessness washes over me, then it’s gone, so fast I’m not sure it ever happened.
But something did happen, not sure what, but it felt like, profound. Everything is tingling.
The princess lingers to whispers into my ear—the tall one on the top of my head, “Take good care of my Phoenix Leaf for me, will you?”
Hu?
Her face retreats, and with a wink directed at me, she takes a step back.
“It was lovely seeing you again, Phoenix Leaf, and lovely making your acquaintance young Katsumi. I hope one day tales of your exploits will reach my court. Till then, you two have a wonderful night.”
Another step back and she is gone, the moonlight seemly dimming with her departure.
Seconds pass in silence before I turn around with the fury of a kettle boiling over.
“WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? UNDO THIS STUPID HEX RIGHT NOW!!!”
My teacher breaks out into unrestrained laughter.
She’s not holding back.
It takes quite a while for her to cease her high pitched cackle.
“You should have seen your face, little one!”
“That’s not funny!”
“Oh wipe that anger away. You received a blessing did you not?”
“You forced my hand. I had to lie to her!”
“Do you think she would have granted you her blessing if she thought you a human?”
That shuts me up.
Would a fox-spirit princess bless a regular human?
I guess not.
But what do I know?
This is all way too confusing.
“What does this blessing even do?”
“I assume it is a blessing of good fortune, something to keep you safe, not that I possess a way of discerning it.” She gives me small tackle with her hip as she passes me. “Where else do you think we kitsune get our luck? Now come, little one, join me.”
She walks towards the temple perimeter and I follow, becoming aware again of these extra bits I currently possess.
This is such an odd sensation.
“I don’t like lying to people. It’s wrong.” I pout.
She sits down on the edge of the stone platform, gesturing to me to sit beside her.
“Is that so? Bold statement coming from you.”
I remain standing.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You, little one, are so fluent in it, you currently live a life of two halves where you do not know which one of the two is the lie and which one is not, and then you lie to yourself about that too.”
“Eh?”
“Come sit with me for a minute.”
“Can you undo this hex first? I really don’t like this. It feels weird.”
“I said come sit with me for a minute. Relax and then we shall deal with your tail and ears.”
I sit down and grumble, “How come you don’t have any big fox ears?”
“I hide them, same as my other tails.”
She has more—of course she has more than one tail.
It’s all deception with her.
A long sigh escapes me.
I’m about to sink into myself, the adrenaline slowly leaving my system, as I feel the vexing sensation of something touching this new appendix of mine.
I crane my neck to catch my teacher petting my tail while mumbling to herself, “Surprisingly soft.”
I yank it from her grasp, astonished that that thing actually follows my will.
“How are you surprised? You gave me this…” I intended to say ‘stupid thing' but now I feel protective about it. It’s my tail after all.
“I shall tell you little one, if you would allow me, I could massage your ears. It feels amazing.”
“Absolutely not! No touching any of this! I’m trying to ignore what you did to me. It’s overwhelming enough as it is. The movement, the feeling, everything. Like this stupid sensitive hearing. It’s distracting. Is that how you hear all the time?”
“Yes.”
“It sounds like there are a thousand things in the forest.”
“There are a thousand things in the forest."
My eyes and ears scan the thick, ancient forest before me on their own. A thousand unseen spirits. What a frightening idea.
My teacher nudges me.
“Could you close your eyes for me? Good. Now concentrate, listen carefully, close to us, to our right, there is a minor spirit moving through the forest. Can you make it out?”
It takes some time for me to relax enough, but I follow her instructions and let myself be guided by my senses.
“Yes, it sounds like stones rolling through the underbrush.”
“Excellent. Focus on it, track it. Without opening your eyes feel its presence, its resonance. Do you have it?”
I open up, trying to grasp what she is telling me.
What does she mean with resonance?
There is the sound of the spirit, its shape and movement instinctively constructed by my mind and… something beyond.
That's it, isn't it. Surprisingly easy.
The sensation is weird, like a silent sound.
“I think so, There is something.”
“Perfect. Then focus on yourself. Can you find the same within you?”
Within… me?
I listen to myself.
“Yes. What is that? I never felt that before.”
“I suppose it easier to notice the way you are now. That is your mana little one, flowing through all the vital points of your being.”
The revelation has all my hair standing tall for a second. Why can I suddenly feel it? What is this?
“Now my student, I want you to try casting the spell we were practicing. But this time be mindful of how your mana moves. Let it flow, neither constrict it nor force it. Picture loading a brush with ink. Over do it, and it will drip, ruining the paper, take too little and it won’t glide, nothing but a dry stroke. You understand?”
“Think so.”
I concentrate, speak my little incantation, while flicking my hand in that very precise way.
Nothing.
As expected.
“Again.”
I do as she tells me.
A thing I totally did a hundred times tonight.
But it clicks, my fingers, my hand, they dance, and a flame unfurls like a flower in my palm.
A greenish flame.
“Wonderful! You did it, little one. I am so very proud of you.”
“I figured it out! It’s like dancing, but like, with your fingers.”
“I suppose. Now don’t extinguish it, keep it. And do not be frightened, your flame can never harm you, no matter how hot or wild you make it. It is yours. It will however, burn others and set impurities alight.”
“Impurities?”
“Spirits bent on causing harm, demons, hexes and curses. Your flame will eat them all.”
That sounds useful.
For hunting especially.
We both watch the flame in my palm as I hesitantly explore my control over it, having it burn hotter, going from yellowish-green to blue and an almost pinkish-white.
The last one drained my mana at a frightening pace, so I let it settle down to a comforting green that feels as if I could maintain it indefinitely.
As I continue to hold my flame on teacher's instruction, the minor spirit I heard earlier rolls out of the underbrush, six small river stones that erect themselves into a humanoid shape, with tiny holes for eyes. It seems to be fascinated by the fire.
Suddenly a spirit with the appearance of crane joins us ,equally transfixed by the ghostly flame in my palm.
I shoot a questioning look at my teacher.
She answers, “Your flame is very pretty. Other spirits will enjoy its sight.”
“I think that’s more attention than I’m comfortable with.”
“Then better extinguish it before you draw a crowd,” she says with an endearing smirk at the end.
I let my flame die.
The two spirits before us look mildly disappointed.
Not that they have much facial expression, but the way the move still speaks to their opinion on the matter.
They slowly leave.
Sitting on the ledge, I raise my feet to play a bit with my hakama.
“You know teacher, in my old world there were these stories, where if you died in an embarrassing way like I did, you’d wake up in a new world reborn as a pretty girl. It was like a law or something. And those guys never appreciated it, but I would’ve. I would’ve excelled at it!”
“Is that how you think this works? Because it does not. Second chances are rare little one.”
“Yeah no I get it. And I won’t squander it. I’ll get the [※MAGICAL SEX-CHANGE DEVICE 3000※] and fix the mistake myself. I’m gonna fix it. You’ll see. I’ll be a girl eventually.”
Her gaze trails in a questioning manner up and down my body.
I roll my eyes.
“Yes, yes, yes. I know I am one right now, but I mean in the real world, when I’m awake. And as fantastic this is right now, I shouldn’t focus too much on it or I won’t be able to deal with it once I wake up, being forced back into being a guy. I'd probably curl up in the fetal position and never leave the house again, or something. So I need to practice a certain discipline.”
She gives me an expression that reminds me of Haruki when she wants to say something but doesn’t.
Everyone is always a critic it seems.
I look at my feet again.
“You know, I think I got cursed. The more I dwell on it the more it feels like I was supposed to be a girl even in my old life, but someone placed a cursed on me, forcing me to be a boy. And the same curse interfered with my reincarnation.”
I feel her hand going round my waist. I perk up.
With sorrow on her face she says, “There are no marks, odors or traces of a curse on you, little one. I would perceive them. I can assure you, you are not cursed. I can understand however, why it feels that way to you, I really do and yet there is no curse.”
A heavy and long sigh is all I can muster.
“Would’ve been too easy… and nothing ever is.”
We sit in silence for a bit.
Or as silent as this forest full of spirits allows.
“So your name is Phoenix Leaf?”
“Oh that is much too formal. I am your aunt Ouha.”
“Okay aunt Ouha, how about you remove these ears and tail you gave me, as you promised.”
“I promised nothing of that sort. Do not lay words into my mouth girl! And my student can do this all on her own. It is not on me to make them disappear.”
Wait, what!?
“I can???”
“Recall what I taught you about mana? If you concentrate and focus you should feel the canals in your ears and tail, and if you were to pull the flowing mana inward from there, they would vanish from sight.”
“Really?”
“Yes. But little one would you be so kind and stay like this a little longer? Please. Do it for me?”
“Okay fine, if it’s this important to you.”
I receive a super warm smile, teacher clearly can’t hide her glee.
She pulls me even closer and I can’t escape her before she squishes me with a big hug where she nestled into me and that ends with her slowly pushing my head down so it rests on her thighs.
“I love you, little one.”
Uh…
…
Before I can reply, my odd spirit aunt’s hand finds its way into my hair and I feel her gentle combing through it. A careful caress that avoids my big fox ears. It somehow makes me even more aware of them.
“I’m not gonna wake up as a fox am I?”
“No. But if you wish it little one, we can ask princess Yuzuki. I am certain she could make it happen.”
“Absolutely not!”
“Why not? You’d be adorable.”
“Don’t even joke about that! I never know with you.”
“I would never harm you little one, and if it makes you this unhappy to be an adorable little fox, then this most certainly counts as harming you.”
I groan.
We rest there at the edge of the temple for a long time.
It’s nice.
I like it.
We remain for uncountable moments, her soft touch rending every tension I've been holding onto for what feels forever from me.
A soothing embrace.
But it ends, eventually.
A strange siren rings out, emanating from seemingly nowhere.
I prop myself up.
“What’s that?”
Ouha chuckles.
“That’s your alarm clock little one. Have a wonderful day my sweet little Katsumi.”
She touches my nose and the world vanishes.
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
The alarm on my phone blares into tiny space that is my cramped flat.
I rise.
Wait. I actually feel well rested.
Now that’s a novelty.
Yes I know I haven’t had a full nights rest in, I don’t know, months? But come on, who could’ve predicted that a good nights sleep can make such a stark difference.
I fidget.
Okay I might be paranoid, but I have to check.
I run over to my mirror.
Short run, but I need to know.
I behold my refection and relax.
No big fox ears or anything, just a normal guy.
It's all fine, I didn't turn into a kitsune for real.
That's good, real good.
Everything is normal.
I lean closer and turn my head this and that way.
Huh.
Did I always look this young?
Pretty boy the baby face you kindly passed down to me sure is something.