27. A ‘Normal’ Family Dinner
「Haruki」
Warmth is the mainstay of my parent’s home. It surrounds me, like a blanket on a cold night. It's not just because I'm working a blazing stove, cooking my signature stir-fry. No, its everything else. The familiar sights and smells, and the people. Mayumi and my father are talking brightly over their favorite topic, art. While my mother is at our small kitchen table, working on her latest research, humming a gentle tune all the while. I'm as happy as I could ever be.
Mayumi shows my father something on her phone.
“See,” my girlfriend says, “The birds are cool, but the color? Bit much.”
He hums, stroking his hairy chin. “Yes… a darker color palette would do better…” He practically towers over her. A thin and gangly man, he’s taller than I am, but not nearly as broad, thanks to my regular training.
I flip the vegetable and meat mixture before adding some ginger and soy. The recipe is something of my own creation. A thing I learned to make early in my youth, when both my mother and father were busy. They’re both accomplished people, but that means they're often too occupied to keep up the house, or even feed themselves. Mom works at the university, and has little free time between her research and classes. My father has much more free time by comparison. He's a decently-known artist–though not famous by any means. In his words, all famous artists were ‘Talentless hack money launderers that degrade his profession through their very existence.’
He’s taken me to gallery openings and, uh… I have to agree.
But despite not having a standard job that takes him away, he is the most air-headed person I've ever met. To the point where he will literally go hungry because he forgot to eat. I became the family chef because I learned quickly that if I didn't do it, no one would. The best outcome for all of us, since both of them are a fucking hazard in a kitchen. I only tolerate them here right now because they know to keep their hands off the stove.
Mayumi is explaining her latest tattoo design, something she’s been thinking up for quite a while. She talks animatedly while she does and I watch her with a smile on my face. She’s always subdued, always just a bitter ball of anger and sadness. To see her so carefree and happy, if only for a bit, is… well, one of the better moments of life.
She catches me staring and pauses to raise an eyebrow. I only shoot her a wink and reduce the heat on the food, then go over to my mother. Laying a peck on the crown of her head I ask, “How’s it going, kaachan?”
She smiles up at me, her face bright. We look quite similar. Something that's always brought me joy. We even share the same smile, the same lines around our lips.
“Oh you know.” She waves a hand. “The lab analysis came back with abnormal p-values so it's thrown everything into a tizzy."
I sigh. My mother researches magical phenomena. A tough field given that magic, by definition, violates most laws of nature. But it has a few applications. Mostly through the Guild-developed hunter’s gear that are powered by high-ranked demon hearts. The stuff that’s so expensive it’s far out of the hands of lowly D-ranks like me and my little gang of girls.
“You’ve been at this for whole three years now. You’d think they’d figure out how to accurately measure variance fields by now.”
She hisses. “One would think, but we’re just a university. I’m sure the corporations could do it but…”
“Fuck those asshats,” I echo. A sentiment she’s spoken many times.
She smiles and pats my cheek. “Exactly, my Hana.”
My lips quirk. While I use the name Haruki in most of my life, my real name is Hana. I’m much too masc for it, but I don’t mind my parents calling me it. Being their ‘flower’ is quite cute. Really it was the reason I picked the name Haruki at all, as I wanted to stick with the plant theme. I’m not really a flower, but I am more of a tree in the springtime. Tall, strong, and beautiful.
Mayumi stops talking right in the middle of her sentence. Odd. It gets my attention. She’s still holding her phone, only now I see her open up a notification. I look over her shoulder with a frown. Mayumi often keeps up with relevant demon-related news, for obvious reasons. To the point to where she had Chie set her up with a custom app that forwards such things to her. It’s a bit much, but I’m the last person to talk. This time however…
The headline from some local news station reads:
Councilwoman Mori Found Dead
Mayumi opens the article and reads it, me following along over her shoulder. My skin goes cold when I get to it. …died in her sleep due to a demon attack. Breath stealing demon suspected.
Mayumi snarls and storms out of the kitchen.
I’m left standing there, my own heart beating, face twisting. My parents look at me in confusion. I ask my dad, “Can you…” I look at the stove. “Just… Keep it on the lowest setting so it’ll stay warm. Stir occasionally.”
I chase after Mayumi, bobbing and weaving through the utter mess that is my home. The place is small and is crowded with so much accumulated items it makes me anxious. My father's half-finished projects lie about, along with my mother's books and papers. I've tried to clean it all up but it just makes them upset when they cant find their things.
I climb the stairs, leaving the chaos behind. My room is close and I enter smoothly and quietly. She's where I expected her to be. Laying on my bed, back to me. I sigh, standing there for a moment as I think on what to do.
My room is the cleanest and most orderly place in the house, despite it's small size. I have a decent sized folding bed, and a desk. Along with some bookshelves. Art from Mayumi or my dad covers the walls, along with a few decorative swords. There isn't a single item on the floor.
With a sigh, I cross the clear space. Hop into bed and curl myself behind her. Wrap an arm over her and pull her tight. I know what she’s thinking. It’s the same thought I’m having. Was that demon the kill we let get away? Is this our fault? Surely the people who use bound demons have more than the one, but… we’ll never know. Not for sure.
“This is our fault,” Mayumi says, voice soft but so very angry.
“Maybe.”
“Mori was the only one on the city council worth a fuck. Everyone else was a corporate stooge. It’s so fucking typical.”
Her voice is an enraged whisper.
“It is, isn’t it?”
She’s quiet for a long while.
“This world is just… them. Parasitic evil assholes at the top and everyone good gets just… fucking killed, or left out to dry until something gets them! My parents aren’t worth shit. Not like yours are, but look. Mine are all money while yours…”
She trails off. It doesn’t need to be said. Its written all over our home. The small, crowded interior packed with belongings that are all secondhand and used until they’re broken beyond repair. My parents have never struggled, but never thrived either. Mom makes enough to support us, and dad is… well, he knows how to make money here and there. I’m the real burden of it all.
“Everything good gets taken,” she mutters.
She’s looking off the side of the bed, to where a few photos hang. Emi's photo is there in the middle of it all. A picture taken when me and Mayumi were sixteen. We stood on either side of her, as if we knew what was coming and wanted to keep her safe.
“How old would she be now, you think?”
A breath leaves her. “Twenty one. She’d be finishing university this year.”
“Wanted to be a doctor, right?”
“Came with the territory. After all the trouble she had.”
I hum.
“I worry about Katsumi,” I say after a moment.
Mayumi turns in my arms to face me. Her hair falls about her face in a sleek black curtain, beautiful. Her sharp brows are narrowed.
“Why?” she asks.
“Because we don’t know what we’re doing. None of us are trans.”
She shrugs, as much as she can, laying on her side, anyway.
“Does that matter?”
“Of course it does. There’s so much we don’t know. It's like walking through a damn minefield. What if we hurt her?”
“Then we apologize.”
A huff of air leaves me. “You make it sound so simple. She’s delicate. You don’t need to be Hotaru to notice that. I…” My throat constricts. “I don’t want…”
Mayumi’s expression hardens. “We won’t lose another one.”
“You can’t know that for sure. Not with the life we lead.”
“We can know if we stay together.”
“Like we did when we went to the school?”
She’s caught like a fish, mouth open.
“That was different,” she hisses.
“Was it?” I rumble. “Because it nearly ended just the same. Just like…” I squeeze my eyes shut, breathing heavy. My arms move to leave her, but she stops them.
“Babe.”
My eyes open, and she's still there. Not lying in the dark, half-dead.
“I never want to see you like that again,” I whisper.
Something flickers in her eyes.
“You won’t.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
She kisses me. Soft lips against mine, heralding a flood of warmth through my whole body. To the world Mayumi seems cold, but to me she is only fire. Heat. Raw and blazing.
“Not one more,” she murmurs against my lips. “That means each other.”
I nod.
“I still don't know,” I say. “Not if we keep to Chie’s scheme.”
She scoffs.
“Babe, I'm sorry, but that girl’s dream is ridiculous. Those bastards will never let us near A-Rank. Even if we’re good enough.”
“I think we can do it. I believe it. Especially as a team, we can do it.”
Anger settles on her face, and she puts her hands on either side of mine.
“Haruki. Listen to me. It. Is. A. Pipe. Dream. It won’t help Katsumi, and it won’t help you.”
I feel anger rising in me in response, but more than that is just… exhaustion.
“Love… I can’t do anything else.”
“The fuck you can’t! You’re brilliant!” She waves her hand towards my bookshelves. “You were top of our class. You can do literally fucking anything.”
I roll onto my back with a huff, looking at the ceiling.
“Tell that to everyone else,” I spit angrily.
We’ve had this conversation before. About how I'm so smart or whatever. But smarts don't mean much in this world. Even my mother has a game of academic politics to play that is as influential as her research—if not more. It only gets worse with everything else. It’s less that I'm a masculine woman. There are plenty of professions that'll overlook that, but it's more that I just can’t ‘play the game’. There’s so many hidden rules and social norms that I just could not give a shit about. But that means no one wants me. They want good, obedient drones—ants in Mayumi’s words—not people.
And I won’t degenerate myself for money. No matter how useless it makes me.
“I have to believe it,” I say to my ceiling. “Because no one wants to hire an impudent and opinionated butch woman. So hunting is all I can do, all I’m good for. And if I can't be… something, then…”
I trail off.
Whats the fucking point?
Mayumi leaves me suddenly, standing with her back to me. I look up at her and… see her… shaking.
“Darling?” I say hesitantly.
An angry, frustrated noise leaves her.
“I hate this fucking world,” she spits into the air. I can almost imagine that fire of hers burning on its way out, shooting through the air. “I just want to–to fucking burn it all!” She's pacing with frantic energy. “They keep everything for themselves and leave everything good to rot!”
She stops, wetness shimmering in her beautiful eyes, looking down on me with her impotent rage. But just there under the surface, her sadness lies. Clear as day.
“You deserve so much better,” she whispers angrily.
I sigh, my own sadness rising to meet her own. I sit on the edge of my bed and reach out a hand. She understands, her own slipping into mine. I pull her into my lap, her knees on either side of me. Our lips are only an inch apart.
“I know. So I’ll make something better. Not their way, but mine. And not just for me, but for all of us. Chie, Hotaru, Katsumi… And you.”
Our chests rise and fall together. In her eye the anger lessens, though it still remains as it always does. I wonder if I’ll see a day where it disappears entirely.
“I love you,” she says forcefully, through her teeth.
“I lo-” I’m cut off by the muffled whine of a distant fire alarm. The one from the kitchen. Irritation flashes through me, and my forehead falls against her sternum. “Again? Are they fucking serious…”
With a grumble, I stand, lifting Mayumi in my arms before setting her down. I rush out of my room and downstairs. A smoky haze is floating through the house. I run into the kitchen, seeing my dad taking the wok off the stove. I grab the lid that's nearby and cover it. Then kill the fire. Mayumi opens the windows while I turn off the alarm. My mother looks up from the table, blinking, as if she hadn’t realized what was happening.
I stare at my dad as if to ask, ‘What the fuck?’
He grimaces at me sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, dear… I ugh… got distracted.”
A long, heavy sigh leaves me and I pinch the bridge of my nose. Why does it seem like I'm the only responsible adult in this house??? Fucking dinner is ruined now and that was the last bit of meat we had. I’ll have to go to the store and…
A hand touches my arm. My girlfriend looks up at me.
“I’ll order something for us.”
And like that my frustration leaves me. Gone as quick as it came. My lips pull upward. Where would I be without her?
“I love you too.”