12. A Dangerous Life
Burning smoke fills my lungs, acrid and sour. I hold my breath, let the feeling fill me, push out the anxiety to the edge of my mind. I exhale into the night, smoke clouding the perfect, glittering picture of the city before me.
I frown at the cigarette between my fingers.
“You smoke Haruki?” Katsumi asks behind me.
I heard her approach for a while. Seen it too. I picked this roof as our meeting point for tonight's patrol that reason. Birds-eye view.
I turn, take another drag. The orange heat the only light in the darkness of this forgotten rooftop; it lights up my fingers, my face.
Even in the dark, I can see the distaste in her expression.
“No,” I say, before grinding the thing out on the ledge I sit on.
Curiosity looks cute on her, so I indulge.
“I used to,” I explain, “Back when me and Mayumi were in high school.” I grin. “We were a bit delinquent.”
She nods, tilts her head, hums. "Why now?"
I breathe deep. Look out over the neighborhood. Its one of the 'rougher' ones. A hotspot of demon activity—for some unknown reason—so most of it sits abandoned. Its good hunting grounds.
Katsumi still stares at me expectantly.
"The school," I sigh.
"Oh."
"I've had a lot of close calls, but that one?" I shake my head. "Closest, by far."
She comes near, sits on the ledge with me. "Was it really that bad?"
I shiver at the feeling of that dark place. The knowledge that Mayumi lay injured beside me, and I could do nothing. I suck in a breath, and nod.
"We shouldn't have gone. Me and Mayumi, we have the same big fear. Losing each other, or even Chie and Hotaru. Chie warned us… but, we went anyway."
"Why? That sounds…"
"Stupid?"
She makes a face that I take to mean, 'You said it, not me.'
"Yeah, it was. Its just…" With a sigh, I hang my head, elbows on my wide-set knees. "It was a revenge plot. Mayumi and me? We went to that school. Back then we had a… friend. Us three we were very close, as close as we are with the rest of the girls. That demon… it…" My mouth twists, and I spit the words. "It killed her. Her and a whole lot of others."
"I'm sorry."
I spare her a glance, just a bit of thanks. Real sympathy stares back at me.
"It was a slippery fucker. Always evaded the hunters over the years. Guess that was the invisibility… Hmm… but when we heard that it'd made it's nest in our old school?" I make a sound of disgust. "We had to go. We didn't even wait for the others to back us up. Had to kill it before it slipped away again."
She's quiet for a time. Processing.
I lean into the silence, listen to the sounds of the city.
"Why do you do it?" she asks. I look over. "Why do this when its so dangerous?"
My answer is quick. "So that—hopefully—someone out there doesn't lose someone like we did. With every demon we kill, someone is made safe. They'll never even know they were in danger."
Some conflict flashes in her expression at that. She bites her lip, staring off into the distance.
I can imagine what she's thinking. That in comparison, her motivation for hunting seems silly. Which it is. There are much easier—and much less deadly—avenue's of transitioning. I've never even heard of someone attempting what Katsumi is doing. It's crazy really; I'm suddenly aware of how much.
"Katsumi?" She looks at me. "This is a dangerous life. You saw it. A lot can go wrong, in all the worst ways. Are you sure you're committed to it?"
Her conflict is still there, but her voice is resolute, her answer quick.
"I am."
With a nod I stand, bitting back the protective instinct within me. The one that screams at me to make her see sense. Plead with her to turn back. Only I know she won't be convinced. I can't make her decisions for her, but… I can prepare her.
"Then show me your weapon. Your training officially begins tonight."
The darkness of the rooftop lights up in soft glow.
Katsumi holds her short sword before her. I examine it with a critical eye.
"Why this weapon?" I ask.
"It's…" Her shoulders hunch in embarrassment, maybe. "It's all I could maintain when I started."
That makes me raise an eyebrow. By now she has fought and held her own against two class-C demons. She shouldn't have difficulty maintaining anything.
"Okay. We're going to work on that. First up, try making your sword longer. Just about… ten centimeters. Go ahead."
Her gaze flicks between me and the blade, uncertain. Then, with a scrunched-up look of concentration, she does it—easily. She dismisses her blade, the roof temporarilly going dark, and resummons it, just a bit longer.
"See?" I say, "You had it in you all along! Now, double the length."
She does it, her short sword becoming a long sword. Its done so quickly it makes me wonder what her hangup was. It's apparently news to her, given how her now-wide eyes sparkle in the light.
I continue my instruction.
"Now, melee weapons can be maintained longer, but the bigger the weapon the more mana you lose over time. So its best to keep your weapons normal-size. None of those ridiculous giant swords some of the A-Ranks use."
"Okay," she says, absolutely focused on me.
It makes me smile. I haven't had a student before. Mayumi and me learned together, and Chie's combat style is shoot anything that moves. But this?
I like this.
"If you want to stay with swords like yours truly, I suggest keeping yours at longsword length. You could go as far as greatsword length like me, but while mana weapons don't have weight in the traditional sense, they do take up space. If you aren't skilled with it, it would be more of a hindrance than a help."
She nods.
"What about other weapons? Like the ones Chie and Mayumi use?"
"Ranged weapons drain mana with every shot, so if you aren't a skilled markswoman, don't try. You'll drain yourself too quick. For melee weapons, you have anything you can imagine. But newbies typically chose a spear. It's the easiest to use with no training. Everybody knows pointy-end-towards-demon."
I mime poking said demon, and Katsumi smiles.
"Do you think I should switch then?"
I shrug. "I think you should stick with what's comfortable for you. But you can never go wrong with a little experimentation. Let me know if you want to spar on our off days. I'd make the time for ya."
She blinks quickly, "You would?"
"Course!"
That seems to pull some emotion from her, but I tap her on the shoulder and nod towards the fire stairs. She follows me to the street and we walk along leisurely.
"Tonight we're hunting class-Ds," I explain, holding my phone out for her to see. "See these disturbances, how small and spaced out they are? Means it's prime D-territory. Now, good rule of thumb is that if you're fighting a demon above you're rank, you need a buddy. Two F-Ranks for a class-D. That doubles as you go up to C, then quadruples for B. And for class-As, well… lets just say no amount of F-ranks are touching a class-A. You see one? Run."
"And for S-class?"
I eye her with a smirk. "Pray that your next life is a good one."
She balks, quiet for a time. I wait.
"S-classes… they're the world-ending, city-destroying types right?" she finally says.
"Yep. A class-S hasn't even been seen in a century. All the old stories make them seem more like dark gods than anything. They don't even have a real body; they're described as like… a concept with a personality."
"Scary."
"Yep. My obaachan used to scare the blazes out of me as a kid with the stories. Told me that the Egao Yoru would come for me at night if I was bad."
Katsumi grimaces.
"So… what are we doing? You know, for this patrol thing?"
"Eh, I thought we would walk around, see if we see anything worth bothering with."
"You do that every time?"
"For the most part, unless we're hunting something specific, like that roach. Not a whole lot to it."
For the better part of the next hour, we talk battle tactics. I run over all the different ways I know of killing demons, the types I know of, and the strengths and weaknesses of each. Katsumi for her part is an eager student, and she impresses me with her quick mind. She grasps the concepts quickly and even add her own jokes and suggestions.
Its refreshing compared to the discussions I've had with Chie. I love that girl, but she's as dry as saketoba. Has the mind of a video game min-maxer. Always trying to game the system to get the best outcome instead of just having fun with it. An effective approach, but boring as all fuck.
Eventually we hit a lull in the conversation. There is only so many ways one can kill a demon after all. And, seeing as we haven't seen anything at all tonight—not even a class-F bug—I decide to keep it up.
"So, how are you doing otherwise?" I ask. "Real life and all that."
Her answer is accompanied by a sigh. "Terrible."
"What happened?" I say with concern.
"I… had a date."
"It went horribly, I take it?"
"Yep," she says, popping the P.
"My condolences..." We continue along, me trying my best to come up with something decent to say. "Don't beat yourself up about it though. Plenty of people out there. Man, woman or otherwise."
Not sure which way she swings, or if she's even on the ride.
"It wasn't that… I… Hikari is great, but… it was a double date. She invited me."
I do a secret mental dance at having another sapphic on the team.
"And you agreed to it?" I huff, shaking my head. "Well there's your first mistake."
"It was supposed to just be Hikari's friend and her friend's boyfriend! Only when I showed up it turned out me and the boyfriend knew each other!! We have, umm… bad blood."
I click my tongue in disgust. "Eugh, fuckin ambush, that."
"I didn't even want to go anyway," she pouts.
"Oh? Why not? You're not into Hikari?"
"I am! Its just… I'm still a…" She waves a hand over herself.
I stop. "She knows you as a guy?"
I get a small nod, but she doesn't meet my gaze. Embarrassment clear on her face.
My mind turns, gears grinding against one another. Katsumi probably had to go to this thing in boy clothes and get misgendered by someone who hates her guts. All the while, the girl she likes thinks of her as a boy.
Well, Katsumi still thinks of herself as a boy, but we're working on that…
Still, my heart hurts for her. I pull her into a one armed hug. Just a small thing, more of a squeeze really, in case she doesn't like to be touched that much.
"Sorry you had to deal with all that. Sounds like a nightmare."
"Yeah, it was."
"You can talk to any of us, you know. Ya don't have to do that guy thing where you act like emotions are alien concepts."
"I don't do that!"
I nod slowly, and stay quiet. Show her I'm not accusing, but listening, and retreat to give her space.
She understands.
"I'm so tired of this," she mutters, hanging her head. "I'm tired of being something I'm so bad at."
"Its not forever. Nothing is, good and bad."
She sighs, and I can hear the exhaustion in it.
"I just want to live. Really live, you know? I'm tired of barely being a person. But… I can't. Not until I get, you know… the thing."
Oh you poor girl.
I squeeze her shoulder, not knowing how to approach, though I wish I did. Just like I can't make her decisions for her, I can't change her self image. If she has such a warped view of herself there isn't much I can do to make her see sense. All I can do is… well… be there for her.
"But," she says, "You're right, I guess. Its not forever."
"Not at all!" She is fresh and has a lot to figure out, but in a year or so she will barely recognize herself. By then I doubt she will even think about that ridiculous…
"Yeah, with you and the others by my side, I'm going to be an awesome demon-hunter, and get that [※MAGICAL SEX-CHANGE DEVICE 3000※] easy!"
I sigh in the way my mother used to at me after I did something ill-advised. How the universe loves its ironic circles. Still, I offer her an encouraging smile. If this is what's keeping her going at the moment, far be it from me to rain on her parade.
"Sure thing hon, we'll be with you every step of the way."