The Mage Has Been Purified by a Broccoli
"Alright, Miss Husband-Stealing Knockoff Mage, it's time to purge the evil from within you!" Mochi exclaimed while poking Shiori's head, who was still on the floor. "What does that private server you keep bragging about really mean?!"
"Leave her alone already, Mochi. Let's just hear what she has to say... But first, untie her," Sora said, observing the scene with certain frustration.
For her part, Shiori was wrapped in her own futon on a chair.
[Ten Minutes Earlier]
As Sora tried to process that his house had turned into a potential new guild, Mochi didn’t waste a second. With precise movements, she lunged at the defeated Shiori.
"Containment protocol activated!" Mochi shouted.
She wrapped her up quickly, leaving only Shiori’s head exposed, then used some cables to tie her down. With what seemed like superhuman effort, she lifted the ‘Mage Burrito’ and sat her on a wooden chair.
"Mochi, don't you think you're overdoing it?" Sora protested, though he didn't dare approach upon seeing the dark aura emanating from his wife.
"Silence, Sora!" Mochi shouted while looking at her beloved husband with a terrifying face. "This external invader must be eliminated before she infects our home with her lies!" Mochi declared, pulling out a desk lamp and pointing it directly at Shiori's glasses.
[Return to the Present]
"Talk now!" Mochi exclaimed while bringing a steaming piece of broccoli close to Shiori's face as if it were a punishment rod. "And I don't want any video game terminology! If I hear 'latency' or 'server,' I'll force your mouth open."
Shiori, immobilized, pressed her lips tightly together, showing a resistance worthy of a final boss.
"T-the… the human body is capable of adapting if it tries,’ Shiori stammered as she attempted to turn her head, delaying the inevitable. ‘My digestive system is optimized to process sodium and preservatives from instant noodles. Introducing any other type of food would be… Mmph!"
Mochi didn’t wait for her to finish. Taking advantage of Shiori’s open mouth, she shoved in a spoonful of cooked broccoli.
"Eat!" Mochi ordered with a smile bordering on psychopathic. "Your cheeks are pale, and your dark circles indicate you don't eat properly to be a high-level mage. As the healer of this household, I won't allow a guest to die from malnutrition before confessing her crimes."
Shiori chewed with an expression of pure defeat, swallowing the vegetable as if it were high-level poison.
As soon as the broccoli reached her stomach, Shiori’s eyes went blank for a moment. Her body, used to junk food, suffered an internal short circuit. Sora swore he saw a faint, transparent silhouette—it was Shiori’s soul trying to escape her body.
"Mochi, wait a second—she's... she's purifying too fast!" Sora shouted, watching the mage's aura slowly evaporate.
Shiori let her head drop back, her gaze lost on the kitchen ceiling. Her voice, usually full of sarcasm and double meanings, now sounded very monotonous and dangerously honest. It was as if Mochi had hacked her personality using only vegetables.
"The server..." Shiori whispered with an empty voice. "The private server doesn't exist. It's just a voice channel I programmed for the two of us. I called it Area Zero because there were no other players... and no loneliness."
Mochi stopped poking her head, impressed by her rival's sudden change. Instead, she shot a murderous glare at Sora—for her, it was almost an act of betrayal to their marriage pact.
"My parents are out of the country on business," Shiori continued as her soul slowly returned to her body, though not fully. "They send me money so I won’t interfere with their work. But I spent the rent on… some purchases. I felt like my connection to the world had been cut off. I didn’t want you to stop being my Guardian, Sora. So I’ve been looking for you all this time."
The silence that followed was so intense that for a moment Sora could hear his own heartbeat.
Mochi lowered the spoon, her yandere expression transforming into one of pure pity.
"She’s a ridiculous mage…" Mochi muttered, crossing her arms. "You could’ve just said it normally, knockoff mage. You scared my darling."
Sora sighed, feeling his own chest grow heavy. He approached the chair and began untying the cables that held the "Mage-Burrito" captive. Shiori blinked, gradually recovering the malicious gleam in her eyes, though she still looked somewhat dazed from the nutrient overdose.
"Alright, you’ll stay with us," Sora said, helping Shiori free herself. "A Guardian doesn’t leave their party members without help or a place to stay. But on one condition: I’m still the admin of this house."
Shiori rubbed her wrists, glancing sideways at Mochi while recovering her cynical smile, though slightly softer.
"U-understood, Tank..." Shiori looked at Mochi. "But I hope the Cleric's meals don't include broccoli in every update patch. My system is still processing the trauma of eating something that grew in the ground."
"Be grateful!" Mochi responded, recovering her energy. "Tomorrow we'll organize to make this place spotless. Sora is giving us a place to live—it's the least we can do for my sweetie!"
"Yeah, yeah..." Shiori said while reluctantly starting to drag her own futon toward the sofa as Mochi watched her with crossed arms.
"That's your connection zone," Mochi dictated, pointing at the sofa with the spoon. "If you cross the carpet perimeter toward Sora's room after ten at night, I'll consider it an attack on our marriage and act accordingly. Is that clear?"
"Received, Administrator," Shiori responded half-heartedly while opening her laptop, which began to hum and emit a faint blue glow that illuminated her glasses. "But I'm going to need the Wi-Fi password immediately. My brain can't handle being offline for so long."
Sora looked at both of them, then at his modem. He let out one last sigh and turned off the kitchen light. His quiet life as a loner had just been completely invaded, and for the first time in a long while, his home server felt dangerously overloaded.