The Vagrant Mage’s Inventory
"I seriously think I don't understand women," Sora said as he watched both girls, who looked like they were about to unleash their ultimate skills.
The battlefield had been moved to the table in the kitchen. In the center were several dishes of different origins, some were takeout food, others appeared to be homemade.
Sora looked at his plate. It was empty.
Literally. He hadn’t managed a single bite; every time he tried, a wooden spoon or a pair of chopsticks intercepted him.
"Don't even think about it, knockoff Mage!" Mochi exclaimed while placing a piece of boiled broccoli that coincidentally had a somewhat deformed heart shape on Sora's plate. "My husband needs to recover after what you did to him!"
"Your so-called vitamins carry a 30% probability of inducing a poisoning state." Shiori responded while using her own chopsticks to steal the eel sushi she herself had ordered. "Tank, according to my calculations, your brain will process information better if you consume this high-quality protein."
Sora let out a heavy sigh, feeling his real-life stamina dropping to critical levels. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened just minutes ago, when he froze up remembering the game. What he didn't know was that, while his mind was in the Crystal Dungeon, Shiori had been deliberately stirring jealousy in Mochi.
[Shiori's Perspective - 10 Minutes Ago]
While Sora stared into space with a blank look, Shiori had leaned close to the ear of a furiously trembling Haruka.
"Do you know what he’s remembering right now with that look on his face, my dear cleric?" Shiori whispered into Mochi’s ear "He's remembering our Private Raid. That night when the magical penetration was so intense that his shield was useless. He was always a very… compliant tank when I cast my spells on his body. Without protection, of course."
"P-p-p-penetration...?!" Haruka felt her sanity bar hit zero so quickly.
"Let's just say that physical contact in our guild always had low latency," Shiori finished.
It was at that moment when Haruka, incapable of processing technical terms mixed with perverse insinuations, lost strength in her legs and collapsed, just in time for Sora to wake up and see Shiori whispering to him: "You remember, right?"
[Return to the Present]
"Agh! Enough already!" Sora shouted, tapping the table lightly. "I'm going to end up eating nothing but air if you two keep this up! Shiori, you've talked enough. Mochi, put down the spoon. Now, Shiori... why the hell is there a bunch of stuff piled up at my entrance? Don't think I didn't notice—you brought it when you arrived."
Shiori set down her chopsticks, and her playful attitude vanished instantly, revealing a defenseless girl who clearly didn’t know how to handle her life in the real world.
"Tank..." Shiori said, looking at her tablet with a hint of shame.
However, Shiori did what no one in the room expected. Without waiting for any response, she rolled on the floor and started crawling toward the exit.
This action caused both shock and confusion for Sora and Mochi.
Shiori didn’t run normally; it was a retreat that went disastrously. She rolled on the floor as if dodging an area attack in the game, But when she stood up, her legs—unused to anything beyond sitting—didn't respond as quickly as her fingers.
"I won't let the intruder escape the guild!’ Mochi shouted, her patience finally snapping." Mochi shouted, whose patience had just reached its limit. "Take this, knockoff Mage! Active Skill: Final Purification Spoon!"
Mochi threw the wooden spoon, now turned into a projectile, and it hit Shiori directly in the head.
"Gyah!" Shiori shouted, falling face-first onto her pile of belongings by the entrance. "A critical hit…!" She closed her eyes, as if declaring it a definitive Game Over.
Sora and Mochi rushed over. Sora didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or ask how a spoon could knock someone down.
"Alright, Shiori," Sora said, crossing his arms as he looked at the girl lying on a bundle of fabric. "Now, tell us what all this is. And don't give me that line about it being a dungeon reward or something taken from a video game."
Shiori, with her glasses askew and a slight blush of pure embarrassment, pointed with a trembling finger at her inventory scattered across the floor:
The futon: A thin mattress that had seen better days and smelled faintly of coffee and instant noodles.
The pillow: Old, with a worn-out ’90s anime pillowcase.
The scrap monster: A laptop that looked salvaged from a fire, patched together with tape and exposed wires. Even so, when it hit the floor, a small LED flickered on, revealing a processor humming with unexpected power.
The Bracelet: A metallic device on her wrist, clean and futuristic, emitting a faint blue pulse that contrasted with everything else.
"Tank..." Shiori whispered, burying her face in her pillow. "My financial security suffered an attack... I bought a supposed hacking program, and the seller turned out to be a bot that emptied my bank account. Tomorrow I'm getting kicked out of my room... and since you're my Guard—"
"DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Mochi protested, brandishing a second spoon she pulled from who-knows-where.
For his part, the only thing Sora thought was: "This is turning into a disaster..." He found the situation somewhat ridiculous, yet deep inside, he also found it comical.