She Who Woke Among Eternity

“What the fuck do you mean we have tails?!” Avalyn yelled as she stared at her mama.

“We have small tail,” Mama said in her quiet and slightly rough common.

“Are you sure it’s tail and you’re not just getting the word wrong?” Scevi said as she leaned over and looked at Mama’s back, which was covered in her usual simple white dress.

“It a tail.”

Now Avalyn moved around and looked at Mama’s back properly for the first time. Though the dress did cover where the tail would be, the dress was low enough to see that her wings were actually connected to her back a little lower than either of her two sets of arms. That was very interesting. What was also interesting was that there was a line of feathers that ran up and down from the middle of where her wings met her back. This line went down under the dress and all the way up to what Avalyn must assume would be Mama’s hairline, but it was covered by said hair.

“How did we evolve to have both hair and feathers?” It was interesting that a species would evolve both.

“I no hair,” Mama said, turning to look back at Avalyn.

“That’s hair on your head,” Gramps said, not having joined Avalyn and Scevi to look at Mama’s back.

“No. It feather.” She ran a hand through her long ‘hair’ and pulled it out for Avalyn.

Both Avalyn and Scevi stepped up closer, but Avalyn was the only one who reached out to touch the ‘hair’. Surprisingly, when she touched it, it very clearly did not feel like hair. “Holy shit, it’s just like semiplumes and long downy feathers. Huh, I guess the whole goddess glowy thing makes it look more like hair than it really is. It really just blends into one big look of hair.”

“Huh,” was all Scevi said as she continued to look at the feathers.

“More clear on not god Vysven.”

“Well, it’s good to know I won’t have any hair.” Avalyn let go of Mama’s feathers. “Okay, where is this tail we supposedly have?” As she said that, there was a small wiggle from under the dress. It wasn’t very long but went down to a little short of Mama’s knees. “Fuck me, I’m going to have a tail. Why the fuck do you wear clothes that hide it?”

“Small. Not useful. It’s vestigial from when we didn’t stand upright. It’s not prehensile or anything like that. They can move around enough to be comfortable when doing activities, but there’s not really a purpose for it.”

“Why would you hide it, though?” Avalyn already knew that when she got her body, her tail was going to be on full display.

“It’s just the style of clothes I like. This dress is very comfy and my favorite. It doesn’t get in the way of my tail at all.”

“Fair enough.” Avalyn took a step back and just took in the image of her mama. “I have a weird question, Mama.” Mama nodded. “Can I have an anatomy lesson? I understand there’s a lot for me to discover about our people, but it’s our anatomy and I would be able to learn all this about myself if I had my body.” Admittedly, Avalyn would understand if Mama wanted her to wait, fearing that knowing more about what her body was meant to be might make living in the automaton harder.

Mama nodded, more in thought than agreement. “Would that be helpful?”

“I think so. Maybe it will make me a little sad that I don’t have my body yet, but it’s knowledge that I want. I wouldn’t like to be ignorant of my own future body.”

“Only if you’re sure, Avalyn.” Seeing Avalyn nod, Mama suddenly started to pull off her dress.

“What the drak!” Gramps screamed as she covered his eyes and turned around. “Why are you getting naked?!” Even from behind it was clear to see that Gramps’s ears were turning bright red.

“Lesson,” was all Mama said. She did stop.

“I will admit, I didn’t expect you to suddenly start undressing right here, right now,” Avalyn said.

“Is this not what you were implying?” Mama asked. “This would be the most logical way to give you an anatomy lesson of what exactly your body will be like.”

“I was thinking the same thing, I think there just might be some cultural differences to the feelings towards naked bodies between Vysven and the people of today.”

Scevi laughed. “Alright, why don’t we move this somewhere more private?”

“Is there a room big enough for Mama to comfortably stretch out?” Avalyn asked, both agreeing with Scevi’s idea, but understanding that Gramps’s yard and home wasn’t designed for people as large as Mama.

Still not having turned back around, Gramps started walking off to his little house area at the back of the hangar. “I’m going to get some coffee and lunch going. Just let me know when you’re done.”

“You sure you don’t want to stare at another naked woman in front of me?” Scevi asked with clear teasing in her voice. Gramps didn’t say anything and continued to just walk off. “He’ll be fine. He’s just embarrassed by naked bodies. It doesn’t matter whose body it is; he just gets embarrassed.”

“Even yours?” Avalyn asked with a little bit of teasing in her own voice.

Scevi smirked. “His face gets so unbelievably red. Anyway, are you getting naked? I have to admit I am very curious about what ancients’ bodies are like.”

Nodding Mama quickly removed her dress and stood before them naked. Before any more conversation could start about it Nevella showed up.

“Sorry about that, I just had to—Holy fuck!” Quickly the human goddess turned around, covering her face with her hands. “You’re naked! Why are you naked?!”

“You say fuck too?!” It was strangely relieving to hear someone else swear like Avalyn.

“Eternity was about to give Avalyn an anatomy lesson,” Scevi said. “Want to join?”

“What?” Nevella sounded confused, but there was a little of intrigue in there. “I don’t want to join in on something between mother and daughter.”

“I mind no,” Mama said quietly. “That didn’t feel like I said that right. I’m fine with Nevella watching.”

Avalyn shook her head. “You could say, ‘I don’t mind’.”

“Are you sure?” Nevella asked, turning around but not taking her hands off her face. “I don’t want to be intrusive.” From her voice, it was clear that she was embarrassed but very curious.

“I don’t mind,” Mama said with a little more confidence in her voice.

Finally Nevella pulled her hands away and to Avalyn it somehow looked like her face was a little darker blue than it had been. Those navy eyes kept taking quick glances at Mama, before shyly looking away.

Watching this, a thought occurred to Avalyn. “Mama, are you asexual too?”

“Asexual?” Both Nevella and Scevi asked.

Avalyn sighed. “This is another hazelnut thing isn’t it?” The half elf and human looked even more confused.

Mama nodded. “Yes and yes. I am asexual as well. I don’t experience any physical attraction”

“I haven’t heard those words before,” Nevella said, clearly hoping to get an answer.

“In my simulation it appears as if it took Melcarna words and made close translations into your common. I don’t know what your word for asexual is, but Asexual is defined as experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others.” How many more words were there going to be that Avalyn thought were common but weren’t?

“Oh.” Though Nevella’s word was very plain and held virtually no emotion in it, it did sound as if she was ever so slightly disappointed.

“We don’t really put labels on things like that. It’s also not very common among most species.” Scevi admitted. “Some species are a little weird about it, though.”

If Avalyn could raise an eyebrow, she would. “What do you mean? I told you I don’t experience attraction before and you didn’t say anything then.” Was this about to be another thing the people of the Alliance discriminated against?

Scevi looked a little ashamed. “You did, but I thought it was because of you not being organic, not part of your genetics and species. People would probably be more understanding if you don’t have genitals, but if you did have them, then some wouldn’t be the nicest about it. Elves are pretty passive-aggressive about it and I think those of fay decent are more openly upset by it.”

Mama turned to Nevella. “It true?”

Nevella nodded a little sheepishly. “Yes, most societies are very sex-positive now, and most wouldn’t care about something like that, at least openly. Some species are so sex-positive and forward that they think not being sexual is distasteful to some extent. Is being asexual common among Vysven?”

Mama flapped her crown once. “Most Vysven feel attraction.”

“I still feel romantic attraction,” Avalyn started, “and I do enjoy and sometimes desire sex. Some sensory aspects of it, I don’t like. Regardless, I just don’t really care about a partner’s physical traits. Admittedly, I find myself feeling more comfortable with feminine-presenting people, but I think that just comes from my upbringing in the simulation.”

Two of Mama’s hands nervously started fiddling with one another. “I enjoy romance. Never found partner. Too nervous, hard talk to people. Sex enjoyable, but little desire to find it.”

“You’re doing a really good job talking with everyone right now, Mama.” It was hard to tell with Mama’s mask on, but Avalyn was feeling that Mama was pushing herself with this much interaction. Acknowledgment for doing hard things always helped Avalyn, so hopefully it would also help Mama.

“Thank you, Avalyn.”

“What made you more comfortable with women?” Scevi asked. “Men in your simulation just asses?”

Avalyn chuckled a little. “My simulation was very heavy on the patriarchal mindset. I also just never felt like I fit in with the ‘other’ boys. I was a lot more comfortable around girls, and it took me a long time to realize that was because I was one. I was also raised with the idea that I was attracted to women, so I ended up confusing the jealousy I felt for their bodies with attraction.” That took Nevella and Scevi by surprise.

“I’m sorry you had to experience that,” Scevi said. “It must have sucked to fix your body only to end up in this.” The words clearly came out faster than Scevi could realize what she was saying, because once those words came out, so much regret crossed her face.

“Yeah, it sucked,” Avalyn said honestly. “Granted, there was no magic in the simulation, so all transition stuff was hormonal or surgical, and even then it could never be perfect. Medical technology was advanced, but if you compared it with your technology, it would look like we were just bashing rocks together. Even my genitals were just my penis cut up and reshaped into a vagina.” She shrugged. “But I was mostly happy with my body, even if it would never be able to feel like me. Waking up like this was honestly a nightmare.” Her gaze drifted to the ground, trying not to get pulled into all the feelings that wanted to ruin her day.

“Was it like that for you, Eternity?” Nevella asked.

Mama’s crown flapped once. “I born correct. Avalyn simulation body design from Heather.”

Avalyn had put that much together, but she hadn’t really spent time with the knowledge that she was trans because Heather was. It just made her feel more guilty about Heather dying. Heather had probabaly transitioned to an extent well beyond what Avalyn could have ever imagined in the simulation, and she had taken that happy ending away from Heather.

“Alright, I’m in a lot of body feels I don’t want to be in, so can we focus on what my body will really be like? I know that probably sounds like the wrong thing to do, but Mama is still standing here naked.” This was avoidance plain and simple, because focusing on the body she would have wasn’t actually going to deal with the trauma of what she had gone through. She just wanted something to look forward to.

“If that’s what you want, Avalyn. I can put my clothes back on and we can do this another time if that would be better.”

“We’re here now; let’s just get this done.” Avalyn put her hands on her hips and took a step back to get a good, full view of Mama.

“Would…” Nevella’s words were quiet and nervous. “Would it be okay if I took notes? I won’t take any captures, though.”

“Captures?” Avalyn asked.

“Captures,” Scevi said. “A capture of the moment made into an image.”

“Oh, we called those photographs in the simulation. Or I suppose it’s actually photographs.” Avalyn shook her head. “Fuck, how much of what I think I know of humans is actually Vysven?” She shook her head again. “Okay, body.”

“I haven’t heard anyone say okay in a long time,” Nevella said quietly.

Finally, taking in Mama’s body, Avalyn started processing what she would look like. The first thing that caught her attention was the mix of semiplume and downy feathers that started in a small happy trail down into what was amount to pubic hair for a Vysven. “Oh, fuck yeah, I’m going to have pubic feathers!”

Scevi laughed, “That a big deal?”

Mama tilted her head to the side as some of her crown lifted. “Is it?”

“To me, at least. It’s sexy. In the societies I lived in in the simulation, it was pretty standard for women to shave off all body hair. It was considered unattractive to have body hair.”

“I know some species have practiced that throughout their histories,” Nevella said thoughtfully, “But I am curious why your simulation did it?”

Avalyn took a deep breath. “Alright, this is a topic that I get very agitated about, especially because I bought into this for a long time, so I’m going to try and be calm about this. It started out as a fashion trend with new styles of clothes, like many things, then capitalism got its greedy hands into the mix and razor manufacturing companies went super hard on convincing women that they needed to shave their naturally growing hair to be attractive. It went so far that some men genuinely started to believe body hair on women was unnatural and disgusting.”

“That sounds like something a corp would do to get higher sales,” Scevi said, and Nevella nodded. “But there are pretty good regulations around to not let things get that out of control.”

“Good to know, but that’s not the part that gets me angry. Sure, a company convincing people their natural body is unnatural pisses me off, but there is a side to it that not a lot of people want to talk about. My society in the sim had a massive push for people to look younger and younger, and that looking younger is sexy.” There was already anger building up in Avalyn’s voice.

“Alright,” Scevi said with a nod, then her eyes went wide. “Please don’t tell me this is going where I think it’s going.”

Avalyn nodded slightly, worried her anger might boil over. Her fists clenched and the servos in her finger joints started stripping themselves. “I can not express to you how angry I get at how rampant the desire for younger and younger appearances in women was growing and being pushed by men, and just how young people wanted to look to be considered attractive. Alright, fuck, someone please tell me your societies don’t shave for those reasons, or I’m going to lose it.”

“Elves don’t naturally have a lot of body hair or facial hair, but they sure as drak find it attractive on people,” Scevi said.

Nevella quickly added, “Some people shave their hair to have less drag in air or water whilst performing in sports.”

“Long in past Vysven pluck feathers for appearance. Make patterns. Very painful,” Mama said, and Nevella scribbled down some notes on her companion. Doing a little shiver, all the feathers on Mama’s body did one flap. “Much prefer having all feathers. Plucking feathers is really painful and can lead to genuine problems with your skin and health.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Avalyn said, trying to still calm herself down. “Though I assume at some level plucking can be necessary and healthy.”

Mama’s crown flapped twice. “Preening is important, and I’ll teach you the safe way to preen and pluck when the time comes.”

Avalyn nodded. Looking down, Avalyn could see that the feathers on Mama’s legs covered everything from about mid-thigh down. Looking even further down, she could see that like Mama’s hands, her feet only had four digits, each with claws, and one larger than the rest, like a velociraptor. “I take it we evolved to ambush prey from above?” Mama’s crown flapped twice. “But not to carry the prey off.” Those feet looked deadly, but not the latch on and fly off kind of feet.

Her crown flapped once. “We have four arms to carry prey off.”

“That’s a very fair point.” Avalyn’s gaze drifted up from Mama’s feet and went to her chest. “Those are breasts, just quite small. I guess it wouldn’t make sense for a species with flight capability to have large breasts flapping about.”

“I am small,” Mama said quietly. “Most Vysven larger breasts. Don’t know if large compared other species.”

“Great, even in the next life I have small tits again,” Avalyn said mostly to herself. Not so subtly, Avalyn took a glance at the other women’s breasts, just getting a sense of how small she would be in comparison. It was small, especially compared to Nevella.

“Do they produce milk like ours?” Nevella asked, not actually looking at Mama’s chest. Again her face looked just the faintest shade deeper navy. “You’re an avian species by all standards, but most scholars are convinced your breasts serve the same purpose as ours.” Mama’s crown flapped twice. “Interesting,” Nevella said, making a note of that. “Yet another similarity to add to the list.”

“On that same line of thought, is everything the same between your legs?” Scevi asked. “Most species today are compatible, but there’s a lot of feathers covering what’s there.”

“Not seen others to know,” Mama said, looking down between her legs. After a little short minute or two of show and tell, it became clear that Vysven were compatible with many of the species of today. Outside it was virtually indistinguishable, but apparently the inside was very much lined with sensitive little nubs like one might find in a textured toy. Vysven penises were apparently the same with the little textured nubs as well, which was a little interesting.

“Okay, enough staring at my mama’s vagina,” Avalyn said, feeling that it was time to move on. “I want to see your tail.” Without hesitation Mama turned around and to show of her tail. Though the base was large, it quickly tapered into a small tail and barely reached down to her knees, but it was covered in feathers that connected to the column that ran up her back. There was a main ridge that ran down the back of it, but the sides and underside were rather smooth and covered in softer-looking feathers. “Well, that’s nothing too fancy. Do the feathers move?” Without a word from Mama, the main ridge of feathers on the back lifted up slightly along with all the feathers on Mama’s back. “Wow a lot of the feathers on our body move.”

“Display emotion and communication,” Mama said.

“We had theorized that, but it was still a topic largely up for debate,” Nevella said. While taking notes and moving in close to get a better look, Nevella accidentally bumped into Avalyn a little. Of course she apologized, but Avalyn stood there frozen.

Without saying anything Avalyn reached out and put a hand on the goddess’s exposed shoulder. “Avalyn?” She didn’t hear the words or who they came from as her hand lay on the shoulder, feeling the warmth radiating through her cold metal hand. “Avalyn?” The words came again, and this time Avalyn responded.

Pulling her hand away, the other hand went up to her face to wipe away tears that weren’t there. “Sorry, that was inappropriate of me. I should have asked.”

“Are you okay?” Mama asked, putting a hand on Avalyn. She reveled in the sense of touch and warmth.

“Y-yeah. Sorry.”

“Could you feel me?” Nevella asked with wide eyes.

Avalyn shook her head a little, but then also nodded a little. “I could feel warmth when I touched you, but I couldn’t feel you as if you were touching my skin like Mama. But it was warm…” Nevella started taking notes on that as Avalyn looked down at her hand, the feeling of warmth lingering in her mind. “Fuck, I miss feeling things.” She didn’t want to admit it, but she had spent every night since cuddling with Mama, wishing to feel that kind of warmth again. Not that she was ever cold, but there just wasn’t a sense of warmth unless she touched Mama.

“You will feel things again, Avalyn. I promise you,” Mama said with determination, but there was a large amount of sorrow in her voice.

“I know.”

“It’s interesting that you can feel warmth coming off of me,” Nevella said.

“My mom used to say that if you touch a god, you can feel it in your soul,” Scevi added.

Nevella nodded. “Somewhat true, but that phrase carries a lot of weight with Avalyn. I wonder if it’s just our magic that she can feel, or if it has to be our physical bodies.”

An idea came to Avalyn. “If it is just the magic, do you think you could enchant a stuffed animal for me to have something warm to cuddle at night?” She paused for a moment and then added, “I know that sounds childish, but I really enjoy having something I can feel and hold on to…”

“Not childish,” Mama said. “Find way for something warm cuddle.”

Avalyn dearly hoped it would work. Just any sense of feeling would be so comforting to have while going to sleep.