Sharp and Pointy!
We ran into Rose and Xander outside the blademaster tent. Xander's backpack had a brand new Bee plushie poking out the top, and Rose wandered around looking at the various wooden swords.
“How was the whip show?” I joined Rose at the display. The wooden swords were a little cookie-cutter but they were somehow very clearly intended for actual practice fights while also displaying a surprising amount of fit and finish. I even saw perfect wooden copies of the Lord of the Rings swords, and it made me wonder if the tables were about to turn on Addie’s feelings regarding this tent and spending money.
“Good, good. Someone in a pretty disturbing shirt requested 'Slayer', and that became a whole thing. There was also a proposal. I'll never understand people.”
“Was the whip guy in on it? Or?…”
“He must have been, but it was still weird. Anyways, he sure did crack those whips. His parody work isn’t quite on the level of Weird Al, being all on one theme… but it was funny. Worth watching if you don't mind the crack of the whip— though, who am I kidding. Of course you don’t mind.”
“Big talk for the delicate little flower.”
“Don’t call me delicate.” Rose’s voice took a sharp turn.
“I— sorry, I didn't mean anything by it.”
She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Yeah… And sorry for snapping, I just can’t stand the idea that that's who I am now. The delicate one. And for your information I’m fine today. I’ve been mindful of my limits.”
“Then you’re a couple steps ahead of me. I have already had a minor catastrophe today and just spent the last hour or two in the VIP tent cooling off and recuperating. Trust me, the ‘delicate’ accusation was the most hypocritical thing I've said today.”
“Would you say it's ironic?” Rose smirked.
“Apologies rescinded. You’re evil. Xander is a bad influence on you.”
“Of course I am.” Xander draped her arm over Rose’s shoulder. “That’s my job as the designated corrupter.”
“That's not a thing.”
“Totally is.” Carolyn spoke up. “It's a time honored profession.”
I rolled my eyes as Carolyn’s arm fell over my shoulder, mirroring Rose’s predicament.
“Wooden swords huh?” Carolyn traced a finger over the cross guard of a particularly long sword.
“I just haven’t gotten around to that side of the tent.” I folded my arms.
“Likely story.” Xander chuckled. “Is that your excuse too, Rose?”
“No actually.”
“Really? I was certain you had a katana collection that you haven't worked up the nerve to show me.”
Rose rolled her eyes and shot me a long-suffering glance. “See what I deal with? But for your information, no. I don’t have a katana collection. I did however have nearly a dozen lightsabers and nerf swords. I never particularly felt a draw toward the dangerous versions, because the point to me wasn’t some sort of macho self defense ‘studying the blade’ thing. I like the actual sparring. I miss the days when kids would go out in the back yard and swing sticks at each other to play pretend.”
“We should totally get a couple then.” Xander inspected the wooden swords with sudden interest, all traces of teasing and disbelief gone.
“Nerds.” I rolled my eyes. Come on Carolyn. Let's look at the real blades.” I stuck out my tongue at Xander before glancing at Rose. “No offense.”
“Offense taken. You can expect the gauntlet to be thrown any day.”
“Gods. I do not want the shit beat out of me with a wooden sword. Truce?”
“Mmmmm no.” Rose picked up the sword Carolyn had looked at a moment ago.
“I’m the delicate one. Okay? How much do I have to debase myself to escape the threat of violence?”
Rose smirked now and glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “What an excellent question. I'll let you know.”
“Gods.” I grumbled and tugged Carolyn toward the sealed cases.
“You never learn do you?” Carolyn murmured in my ear.
“No… wait— no please don’t leash me for that! I wasn’t being mean!”
Carolyn’s eyebrows rose. “That deal is off, remember? Maybe it wasn’t explicit… I’m not collaring you again today. At least, not unless you explicitly ask me to.”
“And you’re not going to motivate me under duress like you did at Waffle Haus?”
Carolyn smirked fondly but somehow the expression didn’t reach her eyes. “Alas, no. You have my word. Though I’d take it as a personal kindness if you behaved regardless.”
“Sure. For sure. Are… you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I searched her expression looking for a trace of deception, and just as I was about to give up her blank confusion faltered to guilt.
“Why are you worried about me? It’s my job to take care of you and I fucked up, why are you already acting like that didn’t happen?”
“It did happen.” I shrugged. “And I wouldn’t even say I’ve forgiven you necessarily, but what good would a grudge do? Why would I want distance?”
“Is that rhetorical?”
“A little, but I’m pretty sure we aren’t thinking of the same obvious answer. Mine’s right by the way, you’ve got it twisted.”
The corner of Carolyn’s mouth twitched. “I see. And what shall my penance be?”
I glanced at the glass cases. “We’ll see.”
“How is it that you slip so easily into retail therapy?”
“What’s the problem? We were going to spend money here anyways, and these are craftsmen! I doubt we’re going to see any shoddy quality. Did you see the prices on those wooden swords? Hundreds of dollars!”
“Seems accurate.”
“It is, but I’m just asserting this isn’t the same as online shopping.”
“Never said it was.”
“Then what?—“
I trailed off as Carolyn cupped my cheek. My skin tingled under her touch and I followed her movement automatically, tilting my head back as Carolyn kissed me.
Pins and needles raced over my shoulders and I stared up at her as I caught my breath.
“Why did you… wait, you weren’t using magic again, were you?”
Carolyn looked a little chagrined. “Ouch, but fair. No. It just seemed like the massage you needed at the moment. Do you believe me?”
“Of course! And I’m sorry to accuse you but… yeah, yeah that’s one, bite me about it later. It was just really sweet and…”
“It felt magical to you?”
“Yeah…”
“Such a hopeless romantic.”
“It is what it is.” I pulled her arms around me as I turned to face the display case. It suddenly felt weirdly similar to some hallmark-style ring-shopping adventure, except the setting, subject, and company were infinitely more interesting to me.
“Do you make these?” I addressed the woman standing on the other side of the case, and she raised an eyebrow.
“I do…” she seemed to choose the words carefully, and I felt a pang of sympathy. I dearly hoped it wasn’t rare for people to assume a woman could do forge work, and I’d hate nothing more than to immediately sound like I doubted her skill.
“They look amazing.” I gushed. I could tell that she was subject to fads as much as any other blacksmith in the age of youtube, but relatively few of the blades on display were damascus-style laminations. Still, the one with a river of gold along the edge caught my eye. “Did you actually forge gold to steel?”
She smiled now. “No, that would be truly insane and unfortunately not all that useful either. That happens to be bronze, nickel, and steel. You can be forgiven for thinking it’s gold— in fact, forget I said anything. It’s definitely forty two karat gold. Asking price of… ten thousand dollars.”
I grinned maniacally. “Wow” I played up my awe. “I didn’t even know gold could go that high!”
I turned to Carolyn. “I want that one, can I have it?”
Carolyn’s eyes narrowed as she looked from me, to the knife, to the blacksmith.
“If what I think is happening here, is happening…”
“Oh it’s happening.” I turned back to face the counter. “Ten thousand dollars, final offer.”
The blacksmith's smile slipped, and I saw the greed briefly battle the moral panic.
“I… can’t charge that, Ma'am.”
“Please don’t haggle.” Carolyn pleaded. “It won’t go well for either of us.”
“Eleven thousand then. You drive a hard bargain.” I kept my voice level. As fun as this was, I didn't want to make a scene.
“I couldn’t…”
Carolyn set her card on the glass. “She knows what she’s doing, please just let her have her fun.”
“Should I be concerned?” She spoke slowly as she took the card.
“I’ll compromise.” I smiled, trying to put the menacing aura behind me. “I’ll insist she pays you ten thousand, and then let the two of you decide how much that buys us. Happy negotiating!”
I turned and did a little hop to kiss Carolyn on the cheek before returning to browse. Xander and Rose were already placing their wooden selections on the counter at the other end of the tent so I joined Deyha at the longer display cases.
“Forgive me, Deyha, for I have sinned.”
Her shoulders shook momentarily before she turned to me. “Dare I ask?”
“How much trouble would I be in for blowing ten grand today?”
Deyha, bless her, barely quirked an eyebrow. I was beginning to wonder if I should or shouldn’t investigate the farm’s finances.
“I wouldn’t say you’d be in trouble.” Deyha mused. “That's only about five times how much I was willing to spend after breaking your phone.”
“Fitting, because Carolyn’s hormone fuckery might have been about five times the offense.”
Deyha’s gaze slid past me to Carolyn and then back again. “I see. I can’t tell if that means I under-estimated how much that old phone meant to you, or if you’re down playing the events of this morning for comedic effect.”
“When you put it like that… I’m starting to regret my impulsive retaliation.”
“What did you do?”
“I might have bullied Carolyn into buying me a pretty knife for way too much money.”
“Too pretty to use?”
“A little.”
Deyha sighed and stepped past me to where Carolyn was negotiating with the blacksmith, and I trailed behind, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation.
“Did Maddie fill you in? Great. You pick something too.”
“You don’t have to go further.” My resolve cracked instantly, and Carolyn turned and gave me a bemused look as hung back from the counter. “I… I was impulsive. I’m sorry for letting my sass get away from me.”
“Two? Must be my lucky day.” Carolyn mused. “No matter, Alex here has just kindly informed me that she's running a special one-off ‘buy one, get two free’ deal, because you just happened to pick the one knife that qualified for the promotion.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Turnabout is fair play. All we did was negotiate how much ten thousand dollars buys.”
"Why are you humoring me?"
Carolyn shrugged. "It would be mean to yank the rug on Alex, and as you said: We were going to spend money here anyway. I won't shy away from paying a premium for quality… but if it’s going to eat at you that much you’re welcome to chip in.”
Embarrassment flooded through me. She had to know I didn’t have that kind of money laying around.
“I… you know I can't…”
“What, don’t tell me you’ve spent it all?”
“Spent what?” I asked.
“Lynn,” Deyha cut in. “She forgot.”
“Oh… oooooh, that’s probably for the best.” Carolyn smirked and turned back to the counter.
“Forgot what? Why is that good?”
“Maddie.” Deyha held my shoulder as though she had to break some hard news. “Remember after you moved in and I had you fill out a form with your bank info? You said you had an old checking account you were going to put it in so that you wouldn’t spend it. I think you fully put it out of your mind once it was out of sight.”
“I did one transfer… like a year ago…”
“And you haven’t needed anything since?”
“You keep giving me cash!” I folded my arms. “And you wouldn’t accept it back, so I guess I just pretend I don’t have any money but Carolyn is right. That's helping me control my online shopping.” I opened my purse, and showed Deyha the alarming quantity of large bills that had accumulated in my wallet. “I deposited some a few months ago, but that didn’t last long.”
“Gods Maddie…” Deyha chuckled. “If you aren’t going to even look at it, we should get you a mutual fund or find a good credit union.”
I shrugged. “Or you can have it back. You’ve been providing my housing, food, utilities… I have basically no expenses.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t get paid. Look, Maddie. We want you to stay forever, but there’s no version of this where we don’t prepare you financially for whatever future you choose.”
“Then I choose you. Forever.”
Deyha smiled even as she let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, hold onto it for now.”
I rejoined them at the display. Looking closer now, I could see that the actual price tag on the ‘bronze river’ knife was closer to two thousand, and there was a wide range to either side of it.
Carolyn happened to be tapping the glass above another knife in the same price bracket.
“Really?” Alex’s eyebrows rose. “To tell you the truth, I thought that one would never sell.”
She lifted the top of the case again and Deyha held the edge for her as she carefully lifted out the long straight blade. It was fairly simple. Long, with an oddly bright color to the blade.
“I’ll need to see some ID before I let you hold it, and honestly, the feel of it is probably the most important part for this one.”
She set the blade against the glass as she inspected Carolyn’s ID. After Deyha produced hers, I remembered that I should probably do the same.
“I see…” she looked each one over in turn. “I expected to ignore some level of discrepancy on account of your appearances but uh… I suppose those aren’t costumes, are they?”
“Nope.” Carolyn chirped cheerfully, but this time she didn’t leap to elaborate.
“Alright then.” Alex handed back ID’s and passed the long straight blade to Carolyn, holding it out handle first. The knife flicked up sharply as Carolyn took the weight of it. Alex must have expected this, because she kept her fingers clear as she let go.
“Wow…” Carolyn murmured. She turned it over in her hands..
“Just over five ounces” Alex launched into her sales pitch. “Titanium blade, skeletonized under the carbon fiber scales with a standard M7 mount for use with an M16.”
“It’s a bayonet?” I asked.
“Yep.” Carolyn answered first. “I think I see the mindset behind the design challenge. It's so light it could be plastic.”
“Precisely.” Alex nodded. “But titanium doesn’t hold an edge very well so while it is razor sharp like anything I sell, it’s not exactly meant for cutting.”
“Totally. Well, I’ve made up my mind. Deyha?” Carolyn set the knife down and took her time tucking her cards back into her wallet.
“I’d like to check out something in one of the other cases.”
“Sure.” Alex tucked the bayonet back into the display case before following Deyha back to where she'd been standing before.
Back with its peers, the lack of ornamentation was all the more stark. The press form carbon fiber had a bit of texture, and the edges of the handle and guard were meticulously chamfered, but the blade itself was completely bare of any embellishment.
“I gotta say, I’m a little surprised.” I looked over its neighbors. Many had gold accents, several had engravings and exotic materials. “I figured you’d go for something opulent. Lavish even.”
“See, that’s where you’re mistaken.” Carolyn smirked. “That bayonet is one of the fanciest knives in the case.”
“Really? Convince me.”
“Think about the job of a baronet, to turn a rifle into a spear while retaining both functions. This blade does so with almost no compromise. There’s next to no weight on the end of the rifle, preventing it from impairing function, while leveraging the specific strength of titanium to maintain thrusting capability. No expense was spared in the pursuit of function, and as Alex pointed out, the one compromise doesn’t truly detract.” Carolyn waved her hand over the case “above all though, that knife more than any other is meant to be seen and not used. I do own an M16,—“
“You do? Where?”
“In the gun safe, where it belongs, but it hasn’t been fired in a decade. These other knives, true cutlery that could be used anywhere from the kitchen to hunting, are extravagant but functional. That bayonet dials the extravagance and function to eleven.”
“And you want it?”
Carolyn shrugged. “I have a purpose in mind, yes. Let’s see what Deyha is looking at.”
I followed her over to the longer cases just as Alex lifted out a sword. Rainbows rippled along the blade in relatively consistent stripes down to a menacing forked guard and an aggressively textured handle. Though, on closer inspection I realized what I'd taken to be an oil slick style rainbow was actually a pattern of blue, gold, and indigo.
“What is that?” I watched as Deyha accepted the blade. She turned it over once, and held it up to scrutinize something I couldn’t see on the handle before handing it back.
“It’s a sword.” Deyha shrugged.
“I know that.” I huffed. “How does it look like that?”
“It seems like everyone besides you has an affinity for titanium.” Alex mused. “This is titanium and steel lamination, etched and anodized to bring out the contrast in the half dozen different alloys it’s composed of. Unlike the bayonet though, this has a steel cutting edge that the titanium simply sandwiches. The result is an edge that can maintain its sharpness, stunning strength for its weight, and the sort of fantastic visuals that move inventory like nothing else.”
The last bit sounded almost like chagrin, but Alex smirked as she set it down.
This sword had a price tag of eight thousand dollars all by itself and I struggled to conceptualize how that number came to be.
“And… Why did that one stand out to you?” I looked up at Deyha.
“Reminds me of a book I like. A half orc adventurer hangs up her sword to begin a life of quiet retirement, opening a coffee shop with her found family and… I don't know… in the story the sword is destroyed in a fire, warping it and leaving it with a pearlescent sheen. This immediately reminded me of that, though this is clearly undamaged.”
“Not quite the inspiration I had when making it, but that sounds awesome. However… ‘undamaged’ might not be entirely accurate.” She pulled out a flashlight and shined it along the steel-titanium border. “The steel actually de-laminated from the titanium in several places, and I’m certain that any use or environmental intrusion would swiftly degrade its deceptively lovely appearance.”
“Well I’m sold.” Deyha smirked. “The only problem is, renegotiation may be in order. Some napkin math indicates these three blades exceed the agreed payment.”
“That’s no matter.” Alex waved dismissively but her expression fell when she looked past me to Carolyn. “Okay, look. This sword, it’s a bit of an embarrassment to me. It’s my most expensive failure, and I priced it in a desperate bid to recoup my costs, but you can probably tell that it’s been difficult for me to sell in good conscience. I want it gone, and you certainly aren’t lowballing, so there’s no way I’d insist on you paying the sticker price.”
Deyha shook her head and glanced sideways at me. “Looks like it's up to you.” I could see the hint of a smirk and when I turned to Carolyn she folded her arms and nodded toward Alex.
I pulled out a few of the higher denomination bills I’d been toting around and placed them on the glass for effect. “How about… fifteen thousand.”
“Fucking hell.” Alex muttered.
Ellen didn’t find anything particularly tempting, so once I talked her out of getting a wooden sword “just because”, we collected our receipt and Alex had put up the little “sold” markers. Back on the thoroughfare, we didn’t have much trouble catching up to Rose and Xander. Xander carried both swords zip-tied to her backpack, while Rose consulted the map.
“What’s next, friends?” Ellen asked as we joined them at the signpost.
Before they could reply I asked “How long until the joust?” and Rose flipped the map over.
“Its scheduled for three, so we have another hour to meander there. Xander and I are trying to figure out which path to take to get to the archery area.
“What a crazy random happenstance! I was just about to drag Deyha there, so we can all go and make a little competition out of it.”
“What are the stakes?” Xander’s eyebrows rose.
“Uhhhh I didn’t think that far ahead. Can I see the map?”
“Sure.” Rose handed it over. “So as far as I can tell the best path to get to the archery range is north, but Xander says she sees a range to the west—“
“That’s north. It has to be.” Xander interrupted as she pointed to a path 90 degrees off of where we’d come from.
“Strange.” I mused. “Because the blademaster was supposed to be on a north-south route.” I traced a finger down the westward path. “Are you sure that’s archery? There's a slingshot range too.”
“I…” Xander looked at the map and then down the path she’d pointed to before.
“I told you, I learned orienteering in scouts. Maps are my thing.” Rose’s voice held good natured frustration, but Xander didn't seem completely convinced.
I handed the map back and gestured to the other path. “Lets try Rose’s way and if you’re right then you get one ‘I told you so,’ deal?"
“I’m not going to say ‘I told you so’…” Xander turned so that Rose could tuck the map back into the backpack.
“Are you sure?” I countered, “you’re totally the type to do that.”
Xander smirked. “Well, unfortunately, being my favorite person has its perks so Rose doesn’t have to worry about it but I might just bully you either way.”
“I’m your favorite person?”
I rolled my eyes at Rose’s hopeful tone. What a dingus.
“Of course you are, nerd.” Xander smiled, “lead the way.”
On one hand, traveling in one big group was nice because now I could somewhat hide in the middle of the cluster. On the other hand… this was such a fucking conspicuous cluster. Ellen’s shoulder bumped mine, and then bumped again when I didn’t say anything. “What?”
“How ya doin? Are you sure you’re up for this?”
“What do you think?” I rolled my eyes. My tone was sarcastic, but I knew that Ellen likely had a better impression of my energy levels than I did.
“I’m worried you’re cutting it close, is all. We should absolutely wind down after the joust regardless of what we do before.”
“That sounds fair. How does everyone feel about heading home after the joust?” I raised my voice enough to catch Rose and Xander’s attention ahead of us.
“Should be fine.” Rose shrugged. “I’ve done just about everything I want to do, but I might want to come back tomorrow.”
“Really?” Xander’s eyebrows rose.
“This is fun. Would you be interested?”
“Absolutely.”
Personally, I knew I’d need a recovery day, but nobody asked me. I figured Xander could drive and If Ellen wanted she probably wouldn’t have a hard time being a third wheel. I looked up to Deyha and she just shrugged. “I’m good with whatever. In fact, those bleachers look like hell so I might wander for a bit during the joust and get the van cooling down.”
“You don’t want to see people bash each other with sticks? It's the height of civilized entertainment.”
Deyha smirked and leaned down. “I think you know what kind of stick bashing I’d prefer.” She whispered in my ear before letting her hand briefly trail down my back. I skipped involuntarily as her fingers brushed the top of my tail.
“Cool!” Warmth flooded through me as I fought the thrilling panic response. I didn’t see that coming, hell, I hardly ever saw it coming. But luckily this time Carolyn didn’t step in to escalate.
I smoothed my dress down again and focused resolutely forward, filtering out the crowd and noise as I sought out the archery range ahead.
“Depending on the bow type, I might give it a go.” Carolyn mused on my other side.
“Really?” I fell into step next to her, “Have you fired arrows before?”
Carolyn smirked now and wrapped her arm over my shoulder. “Shot arrows.” She corrected, “I have been known to let the occasional arrow fly, but while I am something of a markswoman, I am also just a touch pedantic.”
“A touch.” I echoed. “Good to know. What does your participation rely on today?”
“If I’m to display my skill, then I won’t tolerate a handicap. My decision is predicated on the quality of their arrows and will be helped by the possible presence of a compound bow— though, looking around, I won’t hold my breath on the latter.”
“Compound bow? What’s that?”
“Its a somewhat advanced variant that uses eccentric pulleys to manipulate the force curve, enhancing arrow speed and making it easier to hold at full draw.”
“You could have said it’s the one with pulleys…”
Carolyn smirked again. “And what’s the fun in that, my dear?”
“Cow, actually. Though I can forgive the confusion.”
Carolyn rolled her eyes and pulled me close momentarily so she could plant a kiss on the top of my head.
“I'll get you for that.”
The threat was just barely audible, but it carried such exciting playful intent that I had no trouble letting my imagination run with the concept.
Before I knew it we were joining the queue for the archery range, and Ellen turned in front of me, smirking as she leaned in to whisper in my ear.
“Sex.”
Her tone was comically sultry and the absurdity caught me completely off guard.
“What the fuck Ellen?” I laughed, “what in the world was that?”
“I just wanted my turn. Did I do it right?”
“No!”
“Mmmm I'll have to practice whispering sweet nothings then. Pity.”
“You’re such a menace.” I took a step back as she made a move to try again.
“Me? Noooo.” She shook her head. “I am the least menacing person to ever exist. Come here, I have an idea for my next attempt.”
“No!” I shrieked and hid behind Carolyn.
Thankfully, Deyha came to my rescue, catching Ellen around the waist and effortlessly hauling her back.
“Jesus!” Ellen swore.
Deyha let Ellen regain her footing but continued to hold her shoulder, ready to foil an escape attempt in an instant.
“You’ll have to tell me instead of Maddie. I'll let you know if it would have worked.”
Ellen pouted for a moment and her eyebrows scrunched as she considered the proposition. Finally, she beckoned Deyha down and held up a hand to cover her mouth as she whispered in Deyha’s ear.
Deyha’s eyes flicked to me, and she smirked. “Oh yeah. That would totally work.”
“You think so?” Ellen perked up.
“I’m certain. She’d be feral, practically dragging you into the woods to rip off your clothes.”
“I would not!” My face flushed in embarrassment, but nobody around us seemed particularly interested in the conversation.
“Well you can’t know that, now can you?” Carolyn joined the dogpile effortlessly.
“Fucking fine, tell me, Elllen. I'll prove it.”
“Suit yourself.” Deyha let go of Ellen and I suffered the most cringeworthy hip swinging walk as she approached and trailed her hands down my neck to draw close.
“Omlette du fromage.”
“I hate all of you.”