Foolin’ Around
I set my plate of greens on the table across from Rose and Xander and folded my arms.
“Which one of you stuck a dick in my mouth?”
“How do you know it wasn’t Ellen?” Xander leaned back in her chair.
I didn’t appreciate her self-satisfied smirk.
“I know what Ellen was doing. Was it you?”
Xander shook her head. “I put Rose up to it, but I forbid you from giving her shit about it.”
“Sorry~” Rose mumbled.
“Ugh. It's fine. Carolyn disabled the touch function about that time, so I didn’t really feel it. Here~” I tossed a chocolate bar to Rose.
“Thanks? Where did you get this?”
“And more importantly, why didn't someone tell us you couldn't feel what we were doing anymore?” Xander crossed her arms. “What a waste of effort.”
“Not a total waste. It still helped charge the crystal to pay off my mods.”
“Didn’t know I was doing charity work…” Xander grumbled as Rose unwrapped her candy. “Where’s mine?”
“Uhhh.” I dug around in my bag. Almost everything I’d gotten was chocolate.
“You didn't get anything for me?”
“To be fair, I didn't get any for anyone specifically, I'm just sharing because I might have gotten too much.”
“Gimmie a mocha munchie.”
“But you can’t eat it.”
“I know, it's for Rose.”
“I already gave her a candy bar! And Mocha munchies are my favorite!”
“Good.” Xander grinned. “This is my fee for service, cough it up.”
“Extortion.” I grumbled and slid the bar to her. This was not how I expected this to go.
“Mhmm.” Xander tucked the bar away and folded her hands in front of her plate. “So, any other complaints? Feedback?”
My face warmed, and I could see Rose was a little uncomfortable as well.
“No…” Thank you for your assistance in dispensing Carolyn’s punishment.
“Punishment? That's news to me.”
“I called her an overgrown lizard.”
“So she indulged your rape fantasy? Sounds like a reward.”
“We were in public.” I grit my teeth but Xander shrugged.
“Carolyn sure has some funny notions on how to train a brat. Where can I get one of those crystal dolls? Asking for a friend.” Xander draped her arm over Rose’s shoulder and if possible Rose turned even more red.
“Mazer is the one to ask, but once he and Carolyn hit their stride with the new modding method you shouldn’t need to use one for payment.”
“Right, because that's the only reason you have yours.”
“Xander~” Rose shook her arm off. “Give me a break.”
“Fine, fine.” Xander rolled her eyes. “So are you coming to the convention this weekend?”
“Shit, it's coming up that soon?”
“Mhmm. I’ve got coordinated outfits for Rose and me, you should do something with Ellen."
“I don't know…"
"Come on~" Xander whined. "It will be fun! You could even just wear a shirt with the farm logo and give out samples."
"I thought you were trying to convince me to come…" I folded my arms and Xander held up her hands.
"You're right, I forgot that you still carry around shame like a five-hundred-pound gorilla on your back."
"Oddly specific…"
"Regardless, you do a bunch of 3D modeling and printing right? You could totally make some props and accessories to reference a particular character- or even just have a theme without buying a bunch of stuff online!"
"Mhmm… yeah, fair. I'll think about it. Did Ellen already say she wanted to come?"
"Ask her yourself~" Xander looked up over my shoulder and I twisted to follow her gaze, but there was no-one there. "Hah! Gotcha."
"You're the worst." I grumbled as I turned back to my plate. "Why is everyone evil this week?"
"Evil? What did your owners do this time?"
I rolled my eyes. "I found out Deyha has been blocking In-snare on the farm wifi, and Carolyn has been suggesting additions to the blocklist, basically targeting all my online scrolling habits."
"Certified owner behavior." Xander nodded sagely. "I actually bugged Deyha about that a few weeks ago, so you could say I've been in on the conspiracy."
I squinted at her. "So you didn't mind?"
"Deyha made a compelling point that it would free you up for more co-op video games and board games, which it has… Even though you kick my ass at them with concerning regularity."
"Serves you right…" I grumbled. "But I guess I should say I appreciate you helping fill the void with social activities or something."
Xander chuckled. "Happy to help. And I appreciate you being a relatively good sport about it."
"I'm actually bitter as hell, honestly, but what can I even do?"
"Talk it out with your owners? Negotiate?"
"That's part of the problem! What leg do I have to stand on? I wasn't being rigorous filtering misinformation, I wasn't benefitting from the drip feed of heavily biased world news, The advertisements were successfully manipulating me into buying crap that is already in the trash… Any argument I can think of just sounds desperate and pathetic."
"Its not pathetic to want to feel connected to ongoing world events. Wanting to feel connected is a very human drive, no offense." Xander paused as Rose laughed. "Thank you, anyways. The farm is kinda insular, so maybe it would be good to find spaces outside to interact and meet different people."
"Like what?"
Xander shrugged. "Come along on my excursions. Visit the maker-space. Chat with other people who like 3d printing, play board games with the Wednesday night group… Basically, leave the bubble."
"I don't know… I just feel like I'm too different."
"Hey, don't worry about that, look at me, remember you're talking to the queen of looking different." she pointed at her face.
It took me a moment to remember that vitiligo was a thing that people tended to stare and be weird about.
"You used to stare and freak out just like everyone else did, but I can tell you don't even think about it anymore. Just give some other people the chance to get past the weird factor! Besides, I'll be somewhat curating the space, and I'll go to bat for you to make sure you feel safe. I won't drive you anywhere that I don't already know people can be cool."
"I dunno."
"Think of how proud your owners will be of you for getting out and meeting new people."
"You're a butt." I grumbled. "Fine, I'll tag along for your next wednesday board game thingy… You've been kinda quiet Rose, what are you thinking?"
"Hmm? Nothin." she crunched up the empty wrapper of her candy bar. "I mean, I guess I'm curious about the mods Mazer did for you… is the price worth it? Are you happy with your body now?"
"Honestly? It's hard to say."
“What would you change?”
“That’s the thing, there’s nothing I would change and this feels very ‘me’ but I’m not just jazzed about always being so loudly myself— in the visual sense. Ya know?”
“I… guess? So you just want to keep a mask on? Isn’t that, I don't know… lonely? I thought we were already pretty good friends before you came here, but I was completely blindsided by the cow stuff.
“In my defense, it seems you were blindsided by your own gender or lack-there-of.”
“Fair, fair.”
“What do you think you’d look like if you did this— if it’s not too personal.”
Max shrugged. “With any luck you’ll be seeing it before too long, but it’s hard to say. I don’t want to pick just one new shape to be. That would be so much commitment, but also if I was just constantly shape shifting then who would even recognize me?”
“Mazer can do illusions to let you feel some of that out. I saw Ellen test drive her cat mods that way.”
“That sounds nice, yeah.”
“So you don’t even have an inkling of what you want to look like?”
Rose shrugged. “It’s not like I’m out to look like anything. I just… not too long ago I was sure I was okay with being a guy, but I surrounded myself with trans-fems, and feel really happy being referred to as a girl. I don’t have some big pull toward a particular genre of self expression, and the push I’m feeling is still hard to nail down. Like, am I going along with this because I’m secretly a feminine individual? Or am I latching onto the newness and novelty just for a break from something I don’t believe in?”
“Wow…”
“I know, it’s a bit much.”
“No! No, it’s not that! You’re not too much! I think I might get what you mean? Do you feel like masculinity is a bad fit?”
“Is it?” Rose waved her arms helplessly “What is masculinity? If masculinity is throwing sheets of ice on the ground and harmonizing in the bathroom then… fine? I guess? But if masculinity is being loud, taking up space, and exerting control over my surroundings then no. I don’t have some control fantasy— despite how much I love the song 'Everybody wants to rule the world’.”
“Sounds like you don’t have a gendah.” Xander squeezed Rose’s shoulder.
“But that doesn’t work.— I mean, agender people are fine, good for them, but I’m not up to the task of being that… separate? I have to have a gender. There has to be some sort of shorthand construct I fit in.” Rose placed her hands on the table, as though it was going to try and roll out from under her.
“Gods, you’re so autistic.” Xander groaned. “Rules and structure. It’s a miracle that you broadened your understanding to account for body modding at all.”
“Not that miraculous. I believe in bodily autonomy.” Rose folded her arms and leaned back.
“Sure, but you just as easily could have fixated on some rule that everyone has the body they are born with and that’s that.”
“Well that would be bullshit.” Rose mumbled. “I don’t care about stupid rules.”
“Having to have a shorthand construct of a gender sounds like a stupid rule to me~.”
“Well… nyah.” Rose waved her hands at Xander. “It’s my identity and I decide the tenets I stand on.”
“Unfortunately…” Xander rolled her eyes. “It’s fine. I’ll still love you if you decide you’re one of those newfangled xenogenders.”
“They aren’t that new… but good to know. And I love you too.”
“Gross~.” I stuck out my tongue. “Are you two going to start kissing now? Spare me.”
“Okay Ms ‘free-use’.” Xander stuck her tongue out at me in turn. “I didn’t hear you complaining about being spit-roasted.”
“I literary started this conversation asking which one of you—“
“But you didn’t say anything about not wanting it to happen in the future.” Xander leaned toward me now. “Go on then, say it. Say that you don’t want us to mess with your little voodoo doll ever again.”
“I— it’s really not my place to…”
“Say it.” Xander insisted.
My cheeks warmed as I withered under her stare. Me and my instance on technically not lying. “No.”
“No what?”
I folded my arms and looked off to the side, searching out any distraction to look at instead of Xander’s piercing stare. “No, I’m not going to stop you from… doing whatever.”
“So we could just drag you up to our bedroom right now?”
“Look.” I held up my hands. “You can take that up with Carolyn, but I’m pretty sure I’m within my rights to abstain.”
“Maybe I will~.” Xander smirked and then looked up over my shoulder. “Hey Ellen, you missed your cue by at least a minute.”
“Not falling for that one again.” I squinted at Xander, but I nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt someone grab my horns. “Hey! What the fuck?”
Ellen laughed as she sat down next to me. “What do you mean you’re not falling again? You fall in love with everyone.”
“You’re a butt. You’re all butts. This entire farm is full of nothing but butts.”
“Heh. But-butts.” Rose smirked but I just squinted at her.
“It’s all fun and games until you end up with one of these too.” I gestured at my collar.
“Eh.” Xander shrugged. It’s not really my style. “How about it, Rose? Does being treated like property fit into your gender construct?”
“Don’t think so, no.”
“I miss when you were just blushy and quiet…” I grumbled and turned to Ellen. “So how are you? Did you come to join the Dogpile?”
“I’m more of a cat person myself. But no, I heard you have candy.”
“Damn it.” I pulled my bag open and held it toward Ellen. “You can have one.”
“Ooooh~” Ellen made a show of rubbing her hands. “Hmm, but I don’t know what to choose. Will you split one with me?”
“Maybe not right now…” I closed the bag. “There uh… used to be a lot more and that’s not just because I’ve given some away.”
“Oh my, are you on a sugar rush? Oh! Do you think your milk will be chocolate flavored?”
“Ellen~”
“Fine, fine. I’m sure I’ll find out later.”
“Did you know In-Snare was blocked on farm wifi?”
Ellen blinked a couple times as if thrown off by the subject change. “I’m… not surprised? Did they block Merchtube too?”
“They did! I mean, I didn't really think about it because I’m pretty sure it got blocked after I stopped shopping so much, but… You’re not surprised?”
Ellen nodded. “I guess I hoped that you requested that it be blocked, but I can see how that might have been naive of me.”
“Why would I request it?”
“I dunno. It's fairly normal for recovering addicts to receive some accommodations to help them stay clean.”
“Im not addicted!”
“Oh honey.” Ellen’s tone dipped into pity. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this… but also it is weird that someone just blocked In-Snare.”
“Deyha did. She said something about being tired of me scrolling them in bed.”
“Oof. Seems extreme. Did she talk to you about it first?”
“I mean she would ask me to wear headphones occasionally…”
Ellen rubbed her brow. “You were watching the annoying noise generator without headphones?”
“They don’t work as well with my new ears!”
“That excuse sucks. Maddie, that should have been your clue.”
“Well… I’ve never been that good at taking clues either.” I folded my arms but Ellen just rolled her eyes.
“Fair enough. Geeze Maddie… You need to talk this out with Deyha.”
“They already lectured me about it last night, hence the candy bar collection.”
“Not a lecture, a discussion.”
“What is there to discuss?” I waved my hands at my untouched plate of clover. “Even you called it an addiction just now! Everyone seems to agree that I was wrong and deserve this.”
“Maddie.” Ellen squeezed my shoulder. “You need to check in with her— for your sake as much as anyone else's."
“Why? Because it’s the adult thing to do? Can’t I just cop out and say I’m a pet?”
“If you hate talking about stuff that much… that might also explain why they did what they did…”
“Yeah, yeah. Logic and stuff.” I grumbled as I picked out a piece of clover. “Fine. I’ll have some stupid adult conversations. Ugh.”
“I’m proud of you.” Ellen enveloped me in a hug, severely hampering my snacking ability as she squeezed me and petted my head.
I chewed despondently for a few seconds. Dread was settling in my stomach heavier than the candy bars or clover ever could.
“Well. Now is as good of a time as any.”
“Now? Really?”
“‘M not hungry.” I pushed my plate toward Xander. “Would you like this?”
“Uh. Yeah. I can take care of it.”
“Thanks. Wish me luck.” My eyes were already watering as I turned away from the table, and I didn't look back as they murmured some conversation. Not long ago I’d worry that they were saying some nasty stuff about me behind my back, but the farm just hadn’t been that sort of place.
I was the little bundle of drama after all. Fumbling polyamory with jealousy and selfishness, avoiding responsibility, slacking off on everything…
I wiped my eyes and centered myself on the current task. Find Deyha, and talk. Deyha was safe. I could be a blubbering mess or crazy basketcase and everything would be fine. She’d seen me worse than this.
I fiddled with my phone as I navigated the hallway through the admin building, trying to look at my phone objectively. I’d already put a widget to track my screen time and it pretty plainly broke down how much time I spent looking at this stupid little screen.
Did I need a dumber phone? Some of my messaging apps wouldn’t work so well if I tried to use something with less screen.
Page after page of apps stared out of me. Restaurant reward programs that I hadn’t used in years, online shopping interfaces that I felt guilty just looking at.
I sat down in the lobby as I searched around. Holding my finger on the little in-snare app made it wiggle around, as though I was smothering it with a pillow.
I let it flounder for a while. Was there any version of the conversation where she unblocked it? Did I want there to be?
Delete. Remove from device. Delete. Delete. Delete…
More of the wallpaper revealed itself as I cleared out the mobile games that I'd long since abandoned, and then I was deleting games I hadn’t abandoned yet.
Resetting a device was a good troubleshooting step right? This felt like troubleshooting. It felt like I was the trouble. It was so much easier to find the reset on the settings menu, and I slowed down to read the warnings as the device triple checked that I was sure, as though begging for its life…
Reset.
It was a kind of poetry, right? I was about to reset my digestive system so I could have a kid. How different was this?
“Oh, hey, Maddie.”
I looked up to see Deyha, holding a crate of empty bottles.
“Hey…”
“What’s up? Is the cell reception better here?”
“What? No? I mean maybe it is. I don’t know. It’s not important.” I put my phone away. “Can we talk?”
Deyha blew a breath out, puffing her cheeks. “Now?”
“Ideally.” I shrugged.
“Oh.” Deyha’s voice was suddenly small. “It’s just… I should—“
“We can walk and talk.” I tried to force a smile, force myself to feel less dread about this. “We haven’t done that in a little while.”
“Except last night, you mean.”
“That… wasn’t talking. At least not for me.”
“Yeah… fair…” Deyha readjusted the box, causing the glass to clink.
“Where to then?” I stood and brushed imaginary lint off my lap.
“I was going to take these to the dish washer, and then… I don't know.”
“Cool.” I led the way back to the barn, I didn’t trust the box to be as light as Deyha made it seem, so I settled for holding doors as Deyha did all the heavy lifting.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“I… guess I wanted to apologize for the headphone stuff. I should preface that this is a weak excuse, but the bovine ears aren’t just the best with the human headphones… still I should have realized that you didn’t want to ask every evening. I really thought I was better at being empathetic and thoughtful.
“You are! I don’t want you to think you’re selfish.”
“Playing the annoying sound generator without headphones sounds pretty selfish to me…”
“Oblivious maybe, but… No, it’s fine. I see where you are coming from. And I do empathize with the difficulties of ill-fitting gear.”
“Mmm, you would know more about that.” I glanced at her feet, I couldn’t understand how she could stand to have talons like that.
“Eh.” Deyha shrugged. “I can be pretty out of touch sometimes. I’ve also been thinking, and I’m sorry that I went behind you to block the websites you were using. I… It’s hard to even imagine why it seemed sensible at the time. I was so afraid of confronting you about it, and I feel awful for leaping at the opportunity to unpack it the moment that you couldn’t actually participate in the dialogue.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad.” I tapped the button for the last door to the common area of the barn. I could see Xander, Rose, and Ellen still chatting at the table, but I ignored them for the moment.
“As much as I want you to have everything you want~” Deyha’s voice finally had a bit of her humor again. “I’m afraid I might just go on feeling bad anyways.”
“I guess it probably seemed like I didn’t care.” I kept my eyes on the ground as I headed for the kitchen. My eyes continued to water, but I found that with enough effort I could slow my breathing down and keep the spasming and clenching of outright sobbing at bay. “I probably acted so put out when you asked, or maybe just the fact that you had to keep asking… are there other conversations that you’ve been dreading? Am I doing anything else that’s annoying?”
“Well now it’s my turn to not want you to feel bad.” Deyha backed through the door to the kitchen before I could grab it for her. She set the box of bottles down on the nearest counter before pulling me into a hug.
“You’re cheating.” I grumbled into her chest. “You know hugs make it impossible for me to be sad.”
“All’s fair in love and whores or something.”
“Awful.” I wiped my eyes with her shirt, leaving two weird looking wet spots right on the front.
“Mhmm. I unblocked the websites, by the way. Carolyn disagreed but… well… much as we reward you for acting like a kid, you are an adult.”
“Doesn’t matter.” I rubbed my face on her chest, not-so-subtly enjoying her scent and the feeling of boobs. “I still have this crippling obsession with everyone’s opinion of me and the results are unanimous amongst my friends: self-awareness doesn’t balance out brainrot.”
“Can you run that by me again in uh… human words?”
I laughed and looked up. “All my friends think you were right to block the website.”
“Well I think all your friends are wrong to think I’m right.”
“Still doesn’t matter.” I disentangled myself from the hug enough to pull out my phone and show her the factory reset progress bar. “All the apps are going bye-bye. This baby is about to be for calls, texts, and emails, and that’s it.”
“Whoa. Sounds extreme, and, dare I say, radical.”
“I am a pretty radical little cow.” I tried to manifest some self-assured bravado, but my acting was spoiled by Deyha’s kiss on my forehead.
“I think it's farm life getting to you. Next thing we know you’ll be shunning electronics entirely.”
“Mmmmm nope. Last I checked, all the best toys have batteries.”
“Right. Of course.”
"All seriousness aside, I promise to do my best to identify patterns better-- at least to prevent another situation where you end up telling me the same thing a thousand times but… Will you help make sure it sinks in?"
"Yeah, I can absolutely own my part of the communications breakdown.”
“Did… bringing it up during leash time make it easier for you?”
Deyha sucked in a breath through her teeth. “That’s the rub isn’t it? I have to admit it felt so much easier to break the ice when I knew you were in a pet headspace with all sorts of distractions and care near at hand. But you’ve also been really composed today. You clearly gave this a lot of thought and…”
“And I’m not having a meltdown.”
Deyha shrugged helplessly, “I didn’t want to say it!”
I laughed and shook my head, tugging Deyha by the belt so that we could resume the hug.
“If leash time makes it more comfortable to communicate some stuff, then it can stay on the table for now. Eventually I’d like to just… earn a better reputation I suppose. Before all these hormones my explosions were far more rare but oh-so violent. Now, some days a nightmare is enough to put me on the edge of bawling my eyes out. I don’t know when I’ll really be used to my new emotional capacity.”
“I’m personally a big fan of the non-violent meltdowns.”
“Sure you are. Can I ask… what were you thinking when you saw me in the lobby?”
Deyha blew another heavy breath. “Fuck… just— I can’t even ask you to promise not to be mad, but… I thought I’d really blown it, you know? You were so serious and insistent enough on it being a ‘now’ conversation… I thought you were having second thoughts about a kid, our kid, because of how much I violated your trust last night.”
“If it’s any consolation, there haven’t been any second thoughts.”
Even after so few minutes I was struggling to cast my memory back to how I had seemed, buried in my phone… stressed… I felt a little hurt by the misread of the situation, but that wasn’t really on me was it? I’d been down enough catastrophic trains of thought to know that the panic she felt was much more of a reflection on her insecurities than my real behavior.
“How can I reassure you today that I’m still 100% on board for motherhood?” I leaned back enough to look up at her.
“You don’t have to—“
“But I’m gonna, so if you can’t think of something then I’m going to default to old reliable: bareback creampies.”
“Jesus.” Thad coughed “sorry, go on pretending I’m not here.”
“Fuck!” I took a step back from Deyha. “I’m so sorry! I just— I’m gonna go… have fun bottle washing.” My face already felt like it was on fire as I hurried back out the door.
“I’ll catch up in a bit.” Deyha called after me as I left the kitchen door swinging behind me.
The phone was still only halfway done resetting, so I quickly stalled on next steps. It would probably be another couple minutes until I could send or receive texts, and there was the slightest possibility Carolyn was texting me and wondering why I wasn't responding.
The excuse felt thin, but after talking stuff out with Deyha, it was beginning to seem prudent that I check in with Carolyn as well. Hell, it was even likely to earn me some duplicate praise for resetting my phone.
I rolled my shoulders back, trying to release some of the tension I'd picked up over the last couple conversations. My breath still caught and spasmed if I tried to breathe in too fast, but Deyha had done a lot to reassure me. Nothing felt so catastrophic now.
I found Carolyn in her usual spot, terrible posture hunched over a keyboard, but she straightened and spun in place as I approached.
“Oh, hey babygirl—“ her eyes narrowed. “Where’s the leash?”
“Moo?” I shrugged, but she seemed unamused. “In my defense, there was nobody to hold the owner's side, so I left it in the bedroom.
“Shitty excuse.” Carolyn grumbled. “Did you at least bring coffee?”
“That… would have been a good idea. I’ll go grab—“
“No, no. Stay.” She rubbed her brow. “What did you need?”
I hesitated. Her exhausted expression made me second guess my entire reason for coming here, and I felt like things had started on the wrong hoof just with me not bringing the leash.
“Um, nothing important?”
“I find that hard to believe."
“It's just I had a little talk about the web filter with Deyha and figured I should check in with you too.”
“Oh.” Carolyn turned back to the computer. “That… I suppose you’re glad she removed it.”
“No? I mean, I don't feel great about it existing in the first place, but I wasn't going to ask her to reverse it.”
Carolyn cocked her head to the side, and after a pause she turned to face me again.
“Really? So having Deyha reinstate it wouldn’t be calling your bluff?”
“No? Best case it makes no difference, at worst it helps reinforce a change in habits.”
Carolyn leaned back now, bumping the desk as the office chair creaked in protest. “Really?”
“Is it so hard to believe? Don’t answer that. For what it's worth, I did stop shopping on Merchtube after you confronted me about the PBS plushie, and I’ve already uninstalled In-Snare.”
“And you're not just going to scroll on your computer?”
“The webpage just constantly says ‘open the app’ anyways, and besides, that's a good reason to redo the web filter.”
“Why?”
I was becoming increasingly irritated with the heavy doubt in her tone. “Why not?” I waved my arms. “I care what people think of me, and I can’t just tolerate everyone looking at me like I'm a screen-obsessed tablet baby.”
“But you are—“
“Oh fuck off.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re trying to wind me up, right? Well, consider me wound. I spent an entire evening being brow-beaten over my scrolling habits, and then I spent all day today hearing my friends reinforce your position! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have been so goddamned annoying with the stupid app, and now I'm deleting it. What do I have to do to prove I care?”
“Just tell me to fuck off apparently.” Carolyn drawled sarcastically as she stood. “Quite the interesting predicament, because, I must confess, I’m a little proud, but at the same time there's a certain precedent we set with that collar that you have very much violated today.”
“I’m not in the mood to—“
"I can fix that” Carolyn interrupted me, “It sounds like you're pretty high strung and I know a few activities that will help you chill out. Not necessarily punishment, but a bit of recreational discipline."
Carolyn was close enough to reach me now, and I realized too late that I’d already backed myself up against the door. She slipped two fingers up under my collar, but didn’t tug, just letting the back of her hand rest against my pulse as I tried to follow her logic.
“What are you going to—“ I trailed off as she brought her other hand up to cover my mouth.
She moved so slowly and deliberately, as if testing to see whether I would flinch.
“I’m glad you took my stance on online shopping to heart, and I’m also pleasantly surprised by this resolution to improve your scrolling habits, but I’m not going to be taken lightly. Understand? I ordered you to put the leash back on when you woke up, yet you disobeyed. So here is what happens next. You go get your leash and put it on as agreed. Then, you can either bring me some coffee and sit with me while I work, or you can just go about the rest of your day however you see fit."
She extricated her fingers from my collar and cupped my cheeks. "I'd enjoy your company and would like to reward your efforts in growth and mindfulness, but I intend to do so whether you come straight back or not. So. Nod if you understand."
I nodded.
"Nod, or actually, moo if you are coming back with coffee after you get your leash."
I rolled my eyes. "Moo."
"Now, have you said your whole piece? or are there a few human words you need to get out? I'll warn you, they may cost you something."
I took my time debating my options. I had done what I came here to do after all. I told her how I felt about the web filter, and what I'd been doing to adjust my behavior… I pulled out my phone. It had finished its reformat and was showing the welcome and setup menu.
"Oh, interesting." Carolyn held out her hand. "May I?"
I handed over the device and watched as she swiped the first couple screens away.
"If you'd like, I could set up your phone for you."
I narrowed my eyes. I wasn't sure I wanted to spend any words to articulate my suspicions.
"I don't intend to remove all your privacy, of course, but I hear there are some interesting parental control features these days and I'd be… hmm, Interested isn't the right word… I'd put more stock in your resolution to improve habits if I knew what sorts of limits were being imposed by the device."
I folded my arms. I didn't exactly like the idea of daily limits for screen-time, but I also had to admit it would take away some of the burden of responsibility if I was physically incapable of reinstalling In-Snare.
"I wouldn't have your phone rat on you or anything, and I can think of a few ways I might make it worth your while~"
I almost said 'fine' but I caught myself. I settled for a shrug and a nod, leaving the phone in Carolyn's hand as I turned to open the door.
"Last chance on human words for the day~" Carolyn sang as I stepped out into the hall.
I sighed and turned to face her again. It was beginning to seem weirdly important for her to have something to 'punish' me for when I got back.
"I love you."
"Awww~ I love you too!" She pulled me into a quick hug. "But I'm still going to get you for that, so hurry back."