How to Ruin a Romantic Comedy

It was an outfit that felt both cute and innocent at the same time.

I’d only ever seen her in her school uniform or her kendo uniform, and her style was the complete opposite of Renka’s, which made it all the more striking.

I watched from a distance as Chinami stood tall at the department store entrance, passing the time by tapping her hands against her hips. I walked up quickly behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Master.”

“Myaah!”

Chinami jumped as if a bug had landed on her.

I let out a dry laugh. When she turned around, I gave her a bewildered smile.

“Was it really that surprising?”

“Oh… it’s you, Junior…! Hello!”

She bowed in the academy style, which felt both a little strange and refreshing.

Maybe it was because she wasn’t in her kendo uniform.

I returned the bow and asked.

“Hello. How long have you been in Ikebukuro?”

“About five hours now.”

That long?

“Five hours, all by yourself?”

“Yes.”

“I thought you might have come shopping with friends.”

“I came alone. To buy a limited edition Momo-nim doll.”

“Can’t pass up a limited edition. I get it.”

“Right?”

“But your hands are empty.”

“I was a little too late. So I’m planning to buy it from a reseller for a higher price.”

You’re going that far?

I knew she was crazy about peaches, but… this was impressive.

Should I be glad her outfit wasn’t all pink?

“Are you hungry?”

“I think I’m a little hungry. If you’re giving me a ride, I should probably eat first.”

“A heaping bowl of rice again?”

“Yes!”

Judging by her energetic reply, she was more than just a little hungry.

“Did you find your crossbody bag?”

“No. I checked the department store’s lost and found before you got here, but they said nothing had been turned in.”

“You’re sure you didn’t leave it in the restroom?”

“I looked everywhere, but it’s gone. I just hope whoever has it puts it to good use.”

She was so positive about a situation that would infuriate most people.

And she hoped someone would put it to good use…

I knew she was gentle, but wasn’t this being too nice?

Did she not have much money in her wallet? Was the bag cheap?

Or maybe it was because there wasn’t any peach-related merchandise inside it.

“Do you have to get home quickly?”

“Not really, but… there’s not much to do with just my bare hands.”

There are plenty of things you can do with your bare hands, though.

There are restrooms, fitting rooms, stairwells…

“Then shall we eat before we go? My treat.”

“As your master, I can’t possibly let my student buy me a meal.”

She had no idea that she’d soon be coming countless times at the hands of her student. Such a needless worry.

“How about a sip of peach iced tea, followed by some spaghetti? Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?”

“Hah…!”

She licked her lips, as if just imagining it was wonderful. It seemed I’d hit the nail on the head with my menu choice.

No, she’d probably like anything with peaches in it.

“That’s a very tempting offer…! An excellent combination…!”

“Then let’s go to a pasta place.”

“Ummm…”

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Chinami fell into deep thought, as if facing the dilemma of a lifetime, and glanced at me.

Then, unable to resist the temptation, she nodded.

“Okay. But I’ll borrow the money from you, and then I’ll pay you back for my meal and yours later. Would that be okay?”

There was no need to burden her by insisting it was fine.

I’d just agree for now. It would create a new opportunity later when I could refuse the money she tried to give me.

“Let’s do that.”

“Okay! Then let’s hurry.”

“You were actually starving, weren’t you?”

“I was. A little longer and I would have turned into a floppy squid. Like this. Floppy, floppy…”

She waved her arms dramatically, just like she had when she was criticizing me at the kendo club.

It was nice to see her act like that without a care for the people staring.

I burst into a pleasant laugh, and with Chinami smiling back at me, we headed for the department store’s restaurant floor.

…

“Phew… The peach iced tea at that restaurant was amazing. I think I’m going to become a regular.”

As Chinami spoke with a refreshed expression, I let out a weak sigh through my nose.

“Don’t people usually decide on a regular spot after tasting the main dish?”

“Ah, I meant the Spaghetti Napolitan was delicious, too. I just said something silly because I had just finished it off with the iced tea.”

“I see. But doesn’t all peach iced tea taste more or less the same?”

“Ahem…! Not at all. Just as there are subtle differences in kendo attacks, the same is true for iced tea. The taste changes depending on how much powder you use, how it’s stored, and how long it’s steeped. For your reference, forty grams of powder to about two hundred fifty milliliters of water creates what you could call the golden ratio.”

She was cute, chattering on excitedly.

“Can you make it for me sometime?”

“Of course. I’ll let you taste the best peach iced tea you’ve ever had.”

“I’m looking forward to it. Do you add things like lemon juice?”

“Personally, I don’t like it. The powder sold in stores already has a hint of lemon, so if you add juice on top of that, the peach flavor disappears completely.”

She just said something that makes me want to corrupt her.

What if I started by adding a minuscule amount of lemon juice, just enough to confuse her at first, then slowly increased the amount to get her used to it?

And eventually, turn her into someone who no longer seeks peach iced tea, but only regular, lemon-flavored iced tea?

I nodded slowly. My tension rising, I held out a napkin I’d taken from the restaurant to Chinami.

“You have some sauce on your mouth. On the right.”

“Ah… I’ve shown you such an unseemly side of me. Thank you.”

Taking the napkin with both hands, Chinami wiped both corners of her mouth.

I was planning to wait for her to wipe her right, then say I meant my right, and wipe her left side myself…

If she’s going to break the cliché like this…

You’re making me want to have wicked thoughts, you know?

As Chinami went to throw the napkin in the trash, I seriously considered massaging the back of her neck. When she turned her head, I gave her an awkward smile.

“What is it? Your expression just now was incredibly sly. Just like last time…”

“What are you talking about? I was just smiling.”

“I-Is that so…?”

Chinami stammered, fiddling with the nape of her neck.

It seemed she’d unconsciously remembered my touch.

I grinned at her and asked.

“Is your neck stiff?”

I made a mischievous smile and flexed my hands open and closed. Chinami flinched and took half a step back.

“N-No…! Ahem… It’s not.”

She seemed tempted for a moment. What a shame.

After I push Chinami to the edge, I’ll have to lie low for a while.

I need to make her burn with desire, to make her come to me and ask for a massage herself.

“If you say so. By the way, do you not see Inoo-senpai anymore? You two were inseparable at the academy.”

“We see each other, but it’s hard to meet up every weekend. Renka said she’s busy.”

You could find her easily enough if you went to Akihabara or Nakano.

Her hobby is wearing a mask and a hat while buying figures and manga.

“I see. Aren’t you disappointed?”

“It’s okay, we still see each other often enough.”

Chatting pleasantly with Chinami, we made our way to the parking garage, and I opened the car door.

Then, I found the address of her apartment building, which we’d been to before, on the navigation system and tapped it.

As Chinami buckled her seatbelt, her expression grew puzzled.

She seemed to be feeling a strange sort of way, seeing her own address saved in my car.

Could I take this to mean she was slowly starting to see me as a man, and not just her junior?

No, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. Don’t let your guard down.

“Alright… let’s get going.”

At my words from behind the wheel, Chinami bowed her head.

“Yes, please take care of me, Junior.”

I glanced over at the passenger seat. Chinami’s skirt had ridden up slightly, revealing her pale white thighs.

Had it not even occurred to her to pull her skirt down?

I took a blanket from the back seat and draped it over Chinami’s lap.

Then I said it outright.

“Cover yourself. Other people will see.”

Only then did she realize how much of her legs were exposed, and she shrank back.

“Th-Thank you…”

Her voice was quiet, likely from embarrassment.

The atmosphere was about to get awkward, but that could be fixed by changing the subject.

“When are you going to buy me that peach ice cream?”

“I was actually thinking it would be the perfect dessert for today, but I don’t have any money on me right now. And even if I borrowed some, it would still feel like you were buying it for me, so I’ll get it for you next time.”

“You’re strangely stubborn about some things.”

“It’s the last shred of pride for a master who feels like she’s already been treated to a meal. There’s an ice cream shop I go to often, one that serves it in a cup. I’ll take you there soon. Once you fall for their Yogurt Peach flavor, you’ll never be able to go back.”

She sounds like a villain from a corruption story.

It suited her in a way, but her delivery wasn’t as good as mine.

You need more practice.

…

Plink-! Plip-plip-plop-!

The rain was pouring down relentlessly.

I pulled the car over in front of her apartment building and muttered, watching the raindrops hammer against the windshield.

“Looks like an autumn typhoon is on its way…”

Untying the strap of the umbrella I’d handed her, Chinami replied in a worried tone.

“Oh… surely not… The news didn’t say anything. It’s probably just bad weather.”

Yeah, I hope so.

A typhoon would probably cause massive damage to my house.

“I hope you’re right. You should head inside. I hope you get that limited edition Momo-nim doll.”

“Yes… Thank you so much for today. I was about to be trapped in the department store. I think I have a very good student. Well then…”

“And you look pretty today.”

Chinami paused, her hand on the door handle.

She turned her head stiffly to look at me, seemingly taken aback by the direct compliment.

As she stared with wide eyes, I gave a casual shrug and continued.

“I said you look pretty. Hurry and go inside. Before the rain gets worse.”

“Ah… Yes…!”

Snapping out of her daze at my urging, she got out of the car and quickly shut the passenger door before more rain could fall on the seat.

Then she turned back to me and bowed deeply.

As she did, her head poked out from under the umbrella, and the rainwater running along the canopy trickled down the back of her head.

“Hyaah…! G-Get home safe! You have to drive carefully!”

She shouted her farewell with a grimace.

Her usual demeanor, losing her crossbody bag today…

The fact that she didn’t even think to cover her skirt, and the flustered way she was acting now…

You couldn’t call her the epitome of a clumsy dojikko, but she was close.

I rolled the window down slightly, gave her a wave, and drove off toward home.

After parking in the outdoor lot, I ran along the stone path and into my living room-slash-bedroom, which was thick with humidity.

I took a quick shower and flopped down on my bedding, an empty feeling washing over me.

But it wasn’t as bad as before.

[Text me when you wake up. It’s raining hard, so make sure the windows are closed.]

After leaving a message for Miyuki, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

The feeling of the damp, cool air filling my lungs was quite nice.

Today had been a very meaningful day. Meaningful enough to make me smile.