How to Ruin a Romantic Comedy

In a multi-person room at the net cafe, Miyuki, Tetsuya the third wheel, and I were playing a game.

It was a survival game where you build a house and craft various items to stay alive.

My character, wearing nothing but underwear, moved left, right, up, and down across a grassy field.

As I idly tapped the keyboard, moving my character around, I saw Miyuki’s character, clad in rags, approach. I clicked the mouse.

Smack-!

Hit out of nowhere, Miyuki tore her eyes from the monitor and looked back at me.

“Why’d you hit me?”

“Just because.”

Smack-!

Miyuki returned the favor.

My character flopped backward, tumbling down the ridge.

An eye for an eye, and then some, huh? My health was draining fast.

A bright smile formed on Miyuki’s lips as she watched my character roll away.

You’re pretty violent too, at least in the game.

“Oh no… Are you okay? Does it hurt a lot?”

A question completely devoid of any actual concern.

Letting out a dry laugh, I looked at Miyuki.

“I’m about to die and you’re asking if it hurts a lot? Can’t you see I’m bleeding all over?”

“Then you shouldn’t have hit me… It was self-defence. Tetsuya, what do we do now?”

Tetsuya, who had been diligently building a house, answered her.

“We need to chop some wood with an axe and build a bonfire. It says you die if your body temperature drops.”

“An axe? This one?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

Holding the bow and arrow I was given as basic equipment, I took careful aim at Miyuki’s character, who was busy chopping away.

Then, while she was focused on the game, I glanced over and fired an arrow.

Thwip-!

With a crisp sound, an arrow lodged itself in the chest of Miyuki’s character.

Seeing her health drop, Miyuki grew confused.

“What? Who shot an arrow at me?”

“There’s no one else around here.”

“Look. There’s an arrow stuck in me.”

“You’re right. Hide behind something in the direction it came from.”

“Where did it come from?”

While Miyuki and Tetsuya were talking, I shot two more arrows into both of her character’s butt cheeks.

Finally realizing I was the one messing with her, Miyuki got annoyed.

“Hey, what are you doooing…!”

“I’m just testing out the bow.”

“You could just shoot the ground or a tree, why shoot me… I’m low on health…!”

Even as she said that, the corners of her lips were faintly turned up.

She found it funny too—her own character, running around in a panic with arrows sticking out of her.

“Stop playing around and come here. Let’s gather wood together. We need to make a bonfire…”

Miyuki, who had been looking at my screen to give me advice, gasped in horror.

My crosshair was aiming for the space between her character’s legs.

Deciding this had gone too far, she flicked my mouse to the side.

“Stop it, you idiot…! You’re acting like a real pervert…”

Then can I stick something else in there instead of an arrow?

Swallowing those words, I obediently did as Miyuki and Tetsuya told me, passing the time.

It was late evening by the time we finally left the net cafe.

After dropping Tetsuya off, I parked in front of Miyuki’s house, turned to her, and said, “Go on in.”

“Okay. I think this was the first time the three of us hung out since vacation started. It was fun today, right?”

“It was okay.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“It wasn’t bad, but next time, let’s hang out just the two of us.”

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As I emphasized the words ‘just the two of us,’ Miyuki flinched and pressed her lips together.

Tetsuya was Miyuki’s childhood friend. A very old one.

I could understand them hanging out together given how long they’d known each other, but Miyuki needed to start spending less time with him.

She already had, by a lot, but she needed to cut back even more.

I had to make her think that only the time spent with me was fun, to the point where she wouldn’t even give Tetsuya a second thought.

I gave Miyuki a warm smile and continued.

“Got it?”

Did she like my gentle expression?

Miyuki’s body trembled for a moment before she nodded.

“…O-Okay…”

“Good girl. Go on.”

I praised her with a pat on the back. After she got out, I watched her walk toward the front door with modest steps before turning the car around.

…

“One, two, one, two… Hey!”

Chinami, who had been chanting a cute rhythm, made a sound of disapproval.

I froze mid-step, my shinai held above my head as I practiced my footwork.

“What is it?”

“Junior Matsuda, what did I say was required for a strike on a valid target to be recognized as a point?”

“Zanshin, and ki-ken-tai-itchi.”

“Very good. You get a gold star. However, while your sword (ken) and body (tai) are in unison, you have no spirit (ki). There’s no fighting will, no momentum. You’re too limp. Sooo limp…”

Chinami’s limbs undulated flexibly like a mollusk’s.

For some reason, it’s turning me on. Is that normal? Should I get myself checked out?

After exaggerating my movements, Chinami crossed her arms, pretending to be stern.

“Now, do you see what was wrong?”

“I get it, but… I wasn’t that limp.”

“I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“No. It was cute.”

“Thank you. Now, let’s try again. I’ll help you from the side this time.”

I was trying to fluster her, but she took it with such a pure attitude.

Letting out a baffled laugh, I stood side-by-side with the brightly smiling Chinami and practiced my footwork.

For nearly a full hour.

“That’s all for today’s lesson. You worked hard, Junior Matsuda.”

The weather still hadn’t fully warmed up, and practicing with a shinai must have been tiring, but Chinami only had a few beads of sweat on her forehead and was still full of energy.

I want to tone down that energy a bit and make her feel all soft and pliable… There’s a good way to do that.

Stretching my arms this way and that to loosen my weary muscles, I spoke.

“What should we do now?”

“Let’s do a full check of the shinai today.”

“Should we go to the storage room, then?”

“Yes, let’s.”

We wiped our sweat together and headed to the storage room, where we began checking the shinai.

We set aside the ones with slightly splintered bamboo, moved new ones into place…

If a shinai’s leather grip was dirty, we’d sand it down and clean it with a brush…

By the time we had meticulously finished the shinai maintenance, it was time to end club activities.

“Um… Junior Matsuda.”

Chinami called out to me as she was finishing up, looking over the equipment checklist.

I came up behind her and peeked my head out.

“Yes.”

“What does this say?”

“Which one? The one at the very top?”

“Yes.”

“It says ‘shinai’.”

“…I, I see… I understand.”

Her tone said she didn’t understand at all.

My handwriting is a bit terrible, I’ll admit.

I subtly tested the waters with the off-guard Chinami.

“Your shoulders looked a little stiff earlier.”

“They’re a bit sore, but it’ll probably be fine by the time I get home.”

“You worked hard with me today, so let me loosen them up for you.”

“Worked hard…? I’m just happy to see your skills improving day by day… Hieeek…?”

Chinami stopped mid-sentence, her shoulders shooting up.

It was because I had cupped both of her shoulders with my hands and placed my thumbs on the back of her neck.

Now, Chinami was surely about to say it.

I told you to ask first, so why are you doing this again?

I’ll make the first move, so she can’t say it in the middle of the massage.

“My teacher is working so hard because of me.”

As I said that, I applied a little pressure with my thumbs, gently pressing and massaging in an outward motion.

“Mhek…!”

She made another strange noise like last time, her head turning with a creak.

Her neck was stiff, full of tension, but…

Press. Press.

As I began to loosen it with just the right amount of pressure, her shoulders finally drooped as she relaxed.

Time for that, right?

“Haaaah…”

Very good. You get a gold star.

I gave a gentle smile to Chinami, who was looking up at me with glazed eyes. She let out a long sigh through her nose and barely managed to speak.

“Ju-Junior Matsuda… Wait a second…”

“Yeah, yeah. Just relax.”

Speaking softly as if handling a child, I continued to work on her neck with just my thumbs while simultaneously pressing down on her shoulders with my palms.

“Nngh…!”

Chinami’s arms, stretched straight down, pressed tightly against her ribs.

Her clenched fists were turned outward, a pose that looked like a little kid having a tantrum, which was funny.

As my massaging palms pushed her uniform aside, the pale line of her shoulders, leading from her nape, was revealed.

Her skin was a little fairer than Miyuki’s.

It looked so delicate, so erotic, as if a mere touch of the lips would leave a mark.

“Is it not hard for you to teach me?”

“N-No, it’s not… It’s not haard…!”

She answered with difficulty, her head trembling, but she didn’t even seem to think of pulling away.

She’s so defenseless. Don’t tell me she’s getting wet down there?

“That’s a relief. Thank you, always.”

“Yeees…! Thank you too… Eeek…! J-Junior Matsuda…! Stop…! Please stop this…!”

As if she couldn’t take it anymore, Chinami gritted her teeth and voiced her refusal.

It’s a shame, but going any further would be a bad move.

It sounded like the club room beyond the storage room door was getting noisy anyway… I should probably stop here.

Finishing the secret, sensual massage, I straightened Chinami’s uniform for her.

“Get some good rest when you get home, Teacher.”

Chinami, her face flushed pink like a peach, looked up at me as I spoke so casually. A breath she had been holding back escaped her lips.

“Phheww… Huaah…!”

Placing a hand on her chest, she took a deep breath, then puffed out her cheeks and glared at me.

“Junior Matsuda… What did I say…? I’m sure I told you to ask me first, didn’t I…?”

“You didn’t say anything when I started the massage, so I assumed you had consented.”

“Y-You have to ask first and get an answer before you act…! No matter how much it’s for my sake, that’s basic etiquette…! How many times have I told you…?”

Isn’t it standard to act first and report later?

“I’ll do that from next time.”

“Yes…! This is your last warning…! If you do this again next time… I might have to scold you severely…!”

“I’ll keep that in mind. But how was it? I practiced hard for you, Teacher.”

“Y-You even practiced…? It felt good, but… anyway, this is the last time…!”

“Understood.”

“Hmph…! You worked hard today…!”

Even while annoyed, she still gave me a proper bow.

Her reactions are just too good. This makes me want to tease her more.

Next time, I’ll take you right to the edge. You can look forward to it.

…

Click.

After parking the car, I got out and saw Miyuki waiting for me, dressed in a boxy t-shirt and pants.

I gave her a wave and asked, “Where are your mom and dad?”

“They’re waiting. What’s that in your hand?”

“A gift.”

“You didn’t have to get anything…”

What do you mean, I didn’t have to?

All sorts of things are going to happen in your house later, and something’s definitely going to happen in your room today… If I’m going to be coming and going as if it were my own home, I need a bribe.

“Let’s just go inside.”

“Okay. Make sure you eat lots of vegetables today.”

“Got it.”

Chatting like usual, we walked to the front door. Wataru, Midori, and Kana were standing there, and I bowed my head.

“Hello, thank you for having me again today.”

I feel like this happened before… It’s like déjà vu.

But today will be very different from the first invitation.

When a young man and woman who have already slept together are alone, all sorts of things are bound to happen, aren’t they?

Day or night, no matter the place.