How to Ruin a Romantic Comedy

Both current students and outside guests were soaking in the boisterous atmosphere of the cultural festival.

Even though the sun was still shining brightly, the massive crowd left no room to move. But as I passed the main gate and headed toward the gym, things became much quieter.

Bzzzzt-!

A vibration from my pocket. I took out my phone and answered the call.

“Yeah.”

— You here?

“Just got here. What do I do now?”

— Masako should be waiting for you. Get the rundown from her and start checking tickets on time.

“Where are you?”

— I’m in the dressing room getting my makeup done. Good luck.

“Alright.”

After hanging up, I took a moment to admire the gym’s transformation into a haunted house.

Fake vines were wrapped around it here and there, the door was painted a dark color, and skull decorations were attached on either side.

It was all set up quite nicely.

Probably thanks to Miyuki and the vice class president, who had been running around even more busily after the sparring match.

I was slowly nodding, looking around the gym, when…

“U-um… Matsuda-kun.”

A tiny voice came from behind me.

I turned my head and grinned at Masako, who was holding a bag of bread.

“Hey, Bread Girl.”

“Ah, h-hi…!”

“Are you my partner?”

“That’s right… You and I will be checking tickets… D-do you want some… bread…?”

She timidly held out a melon bun.

I let out a small laugh and shook my head.

“Nah. You eat it. But why are there no customers?”

“Ah… well… we haven’t opened yet… and haunted houses… don’t get crowded until the sun starts to set…”

“Right.”

“Yeah…”

“You were just thinking I’m an idiot, weren’t you?”

“N-no…! Cough!”

“The coughing makes me think I’m right.”

“Kehek! Cough! N-no, I wasn’t… cough!”

With a dry laugh, I helped Masako, who was still bent over coughing, to a chair.

Once she had calmed down, I handed her a carton of white milk that was sitting on a small table.

“Th-thank you… Ahem…!”

“Do you have asthma or something?”

“N-no… I’m healthy… I just get like this when I’m flustered…”

“So what do I do now? Start checking tickets?”

“We start at ten… and if any of the actors in makeup need something… you just go inside and bring it to them…”

“So I’m an errand boy?”

My brow furrowed and my voice dropped. Masako immediately waved her hands in panic.

“N-no…! I’ll do that, so you can just check the tickets…”

“Can’t even take a joke. I’ll do it.”

“Ah, okay… And this is what the ticket looks like…”

Masako handed me a haunted house ticket.

It was a cute admission ticket with a chibi-style ghost on it.

Judging by the art style, Miyuki had definitely drawn it.

“This isn’t scary at all.”

“That’s the point… The idea is that people will underestimate it, then get a huge shock when they come inside…”

“Have you been in?”

“Yeah… It was terrifying. The set is no joke… Everyone worked really hard on it…”

And here I was, having done nothing but laze around…

My conscience wasn’t pricked in the slightest, but I figured I should probably bring some snacks for everyone on a weekday next week.

Rip.

I tore the ticket along the perforation and handed the stub back. A couple, their faces full of excitement, cautiously headed for the entrance.

Creeeak…

The door opened with an eerie sound.

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A blast of cold air blew out from inside, hitting my back.

It felt nice. At this rate, the people in makeup must be getting pretty cold.

After letting in the first customers, I turned to Masako beside me and asked.

“Do those customers just go right in? Is there no explanation of the situation or anything?”

“Ah… there are two people at the entrance who explain the concept. They’ll take care of everything.”

“Pretty thorough.”

“Right? It’s all thanks to Miyuki.”

She really has the unwavering trust of our classmates.

The image of a girl, admired by so many, acting all cute and affectionate in front of me…

That’s a whole porn scene right there.

And so, Masako and I stood at the entrance, checking tickets.

As noon passed, people slowly started to gather.

There were almost no families; the majority were couples and groups of same-sex friends.

— Kyaaaaaah!

— Uwaaaaaah!!

Hearing the faint screams of customers from inside the gym, the faces of the girls who had been whispering about how cute the tickets were turned pale.

The expressions of the group of guys who had been pretending to be unfazed were also hardening.

I was enjoying watching the customers’ reactions when, just as the break time for the actors was approaching, I excused myself to Masako.

Then I quickly ran to the skewer shop run by the kendo club.

“Thank you, come again! Oh? Matsuda-kun!”

Chinami, who was serving a customer with a huge smile, waved at me brightly.

And Renka… she was grilling skewers with her usual deadpan expression.

I saw her eyes twitch when she spotted me.

“Hello.”

“Oh! Matsuda, you’re here?”

The kendo club members had become much more relaxed around me since the sparring match.

It wasn’t because I’d shown talent in my match against Renka, but because I’d struck a ridiculous pose and acted silly before it.

My reputation, which had been slowly building from my quiet work as a manager and my relatively polite demeanor, had exploded on that day.

Receiving a warm welcome from the members who hadn’t participated in the class competition, I went up to Chinami and spoke.

“Six thigh meat skewers, please.”

“Six thigh meat skewers? That’s not enough for you, junior. You should get eight.”

“Are you trying to force a sale on me?”

“I’m kidding. Is the haunted house going well?”

“We have quite a few customers, even though it’s still early.”

“That’s good to hear. Are you on your break now?”

“Yes. How much is it?”

“2400 yen.”

400 yen for one. That was expensive for something that wasn’t a professional yakitori shop.

Then again, price gouging is pretty much the rule at these festivals.

I paid for the yakitori and waited for my skewers, chatting cheerfully with Chinami.

A short while later, Renka called out to me.

“Matsuda, it’s ready. Take this.”

Renka handed me a nicely packaged box.

I checked the number of skewers inside and asked.

“There are seven here.”

“It’s on the house.”

“On the house?”

“We give an extra one to club members when they order. It doesn’t mean anything else.”

“Really? In that case, I’d like to place five more separate orders for one thigh meat skewer each. Ten skewers, please.”

“……”

“Just kidding. Thank you, I’ll enjoy them. You should stop by the gym and check it out when you have a break.”

With a grin, I gave a simple bow, then waved enthusiastically back and forth with Chinami before heading back to the gym.

Ding-! Ding-! Ding-ding-ding…

An eerie string instrument sound.

[Ooooooh…!]

And a spooky groan coming from the installed speakers.

As I entered the haunted house, the genuinely scary atmosphere made me a little tense.

The meticulous Miyuki really went all out. The quality was excellent for a student cultural festival.

I tried my best to ignore the background sounds and walked down the maze-like path when…

“Gueeegh…”

A monster, drooling what looked like saliva, approached me and slowly waved its long fingernails. I nearly had a seizure as my body trembled.

“Aaargh! Fuck!”

“Kyaaah!”

And when I shouted, the monster was startled in turn and let out a scream of its own.

Its high-pitched voice, a complete mismatch for its appearance, helped me calm down. I tightened my grip on the yakitori box I had almost dropped and said.

“What are you…?”

“Oh, it’s you, Matsuda-kun…? What’s up…?”

“I came to tell you it’s lunchtime. It’s break time, so why are you still acting?”

“Oh… uh… I thought they were the last customers… Sorry.”

“Didn’t you get the message to eat in the waiting room?”

“Ah… my phone was off… Should I go now?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t say thanks in that makeup. It’s even scarier.”

“Okay.”

The classmate giggled, apparently finding my reaction amusing.

The bizarre sight gave me the creeps, so I quickly left that spot and went around telling the remaining actors to return to the waiting room.

Eventually, I stopped at the Snow Woman section where Miyuki was.

This place was even colder than the others.

They even had a smoke machine running, making it incredibly dreary.

The set was also well-made, as if we were on some snowy mountain.

Stepping inside, I saw Miyuki in a kimono adorned with elegant decorations, crouching on the floor.

She was wearing a pure white wig amidst the smoke.

Her face was made up with foundation so white it couldn’t be mistaken for human skin, and she was even wearing red contact lenses she must have gotten from somewhere. The sight was so beautiful that I almost lost my senses for a moment.

No wonder the guys who came out of the haunted house were all saying how pretty the Snow Woman was.

“Matsuda-kun.”

Seeing Miyuki greet me in a deliberately cold voice, I turned off the smoke machine and waved away the remaining smoke.

Then, after closing the door, I started to block it with nearby props.

Startled by my actions, Miyuki moved her bright red lips.

“What are you doing…? Why are you blocking the door…?”

“Just a second.”

After I finished moving the props, I checked that the door was securely shut and then crouched down in a corner.

“Sit. Let’s eat yakitori.”

“Yakitori?”

“I bought your favorite, thigh meat. Eat it before it gets cold.”

I opened the box and held it out to Miyuki. She sat down demurely beside me and picked up a skewer.

“When did you buy this?”

“Just now.”

“Just for me?”

“Yeah.”

Was she happy that the food was just for her?

Miyuki beamed and took a bite of the yakitori.

As she began her late lunch, she spoke while chewing.

“Matsuda-kun. I heard you curse earlier.”

“You did?”

“You were so loud, of course I heard you…”

“A guy can curse when he’s surprised.”

“It sounded so cheap.”

It’s been a while since I’ve heard someone use the word ‘cheap’ like that.

There was a bit of yakitori sauce on the corner of Miyuki’s mouth as she chided me.

A good idea popped into my head. I leaned my face in close to hers.

Her eyes widened and she tried to pull her head back, but I grabbed the nape of her neck to hold her still. Then, I stuck out my tongue and licked the corner of her mouth, wiping away the sauce.

“Wh-what are you doing…!”

She shuddered, completely freaked out by my sudden action.

I grinned and said.

“You had sauce on your face.”

“Y-y-you could have just used a napkin…!”

“Aren’t you cold?”

As I smoothly changed the subject, she bit her lower lip, her hand holding the skewer trembling.

“A little…”

Miyuki took a bite of her yakitori, as if trying to hide her awkwardness.

I wrapped my arms around her and slipped my hand inside her kimono.

Miyuki’s shoulders jumped in a sharp reaction.

“Gasp!”

Her body was even warmer than usual.

A frigid room, and a warm, soft body…

I bet it would feel similar to sleep while hugging Miyuki tightly in the winter.

“Matsuda-kun…! This is why you blocked the door, isn’t it!?”

“Quiet. Is a Snow Woman supposed to be this warm? Aren’t you supposed to freeze people to death? At this rate, you’d save someone from freezing.”

“…. W-well, I look cold on the outside, so it’s fine…”

“Guess you won’t be able to see the festival today, huh?”

“The haunted house… has to run late… I’m sorry…”

By the time the haunted house closed, the band club’s performance would be reaching its climax.

Watching the band’s performance, the highlight of the festival, together was the standard course of action. However, my relationship with Miyuki had long since deviated from that standard path.

A much bigger event, one that couldn’t even be compared to the band’s performance, was waiting for us. There was no way I was going to waste time watching something like that.

I gently squeezed Miyuki’s waist and said.

“I’ll head out first when we’re done, so just contact me for the after-party.”

“Okay… But my yakitori…”

“Eat it.”

“I can’t eat if you don’t let go…”

Despite her words, Miyuki hugged me tightly, as if she had no intention of ever letting go.

She had even put the yakitori she’d been eating back in the box.