I Hate Dungeon School

How to sum up the wedding ceremony in a single word? The first thing that comes to mind is boring. The second word is dull.

Burgotovan weddings are long affairs, with more pomp and circumstance than should be allowed before it is considered torture. We all had to stand there, follow along with a call and response from the priest, and sing some religious songs that I didn't know the words to so I just mouthed along. Then there are the vows. Good gods above and below the vows part of the wedding took what felt like hours.

It's really hard to explain what the purpose of the vows is, but it's simultaneously supposed to satisfy religious, legal, and romantic requirements, but I was struggling to stay awake. To keep myself busy, I focused on the attendees.

As was tradition, only direct family members were allowed to be at the wedding ceremony itself. It is considered a form of bad luck to have non-blood-related family at this part, which is why so much work goes into the reception after. Which meant the wedding had in attendance on my side just myself and my parents, as my brothers were still far away on assignment.

My parents barely acknowledged my existence, which was typical of them, and fine by me. On the Togalli side, I saw Mariana, and she was as bored as I was. She had more siblings in attendance, but I couldn't place them all. There were a lot of them. Her parents really needed to learn some self-control.

Out of the self-preservation of my own sanity against the predations of that demon beast called boredom, I pondered the sheer immensity of the crimes that the two families had committed.

Slavery, rebellion, and on and on. I had little love for Burgotova, so rebellion didn't particularly bother me. The slavery, the getting into bed with the Knights of the Obsidian Gauntlet, and the possibility of dragging the Mortal Kingdoms into war. It was all so absurd. My parents weren't good people by any stretch of the imagination, but it felt too stupid.

I would find out what was going on. Hopefully.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by the priest asking if any had objections. I did. Oh, did I ever. But I had to hold my tongue.

"Then by the power vested in me by the gods and the crown, I hereby pronounce you, Cassandra Marchesi, and you, Torvaldus Togalli, man and wife. May your union be fruitful and prosperous." The priest intoned.

I sighed with barely contained relief. That meant the boring part was finally done.

Time to get to the interesting part.

We all filed out in a group, the order being decided by Cassandra. It was a weird pecking order thing, to show how all the siblings were ranked in regard of the bride or groom. Of course, Mariana and I were at the very back together.

"Well, that went about as expected," Mariana whispered.

"Boring as sin and half as interesting?" I retorted under my breath. Mariana barely contained a snort of laughter.

She sighed and looked at me, a serious look in her eyes.

"Can we talk before the reception kicks off properly, Alta? It's important." She asked. She'd never really asked me politely like this. I was curious.

"Yeah, I think we can spare a few moments before the parade of pomposity begins," I replied with a quiet nod.

"Thank you." She looked relieved. Now I was even more curious.

We entered the reception hall, and thankfully, outside a few servants it was still empty.

"You all have 30 minutes before the hall is opened to guests. Please refresh yourselves if you so require." Tian, the chief butler of my family, announced.

There was no conversation amongst the families. They seemed to be eager to be as far apart from each other as possible.

Mariana locked eyes with me and made a slight jerking motion to one side with her head. I looked to where she was indicating and saw a small alcove. Good going, Mariana. Nothing screamed subtle like the two black sheep of their respective families ducking off into an alcove together.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and followed her. We ducked into the alcove and sat at the small bench inside. We sat there in silence for a minute, watching the various family members converse awkwardly, and the staff bustle about.

My eyes focused on Cassandra and Torvaldus, and I felt my eye twitch. The whole situation was trying my patience. I just had to remember what was coming and how satisfying this will all be.

I had to give this to Cassandra; she at least looked and acted the part of the blushing bride. But she was the least of my concerns right now.

"So what did you need, Mariana. I'm going to hope this is important." I sighed and leaned back, allowing myself a moment of slovenliness.

"I think our families are up to something. Something worse than the rebellion." She said quietly.

"You don't say?" It took every ounce of will to keep from laughing at her.

"I do say! Torvaldus talked to me, and gave me conditions to returning to the family. They're planning something. Something really messed up, and I don't think I can be part of it." She said, her hands grasping her dress, bunching the fabric into her fists.

"So, who were they planning to marry you off to? They're planning on pawning me off to Knight Cavendish." I said bluntly. I didn't feel the desire or patience to dance around the subject.

"Wait...seriously? That's who they were planning to foist me off on. Something about securing an important alliance for this secession thing they've been planning." She was starting to tremble a bit.

"Mariana, I'm going to just say this right now. Things are going to get rather intense in the coming hours. I need you to remain flexible, keep your head on a swivel, and be ready for anything. I just need to know one thing. Do you support your family in this?" I kept my expression and tone even, to keep any who caught a glimpse of us.

"You knew about a lot of this didn't you?" She asked with a sigh. I nodded.

"Yes. I need your answer." I pressed.

She was quiet for a long moment. She took a deep breath, her trembling subsiding.

"I know you don't think much of me, Alta. Even after the battles we've shared. Our history is too deep to get rid of quickly. If you're against what our families are doing, then I'm with you." Her words were resolute.

"That's all I needed to hear. Be ready. Things are going to either be deadly or hilarious. Or both if we're lucky." I winked at her and patted her shoulder.

She hid a chuckle behind her hand and stood.

"Good luck to us both then." She said.

Our attention was drawn to the sound of a gentle bell.

"Your graces, the reception shall now begin."

---

To say I was disgusted was a strong contender for the understatement of the year.

I had spent time with thieves, red light district workers, mercenaries, adventurers of all stripes, but I'd trust any of them more than the most dressed-up noble. At least they'll stab you for reasons that make sense.

Nobles will stab you in the back and then try to convince you it was in your best interest.

Every single one of these nobles was here on the invitation of the Marchesi or Togalli heads, allies in this rebellion, out of a desire to get in on the ground floor of a new regime, or thirsty for the riches of the proposed return to the slave trade.

There was a cavalcade of toasts, speeches, and declarations of one flavor or another. The usual theatre of those with more money and power than morals or sense. Somewhere in there was a formal declaration of independence from Burgotova, but I was distracted by everything else around me.

Besides, free food was free food, and despite being a den of pompous well well-dressed vipers, their taste in cuisine was exquisite.

I listened to whispered conversation, the song and dance of alliances and treacheries. I saw Andritch, doing her best to mingle, though I could tell she was out of her element. Cori and Myth were keeping to themselves. Eira, thankfully, was by my side the whole time, keeping any with flirtatious intent at bay. Especially Cavendish. His smug look was tempered with a bit of trepidation at my companion, as well as the daggers my eyes kept shooting his way. He spent most of his time in the company of his fellow Knights, which was fine by me.

My parents would steal glances my way, but they never approached. They would take one look, and I could feel the disdain coming from them. Good. They could go to the hells on a permanent sabbatical for all I cared. Their discomfort to seeing me holding hands with Eira was a balm to my heart.

That said, one person caught my eye especially, though. Regis Versteckt. I didn't trust him one bit. I didn't trust anyone here, except for my companions, but out of those I didn't trust, I trusted him the least.

I saw him moving and chatting through the crowd, but it seemed that no one really recognized him. At least that's how it seemed to me. It was amazing to what how quickly he ingratiated himself.

Eventually, he made his way to me. For what it was worth, he didn't even seem slightly intimidated by Eira.

"Good to see you again, Ms. Marchesi. How do you find the festivities?" He asked, a wry grin on his face.

"We're in polite company, sir. I fear I must keep my thoughts private at this time." I smiled and bowed slightly.

"Ah, I see, I see. Understood!" He laughed and gave Eira a good, long look. "You are a tall one for a half-elf! Are you two companions? A couple? No judgment from me if you are. I find the nobility's dislike of same-sex unions to be idiotic at best."

"Yes. She's my beloved, and I would do horrible things to any who bothers her." Eira said bluntly. I nearly choked on the sip of wine I just took.

"Good to hear it. You both seem like good people. What are your thoughts on the other festivities going on? I mean, we all know why we're really here, yes?" He leaned in conspiratorially.

He was fishing for something. I didn't like it, but I was getting an inkling of something. Nothing concrete, but my instincts were screaming at me.

"I'm afraid I can't comment, sir Versteckt." I gave him a slight smirk. Let that be an answer enough. He gave me a wink and raised his glass before moving off.

A bell rang.

"Thank you all for your attention and your attendance. We shall now begin with the giving of gifts to the happy couple." Tian announced.

The attendees lined up in some decided order, by rank, status, or some other element I wasn't aware of. Thankfully, I was allowed to stay out of it, though I was compelled by tradition to wait on the sidelines.

Which, much to my deep dismay, meant that Knight Cavendish was right in front of me.

"Soon, we will have a nice little conversation between the two of us." He whispered at me, and grinned.

I didn't dignify his comment with an answer, despite the fact I could feel my blood boil.

The line progressed, gifts of value and wealth, all ostentatious, were given to Cassandra and Torvaldus. Bribes in effect, for places in the new order.

Finally, the last person in line handed their gift over. It was Regis, and the gift he handed them was a simple box. Torvaldus looked confused for a moment and opened it.

It was a scroll, as simple as the box was. Likely some kind of deed or promissory note.

That thought escaped my mind when I saw the look on his face. It was confusion. Panic even. He looked to Cassandra, his parents, my parents and back into Regis' face.

Cassandra's face quirked in a very slight smirk and a dawning realization.

Torvaldus stood, knocking his chair over with a loud clatter, and pointed a finger in Regis's face.

"Who do you think you are? What sick joke is this?!" He shouted.

"The sick joke was the fact that everyone here thought that your little rebellion would go unanswered and your crimes unpunished." Regis laughed. I then heard all the doors lock with loud clanks and thuds.

Myth, Cori, Mariana, and Andritch quickly joined me and Eira.

"What is going on?" Myth asked, worry plain on her face.

"What kind of noble ptarm shit is this?" Cori added.

Andritch and Mariana started asking questions at the same time.

We had a plan. This was not part of the plan. I had a feeling about this.

Regis spoke up again, his voice carrying loudly, more loudly than a normal person's voice. It was making my skin tingle in fact.

"This is my gift to you, and to all attendees. By the order of King Andrej Burgotova, the attendees of this little gathering are under arrest! By this decree, I invoke: BIND THE WICKED!" He clapped his hands together, and I felt a wave of magic pass through the attendees, freezing them in place.

Except for me and my friends.

"What the hells kind of magic was that?!" I couldn't help but utter out loud.

Any answer I could have asked for was cut off but the enraged roar from Knight Cavendish. He groaned and, with a shrug, cast off the binding spell.

"Enough! I've had enough of this parade! I will take what I came for! For myself and for my brethren!" His eyes locked on me. His eyes were not normal, not even human anymore. They glowed red with a bestial fury. The other Knights in attendance were doing likewise.

Regis, or whoever he was ran over to join us. Barely escaping from the clutches of the Knights. No, they weren't knights any more. they were shifting under their skin, turning into some kind of monsters.

"Well, this has not gone to plan," Regis said, his voice still full of humor.

"I want answers after this. We need weapons!" I snapped at him.

"And weapons you shall have! But first, let's reposition. This battlefield is less ideal than I hoped!" He put his fingers in his mouth and let out a loud whistle. One of the doors closest to us opened, and outside, a small group of royal guards awaited.

"Let's get out of here!" Mariana said, pulling me and Eira with her. Our whole group scrambled as these monstrous former knights charged.

We slipped out into the hall, and the guards slammed the doors behind us and barred them.

"What do we do now?" I asked, catching my breath against the wall, starting a bit at the slamming and clawing against the other side of the door.

"I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but we might need to make a stand somewhere else. This inn is secured by magic on the outside, so we don't need to worry about them escaping, but we do need to worry about surviving long enough to get the credit for stopping a rebellion!" Regis said, as some of the royal guards gave him a sword and some armor.

"I guess we're stuck helping. You'd damn well better pay us for this." Cori added.

The door slamming became more and more frantic, and there were screams coming from inside.

Regis looked at us, all bedecked in fancy dress, with faces of pure determination.

"Deal. I'll make sure you get more money than you can conveniently spend." Regis said.

"I don't think the gods themselves have that much money," Eira added with a laugh.

"I guess we're doing this, girls. Let's get geared up and kick some arses from here to the hells and back!" I shouted with a bit grin. I had been wanting to rearrange some faces since we got here.