I Hate Dungeon School

Smitty, Eira, and I dashed forward, closing the distance quickly. I could hear Mariana's raised voice saying something as we did so. I couldn't make out what she said, but doubtless it was some prayer or another. My distaste for holy magic and religion stunted my study of it, and even my academic curiosity about it was nonexistent. I wasn't entirely sure what sword form to use against spirits, so I just decided to go for brute force, and hope our party priestess knew what she was talking about and her ridiculous little prayers would help us towards victory.

I didn't trust Mariana for anything, but this wasn't the time to let my suspicions about her get in the way. She had earned her place in Dungeon School. If she didn't have what it takes, she would have dropped out a long time ago.

The Frost Shades continued their flickering advance unconcerned by our charge. Could spirits feel concern?

The thought was shaken from my mind, as their jittering forms turned solid and still in the snow. Whether they stood stock still from shock or something else didn't matter in the slightest. They were corporeal now, which meant they could be hit. If they could be hit, they could be destroyed.

I was looking forward to doing some destruction today.

In a well-rehearsed maneuver we had practiced many times, Smitty bounded ahead, driving the edge of her shield into the chest of the frontmost of the Frost Shades, and triggering the launching of a spike into its chest.

I had almost forgotten her spike shield that Cori had made for her. The Shade lurched back in a voiceless scream, before stumbling backwards and slumping to the ground. Smitty quickly backed off, drove her shield into the ground and let out a howl that reverberated through the snow-clad forest, echoing off rocks and trees. This caused all of the Shades to turn their attention to her.

That was exactly what we wanted it to do. Smitty took her role as our party's defender seriously, and it showed. Eira and I took up positions on her flanks, attacking any foes that tried to get around her. Bolts flew through the air one after the other into the Shades' joints, slowing them down. I slashed out, decapitating one, thrusting into the chest of another. I looked behind me to check on my fellows, to see Eira reach out, grasp one of our foes' heads in her gauntleted hand, and crush it like an overripe fruit.

I could hear a melody in her voice over the din of battle. It was an old war song, and it no doubt empowered her and Smitty. I felt a pang of disappointment that I couldn't benefit from it, not with this mana condition inflicted upon myself, but it was inspiring to finally see her in action.

I think my infatuation with her only grew in that moment. I held in a lovestruck sigh as Ice Moon cleaved yet another skull.

In a few violence-stricken moments, the Frost Shades lay about us in a grizzly pile of parts. I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead and turning to steam in the winter air. The same was true of Eira. Smitty just panted, her expression one of delight. She did enjoy fighting. The urge to pet her was intense, but I had to keep remembering that despite their dog-like appearance, they were not dogs.

Maybe I could ask her later.

"Good fight, there! You guys are like a machine!" Eira said, armored hands on her hips.

"Smitty work hard for friends yes, yes." Her tail wagged with the praise.

I kicked the bodies with my boot, turning them over, hoping for the glint of coin or crystal. I was disappointed not to find anything but snow and some kind of fluid staining it. I didn't want to think too hard about what that was.

"It's a shame they didn't drop any crypt-stones or anything. Never hurts to have some for-" I cut myself off.. I held up a hand for silence. My eyes confirmed what I was dreading.

The corpses were beginning to move.

A cold horror seized me as I saw their bodies start to pick themselves back up. Arms crawled to rejoin their bodies, legs lifting up headless corpses. All the head and chest hits didn't stop them; it just gave them pause. I cursed loudly.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" I heard a shout from the direction of the cave.

We all ran in different directions as a massive ball of searing heat streaked through the trees and impacted the center of the writing corpse pile.

I was thrown to the ground by a massive, burning hot explosion, and was blessedly cushioned by the thick snow, though I could feel burning splinters bounce off my winter clothes.

"What in the name of hell's basement was that?!" I heard Eira shout.

"I told you my fire magic was good! I've been practicing!" Myth shouted as she held her staff up like a trophy.

At least I'm pretty sure I heard all that. My ears were ringing a bit.

I pulled myself to my feet and dusted myself off before looking at the remains of our short and dirty battle.

There was a crater, smoldering trees, and not a single sight of the Frost Shades. That was effective. Scary effective.

I thought back to the first time I went into a dungeon with Myth. Was that the spell she was preparing? If I could retroactively soil myself, I likely would have.

"Where was this in the dungeons?!" Cori shouted at Myth.

"That kind of concussion wave? You'd turn into paste in a dungeon tunnel, if you were lucky!" Myth huffed, one hand on her hips as she glared at Cori with indignance.

I sighed. I was starting to miss when they barely spoke to each other. No matter. I looked around, and a spike of concern pierced my brain.

"Where is Smitty? I swear to the gods above and below, if you blew up Smitty, I'll-"

"Smitty is ok!" I saw our Kobold's head pop out of a deep snow drift, her tongue lolling out, her face one of delight. I assumed at least. I was starting to wonder how good at reading Kobold expressions I actually was.

I started towards Eira, but she gave me a reassuring thumbs up as she shook the snow and splinters out of her hair.

I made my way over to the crater to see if there was anything left. Nothing. No crypt-stones or anything. A shame.

"Yeah, that is a downside to monsters in the wilds. Most of them don't have things like crypt-stones. The best you can hope for is that they either had a nest or have some parts of their anatomy that are useful for something. Frost Shades don't usually, so most people don't bother clearing them out unless a community is having trouble with them and put up bounties." Helena explained as she sauntered over to join us.

"So why do so many people want to do this adventuring thing in the wilds? Dungeoneering seems to be the better way to go." Cori added as she joined us with Myth in tow.

"Lots of bounties available out in the borderlands. Monster parts are lucrative in the right markets. So people just want the challenge and adventure? I dunno. Dungeons are more predictable usually, and treasure spends all the same, no matter how you get it." Helena shrugged.

"So are you weirdos just going to keep chit-chatting in a crater?" Mariana called out.

I held back any snark I was tempted to unleash on her and made my way back to the cave with the others.

"I think that's probably as much distraction as we can justify now. Sorry girls, no more rest. Gotta keep going up the mountain." Helena said clearly, as enthused about continuing as the rest of us. By which I mean, not at all.

We grumbled as we gathered up our packs. As we started to head out, I turned to Mariana.

"Listen, Togalli, I still don't really like you, but you did really good out there," I muttered at her.

"A compliment? From you, Marchesi? I never thought I'd see the day!" She grinned at me. More of a smirk than a grin.

"Don't push it," I growled at her and joined Eira.

"I'm starting to warm up to her," Eira said as we continued our inexorable trudge upwards.

"She's not as useless as I thought she was, I admit. You though! That was badass what you did!" I gushed at her. Eira might have blushed at the compliment, but I couldn't be sure.

"Oh, it's nothing. I couldn't use any of my more advanced forms for undead fighting due to the winter gear, so I had to brute force it." She shrugged.

"Wait. There are martial arts forms for fighting undead specifically?" I was surprised.

"Oh, sweetie, there's a lot of martial arts you probably don't know about. I'm not a very good teacher, or I'd go over them with you." She said, an apologetic look on her face.

"It's ok! I'm not amazing at teaching either." I grimaced, thinking of my attempts at instructing Cori.

"Teaching is a thankless duty that few are qualified for," Helena said from the rear, the Ptarms trailing behind her.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the interjection, but she had a point.

We all returned to our quiet trek, remembering about the risk of attracting more monsters. One fight to the death a day was more than enough for my liking.

We continued, the light beginning to retreat, the threat of the coming of night looming before us. The battle had cost us precious time. More time than we expected. The winter solstice was approaching, and the further north we got, the longer the nights would be.

And in the distance, there were howls and barks.

"Wolves? Direwolves? Werewolves?!" Mariana stammered with panic.

"Hush!" I hissed at her.

Smitty sniffed at the air, holding up one hand. She sniffed. Sniffed again and let out a howl of her own, followed by a series of barks.

"We are safe friends! No fear! Warriors from village come!" Smitty's tail began wagging excitedly.

In a few moments, we saw large white shapes against the trees in the distance. They were tall hound-like creatures, white of fur. They looked much like Smitty. Almost exactly for that matter.

I realized that of Kobolds, I hadn't seen many like Smitty before, and I couldn't tell the difference between them and our fluffy defender.

The shapes approached, three of them, and they embraced Smitty warmly, tails wagging, a lot of sniffing and licking of faces occurred between them. There were gentle huffs and woofs between them, puffs of steam punctuating their conversation. I had no hope of understanding what they were saying. Kobold was an absolutely foreign language to me.

The language of many of the races of the Mortal Kingdoms had a common source, and you could stumble your way through the differences. Still, Kobold has intricacies to it that were impossible if you didn't have a tail and a preeminently sensitive nose.

"Friends. These are warriors from village! They heard howl and boom and came to see what happen. They will take us to village! Keep us safe!" She nodded as she explained. The three that joined us wagged their tails.

We had no choice but to trust Smitty, and Smitty had never led us astray before.

"Lead on then, Smitty! Let's see your home!" I said, motioning for her to lead on.

"Very good! Cannot wait to introduce you to mate and pups! So excite!" She practically bounced with excitement before joining the other Kobolds as they led us through the quickly darkening woods.

I followed before I stopped with a sudden thought, which I, unbidden, uttered aloud.

"Wait. Her what now?"