I Hate Dungeon School

I awoke slowly, gradually becoming increasingly aware of the world around me. The sheets, the light of the sun pouring through the window, and the warm presence of Eira pressed against me. I was half afraid to open my eyes for fear it was all some kind of cruel illusion.

I decided to brave it and opened my eyes, her eyes staring directly into my own.

"Good morning, sleepy ears." She said with a smile, kissing my forehead.

"Mrph." That was all my voice could manage. Despite being deliriously happy right now, my body was still not fond of mornings.

"You really aren't a morning person, are you?" Eira giggled, a beautiful sound, like the bells of angels. I felt myself smile and nod in response. I burrowed into her, soaking in her heat and smell.

I wanted this to last forever. If I could stay right here, I wouldn't have to fight monsters, explore cold, dark dungeons, and I could forget about my family and that stupid wedding. We could just stay here and make love and be with each other forever.

My stomach had other ideas, and it let me know with the longest and loudest growl I had ever heard from it in my entire life. I half believed some kind of beast had snuck into the room, a notion disabused by the sudden pang of emptiness in my guts.

"Hungy," I said pathetically. Oh great, apparently sex with a side of hunger makes my brain short out. Good job, body, ten out of ten, no notes.

Eira tried stifling a giggle, but failed completely and laughed uproariously. I blushed, trying to hide under the blankets till I couldn't help but join in with her.

After we settled down, I sat up, letting the sheets fall off me. I regretted this immediately as the room was positively frigid.

"Cold." I scowled. Still monosyllabic, I see, me. Negative ten points. From something. I really needed coffee or something.

"C'mon sleepy ears, let's get you dressed and fed or something, and good gods above and below your hair is..." She stared at me again, stifling another fit of giggles.

I slowly dragged myself out of bed and shuffled over to her mirror. I was naked as the day I was born, nothing new there. Then I saw my hair. I had no idea it was possible for hair to go that many directions.

"Help? Please? Hair is. Ooof!" I just threw up my hands. My brain was apparently finally starting to communicate with my mouth.

"Let's get you dressed, sweetie. It's too cold to be hanging out in bare skin." She opened the small wardrobe she had off to the side and started to rummage around. As she did so, I found my undergarments and pulled them on.

I looked at the dress and fancier underclothes and thanked whatever brilliant stars that blessed my lust-addled brain from last night with the idea to fold the dress and underclothes back in their package. Despite being piled up on the floor at one point, they didn't wrinkle at all. Some kind of tailoring magic, I imagine.

Suddenly, a soft projectile was tossed my way. It was like a tunic, but made of a thick, warm fabric. Soft too. It had a little hood and a big pocket on the front.

"Put that one. It's super comfortable. Got it on a trip to some northern lands outside the Mortal Kingdoms. I can't remember the correct word for them, but it translated to Bunny-hug, and I thought that was so adorable I bought a bunch!" She explained, pulling one on. She had also put on her underclothes at some point. Part of me was sad to see any of her beautiful form covered, but needs must and all that.

I pulled my own on, a soft pink color, and just about melted into it. It was the softest thing I had ever worn, and it was warm and just felt like I was being enveloped in a soft hug. Eira was larger than I was, and it hung down to just above my knees. The hood was just the right size to keep my pointed ears covered, too.

"Ohhh, this is lovely. I'm sorry, darling, but you're not getting this back. It is mine. I have annexed this soft treasure, and it shall become an heirloom to future generations." I plopped down on the stool in front of the vanity mirror and stuck my hands in the front pocket, and they began to warm immediately.

I started to feel myself drift back into the sweet embrace of cozy sleep, but I felt the hood pull off my head, which I protested with the saddest, most pathetic whimper I could manage.

I then felt a hairbrush gently straightening the chaos that dwelt atop my head.

"Do you usually get this bad of bedhead? Your hair is absolutely wild!" Eira commented as she struggled to get my hair to cooperate with her ministrations.

"Yeah, usually. Depends on how well I slept. The better I sleep, the worse the hair gets. I usually wake up early to try to corral it." I grumbled before humming at how nice it was to feel her hands in my hair.

"It's lovely though! You don't usually see hair this red, much less from Burgotovan elves. Not completely unheard of, mind you, but still pretty rare." She commented.

"Yeah, none of the rest of my family has hair like this. They're all silver or gold-haired. They said there was an ancestor who had hair like this, but wouldn't elaborate. I guess bloodline traits are weird like that sometimes." I said with a shrug.

"Well, bedhead aside, you've taken amazing care of it, especially for being a dungeoneer. Most gals cut it short just to keep it easier to maintain." She said as she wrangled the last stray strands.

"It's a bit of vanity. I've told you about my home life, and I felt like being proud of what separated me from them would keep me sane. That everything my parents and sister did to me was just them being jealous of it. As I result, I'm a little vain about it. I do keep it a bit trimmed. I don't want it dragging behind me after all." I explained as she tied my hair up in my usual high ponytail. She had given me a little bow instead of my usual hair tie. It was pink like the bunny-hug.

It looked, dare I say it, cute. She made me look cute. I tried for lovely, beautiful, fierce, but now I was actually cute. A look I didn't think I could ever pull off. I think the smile plastered on my face helped. I wondered how often I actually smiled in my day-to-day.

I always smiled with Eira around, though. That I knew for sure.

"Now you look perfect! Let's get something to cover those sexy legs of yours, and we'll go get some sandwiches." She whispered in my ear before giving it a gentle kiss.

I blushed and giggled a bit as it tickled. She threw some warm-looking trousers at me, looking to be made of the same material as the bunny-hug. As I pulled them on, delighting at the feel of them on my legs, a thought crossed my mind.

"What the hells is a sandwich?"

-

As we walked through the late morning bustle of the Revenstahd town, I was delighted at how warm the clothes Eira had given me were. The only chill I felt was on my face, but it was minimal. I was definitely keeping these and not giving them back. Dragons and gods couldn't deprive me of them. They smelled like her, too, which was a wonderful added bonus.

"So let me get this entirely straight. They slice the bread, put meat and cheese on it, sometimes vegetables if the season is right, and sauces, and you eat it with your hands?" I asked, still a bit incredulous, though admittedly more at the idea no one had thought of it sooner.

"Trust me, you are going to adore them!" She said with glee, holding me to her side as we walked. It was awkward, but I enjoyed it.

We ducked down a side street. Thankfully, not a sketchy one, I had more than enough experience with those in the Petals District. It wasn't far, and soon we came across a shop with the words Karwin's Deli.

"What, pray tell, my dearest, is a deli?" I asked in a silly posh accent, pointing at the sign.

"Well, I believe it is a foreign word, likely meaning Tasty Treats, or some such, darling!" She matched my silly accent with a barely contained giggle.

"Well then, my sweetest, shall we proceed?" I bowed and held the door open for her, which rang with a little bell.

"Indubitably!" She curtsied, a ridiculous action in the fuzzy outfits we were dressed in.

We both laughed as we entered. I was suddenly assailed with a delightful menagerie of scents tickling my nose. I could smell all sorts of spices, meats, the baking of bread, so much familiar, yet even more completely foreign to me.

How had I never found this place? To be utterly fair, however, I didn't travel into the city often. Petals district for work, the area where Manya and Markus ran their inn, and the campus, and that was basically it, save for random errands. I never really explored Revenstahd, and I was beginning to deeply regret that.

Eira guided me over to a slate board, which had a menu written in chalk upon it. There were all sorts of ingredients for these sandwich things, and it was very overwhelming. I scanned the list over and over, and I just couldn't choose something, and then my eyes settled on something.

'Soup and Sandwich of the day: Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup. Good for what ails you!'

I recognized all the words individually, but I had no idea what this all meant in that combination.

"You ready?" She asked me.

"Of course I am!" I said, like a liar.

"Good! I'll go first," She approached the counter and confidently spoke. "Hey Karwin! I'll have a pastrami on rye, with the sharp yellow mustard, with the spicy mustard today. Hastera onion soup with the cheese and croutons on top, please and thank you!"

What the hells below was that order? Black magic obviously. Eira stood aside for me to order.

"H-hello! I'll have the soup and sandwich of the day!" I said, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. I was used to strange situations in a dungeon, but I found social situations to be a different battlefield altogether.

"What kind of cheese and bread do you want?" The man behind the counter asked. He was human, stocky and tall, but not in an intimidating way. He was older, his head bare, but with a short, cropped beard. His smile went all the way to his eyes.

"I-" I leaned forward and whispered, while Eira was waving at someone she spotted enter. "I have no idea. I didn't even know sandwiches existed till today. Could you just choose something for me? I don't want to look bad in front of Eira."

"Ah, I gotcha. I'll make you a good one for your first. Don'tcha worry none, you here. Nothing but the best for Eira's lovey dove." He said with a wink.

"You good to grab a seat?" Eira asked, hand on my shoulder.

"Absolutely. Do they bring it to us?" I asked as she took me to an empty table she had picked out.

"They'll call me over to pick it up." She pointed at a little side counter that read Pick Up Here.

"Never been to a place that ran like this," I admitted. It was true. It was either a place with waitstaff or the cafeteria line. There was a lot about the wider world that I didn't know.

We sat there in silence for a moment as I took in our surroundings. It was definitely more laid back than any of the cafes I had been in. It might even be more relaxed than Manya's inn, the Jeweled Bower.

"We should probably talk about everything coming up, huh?" Eira broke the silence.

"The trip? I thought we had covered everything. Just need to actually do the packing." I responded, turning my head back to face her.

"Not that. The wedding. You didn't think I was going to let you go without me, did you?" She said with a sly smile, her head resting on her hand, her arm propped up on the table.

"Do you mean you want to go with me? To meet my family? At my home? Oh. OH." I said, my eyes widening in surprise,

Oh indeed.