Dark Explorations

(Alice POV)

I could not dream of a better outcome. I had sat in the television for nearly an hour just psyching myself up to finally make my exit. Venus had assured me that I looked amazing and whenever I looked in the mirror it felt like seeing a completely different person. Yet I couldn’t bite down the bile that filled my throat at the idea of being seen. My digital files felt as if I had been infected with a virus that was reduplicating all my commands and repeating them over and over until I wasn’t functional. I nearly gave up and ran away when Sofia said I was hopeless. I really felt like I was. Even with a makeover, I was still the same person underneath. I couldn’t cast away my skin like Venus and become prettier. I was still Alive Hsu, the shut in and perverted voyeur.

That was until I heard Alan defend me. It was just like in his video. He believed that I was more than just the darkness surrounding me. I could crawl out from under my rock and celebrate my birthday with him. I don’t think I’ve ever jumped out of a screen with more passion. The static disappeared and all of a sudden I had two pairs of eyes on me. I was so scared and nearly crumbled when I made eye contact with Alan. But he smiled! At me! Then said I looked great and down right adorable! I was in heaven.

It didn’t end there though. It could only get better. He pulled out the delicious looking cake and sang to me. It was so sweet and I wanted so badly to just hug him there. He served me a slice and it tasted amazing. His baking was everything I had ever hoped it could be. It was there he finally realized. He said he recognized who I was. I was not just any Alice, I was the same Alice Hsu he studied and defended. I was the one who fought her bullies and he told the world as such. I was a voice of vengeance and defender of the weak, those like me who can’t survive the eyes of the day. I couldn’t stop myself and cried tears of joy and hugged him. His body was so warm and hands so soft as he held me. I felt like a weak-in-the-knees fangirl talking to her celebrity crush.

Sofia ruined the moment of course as she usually does. But Alan stood up to her and proved that he wasn’t going to let bullies like her push us around. He did have the protection clause protecting him, but he didn’t know that. For all he knew, Sofia was going to kill him on the spot. She probably would have a long time ago if she could. Once she was gone though, it was just the two of us for the rest of the night. We ate cake, played games, and talked for hours. He had so many questions about my crimes. I was so happy to answer all of them.

“So how did you track their online activity? You knew who they texted and what they said, but autopsies of their phones showed no viruses.”

We were sitting on the couch as we jumped from game to game and talked endlessly. It was so surreal as we both played Street Fighter, with me winning most rounds, and I casually talked about the crimes I committed years ago. I had never had someone so interested in my life and it felt so amazing to feel appreciated and admired. This was doing wonders for my confidence.

“I-It wasn’t that complicated. I created a self-d-destruct feature on the viruses which I activated before I ran away.”

Part of the reason I was able to dominate Alan in matches was because he got distracted often. He would look away from the screen to look at me or think about my answers. I pounded Ryu into the ground with Zangief and he didn’t even react to it. Sofia had exited from the bathroom a few minutes ago, but waited at the dining room table eating her cake slice she left earlier. She ignored us and as we continued our conversation despite her malignant presence.

“But why did you run away? Did you know you were a likely suspect?”

I shook my head and parried his basic attack.

“I g-guessed they might suspect me, which is why I d-deleted all my computer data. I ended up running away for a different r-reason though.”

He managed to surprise me with a combo move which cost me that round.

“Really? What was it?”

“I felt g-guilty.”

I managed to use a reversal and complete a finisher ending that round as he looked away from the screen towards me in a confused expression of shock and curiosity.

“You felt guilty?”

Alan spoke in a quiet tone, like it was some dirty secret, as he looked over towards Sofia. She had a pair of wired earbuds in as she listened to some music on the simple old phone she carried with her. It effectively was only two things; a communication device and an IPod. It allowed her to ignore us as she stared off into space and ate. I didn’t start up the next round immediately and we waited on the title screen as I explained myself.

“I-I know it sounds o-odd. B-But it was the f-first time I had i-indirectly killed s-someone. I d-didn’t feel bad that I did it. I was quite happy about it, a-actually. I-I felt guilty because of the c-consequences. I c-came down from the p-power high and realized I would go to p-prison for what I did and b-began to panic. I d-didn’t want to be seen by c-cameras with everyone i-insulting me. I c-couldn’t handle the thought of the c-consequences. I f-figured it would be b-better to disappear so no one would ever have to s-see me again.”

Alan nodded with a sad expression on his face. He seemed to understand my reasoning. My brain was firing off thoughts like a sparking outlet at the time. Years later, I still barely understood my thought process. Despite that, Alan seemed to understand immediately and sympathize. It was just another thing I could admire him for so much.

“Yet you didn’t. You’re now working for the demon. How did that happen?”

I was about to start another round until he asked that question. My finger hovered over the start button. I had never told this story to anybody. I guess if I were to ever tell it, this would be the moment.

“I-I was g-going to jump into the Potomac. I c-can’t swim, and the March temperature was p-probably cold enough to die of hypothermia if I d-didn’t drown. As I was a-about to jump, this woman approached me. She a-asked if I was willing to s-sell my soul in exchange for n-never having to face the consequences of my actions. Th-that was the mistress offering the contract... and I s-signed it there on the bridge.”

Alan looked down towards the ground and thought for a moment.

“You literally signed a deal with the devil.”

“Y-You make it sound w-worse than it is. I-It’s just like a w-work contract, j-just the work is k-killing people for their… s-souls.”

I found myself yawning as I finished the sentence. When was the last time I yawned? I hadn’t spent enough time in the real world to really feel tired in the last few years. Alan was quiet for a moment as he seemed to process my answer. He looked over towards his corkboard, then Sofia, and back to me. Whatever he was thinking was interrupted by my yawn as he gave me this funny smile. I felt some blood flow to my face. I had gotten more comfortable with him as we spoke and finally managed to stop blushing just by him looking at me. If he keeps looking at me with that kind smile and innocent eyes, I won’t be able to stop from turning beet red.

“You getting tired?”

“Yeah a bit.”

He grabbed his phone to check the time and sure enough it was 12:30 in the morning. Alan was a consistent early to bed individual so he was definitely feeling the same way.

“You can sleep on my bed tonight if you need?”

Oh god, I was never going to return to a normal shade at this rate. I turned into a stuttering mess as I began to imagine sharing the bed with Alan. His tall body and big arms grab me as we sleep and he brings me close. His body involuntarily moving as he often does in his deep slumber. His cock getting hard as he unconsciously pushed it against me.

“W-w-what?! Like s-s-sharing?”

It was Alan’s turn to turn red as he realized what it sounded like he just offered. He brought his hands up in defense as he shook his head no.

“Wait no! I meant I’ll sleep on the floor and you can take the bed tonight.”

Okay, that made more sense. I nodded in understanding, but I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed.

“Oh o-okay, that w-works. T-thanks for the offer.”

“It’s nothing much. It’s the least I could do.”

I could see behind Alan as Sofia turned to look towards the both of us. She scowled at me as he spoke. He never offered her that option. I guess it’s because I’m not exactly a permanent addition. I’ll return to the electronic realm in the morning and probably not sleep in the apartment every night. Maybe Alan would have offered it to Sofia if she was nicer though. I will admit that I had thought about them together a few times. When I got the news that the boss wanted Sofia to not just share the town, but also the apartment, I immediately began to imagine the classic trope where the two rivals or enemies have to share a bed at an inn. I could watch as the two awkwardly josseled for space and one would eventually grab the other while they slept until they were cuddling. Knowing Sofia’s habits, she might have even let her libido run wild as she ravaged a sleeping Alan. Of course, that’s not what happened and Sofia would probably prefer to just cut off Alan’s dick entirely. He was logical enough to just offer her the couch and some sheets and pillows to make it comfortable.

Alan began to grab some spare blankets he had from the winter and laid them on the floor next to his bed. He was originally going to set them in the hallway so I didn’t have to share the room with him. Luckily, I managed to convince him that it was okay. It didn’t take much once I pointed out that Sofia was also out there and she might jump him tonight. She couldn’t, but he didn’t need to know that. When he finished setting it up, he had managed to make his padding beneath him look rather comfortable off to the side of the bed. I sat on the bed as he folded the final touches and found myself laughing at his efforts. He looked up to me from the ground and gave me a confused smile.

“What’s so funny?”

“I was t-thinking, it’s like we're having a s-sleepover.”

That got a laugh out of him as he laid down to test his floor pad.

“I can’t think of the last time I had one. I must have been twelve.”

He sat back up after he assured that it was comfortable. He remained sitting so that my head was still a few feet above him as I hung my legs off the side of the bed. He looked off into the distance as he remembered the memory.

“When I was twelve, I got put into this huge foster family house. The two ‘parents’ were this avant-garde unmarried couple. There were like seven kids and only enough space in the beds for like four. We would rotate between some blankets on the floor and the beds each night.”

He had an innocent smile on his face as he described it.

“W-was it comfortable at least?”

“The floor? No. I enjoyed it though. The house was clean and the foster parents were nice. I fought with the other kids though. Sometimes we would get into fights because someone didn’t want to sleep on the floor that night. I actually got removed because I broke a kid’s arm over not wanting to sleep on the floor.”

I was about to say how sorry I was that he went through that, but I saw that his smile never wavered as he spoke. He was nostalgic for the memory. I found myself giggling at it. He looked up at me confused again.

“Now what’s funny?”

“I just didn’t p-picture you as someone v-violent. It’s hard to imagine.”

He rolled his eyes and stood up, easily standing over me as he walked towards the drawers on the opposite side of the room. He began to look for his sleepwear for the night.

“Yeah, I worked that out of my system in high school and college. Didn’t want to go to jail for something, you know?”

I nodded as he pulled out a pair of red pajama pants and a simple white shirt that I recognized as the one he always slept in.

“T-that’s good, but I think… m-maybe you s-shouldn’t be afraid of it.”

He turned towards me and raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“W-Well... s-sometimes you n-need violence. I-If you feel v-violent, it’s n-not good to b-bottle it up. Y-You need to t-take justice into your own hands... and do w-what’s necessary.”

He thought about it for a moment then shook his head.

“I don’t think that’s good advice for me, Alice.”

He began to walk towards the door, but stopped right as he was about to open the door to leave.

“I’ll go change in the bathroom. Do you have clothes you want to change into?”

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. My new clothes looked good, but they weren’t exactly something I could sleep in.

“Um… y-yeah, I’ll c-change while you’re gone.”

Alan nodded and walked out, leaving me alone. I stood up and walked over to Alan’s laptop to open it. Once the screen lit up, I touched it and felt myself enter the digital space. Physical objects transferred with me and could be easily put into a file, as if it were a closet. I grabbed some basic clothes that I could sleep in and equipped them before exiting again. When I felt myself exist again, I looked down to see myself wearing a black hoodie and matching black pair of sweatpants. My reflection looked back at me. My makeup was gone and I could see the dark circles under my eyes. I hadn’t even thought before acting. Would Alan react negatively now that I was less pretty? Before my anxiety could even rise, I heard him give a light two knocks before walking back in. He had changed into his usual sleeping wear and immediately looked towards me.

“Hey, I see you changed.”

I waited for him to look shocked or disgusted. His skin to crawl or his hairs to jump to attention. Instead, nothing. He simply walked past me to place his clothes neatly into a laundry drawer. I hesitantly sat down on the bed as he looked back towards me. Nothing in his expression changed as he saw me. I had to know.

“S-Sorry for h-having to remove the m-makeup. I-I know I d-don’t look g-good now...”

That got a single chuckle from him as he shook his head.

“That’s not true. Yeah, it made you look pretty. But I can tell you’ve worked to improve yourself since the first time we met. You look better, even without it. You have nothing to apologize for.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye as he spoke. This felt like fiction. Whether it was true or not, it didn’t matter because I could tell that Alan was no longer afraid of me. He was used to me. This was something I’ve wanted for so long that I wanted to pinch myself to confirm it wasn’t a dream.

“T-thanks, Alan.”

I mumbled as I couldn’t get my voice to speak any louder or else it might crack. Alan smiled at me warmly as he walked over to his floor pad. He yawned himself as I noticed from a clock on his desk it was now one in the morning.

“I-I guess we should h-head to bed.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

He flicked the light switch and we both moved into our separate blankets. His bed was a large queen which easily could fit both of us, but he was too much of a gentleman to even offer such a thing. It was so soft and comfy and his pillow had a faint sweet smell that must have been his shampoo.

“Night, Alice.”

“G-Good night, Alan.”

With that, my birthday was ending. It felt so much like a dream or fairy tale. I wanted so badly for it not to end in the morning. Morgan and everyone are so used to me answering messages instantly, if anything happens while I’m here and asleep, I might get in trouble. Morgan had warned me to not let Alan get close to me. Now I’m sleeping in his bed. She would kill me if she found out. Not literally of course, but the lecture would last for hours and Alan might be removed from the protection clause long enough to be castrated. Despite that danger, I found it hard to want to go back to normal. How could I when everything went so well? I painfully would have to accept this is temporary.

I looked down at Alan as he started to sleep. If I remember correctly, it took about ten minutes and thirty seconds for him to reach a deep sleep. It’s late so it’ll likely take even less time. I had done almost everything I wanted to do with Alan for the last few months. Every fantasy of him praising me, complimenting, and fighting for me happened. There was just one thing left I wanted on this first night together. If I was going to return to normal tomorrow, I was going to have this.

I waited until he was in his deep sleep. He rarely ever awoke from anything due to how hard he sleeps. Sirens, crashes, doesn’t matter if it’s not the sun rising into his eyes. I slid out of the bed and lowered myself onto the floor next to him. He laid on his side facing me. His face was so gentle as he slept. He was like a new born baby who had yet to open its eyes to see the world. I laid myself down beside him and slipped under the covers with him. I reached out and took his hand in mine. He didn’t react, but his hand instinctively reacted as our fingers interlocked. He held back on to me.

I saw no reaction from him and decided that I could go a little further. I reached out my arm to pull him into my embrace. He was much taller than me, but laying down on his side he fit almost naturally into my arms. He rested his head against my chest, I was flat-chested but with skin soft enough he didn’t seem to notice the change. I couldn’t help myself as I patted his head with my hand and played with his hair a little bit.

He began to shift in his sleep and I felt my breathing stop as I began to panic. What would he think if he woke up and saw me cuddling with him? All the worst scenarios went into my head as I felt his arms move. He stretched them out and grabbed me back. His eyes never opened and his breathing never changed. In his sleep, he grabbed onto me and gently started hugging me as he nuzzled his head into my chest sweetly. I wouldn’t be here when he woke up. I would have moved back into the computer. He would never know that we spent the entire night holding each other.