Dark Explorations

(Alan POV)

I placed the cake in the oven for an hour and crossed my fingers that everything would turn out well. I had made cakes from scratch before, but it had been a few months and baking was one of those skills which required chemistry, perfect measurements, and timing. I had confidence in my ability though and stepped away from the oven with a sigh of relief. It was near eight in the evening and I still had yet to hear from Alice all day. I was rather surprised when I texted her this morning and received no response. I called again later this afternoon and for the first time ever she didn’t pick up.

She did seem rather flustered when I invited her, the possibility that she might ghost me today to avoid my invitation stung. I found myself checking my phone regularly to see if any message from her came through. As I began to clean up the dishes left out from baking and the dinner earlier today, I checked once again and found only disappointment as there was still no contact from Alice. Did I push too hard?

“She’s hopeless, you know.”

I turned behind me and found Sofia leaning against the counter. She had been lounging on the couch most of today and rarely spoke to me since our last argument. She had this expression of boredom as she lazily stared at me and my phone. I couldn’t help but grimace at her words as I sat my phone down on the kitchen counter. I continued cleaning a mixing bowl as I spoke my rejoinder.

“You shouldn’t speak about her like that. Especially since she can probably hear you.”

Sofia rolled her eyes and shook her head in frustration.

“That girl knows it better than anyone that she’s hopeless. I’ve known her for probably two years now. You know how many times I’ve seen her real body? Twice. And one of those times was last week when she was forced to take you back to this shithole apartment. That girl would rather starve to death than be seen.”

I turned towards her and gave her a deadpan stare.

“Have you ever considered that it was because you’re so rude. Maybe she chooses to not be around you because you act like such an asshole.”

Sofia stood from her slouched posture and gave me a stare which contained death in it. It still gave me chills, but after a week I was beginning to get used to this threat. I wasn’t going to back down my point just because she stares at me angry. Seeing that I wasn’t flinching, Sofia scoffed.

“No, it’s not just me she avoids. It’s everyone. No matter how rude or nice, she avoids them. She’s like a vampire with the sunlight. Except she’s afraid of being real. Honestly Alan, you should give up on her. She’s been a lost cause since before her contract. She asked to exist as only an electronic gremlin because she’s so afraid of the real world. You’re wasting your time.”

I looked down towards my phone and its black screen. Sofia was right that Alice clearly wanted to stay digital. Every discussion I’ve had with her, she was hesitant and scared-sounding whenever I brought up the idea of her showing up in the real world. It was my own selfish desire to use Alice as a tool for escape that made me push her. I knew that wasn’t right, but it wouldn’t be right either for me to say she can just hide away and isolate. I was selfishly asking for Alice to become healthier and accept the real world, despite whatever her problem was with it.

“You think it’s wrong for me to try and help her? I’m trying to throw her a birthday party. I’m just trying to give Alice something good in the real world. Give her a reason to not be afraid of it. If I can give her an option that helps, that’s enough. So please Sofia, keep it to yourself and let Alice decide whether she’s hopeless or not.”

Sofia’s brow furrowed and she was about to speak before a sound behind her cut her off. The television began to make a loud static noise which caught both our attention and forced an end to our debate. We both turned to face it as a bright white light emitted from the screen. I watched in a familiar awe as an indiscernible grainy black and white shape stretched out from the television. As it stretched further out, its shape gained definition and it became a visible hand, then arm, and soon enough an entire body as it made contact with the ground.

Her body was light and anorexic, the way I remembered it. Yet everything else about her had changed. Her hair had been cut and brushed in a cute bob with rough edges that gave it an enduring charm. The glasses on her face perfectly matched the round shape of her face and almond eyes and I could tell she had put on a bit of foundation which gave her pale and rough skin a soft texture. She held her hands in front of her, fidgeting awkwardly, as she tried to grow comfortable in the room around her. She wore an adorable navy blue sweater which gave some shape and weight to her thin frame and matched well with the white above knee skirt she wore it over. She wore a pair of black leggings which looked absolutely amazing on her. She finished the look with a pair of white sneakers that matched her skirt. She smiled awkwardly at the both of us as the static dissipated from the television and the world around us returned to normal. I couldn’t help but smile looking at her.

“Hey Alice, you look great.”

Her eyes lit up as I spoke. Her hands rose and clutched at her chest. I saw a light redness rise on her naturally pale face.

“Y-you think so?”

“I do. It fits you so well. You’re down right adorable.”

The nervousness in her smile faced and instead a genuine joy seemed to grow into a grin on her face. Alice didn’t even look at Sofia’s reaction. Sofia could only stare. Her mouth had dropped into a cartoonish expression of awe. Her brain seemed to fail to compute the sight in front of her as she looked between Alice and I. I ignored her and motioned towards the oven.

“The cake is currently baking so we have some time. How about we do some of the things you like, Alice?”

I motioned to both Sofia and I when saying ‘we’ and this was not lost on Sofia who now focused on me as the source of her shock. Alice seemed a bit shocked by my suggestion, but nodded happily in agreement.

“Y-yeah, we can. How about video g-games?”

Alice's suggestion made me click my tongue in disappointment. I didn't want to shoot down her idea outright.

“Oh, I don’t have any consoles. I’m sorry, Alice.”

“I-it’s not a problem! W-watch this!”

Alice turned towards the television and placed her hands on it. It formed into static for a few seconds before the screen began to play a familiar tune. Soon enough, the static dispersed and I could clearly see the title screen appear. I walked out from the kitchen to get a better view and Sofia followed as we both watched the adorable birthday girl show off her talent.

“Is that Mario Kart?”

Sofia spoke in a voice of utter bafflement as the familiar red plumber appeared on screen and a classic theme music began to play. Alice kept her hands on the screen and static remained around them as she began to pull something out of the television. Three remotes were in her small hands and turned around expectantly.

“Ta-da!”

She handed the controllers to Sofia and I then grabbed my hand and made me sit down on the couch. My controller made a noise and showed I was player two. Alice sat next to me, as she did our legs touched which caused her to scoot away a little. Sofia rolled her eyes but played along as she was marked as player three. Alice clicked away at her controller and began the first round. I selected Luigi while Alice selected Daisy and Sofia chose Bowser. I was out of practice and ended up losing behind multiple NPCs while Sofia and Alice battled for first; Alice won in the end by a solid margin.

It was surreal for a while. I found myself between two people who I’m told are supposed to be dangerous. I saw Sofia’s actions and knew the bodies she created. She was often frustrating and quick to grow angry at me, but just as quickly became competitive in the game and enjoyed bickering with Alice and I whenever a shell hit her. Meanwhile something was different with Alice and I couldn’t explain it. She had always been so shy, like an injured animal. She now was like an overexcited kid who finally got the attention of the cooler older neighbor. She had also completely changed her appearance. That tangled-hair skin-crawling girl who looked like a ghost from Japanese movies now seemed closer to the cute crush from an Asian drama. There was something familiar about her now that I could see her that felt on the tip of my tongue.

I also found it odd how she reacted around me. It sort of reminded me of a cat from a shelter. She seemed to have no issue touching me. She was happy to grab my hand and lead me to the couch to play along with her. She sat next to me and caused our legs to briefly touch which she pulled away from. Every couple minutes, she would end up sliding closer to me and could touch my leg or arm. Yet if I ever reacted, she pulled away. I never asked if it was intentional, she could have easily been sliding towards me as I easily outweighed her and the couch sank towards Sofia and I. Despite the oddity of the situation, I was having fun. We played multiple races and by the fifth I was starting to finally get a hang of the controls. Alice and Sofia were constantly battling each other and would launch both shells and insults between each other.

“Stop running, coward!”

“B-bite me, p-pinhead!”

It’s probably a good thing I was sat between them or else it might have ended up into an actual fight. The final lap was near its end and both of them were jostling for first place with me in a distant third. I had effectively no way to win and was happy to simply not be behind any NPCs. I ran through the last item box and found myself suddenly with a blue shell, the shell which targeted whoever was in first with a massive explosion. The two girls beside me both went silent as I immediately sent it forward. Alice began to break, letting Sofia take the lead and get hit.

“Hell no, I’m taking you with me!”

Sofia hit the breaks and caused the two to end up right next to each other. The shell circled them both causing a blue explosion sending both their vehicles skywards as I managed to drive right beneath them. I found myself jumping up from the couch as I crossed the finish line in first place. I turned towards the two who stared in shock.

“Ha! I’m the winner now!”

Sofia’s face went red in anger while Alice burst out laughing until she was pink.

“You only won because of that god damn shell and me commiting suicide!”

“It’s not my fault I’m luckier than you.”

Alice managed to speak between gasps of air from her hunched over cackles.

“I still won f-four!”

I shrugged with a smug smile.

“You’re clearly more experienced at this than me. I think beating you shows my natural talents.”

I crossed my arms proudly, happy to take this victory. Alice shook her head, but couldn’t stop laughing. I found myself joining her with Sofia staring at both of us with a glare of resentment. She had gotten second five times in a row. Our laughs were interrupted as I heard the oven beep from the kitchen.

“Oh shoot, it’s ready.”

I said out loud as I walked over to the kitchen, grabbed some oven mitts, and pulled out a beautifully pillow-like chocolate cake. I left it out for a little bit to cool before applying some icing to the cake. I was rather proud of it and its majestically sweet appearance. I bought a one and two shaped candle earlier today and now placed them in the middle of the rectangular cake to form a twenty-one. I brought it to the dining table and placed it in the middle. I grabbed one of the chairs for Alice to sit in front of it. She was a bit hesitant, but couldn’t help but smile as she took the seat. I sat next to her and Sofia remained behind her standing. Sofia let me borrow her lighter as I set the candles alight. I looked towards Alice.

“Is it okay if we sing Happy Birthday?”

Alice seemed to think for a moment before nodding.

“Um, y-yes. Yes, it’s okay.”

I looked back towards Sofia as she raised an eyebrow.

“You aren’t seriously going to try and make me, right?”

I didn’t even try as I looked back towards Alice. I didn’t think my singing voice was that good, but I sang it as Alice hummed along with me. There was something so sweet to the scene. Alice gently swayed back and forth to the song as she celebrated her first birthday in years. Her smile was genuine and felt normal. Her skinny arms and legs weren’t a fact of electronic isolation, but of natural events of life’s happenings. Her clothes and makeup could be a choice as normal as any other day and not a great surprise to Sofia and I. Her short hair, a choice possibly made in college among new friends. She was turning twenty-one, a milestone of growth in American society. She seemed like the average American Girl.

Maybe it was the fact I could never really see her before. Maybe it was the anorexic appearance or raggedy clothes. Maybe it was my own obsession with claiming she was different from me or anyone else I interacted with. I had never seen her for being a real person. She blew out the candles as the song finished. She turned towards me and her eyes seemed softer, like a pain in them was waning.

“Thanks, Alan.”

“I’m just happy you can enjoy it. Let me cut you a slice.”

I grabbed a cake knife and plates and cut a large slice for Alice, Sofia, and I. Alice took the first bite and she gleefully moaned at the pleasurable taste.

“It’s so good! You’re a great baker, Alan.”

Sofia stood behind her as she ate her cake. She took a bite and I saw as her eyes lit up with the signature look of joy from the taste as well. She didn’t say any compliments, but I could tell she enjoyed it as she went for a second bite. I looked towards Alice and her adorable round face. Her almond eyes were closed as she took her second giant bite.

“Hey Alice, I can’t believe I’m only now realizing this.”

She looked towards me with a confused expression. She swallowed her cake and wiped a crumb off her lip as she listened.

“You’re Alice Hsu, aren’t you? The American Girl Hacker from Alexandria three years ago, right?”

Alice didn’t react immediately. She seemed to process what I said for a second before her eyes went wide. She dropped her fork and her mouth opened into an expression of shock. She reached up to cover her mouth with her hands as she gasped. Sofia looked down at her with a bit of surprise and I felt similarly confused. A single tear rolled down her cheek and I immediately felt panic enter my blood. Was I wrong? Or did I bring back bad memories? I didn’t mean to hurt her. I should have waited to ask until later today or tomorrow. This was meant to be her happy day, did I ruin it?

I was cut off as Alice stood up from the chair and moved towards me. For a moment, I was worried she would hit me. I tried to lean back and maybe dodge whatever was coming. I wasn’t expecting her to reach for me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and put her head into my shoulder as she hugged me. Her tears, falling onto my shirt as she embraced me. Sofia similarly seemed surprised as her eyes were as wide as saucers. I tried to speak softly.

“Alice, are you-”

“I-I’ve been hoping you’d r-recognize me. Ever since your v-video about me, I’ve been hoping you’d see me and finally r-realize who I-I am.”

I didn’t know how to react. I wrapped an arm around her as she buried her face in my shoulder, tears of joy soaking into my shoulder. Has she been watching for that long? That was over four months ago. The American Girl Hackings video was my first real breakthrough. Had she made it a success? For some reason, none of that seemed to matter right now. The simple fact that I recognized her had brought her to tears. I tightened my embrace and let her cry against my shoulder for as long as she needed.

Something welled in my chest that I couldn’t understand. My mind was logical and told me to ask questions and create distance. This girl who I baked a cake for was the psychopath who made people torture themselves for her entertainment. Yet I didn’t. My heart told me to hold her in that moment and l did just that.