Dark Explorations

(Alan POV)

My routine was finally returning to normal. I usually awoke shortly after sunrise and a week of uninterrupted sleep was finally returning me to that. I made a pointed effort to not make noise as I exited my room though. Sofia was a late sleeper I found. It was usually safest to really get started with my day around ten in the morning. My plan was to head to the bathroom and get my morning shower in, but I found myself stopped due to a slight unexpected sight. Sofia was awake. She was standing in the kitchen, going through cabinets. She was still in her usual sleeping attire; a pair of black sweat pants and a white hoodie with nothing underneath. The baggy clothes provided no illusion as she reached upwards revealing a layer of toned abs underneath. I wanted to ask why she was awake, but the bags under eyes told me enough. I closed my bedroom door and the sudden noise caught her attention. She looked over at me and her expression immediately turned sour at my presence. I ignored the obvious scowl and walked into the kitchen.

“Morning, Sofia. Looking for something?”

She closed a cabinet full of cups and clicked her tongue in annoyance. She looked towards me and just stared for a second. I was about to say something before she spoke.

“Yeah, where do you keep all your cereal?”

“Top shelf of the pantry.”

I pointed towards the pantry door and she rolled her eyes before turning towards it and grabbing whatever she needed. I began to turn around to begin my day when she called out behind me.

“Hey Alan, wait.”

Sofia had placed a box of cereal on the counter and began to pour it for herself. She finished then looked over towards me. Her eyes seemed lazy and slow to react. Despite this, her mouth remained as alive and made sure to show effort in its displeasured frown. I faced her and she gave me another once over. This time I managed to speak up first.

“What’s going on?”

She looked down and thought for a moment before speaking.

“Tell me about your life and shit.”

“Huh?”

I found myself letting out a dumb sound and nearly stepped backwards in recoil. Sofia had never even bothered to ask how my day was let alone ask something personal. Pleasantries were not her strong suit. I found myself scratching at the back of my head in confusion. Her tired eyes told me she was dead serious though.

“Where did this suddenly come from?”

She grabbed the bowl of cereal and walked right past me and out of the kitchen. She sat at the dining room table and began to eat her breakfast as I stood by watching in confusion. She took a bite before speaking.

“You know everything about me. All my past and shit. It’s been pissing me off.”

She spoke with a growl in the back of her throat. The only reason she wasn’t yelling was from her own exhaustion and the food she was actively eating. I walked out of the kitchen and now stood on the other side of the table. She continued speaking as I approached.

“I want to even the playing field. Tell me your past.”

I took a chair opposite of her and sat down. She seemed somewhat surprised by my reaction and stopped eating for a moment to stare and wait for me.

“I hope you know I’m not that interesting.”

“That’s not what’s important. Just tell me something so we’re even.”

I settled into the chair and sighed. There was no real point in lying or refusing to tell her. The truth was already said, I’m not interesting. Not compared to her or any others I’ve met. I just started from the beginning.

“I never met my dad and was raised by my mom. She died in a car crash when I was seven and I was then put in adoption programs and foster homes. Never got formally adopted so jumped from place to place until high school. Graduated, went to WVU. Tried to get into criminal psychology. Dropped out. Made a YouTube channel. That’s the story of my life.”

She was quiet for a moment and pondered something while looking into her bowl of cereal. She looked up and I found myself staring into her eyes again. They carried something strange in them and I couldn’t pin what it was that made them different. Was the exhaustion getting to her? She rested her head on her hand and sighed.

“So why criminal? What started all this detective stuff?”

I leaned back in my chair and thought about it for a moment.

“The school library. They had a book on H. H. Holmes and I found it really interesting. I liked hearing about all the dark things he did and the psychology behind why he did them. I wanted more so I kept reading, started watching documentaries, eventually decided that I wanted to do this as a job. Originally as a detective, but I wasn’t good at college. YouTube ended up working out good enough.”

She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. I couldn’t read her at all. Sofia wears her emotions on her sleeves usually, but right now I couldn’t tell what she was thinking at all. What had happened last night to leave her like this? I didn’t want to ask or else anger her. The one thing I could tell was she wasn’t happy. I cautiously asked as she just sank into her chair.

“Is everything alright, Sofia?”

She didn’t respond, but opened her eyes again and looked at me. She took another bite from her cereal and seemed to marinate on my question.

“Why are you like this, Alan?”

“I don’t understand.”

She sat up and looked at me with this intensity that I didn’t expect. I suddenly felt like I was handcuffed again and she was interrogating me. I felt goosebumps rise on my skin as her gaze seemed to pierce my soul. I genuinely didn’t understand the question though. She leaned forward and elaborated.

“You’re like a fucking dog. You can sit there and act nice and friendly. Meanwhile you go sniffing through everyone’s trash and analyze them like their your fucking project. You pretend you’re so much better than everyone because you’re smart. Because you aren’t fucked up. Because you’re tamed. You should know better than anyone else you’re not normal or uninteresting. Hell, you’ve been studying Roxane. She lived the same childhood as you did. Why are you so different?”

She was standing up from her seat looming over me. Her voice was a step away from yelling. I bit down on my tongue and the urge to back away. I held up my hand defensively and motioned for her to back away. Miraculously, she sat back down and I sighed in relief. I steeled my nerves and got the courage to look her in the eye. That same unknown emotion lay inside her eyes as I fought back. I waited for her to take her seat and breathe a little before I spoke calmly.

“I don’t know. I guess I chose to not hurt people. It wasn’t a question of why not, it was a question of why would I. Actions require choices and I didn’t make the same choices. What I did choose was to try and be hospitalable with you. I don’t understand your problem with me. I try my best to be kind, to avoid these outbursts. I just want to live safe and peacefully and if I have to have you around, I want it to be a peaceful coexistence. I don’t understand why you fight me.”

She stared at me like the sun beaming down on the back of the laborer. The deep bags under her eyes like shadows on the dark side of the moon. I found my instincts telling me to not rock the boat and instead let this predator win the argument. Sofia probably never had someone react calmly to her threats. It’s either screaming at her or running from her. The longer I stood my ground the greater I saw it. She didn’t know what to do. If I weren’t sitting, my knees would be shaking. But as I was, she couldn’t tell if I was afraid. She didn’t know how to react. She closed her eyes and the contest of staring each down broke. She sighed in exasperation and leaned back in her chair. I did the same and could finally let go of a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

“Does that help you feel even?”

I tried my best to not sound smug or entitled while saying it. I knew where she was coming from in her frustration. I really didn’t want to insult her anymore or let her feel like there was a power imbalance in our dynamic. I truly didn’t feel in control of her, but when you’re used to always dominating others I can see why she feels like she’s losing her grip. That wasn’t an excuse to take out her rage on me though. This is what I get for trying to have a healthy roommate relationship with a Serial Killer. She suddenly stood up from her seat. She didn’t even look at me as she got up and began to walk away from the table. I called out to her as she moved towards her bag of belongings.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going for a ride.”

She reached down into her bag and pulled out her motorcycle helmet and gloves. I watched as she wordlessly put them on and made her way out the door. I didn’t try to stop her. I knew better than to get in her way when she was angry.