Master of Minds, Master of Me

“What the hell Theodore? You can’t just kidnap people like this!”

For the first time in my life, I’m mad at him. I have been so on edge for the past few days. I’m still so scared that my pretty flower will leave me. That she really wants death so much that she will take her own life.

I have tried my best to be a perfect fiancée for her. I want her to be so happy that she wouldn't wish for death anymore. I’m scared to leave her alone. I’m afraid she will change her mind about being with me. I know she promised that she would never do anything to herself. But I just can't trust her words. It’s like this itch on the back of my head. The picture of her grave in that mirror haunts me during the day and night.

I, of course, have been happy too. She has been clearly more relaxed with me after that mirror fiasco. She admits her feelings and clearly enjoys being with me. But I can't just get rid of this fucking itch inside my head. The one that keeps saying that she will leave me.

When Theodore left with her, I was so scared that Theodore might say something that would make her leave me. Since Theodore really is blunt with his words. And she might misinterpret something he would say. I was also scared that Theodore would try to examine her. Since he said that one time that there is something different about her. And that guy is a freak when it comes to discovering new things that might concern magic.

“I just need to check something.”

He puts his hands against my chest, furrowing his brows.

“What is it? My mana has been fine.”

“Clearly it’s not. She said that your eyes turn purple sometimes.”

“My eyes? No, they don't.”

“Would you even know if they did? I doubt you go around walking with a mirror in your hand.”

Are they really? Why hasn't she said anything to me about it? Did I scare her with those? Is she going to leave because of that? Is this just the start of the inevitable future? Has she been just faking being happy with me? What if she really is just trying to figure out a way to leave me? What if she asked Theodore for help? And that's why she didn't want me to be present. But she can't leave me. I would never let her go. I will lock her up in my room if needed. The thought of her leaving makes me so fucking angry that I feel my heart beating louder and louder.

“Felix!”

Theodore's sudden outburst wakes me up from my thoughts.

“What?”

“What were you thinking? You suddenly didn't answer me, and your eyes turned purple. So I guess she really was telling the truth.”

“Nothing. It doesn't matter.”

“It does matter if it has something to do with your mana going crazy. You should try to calm yourself, not make yourself go berserk.”

I slap his hands away from my chest.

“What do you care? Just take me back.”

I need to go back to her. To make sure she is alright. To make sure she isn't going to do anything to herself. Or trying to escape.

“It’s my job to keep your mana under control. So stop resisting and let me help you.”

“Your job?’’ I laugh at him mockingly. ‘’Are you afraid that your endless money source will deplete if you fail at your job?”

“What the hell, Felix? You are not acting like yourself. Snap out of it.”

Snap out of it? How can I snap out of it when my future is on the brink of collapsing? And why the hell is he now acting like he cares? He probably doesn't care for anything else than money and his stupid Tower, and his stupid research.

“Just take me back and stop pretending to be a friend.”

A sudden sharp pain pulses inside my chest. Fuck that hurt. Whatever that was.

“Felix. Let's go see Neil.”

“No. I need to get back. Stop arguing and take me back.”

“No. I’ll take you to Neil.”

Why the hell did I even think of him as a friend? He always just treats me like trash. So why the hell would I treat him any better? I’m just about to yell at him for being so fucking arrogant bastard.

But then the pain hits again. Another painful pulse inside me. I feel the mana going wild. It reminds me of the pain back in the Dark War. Suddenly, I see Theodore's dark magic hovering around me. And in a second, everything goes dark.

‘’Your Highness? How are you feeling?’’

I turn my head and see Neil standing next to me. Why is Neil here at the Palace? I look around and realize that I’m at the Tower. When I got here?

‘’Yeah. I mean, my head feels like it's bursting. But other than that, I feel fine. What happened?’’

‘’You don’t remember?’’

Remember? Let’s think. I was at my office with my pretty flower, waiting for Theodore. He came, and he fucking snatched my pretty flower with him. I will definitely take revenge on him somehow. Then I just sat in my office, waiting for them to get back. It felt like an eternity to wait for them. I was constantly thinking about taking the carriage and going to the Tower myself to fetch her. But I couldn’t risk leaving, in case she would have returned on my way there. I just remember sinking pretty deep in my thoughts, strangling in my fears. She came back, and then Theodore took me.

And after that? My memory gets pretty hazy. All I can remember is the hate and fear in me.

‘’I do remember getting here, but I can’t remember what happened here.’’

The door opens, and Theodore walks in, and Neil leaves. His expression seems rather weird. Like he is worried or something. Is everything okay with him?

‘’Theodore, is everything alright?’’

‘’You are asking me that?’’

‘’Yes. There is clearly something wrong. What is it? Can I help with it?’’

‘’Okay, clearly you are back to being your normal self.’’

‘’My normal self? What you mean?’’

‘’So you don’t remember yelling at me yesterday?’’

‘’Woah woah woah. Hold on for a second. Yesterday?’’

‘’Yes. I took you to the Tower since I wanted to check on your mana. But instead of letting me help you, you went crazy. Your eyes turned purple, and you yelled at me. Your magic started to pour out of you. So I had to use my magic on you and make you faint. After that, I brought you here so Neil and I could make your mana behave again. It was hard, so we let you wake up only after it was somewhat controlled.’’

What? I did that? Why? I rub my temples with my hands, like trying to get my head to remember.

‘’So I’ve been here for a day?’’

He nods. The realization shocks me when I remember that I left my pretty flower at the office. And I have been gone for a day? What is she not there anymore? What if she got tired of waiting for me and left? I get up from the hospital bed in panic.

‘’Theodore. You need to take me back, now!’’

‘’What you need to do is relax. I informed Tedracil that you are here, and there is nothing to worry.’’

‘’I don’t care about Ted. I need to go see Lo. What if she is gone? I need to go back, now!’’

‘’Jeez, just relax. She is here.’’

A huge wave of relief floods through me.

‘’She is? Is she okay?’’

‘’Felix, you are hopeless. Everyone is okay. Everyone but you. So instead of thinking about others, could you for once worry about yourself?’’

I just stare at him, dumbfounded. Is Theodore worried? About me? I can’t help but let a huge smile spread to my face.

‘’Oh, Theo! You really do like me, don’t you? Don’t you worry, bestie. I’m just fine. I’m always fine.’’

He sighs with annoyance.

‘’No nicknames, and we are not besties. So cut it off and get back on the bed.’’

I do as he says, but keep my wide smile on my face.

‘’So can I see her?’’

‘’Not yet. We need to talk first.”

‘’What is it?”

“Are you seriously asking that? How about the fact that your mana went berserk and you don’t even remember that?’’

‘’Hey, you can blame yourself for that! I went nuts because you just stole my pretty flower and left me by myself. Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was? I thought I was going crazy while waiting for you.’’

‘’You did go crazy. But why were you worried? Did you think that I would stick a needle in her or something?’’

‘’A little bit. But that wasn’t the main thing.’’

‘’What was the main thing?’’

‘’Nothing. Just forget it. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I promise I will contain myself better.’’

“You really need to learn how to calm yourself if you want to stay alive. Neil was pretty worried. The illusion mana is clearly dominating the managates inside you. And solely the fact that your eyes turn purple serves as proof that time is running out.”

This really is the worst time possible. My father is dying, so my coronation draws closer each day. I found the love of my life. I don't want my life to just end after finally finding happiness. The Palace walls have always felt so suffocating for me. I have always wanted to just escape that place.

But now?

I haven't thought about leaving at all, not even once. The Palace doesn't feel like a prison anymore. It feels like heaven since she is there with me.

“I still don't know how. Every time I get strong emotions, I can't help it resurface. And when it does, I don't know how to calm it.”

“Lorelia told me that your eyes always return to normal after sex. Why not use that knowledge?”

I stare at him in shock. Not sure if I am more confused about the fact that they talked about our sex life. But I let that slide for now.

“I can't just have sex with her every time I feel on the edge.”

“I didn't mean it like that. I just assume that during sex, you give in and let the mana control you, giving it what it wants. And after you complete it, the mana calms down. So maybe you should just try to let it control you and not push it down. Maybe it calms after getting what it wants.”

“I see your point. But I can't do that. There is no telling what I would do to her or to anyone if I just let go completely.”

“But isn’t that better than dying?”

“No. Absolutely no. I would much rather die than hurt her. I think I have made her suffer enough by tormenting her with my illusions and forcing her to be with me. I don't regret my actions, not one bit. But I’m not going to go against her wishes anymore.”

“Well your call. But just keep that option in mind. You dying is the worst-case scenario.”

“Oh, you are so cute when you show your affection toward me like that.”

His voice drops. That all too familiar look that he wants to murder me.

“I’m just saying that since it’s going to be an annoying hassle when there is no one to take the crown. I hate hassle.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say. But thanks, Theodore, for stopping me yesterday. And taking care of me. I owe you, once again. If you need anything, just ask, I’ll do anything.”

He just grunts and starts to leave the room.

“I’ll go fetch your girl.”

“Thanks. And just out of curiosity, what did I yell at you yesterday?”

‘’That I should stop pretending to be a friend, and I’m helping you only because I’m worried that my endless money source will end.”

“Oh… I apologize. You know I don't really think that.”

He grabs the door handle but halts before opening, letting out a deep sigh.

“We both know that what that mana brings out of you is your own thoughts. Something you might not even know that exists inside you. Your fears, desires or insecurities. So I say this just once, only because I don't want to hear you spouting utter crap anymore; it’s annoying. I don't think of you as a money source, and I do consider you as a friend.”

I just stare at his back, dumbfounded. He opens the door and leaves. And I keep staring at the closed door.

Did Theodore just call me a friend? I can't resist a huge smile spreading on my face.

I sooooo knew he liked me. What a cute, annoyed crumpy mage. I will tease him so much for what he said. He will regret saying that so much. He really is the best entertainment ever.

Then a door bursts open and my pretty flower barges in, worry spread all over her face.

“Felix! Are you alright?”

She jumps to hug me. And I feel like my heart is bursting into flames. I hug her tightly. So relieved she is actually here.

“I’m fine. Sorry for leaving you like that.”

“Don't feel sorry, it wasn't your fault. It was that stupid, annoying idiot who did it!”

I withdraw from the hug and look at her in confusion.

“Did you just call Theodore a stupid, annoying idiot?”

“Yes! I don't understand how you can call him a friend when he clearly doesn't care about you!”

“Woah, hold on a second. Why do you think that?”

“When we talked, and I told him my worries about your mana affecting you, he didn't care at all. He just said that he helps you because he gets money from it. And if your mana ends up making you go berserk, he would just stop you. Talking about basically killing you like it was just a normal daily occurrence.”

Okay. I take my words back about Theodore being the best amusement. Since my pretty flower being angry for me is a million times better.

“Relax, Lo. He really doesn't think like that.”

“Well, why the hell would he say something like that?!”

“He has this weird problem that he can’t admit that he is close to people. Saying anything that even slightly suggests that is like poison in his mouth. The reason he took me was the fact that he was worried about my mana. And he just lectured me about it. So don't take what he says too seriously. He has always been like that and will always be.”

“And you are okay with that?”

“Yes. That's just who he is. And I think he is rather cute when angry or annoyed.”

“Cute? He is like the scariest person I have ever met. That's far from cute.”

I chuckle at her and kiss her forehead.

“But you being protective like that is way cuter.”

She lets out a deep sigh.

“Are you sure you are okay? How's your mana?”

“Right now, it feels pretty normal. I promise I will contain it better. So don't worry about me. I’ll figure out a way to calm it.”

I have to. Since I won't end up dead.

“But what happened that it started to go crazy?”

I get up from the bed.

“Let's talk about it back home, okay?”

Home? I think this is the first time I have called the Palace home. Since it’s never felt like one. But with her? I think anything could feel like home. Home is wherever she is.

She nods, and I can't help but wrap my hands around her and kiss her. She moulds herself against me. And only that makes my cock twitch with excitement. I withdraw before I need to leave with a boner. I look at her with a smile.

“Ready to go?”

She nods and takes my hand. My heart melts every time she touches me. I really could never live without her.

I just wish this fucking itch would go away, so I could enjoy our time together even more.