Master of Minds, Master of Me

I inhale deeply. Enjoying the scent of old wood and the soothing atmosphere. The church is empty as always. I almost sit on the front row, but decide not to. Maybe I should confess. Even without Father Owen. I feel like making the decision of being selfish is such a great sin that it requires a proper confession. I open the door to the confession booth. When I see the inside of it. The memories of me sitting there and sliding my hand between my legs consume me. I shake the thought away. I’m not doing that again so let’s just not think about it. I sit down and close my eyes. Focusing on my thoughts.

I confess what we did with Felix yesterday and ask for forgiveness. I confess what I am planning to do. Admitting my weakness. Promising I will be stronger after the Selection. And promise to be more content and devoted.

My eyes dart open when I hear the confession booth’s door open on the other side.

‘’Lady Lorelia? Is it you?’’

My mood rises even more.

‘’Father Owen? You are back?’’

‘’Indeed I am. I was very pleased to find you here.’’

‘’Are you okay? Did everything go well in the north?’’

‘’Yes. But the confession booth isn’t for talking about the priest's well being. So tell me. What brought you here today?’’

‘’I just came here to ask forgiveness.’’

‘’For what?’’

I fall silent, feeling embarrassed. I’m not sure why it is so hard to tell Father Owen about my sins. Before I figure out what to say, he keeps talking.

‘’About finally giving into your desires?’’

A slight shock goes through me. ‘’How did you know?’’

‘’It’s pretty obvious. Your lust is practically pouring out of you.’’

‘’What?’’ I muster. What is he saying? And somehow his voice feels a little different. A little darker.

‘’Did you enjoy it?’’

‘’Enjoy what?’’ I ask, confused.

‘’To feel man's touch?’’

The scene unfolds. Me bound on the bed. My chest heaving, my heart racing, my thighs clenched together. Why am I seeing this? Felix said he wouldn’t use his powers, and he is not even here. But I can’t resist the feeling that the illusion gives me. It feels like I’m there again. Feeling the heat and anticipation.

‘’So did you enjoy it?’’ Father Owen’s harsh voice comes through the vision.

‘’Yes.’’ I say, my voice is low and hoarse already. I’m too deep in this vision.

‘’Did you like being bound? Being stripped from your precious control?’’

‘’Yes.’’ An instant answer, that shocks me too.

Did I really enjoy it that much? I hate when I don’t know what happens next. I’m too used to knowing everything that is going to happen. So it doesn’t make sense for me to enjoy not being able to control anything. To just wait for unexpected things to happen.

Wait. How does he know I was bound?

‘’Are you getting aroused by the memory of it? Is your pussy getting already wet because of it?’’

What? Why is Father Owen asking something that vulgar? I feel myself starting to panic from this weird situation. But the vision keeps playing. Felix’s mouth sinks between my legs and I hear myself sighing. I clap my hand over my mouth. How could I do that? Father Owen is right next to me.

Then the booth doors fling open, and Father Owen just stares there, his gaze drilling into me. The vision vanishes, and the panic is so potent that my brain just stops working completely. I just stare at him, not knowing what to do or say once again. My chest is still heaving and my breathing heavy. He grins, and that smile on his face feels so weird but somehow so familiar. He enters the booth to stand in front of me.

‘’Why are you not answering? Are you too scared to confess your lust to God?’’

He crouches, and his hands start to travel down my legs, reaching the hem.

‘’Wh-what are you doing?’’ I manage to muster.

‘’Just giving you what you ache for.’’

He starts to lift my hem and I try to keep my dress down with my hands.

‘’Please, stop this. I don’t want you to—’’

‘’So do you want only the Crown Prince?’’

I stare at him in shock. How he knows that?

He chuckles. And that chuckle I do recognise.

‘’I take your silence as a yes.’’

I keep staring at him in disbelief. Is Father Owen… Could Felix be…

His hands keep pushing my dress away, and suddenly my hands just stop preventing him. His fingers soon slide against my inner thighs and the touch feels just like Felix’s. The same electrifying feeling, the same tingling sensation spreading all over me.

Slowly, as I watch him lifting my dress, his face changes and I’m faced with Felix.

‘’You said that you wouldn't use your magic. Why would you pretend to be Father Owen?’’

His lips kiss my thighs, and the heat in me rises.

‘’That was the last time. I promise. I just thought I should show you the truth. So you don’t wonder why Father Owen doesn’t come back.’’

‘’What? Why would he not come back?’’

He chuckles again.

‘’Because, my pretty flower. Father Owen never existed.’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

Of course he exists. I have talked to him almost every day during my stay here.

He suddenly looks like Father Owen again.

‘’Since I am Father Owen. I have been him from the beginning.’’

‘’What? But that just—’’

‘’I was there when you confessed your visions about me the first time. I would have given everything to just be there to see you sitting under the shower naked. Trying to wash your lustful thoughts away as I instructed. I bet you looked so stunning.’’

I think I stop breathing for a while. He must be kidding, right? Maybe Father Owen just told him what we talked about. His hands glide dangerously close to my panties.

‘’I was there when you asked if I believe in the Devil. I was there each morning, waiting for your company. I was there to bring you back from your seclusion. You have no idea how much I wanted to take you when you hugged me back then. Or how much I wanted to take you when you kneeled in front of the altar.’’

I stare at him. Shock and anger running through me. Is he really been Father Owen all this time? All the time I tried to avoid him, I’ve been enjoying his company every morning? I can’t believe he would do something like that. Is he insane?

‘’How could you?’’

His expression doesn’t show any signs of regret. He looks just amused by all of this. And seeing that only makes me more angry.

‘’How could I not? I wanted your company, but you didn’t want mine. I had to play dirty.’’

I try to push him away, closing my legs.

‘’That is not a reason to deceive me! Father Owen was my friend! I enjoyed his company! How could you just play with me like that?!’’

His hands slide under my panties and he pulls them down. I try to trash, to stop him. But fail. He grabs my legs more tightly, shoving them apart. I try my best to fight back, but against his strength it’s just futile.

‘’I am your friend. You enjoyed my company. It doesn’t matter what I looked like. It was still me talking to you.’’

I really can’t believe that it was him all this time. Father Owen was important to me. He was my only friend. Well I have Milna and Hans too. But Father Owen was the closest to me. It feels like someone just snatched the rug under my legs, making me fall.

‘’A friend would never do something like that! Please stop this and leave me alone.’’

His mouth starts to kiss my inner thigh again. I feel my need rising. But my anger is more powerful this time.

‘’I don’t ever leave you alone, Lo. You are mine.’’

What got into him? His eyes look somehow odd. They are not blue anymore. Not even the dark blue. They look more dark… purple? He feels and looks even more dangerous now. Like he is possessed or something.

Wait.

Is this his mana going rampart again? But I thought Master Loneflare settled it already. Why is he acting like this again?

His fingers sinks to my skin more as he widens my leg further. My heart beats loud. I should try to escape him. I try to dig my sanity somewhere.

‘’Felix! You need to stop this! This is not right!’’

He chuckles against my skin.

‘’Not right? Why? Because we are in a church?’’

My eyes widen as I realize we really are in a church, and in a confession booth! Oh please God, please forgive me. This is so utterly wrong. I can’t believe I'm inside a confession booth without panties and Felix is kneeling between my legs. I know how horrible this is, but clearly my body doesn’t care about blasphemy.

‘’Felix. Please. Not here.’’

At that moment I feel his tongue sliding against my pussy and I try to get up in panic. We are not doing this here. But his hands grab me and force me back to my seat. He spreads my legs again and starts licking me again. And oh God I lose my mind because of it. I lift my left hand against the booth wall, trying to get some support and my right hand slides to Felix’s hair, grabbing it. Trying to push him away as I try to plead again.

‘’I’m serious Felix. You need to stop.’’ But my voice is low and there is no willpower in it.

His tongue and lips start to press against me with more force as he focuses on my clit. Making me moan way too loudly. My fingers grip Felix’s hair tightens. His hands travel behind me, pulling me against him with more force. The heat is too much. The odd feelings start to build up already.

‘’Are you still angry at me Lo?’’

‘’Yes. I’m furious.’’

He chuckles against my pussy. ‘’You don’t seem like it.’’

He moves, slowly sliding his tongue lower, circling around my entrance. And then he pushes his tongue inside me. I stare at him doing that. I can’t believe anything this man does. Everything he does feels so wrong and right at the same time. And I notice my hand is even pushing him against me harder. I mold against his rhythm, losing all sense of reality. If making sin feels this delicious, no wonder people fall to them so often.

I close my eyes and lean back my head, enjoying the feeling. I’m angry, but I can’t just find strength to show my anger. Then he stops and withdraws. I let out a whimper. Aching for more. I try to yank his head back where I need him, but he won’t budge.

‘’So hasty, pretty flower.’’

‘’Felix.’’ My sound is more like a moan. ‘’Please.’’

He grins again. ‘’Please what? Please stop? Or please don’t stop?’’

I don't know. I don't know anything with him. His hand slides between my legs and I nudge myself closer to him. He licks his lips which glisten from my arousal.

“You really taste divine." He leans in to whisper in my ear while his fingers gently brush over my pussy. “Do you want more?”

I just nod. His fingers are just about to sink into me but then he stops.

“Oh wait. I forgot. I promised I will show you the gentle way.”

“What?”

“You told me that you prefer the gentle way. Me forcing myself on to you in a confession booth, not listening to your pleas to stop, just spreading your legs open with force. Or me doing this?”

He sinks his fingers inside of me with one fast thrust, making me let out a foreign loud moan. But he doesn't stop there. He keeps blunging them in, again and again. It’s way more violent than what he did yesterday. It almost hurts, but my body still molds itself to match his rhythm. The heat and pressure starts to build up inside me. I feel my whole body tensing as the anticipation of what is about to come rises.

He suddenly stops withdrawing his hand, leaving me empty. He lifts his hand and licks his fingers clean.

“Not very gentle or soft, don't you think?”

I stay silent. Just staring at him. Not understanding what he is getting at.

“So maybe I should stay true to my word and stop now. So that I can show you the gentle way.”

“No.” I don't want him to stop.

“No?” His smirk is so arrogant, he is clearly so pleased with himself. “Are you saying you don't want the gentle way?”

“I just want to feel it again.”

“You want to feel the orgasm?” He leans closer, face only inches away.

I nod. His thumb brushes over my lower lip and I part my lips.

“So do you admit you like it rough?”

Another nod. I’m willing to admit anything at this point. I’m desperate. His fingers slowly slide to my throat.

“Then say it, pretty flower.”

I shake my head. I can't say something like that. That's just too much.

‘’Hmm… Feeling shy?’’

I nod.

‘’I guess the gentle way it is then.’’

His hand leaves my throat, he starts to slowly kiss my neck. His lips feel soft, almost like a whisper against my skin. His hands glide against my waist. I barely feel his touch. There is no tingling, no electricity shooting down my spine. His mouth slowly moves lower, kissing my breasts on top of my dress. His hand cups my breast. I ache for more. I want the fabric away. I want to feel him. His fingers gently rub my nipples, but the feeling is too weak through the dress.

He moves lower. I feel his hands on my ankles, slowly sliding up. Now I at least can feel him on my skin, so it’s better. But the touch is still too soft. His fingers are barely touching me.

‘’Felix.’’ I sigh.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’More.’’

‘’Not until you say it.’’

I can’t say it. I can’t speak like him. I can’t say dirty things like he does. So I keep myself silent, desperately waiting for him to kiss his way along my inner thigh. I tense all my muscles as his mouth closes in, softly kissing around my pussy. His hands keep caressing my thighs.

‘’If you want me to eat you, you need to open your legs for me more.’’

I stare down at him and his teasing smile. I don’t want to do it. It feels too lecherous just spreading my legs to him. I want him to do it.

‘’You want me to do it?’’ He asks, like he is reading my mind.

I nod.

‘’But that would be forcing you, pretty flower. You need to do it yourself.’’

I shake my head.

‘’So you want me to force it, so you can keep acting that this wasn’t your choice? Making me the bad guy?’’

I honestly think he is the bad guy for deceiving me all this time. But he is not wrong.

‘’Just admit that you want it rough and I’ll be the bad guy. You can keep denying you need all you want. I take you, I force you to come. I just want to hear your pretty voice just this once. After that, you are free.’’

‘’I…’’ I fall silent, trying to gather my courage. It can’t be that hard to say one stupid sentence.

‘’You?’’ He pushes, his mouth hovering closer to my pussy. I already feel his warm breath.

I gulp and force myself to speak. ‘’I like it rough.’’

His fingers dig into my thighs making me flinch as he pushes my legs wide open, hitting the walls. The small booth is starting to feel even smaller and more cramped. His mouth devours me and I grab the edge of the bench, trying to hold myself still. His movements are strong, demanding. And my body feels so alive because of it. I throw my head back, closing my eyes as I focus the rising intense feeling in my core.

I feel his other hand slowly moving up against my body and his finger curl around my throat again. That makes me push myself toward him even harder. But his fingers tighten, and he yanks my neck, forcing my head up again. I open my eyes and look down on him. The sight shifts something inside me and I feel the tension building up at a rapid pace. It’s so close. It’s just right there. Just a little bit more.

Just as the feeling is reaching its peak. Felix stops all movement. I let out a frustrated whimper. The build up tension slowly fades away. I feel like crying for the loss of it.

‘’Why?’’ I say along with my heavy breathing.

‘’Something is missing.’’ He grins.

He must be joking. The only thing that is missing is my sanity.

He eyes at me for a while, then his hands reached the neckline of my dress. He tightens his grip and tears the dress open, buttons flying everywhere. I gasp and stare at him at shock. His mouth darts straight to my nipple. Sucking it, licking it, devouring it. His hand slides inside me again, and I let out a heavy exhale as my body feels so relieved to feel his touch again. He moves to another breast, giving it the same attention. The tension builds up again. I really need to come this time. His fingers move, and I move against them. Wanting them deeper inside me. His thumb starts slowly rubbing at my clit at the same time and I feel like seeing stars already. I feel it rising. Once again so slow. I gasp when Felix suddenly bites my nipple. It pushes me even closer to the finish line. I hear my voice getting louder and louder.

But then once again he stops. My whimper is more like a cry this time. I hate him. I really do.

‘’I’m sorry Lo. But you desperate whimpers are just way too satisfying to hear. I couldn’t resist.’’

‘’You really are a jerk.’’

‘’If you would see yourself from my perspective, you would understand. You are so stunning that I’m starting to think that doing this in the church is exactly the right place.’’

Oh God. I forgot again that we are in a church. How can he think this is the right place?

‘’This is not the right place.’’

‘’Oh it definitely is. People come here to worship, right?’’

‘’I’m not worshipping you. You are not my God.’’

He chuckles, his lips moving to kiss my neck. ‘’I didn’t mean that, pretty flower.’’ He bites my earlobe before whispering. ‘’I’m the one worshipping you. Since you feel much more divine than any God could be.’’

He really is a madman.

‘’That’s blasphemy.’’ I say, while nudging myself closer to him and wrapping my hands around him.

I have no idea what my body is doing. It clearly has a mind of its own. His other hand sink in my hair and yanks my head back and he stares at me with his dark gaze.

‘’Lucky for you this devoted follower of yours is willing to do anything for you. I don’t care if it’s blasphemy or not.’’

His fingers plunge inside me with force, and his thumb rubs against my clit again.

Oh please God, let me come this time. I really can’t handle his games anymore. No more teasing. I want to finish. I feel my body growing tired already from all of this. His mouth goes to devour my neck while his grip on my hair tightens. I feel like I'm closing the finish line already. I’m being on the edge far too long. The heat gather between my legs and I feel my legs starting to tremble already as the finish line comes closer and closer. It’s right there. Just one more push.

‘’You better come for me. Confess your God how fucking needy and dirty you have become.’’

And for some reason that pushes me over the edge. The orgasm flushing over me. It’s way more powerful than yesterday. Way more consuming. My whole body shakes because of it. And the feeling just keeps going as Felix keeps thrusting his fingers inside me. I feel my inner walls pulsing around his fingers. Begging for a break. I hear my screams filling the air. The loudest confession I have ever made. And probably the most honest one too. There is no hiding how low I have fallen from my righteous path. But at this moment I don’t care.

Felix finally withdraws his fingers and I watch him licking his fingers clean. My body falls limb. Every strength within me is gone. He kisses me softly, his hand frees my hair and he caresses my cheek. When he withdraws I open my eyes. His eyes are blue again, his smile softer. His expression feels rather weird. His eyes are filled with emotion. It somehow reminds me how my father looks at my mother. My chest tightens.

‘’So are you still angry with me?’’ He asks innocently.

Crap. I totally forgot my anger! Of course I am angry with him.

‘’I’m furious.’’ I say. I try to say it with attitude, but I’m too worn out.

‘’So how many orgasms will make you forget your anger? Five? Ten? Hundred?’’

‘’Just shut up. Let’s discuss this later. I’m too—’’

‘’Satisfied?’’ He smirks.

‘’ —tired.’’ I glare at him.

‘’That would have been my second guess.’’

I don’t understand how he can act so normally after what he just did?

‘’Jerk.’’ I say under my breath.

‘’Sure, whatever you say.’’ He takes my hand with a smile. ‘’Come on, let’s go.’’

I get up. But my legs feel weak, but I force them to move. I can’t really be this weak. That only one orgasm takes all my strength. When I’m out of the booth he swipes me up to his arms.

‘’Your Highness! I can walk myself!’’

He stares at me with sadness in his eyes. What got into him so suddenly? But he smiles just a second after, clearly hiding the feeling.

‘’You really should start eating more Lo.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’No offense, but your body really is weak. Which is partly a good thing. Since I do enjoy carrying you around like this. But on the other hand, you need to get a little stronger.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Well there are so many things I want to do to you. I mean if you get this tired after one orgasm, how are you going to handle two or three? Or how you can handle me finally fucking you? Since when that happens. I’m not going to stop even though you come.’’

I just stare at him in utter shock. I knew he was nuts. But he really is nuts for saying things like that. Two or three orgasms? Is that even possible? And is he really planning to fuck me someday?

I lift my hand on my mouth, like trying to shut up my thoughts by that. I can’t believe I just said the word ‘fuck’. Oh please forgive me God. I really am hopeless. And I have been cursing so much lately that I can’t even keep count. And honestly, I haven’t even tried to stop myself doing that. Felix just makes me act so differently.

I decide to ignore his improper sentences and just lean my head against his chest. His chest feels warm, his steady heartbeat soothes my mind. I close my eyes and just enjoy his presence. Knowing I shouldn’t. But let’s just ignore everything today. And let’s yell at him tomorrow.