Master of Minds, Master of Me

It’s Monday, and they finally told us the news about the invasion from Hilver. Today, all the candidates should have started their meetings with Felix. But since he’s not here, we have a free day. I hoped they would tell us more information about how everything is going up there, but they didn’t say anything. Just that there’s no reason to worry.

I decided to look for the last two spells Felix left here. Of course, we spent time in his drawer room, but I have no access there. So I really hope he didn’t put a spell in there. I think he’s smart enough to realize I couldn’t go there. I’ve already started looking for places we haven’t visited together since I’m out of ideas. I spot the stables in the distance. I’ve only walked past them when Milna showed me around on my first day here.

Maybe I should visit Hans since I’m so close. I turn to walk toward the stables, but it looks pretty quiet. I peek inside but still see no one. I guess he’s not working right now. I’m just about to turn and leave when I hear his familiar voice.

“Lady Lorelia? Is that you?”

I turn and see Hans walking toward the stable with a horse.

“Hans! It’s good to see you.”

“Pleasure to see you too. Have you been well?”

“Yes, of course. How about you? Did you enjoy your free days?”

“Absolutely. We went on a little trip with my wife. Spent a little quality time together.”

“That sounds lovely. Where did you go?”

“We visited my cousin in Lintel.”

“Really? Lintel? I didn’t know you had relatives there.”

“I do, I’m from there. I moved to the capital only to work. Are you familiar with Lintel City?”

“I’m from Lintel too, actually. I still live there. My whole family does.”

“Funny that the topic never came up before when we talked. I had no idea. So is your father working in the Grand Temple?”

“Yes!” I’m getting a little too excited over this. I had no idea we were from the same city.

“I’ve visited the Grand Temple a couple of times, but not much. I wonder if we’ve ever seen each other in the past. I only moved here with my wife a couple of months ago.”

“It’s possible. Lintel City is pretty big after all, so it’s impossible to remember all the faces we encounter. Next time you visit, feel free to stop by. It would be lovely to meet your wife too.”

He chuckles warmly. “I’ll most definitely remember that. So how’s the greenhouse?”

“Umm… Well, I actually haven’t visited the greenhouse since you left.”

“Oh. Don’t you like the gardener?”

“I actually haven’t even met him. Only seen him from a distance a couple of times. I’ve been rather busy, so I haven’t found the time to visit.”

A little lie. But I do spend most of my time in Felix’s garden, so it’s not a total lie.

“I understand. The lessons for you must have been rather exhausting.”

“A little bit. But luckily, there are only two weeks left, so I can already see myself leaving and going back home.”

“You miss home that much?”

“I do.” I say that automatically. But now that I think about it, I haven’t thought of home that much for a while.

The horse next to Hans starts to get restless.

“Hold on there, boy.” Hans tries to calm it down and then turns to face me. “I guess I need to get this one back inside. I’m glad you stopped by. Feel free to visit any time you want. Or if you want to go on a ride.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve never ridden a horse.”

“Really? Well, if you want to learn, I’d be happy to teach you.”

I smile at him gently. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Hans.”

We bid our farewells, and I keep walking around the palace grounds.

Riding a horse? I wonder what that would be like. Could I even do it? I don’t usually entertain the idea of doing something different, but trying it out could be fun. I head toward the training grounds, even though I know we’ve never talked to each other there. I only saw him there once. I walk to the same spot where I stood then and peer over the training grounds where some knights are practicing. I let out a deep sigh. What am I doing? Am I really this desperate to see him?

“So, did you enjoy watching me then? How was I? Was my hair too messy?”

I startle from his voice and let out a tiny yelp because of that. I turn to face him.

“Your Highness? How did you know I visited this place?”

He smiles at me knowingly. “It’s impossible not to spot a pretty flower like you.”

“But you didn’t even glance at me.”

“I can still notice you without looking at you. And trust me, I wanted to look. But I was too scared that my gaze on you would scare you away.”

I feel a little embarrassed by the fact that he knew I watched him. I didn’t mean to watch him, it was just an accident. Nothing more.

“So are you going to answer my question?” His voice is teasing.

“What question?”

“Did you enjoy watching me? And was my hair too messy?”

“Your hair? No, I don’t think so.” I didn’t pay that much attention to his hair. My gaze was in other places, places I shouldn’t have looked.

“I’ve been dying to know. When you came here then, was it by accident, or did you come to see me specifically?”

“Accident, of course!”

“When you say that in your high-pitched, panicked voice, it kind of gives away that you’re lying.”

“My voice is not high-pitched.” Okay, maybe I heard it a little bit even myself.

“You’re like the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

“I’m just not used to lying.”

He smiles wider. “Oh, so you admit that you were lying?”

“No!” My voice gets high-pitched again. Crap. I really am bad at lying. Maybe I need to soften this a little. “I mean, I was just aimlessly wandering the palace grounds. I really wasn’t paying attention and just ended up walking here. I don’t know why, probably just a coincidence. And I didn’t even know you would be here. So how could I do that intentionally?”

Of course, I knew he was here since Max told me. But he doesn’t know that.

“Riiiight…” He doesn’t seem convinced at all. Well, whatever. Better change the topic.

“So do you train often?” I ask.

“Yes. Whenever I have the time. Or whenever my mana starts to go out of control.”

“Out of control? What do you mean?”

“Remember that I told you that having three affinities has its downside?”

I nod.

“Possessing three affinities makes my mana go crazy from time to time. All three can’t live in harmony inside me. And swordfighting usually calms my raging mana.”

This is all new information to me. I mean, of course, the whole fact of him possessing three affinities was also new. But I didn’t realize it would bring troubles like that.

“Do you like possessing all three?”

“At first, I hated it. But then I realized what opportunities illusion magic provides. It gives me some freedom. The chance to wander around the city without worrying that someone recognizes me.”

“Is that the reason no one even glanced at us when we were outside the palace?”

“Yes.”

“And the reason why you weren’t worried about us walking together inside the palace?”

“Yes.”

That makes sense. And honestly, it seems rather handy.

“But that’s enough about me. How are you faring? Is everything alright?”

“I’m okay. It’s Monday, and we were finally informed about Hilver invading us. Since they had to explain why you’re not here for the meetings with the candidates.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t make it back in time.”

“Sorry? Why would you say that to me? I think the other candidates are more bummed about it.”

“I don’t care about the other candidates. I care about you, Lo.”

My heart skips a beat again. I don’t want it to react like that to his words, but I can’t help it. I don’t want his care. Or more likely I don’t want to want his care.

“Well, you should care. You’re going to marry one of them.”

He furrows his brows and his eyes darken. He suddenly wraps his hand around me and pulls me closer.

“I’m going to marry you, Lo.”

“No. I don’t want to be a Queen, and that will never change.”

“Never say never. I can be very persuasive.”

Nothing would ever persuade me to stay here and be killed by him.

“Your Highness, I’m sure that eventually, you’ll realize too that I’m not a good choice. I’m probably the worst choice you could ever make.”

His hands slide slowly up toward my body, and my body stills. I hold my breath as his right hand slowly creeps up toward my throat.

“I don’t care if you are the worst choice or not. You are my choice. And I won’t let you go so easily. If I can’t persuade you with words…”

He leans in, lips brushing against my ear.

“I just need to use more…” He bites gently on my earlobe, and I feel my body bursting into flames under his touch. ‘’...physical methods.’’

I lift my hands to his chest, grabbing his shirt. His mouth moves lower, kissing my neck. And the shivers travel through my whole body, and I feel my toes curling. I have no idea what this man does to me. With so little touch, I feel like my mind and body just go insane.

His voice drops lower. ‘’When I get back. I will come to devour you.’’

‘’Please don’t.’’ I try to plea, knowing it probably doesn’t have any effect on him.

I feel his lips curving into a smile against my skin, and his left hand keeps caressing my body, making it burn even hotter.

‘’Does my pretty flower want me to stop?’’

It’s hard to focus on his words anymore. All I can think of is his lips against my skin and his traveling hand. Moving teasingly around me. I know this is just a vision, but it feels so real. And honestly, I really don’t want him to stop. I want more. I’m really losing my battle against him.

“I take your silence as permission to keep going.”

Well, it’s just a vision. So it’s not like I’m really doing anything. So it isn’t that great of a sin for me. It’s just like a dream. And Father Owen said that God would never judge us based on what we dream.

“Unfortunately, our time is going to end soon.”

“No.” My voice is a whisper. Did I really just say that? I can’t believe myself. What happened to me?

He chuckles lowly, and it makes something twist in my gut.

“Have you visited me in the greenhouse yet? By the faucet?”

By the faucet? I did find him in the greenhouse, but it was next to the flowers. So is there another spell there?

He suddenly bites on my neck, making me gasp. And then I hear his low dark voice, whispering to my ear.

“I miss you, Lo.”

And then he is gone.

I open my eyes. My heart is beating so loud, my body aches from the loss of him. Oh please, forgive me, God. I can’t resist him. I just can’t. But maybe surrendering to these visions is okay. It’s not like I’m surrendering to him in real life.

Without even thinking, my body moves to the greenhouse. It’s starting to get pretty late, so the gardener is probably not there. At least I hope so. I walk straight next to the faucet. The last place we saw each other before the emergency pulled him away. I lean my back against the wall and close my eyes.

Please be here. I need to feel you. Just once. Then that’s it. Then these spells are over. Then the next time I see you, I will be ready for your accusations and hate toward me.

Soon I feel his hands travelling against my body, and I feel his warm presence. I open my eyes and I’m faced with his already darkened eyes. He doesn’t say anything. He is just staring at me, inspecting me as his hands keep moving. I wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him closer. What the hell am I doing? It’s like I have no control over my body anymore. He lets me pull him closer, our faces only inches apart.

‘’Fuck Lo. Do you have any idea what that look on your face does to me?’’

‘’What?’’ I ask, voice low.

He presses his body tightly against mine, and I can feel his hard bulge inside his pants. That makes my courage of being so close to him crawl to hiding, and a slight panic rises. What am I doing?

He lifts his right hand to caress my cheek, and his thumb slides over my lower lip. I instinctively part my lips, and my gaze drops to his lips. The memory of us kissing here comes to me. I feel my cheeks growing hotter. But I want to do it again. I want to kiss him.

He starts to smirk. ‘’You look like you want to kiss me.’’

‘’Yes.’’ I admit.

He looks a little surprised by my answer. And I can’t blame him. I’m surprised too. Surprised how suddenly all my restraints just vanished. I expect him to lean in to kiss me, but instead, he just grins, looking too smug.

‘’Too bad you need to wait for it.’’

‘’What?’’ I don’t understand. Why won’t he kiss me?

He leans in so close that our lips almost brush against each other.

‘’You need to wait until I come back. Then I kiss you.’’

‘’No.’’ It’s going to be too late then. He doesn’t want to kiss me then anymore.

‘’No?’’ He smirks.

‘’Please just kiss me now.’’

‘’You really are making this hard Lo. Resisting you is nearly impossible when you act like that. But when I kiss you, I want to kiss you for real. Not only through vision.’’

He kisses the corner of my lips and slowly starts to move down to my neck, to my shoulders. And slowly moving along with my collarbone. His hands move closer to my breasts and I expect him to move further. But he doesn’t. I let out a frustrated exhale as his hands starts to glide lower.

“I have no idea what made you change your mind about me, but you really drive me crazy. It’s like you’re begging for it.”

His hands move lower to my thighs, and I feel the heat rushing to my core. It always felt so wrong. But this time it doesn’t. I want him to touch me more. Like he did then. His hand slips under the hem of my dress, and I feel his tingling touch against my skin as he slowly moves against my inner thigh. He is so close to where I want him. I squeeze him harder with my hands as my anticipation rises. Just when he is about to reach my panties, he withdraws his hands. And an even louder frustrated sigh escapes me.

‘’No.’’ I whisper.

A dark, low chuckle comes deep from his chest.

“I told you, you need to wait until I return.”

“No. Why can’t you just touch me now? I want it.”

He straightens himself so I’m faced with him again.

“Because I want you needy like this when I return.”

“But it’s going to be too late then.”

He furrows his brows, clearly not understanding my words. Which is no surprise since this version of him doesn’t know what the real him does.

“Why would it be too late?”

“You never know if you’ll change your mind about me.”

“I would never change my mind about you. I’m too lost in you, Lo.”

“Please just kiss me. Even once.” I beg. Just one kiss, that’s all I ask. I just want to feel him once before this is over.

“No, not yet.”

His words feel like a stab in my chest. I feel my tears rising, and soon a tiny fraction of my reason kicks in. Am I really begging him to kiss me? Am I this desperate? He’s the one pestering me, not the other way around.

And have I totally forgotten that he is the doom of our country? What the hell is making me act like this? Is this really me doing this, or is the Devil making me act so out of character?

I slide my hands against his chest and push him away. He looks even more confused.

“Stop,” I tell him.

“What?” He looks at me like he doesn’t understand the situation at all.

“This was clearly a mistake. I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. Just forget it.”

I walk past him and start to leave, but he grabs my hand and pulls me against him.

“Trying to escape me? After all that hungry look in your gaze?”

“What’s the point if you don’t even kiss me? It’s better that we just end it here.”

“End it here?” His eyes darken, and his voice starts to sound more dangerous.

“Oh, pretty flower, you’re so wrong if you think we end it here. This? This is just the beginning for us. When I get back, I’ll show you what your future holds for you.”

“No thanks. I already know what it holds. And you are not in it.”

I know better than anyone what the future looks like. His hand creeps around my throat again and I squeeze my legs together.

‘’So you thought that fooling around with me in my visions is totally fine. But in reality, you are going to just deny me? You were just going to play with me?’’

‘’I think you can’t judge me for that. You are the one who started this ridiculous game. You have been just toying with my brain from the first day here. I told you. That if you can’t handle the teasing, you shouldn’t tease others.’’

‘’What a poisonous pretty flower you are. I’m sorry to break your little bubble. But I’m coming for you, like it or not. You see, I’ve developed this little obsession with you. And I won’t give up until I have you. And you acting like this only makes my methods of how to take you different.”

His words mean nothing to me. I know he has changed his mind about me in real life. I just thought I could have felt his warmth and lips against me one more time. But it was clearly wishful thinking.

I push him away from me, turn around and head back to my room. Maybe him not giving me what I want is just another punishment for me. A message not to want anything unnecessary. A message to put me back in my place.

Just a reminder to be content.