Master of Minds, Master of Me

I take rapid steps toward the temple. Even as I pass the central garden, I pay no attention to my surroundings. There is only a single goal in my mind, and that is the temple. I try to convince myself that it’s only because I miss the temple. That I miss being closer to God, and that it has nothing to do with the possibility of seeing Felix there. But I know I’m just fooling myself.

“Stop, you infidel fool! You can’t just ignore your God like that! That definitely counts as blasphemy!”

I spin around on my heels when I hear Felix’s stupid voice, trying to mimic God like that one time. He is standing on the bench, chest puffed and a stupid, dramatic look on his face.

“Your Highness? If you left your spell here, how has no one else activated it? I’m sure there have been many people passing by that bench.”

“Luckily your God is so almighty that my spell was designed to activate only by your presence,” he still speaks in a low, god-like voice.

“You are not God, Your Highness.”

“Don’t point out useless details. Come closer, you beautiful creation.”

For some reason, I walk to stand in front of him. He is still standing on the bench, looming over me. He crouches down and grabs my chin to lift my face up toward him. He smirks in a way that makes my heart skip a beat.

“I would most definitely make myself a God only to get you to worship me. To make you kneel for me.”

I gulp at the image of that, but try my best to ignore it.

“Didn’t you say that wanting people to worship you is just selfish?”

“Absolutely. Me? Very selfish person.”

“How can you say something like that so nonchalantly?” I slap his hand away from my chin.

He just stares at his hand, looking dramatically shocked.

“Did my pretty flower just hit a God?”

“Firstly, I’m not yours. Secondly, I’m sure God won’t judge me for hitting a fake God. Thirdly, I’m pretty sure since you are just a vision, you can’t feel actual pain.”

In a second, I’m swooped into his arms and we are both sitting on the bench, me on his lap.

“Your Highness! Let me go!” A slight panic consumes me.

“No chance. This God has most definitely judged you. And you deserve punishment.”

“What? You’re kidding, right?”

“No. I am a very serious God. I never joke about punishments.” He looks stern, but he is clearly holding his smile back. He really is a jerk.

“Let me go!”

“No. As your punishment, you have to sit on my lap the whole time my spell lasts.”

“No God would ever punish anyone like that.”

“Oh, how sweet of you. So you think I’m one of a kind? Unique?” He smirks teasingly.

“Don’t twist my words.”

“I’m not twisting them. I’m just reading between the lines.”

“Well, you are very bad at that, apparently, since I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Are you bad-mouthing your God? That’s blasphemy. Maybe I should punish you more.”

“It’s not blasphemy! You are not my God and you know it.”

He looks at me, and the look in his eyes intensifies. ‘’If I got you screaming for God in bed, would that make me your God?’’

‘’Of course not! It doesn’t matter where I say God’s name. It doesn’t change who my God is.’’

“Well… If I got you screaming for God in bed, would that count as a prayer at least?”

“What?!” How the hell did we end up on a subject like this suddenly?

He just shrugs his shoulders. “Just a curious question. I thought since you’re an expert in prayers, you would know the answer.”

“Definitely not!”

“Are you sure? I mean, I think we should try it, just in case it is.”

“I’m never going to sleep with you, Your Highness. I can handle my praying without your aid.” And honestly, I know when you get back, you don’t want it either anymore.

His hands start to travel on my body, and I just freeze. Once again, I just let him touch me.

“You so sure about that?” His voice drops low, dangerously so.

“Yes.”

“What makes you so confident about it? I think you looking for my spells is proof enough that you want me.”

“Firstly, I just want some company since Father Owen isn’t here. So your spells are my only option to have that. Secondly, talking to you like this is easy since I know we will only talk.”

“Only talk?” His hand slides to my inner thigh, making my body tense.

I grab his hand and push it away.

“Don’t interrupt me, you jerk! I wasn’t finished. Thirdly, even though I might enjoy your company a little bit, that doesn’t mean that I want you like that.”

He lifts his hand to caress my cheek and smiles at me so warmly it makes my chest tighten.

“You enjoy my company?”

Why am I not surprised that he only heard that part of my sentence?

“Well, at least during these spells of yours. The company of the real you? I’m not so sure about that.”

“You do realise that even though this might be a spell, I’m acting just like the real me would act? The only difference is that I can’t use my magic, and I have to vanish at some point.”

“So you can’t probe my mind?”

“No.”

That’s a relief to hear.

“So where is my pretty flower heading after I vanish?”

“I’m going to visit the temple.”

His smile widens. “Lucky me.”

“Why does that make you lucky?”

“I can just imagine the joy I’ll get when all the memories of us during these spells return to me. I really can’t wait to see you for real, Lo. To really touch you and talk to you.”

I fall silent. I’m not so sure he’ll be happy receiving all of these memories. He knows I knew about the ambush. So he might even regret leaving all of these spells behind. I can’t imagine him being happy receiving memories of someone he thinks had a part in preparing an ambush for him.

“Lo? What’s the matter?”

I focus back on him. “I just think you might be wrong about thinking that the real you would be happy.”

“Why would you say that? Of course I’m going to be happy.”

“There’s always a possibility that your opinion about me would change.”

He furrows his brows as he looks at me with confusion.

“I don’t think there would be anything you could do to make me not like you, Lo.”

“You don’t know that.” I get up from his lap to stand in front of him. “You don’t even know me, Your Highness.”

If you knew that I’m cursed, you would never look at me again. Or if you knew how many times I have been charged with treason.

He stands before me and pulls me against him by my waist, wrapping his hands around me.

“I’m trying my best to get to know you. You just have to let me.”

My heart aches. It’s hard to believe someone would really want to know me. But the problem is that I’m not even sure I know myself anymore. I just stare at his ocean-blue eyes, not knowing what to say to him. He leans in, pressing his forehead against mine.

“Time’s up. I miss you, Lo.”

Then once again, he is gone. My mind is in disarray, not knowing what to think. I kind of regret that our talk went in that direction. If these spells are the last moments I can talk to him normally, I don’t want to waste that time talking about something that makes me sad.

I turn and start walking toward the temple. The good thing about these spells is the fact that they don’t know what I have been talking about during other spells. So I can just start over when I meet him again, ignoring the last subject.

As I walk toward the temple, I realise how I really don’t care that I’m actually sneaking out right now. When I came here with Felix, I was half in panic the whole trip because we were doing something we shouldn’t have. But now? I really don’t care. And that worries me. If I don’t feel even slight regret about doing this, how am I ever going to earn help from God to break my curse?

I enter the temple, and luckily the row we sat in is empty, so I go sit there. And soon Felix appears next to me.

“Did you come here for me or for God?”

I’m about to answer him, but then I realize that there are so many people around us. They probably aren’t seeing Felix. Or are they? Or do I just look stupid talking to myself here? Actually, did people passing by in the garden look at me weirdly, thinking I’m just some lunatic talking to myself?

“What? Not going to answer at all?” he pushes.

I glance around us and say in a low voice, more like a whisper.

“Are others able to see you? Or do I look like I’m just talking to myself?”

“Neither. This happens only inside your head. Think of it as a dream. In reality, you are just sitting here, still and silent.”

“Oh… that’s a relief.”

“So are you going to answer my question?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t feel like it.”

He chuckles. “Pretty bold of you. You do realize I will interpret that you came for me?”

I look at him, and he looks so pleased.

“Think what you want. I don’t care.”

“Woah. What happened to my pretty flower in my absence? If I knew you would loosen up like this, I would have initiated the war weeks ago.”

“You shouldn’t joke about war, Your Highness.”

His eyes peer into me more, narrowing.

“So my hunch was right. You totally knew there was a war coming.”

I freeze. Crap, crap, crap. That was totally idiotic of me. If he wasn’t suspicious of me after the ambush, he will most definitely be after this spell returns to him. I kind of want to deny it, but I know nothing will save me now. I’m just doomed, and I can only blame myself for it.

“Don’t worry, Lo. We can talk about it later. I don’t want to waste our little time watching you freeze.”

I just nod at him, definitely agreeing. I don’t want to waste our time worrying about what’s to come. So I just change the subject.

“So, Your Highness, with one of the previous spells, we were talking about the things that make you happy. You really didn’t get to the point, so please, tell me the answer now.”

“Make me happy?” his face lights up. “Well, my pret—”

“Something else than me, Your Highness.”

He chuckles. “I see we covered that one with my last spell. Okay, so things that make me happy… Well, as you know, I do enjoy playing chess. It’s one of my favourite things to do. And I do enjoy sneaking out of the Palace, blending in with the commoners, and just experiencing life in that way. Having fun in the city without worry.”

“Blending in with the commoners? Why?”

“Do you want to know a secret?” He leans in, whispering.

I just give him a nod, and he continues.

“If I could have a choice, I would ditch my duties as Crown Prince in a second to have a normal life.”

“What?!” My voice is higher-pitched than I expected. I surely didn’t expect anything like that. “Why?” I ask, curious.

“The Royal Palace is like a shackle on my ankle. My childhood has been covered by rules. They have tried to mold me to be a model citizen and a perfect ruler. And I don’t want to be fitted into a mold. Sure, my life is surrounded by luxuries and all that stuff. But they are nothing compared to the freedom of just travelling and exploring. And you have probably already noticed that my nature isn’t that stiff. And I always get bad glares if I act too much like… well, too much like me.”

“So you really don’t want to be a King?”

“No. But I will be. Even though it’s not my dream, I do take my duty as Crown Prince very seriously. And I will be a good ruler. I will do anything for this country, including giving up my own freedom in the process.”

I stare at him in surprise. His words about not wanting to be a King are rather shocking. But he really seems so genuine about wanting to serve this country. So I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that he ends up destroying the Royal Palace in the future. What happens to him? What makes him change his mind?

“Have you always felt this way?” I probe.

“Yes. When I was a child, I tried to convince my father to have more children. Only so that there would be someone else to take the Crown. Of course, Duke Callum is willing to take the throne from me. But I would never let this country fall into his grasp.”

“Why are you telling me this? Aren’t you afraid that telling something like this could be turned against you?”

“I’m telling you this because you asked about it. I’m willing to tell you anything, Lo. I trust you, and I want you to trust me too. And I’m still going to convince you to be my Queen. I want us to last forever.”

My heart aches. Why is this man willing to put so much trust in me? He should be suspicious of me, about the fact that I knew about the war. He shouldn’t trust me. He shouldn’t want me in the first place. We just can’t happen. Not in this life, and not in others to come.

“Nothing lasts forever,” I answer, and I notice the sadness in my voice. Since when I die, everything just resets. Forever is about two years in this world. Only because of me forever doesn’t mean anything.

He just tilts his head and smiles at me, that kind of smile that makes my heart skip a beat. He lifts his hand to my chin and raises my head, leaning closer to me. My heart beats even louder.

“In that case, do you want to be my nothing?”

I just stare at him. He really is utterly hopeless. He leans in, lips brushing my neck as he whispers in my ear:

“I miss you, Lo.”

And he’s gone once again. And this time, I think he took a piece of my heart along with him.