Master of Minds, Master of Me

It’s Friday, and the dancing lessons are finally over. Thank you God, for that. I’ve been walking around the garden just letting my body and mind wander. Felix said that he put the spells in places we have seen each other. I wonder what places he meant? Is there one in the greenhouse? Should I go look for it?

No. Of course not. Why would I go look for it? I don’t need to see him. He is just messing with my mind once again. Or maybe it’s the Devil. I know Felix said that he didn’t have anything to do with the Devil. But I just need some explanation for my feelings. Some explanation that makes sense. And the Devil making this happen would make a lot of sense.

Suddenly, I remember Father Owen’s words.

It’s easier to blame the Devil than admit that you yourself did something.

Crap. I really hope he is wrong and I’m right in this one. For once, I actually do hope that Devil is making me feel all of these things.

I stop by the roses that we planted with Felix. I tell myself to just keep walking, but my body just doesn’t obey me, and I find myself moving toward them and crouching down. Still nothing happens. No Felix, no visions. Nothing. I can’t believe I’m being this stupid. Maybe he said that thing just to fool me, to play mind games with me. And I fell for it. I’m so weak and stupid. I really need to find my spine somewhere.

But then he appears sitting next to me on the ground. He is wearing what he did when we planted the roses, and his shirt is open. His bare chest is on full display.

Okay, maybe he didn’t fool me after all. But I still regret doing this. Since watching him like that stirs something inside me. It’s just a vision, and I’m still going nuts for it.

‘’Did you find me by accident or did you look for me?’’ He asks with a smirk.

‘’Accident.’’ I lie.

He tilts his head. ‘’I highly doubt it. If it were an accident, you would be at least a little startled at my presence and how you can see me when I’m absent. So clearly you have already found my spell elsewhere.’’

I just move my gaze away from him and look at the roses. Not wanting to answer that.

‘’So how is my pretty flower doing?’’

‘’Don’t call me that.’’

‘’That didn’t answer my question.’’

‘’I’m fine.’’

I want to ask how he is doing, but I know his illusion can’t answer that one.

‘’Which day is it?’’

‘’Friday.’’

‘’So you finished your dancing lessons?’’

I nod.

‘’Were they that bad?’’

I turn my head to look at him. They were pretty bad, and I hate how he knows so easily how I feel.

‘’Let’s just say that I’m glad they are over.’’

‘’If I were here, I would have danced with you every single day.’’

‘’Don’t be ridiculous. You know you have your job as a Crown Prince too?’’

‘’Yes, but I would have made the time.’’

‘’How?’’

‘’I can always work at night too.’’

‘’That’s rather unhealthy.’’

He smiles at me widely, and his gaze is so warm and happy. Not sure why, so I decide to ask.

‘’Why do you look at me like that?’’

‘’For two reasons.’’

He falls silent and just stares at me. So I push him. ‘’Care to tell them?’’

‘’Firstly, I’m happy that you worry about my well-being like that.’’

‘’I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant it in general. It doesn’t matter who you are. You should sleep at night.’’

‘’Sure, sure. And the second reason is that you clearly didn’t dislike the idea that I would have danced with you this week.’’

‘’What? I didn’t say anything like that.’’

‘’Well not directly. But you were only worried about me getting work done, nothing else. If you would have disliked the thought, you would most definitely say something to indicate it.’’

Oh crap. I really need to think about what I say before I say it. I turn my head away from embarrassment. Since I actually felt more relaxed when I danced with him compared to the guards. At least with him, I didn't stress about the dancing that much. Since I was stressing totally different things.

I suddenly feel his hand sliding against my cheek and going to the back of my neck. He forces my face to face him. And he has moved closer. Too close. My heart rate skyrockets when he is so near. I just stare at his ocean eyes. His face is only inches away from mine. My eyes fall to his lips, and I part my lips. The memory of our kiss comes to me. And the feeling of his lips against mine.

‘’You make me crazy when you look at me like that Lo.’’

I lift my gaze to meet his. ‘’Like what?’’

‘’Like you want to kiss me.’’

My cheeks flush, and a minor panic consumes me. I didn’t look at him like that. Did I? No. Most definitely not. I stay silent, not knowing what to say.

‘’Keep that longing in your gaze. When I get back, the first thing I’m going to do is come to kiss you.’’

‘’Please don’t.’’ My answer is just some automatic reaction. My voice clearly lacks power.

‘’Your pleas ain’t working anymore Lo.’’

‘’Why?’’

Actually, have they ever even worked in the first place?

‘’Since they are clearly a lie. You are still just too stubborn to let your feelings rule over your weird resolution of not getting close to anybody. And I don’t give a single fuck about your attempts to distance yourself from me. I’m pretty sure that when I get back, my patience is running pretty low. And when I finally see you, I will ignore every single plea you give.’’

I gulp as I stare at his eyes. My body is already tensing for the thought of that. He leans to kiss my neck, and I instinctively raise my hands to his chest. My fingers meet his bare skin, his lean muscles under my touch. I try my best to resist the need to touch him, to explore him. His hands start to glide along my body. And his mouth travels lower, kissing my collarbone. I freeze as he nears my breasts. I feel my fingers starting to move against him.

No. Please no. Just stop moving your hands. You are not a pervert who gropes at some vision. Then Felix lifts his head and faces me, lips so close to mine that I can feel his breath.

‘’I miss you, Lo.’’

And then he vanishes, and I’m faced with an empty garden. I feel my heart thumping way too loudly in my chest, and my stomach is in knots. It was clearly a mistake to look for his spell. This is just ridiculous. I get up and head to my room. When I open the door, I immediately spot one chess piece on my nightstand. And of course, there is a note under it. I walk to lift the pawn and grab the note.

Legs like that should be wrapped around my neck.

What? This is not like his usual notes. Why would I even wrap my legs around his neck? I don’t understand this at all. It makes no sense. I keep looking at the note, reading it over and over again. Like rereading it would make me realize what it means. But I come up with nothing.

I hear a knock and open the door for Milna.

‘’Ready for a bath, Lady Lorelia?’’

‘’Yes.’’ I tuck the note in my pocket and head to the bathroom with Milna.

I relax myself when Milna washes my hair. And my mind is still on that note. It annoys me that I can’t understand it at all.

‘’Milna, can I ask you something?’’

‘’Of course, anything.’’

‘’What does it mean if someone says that my legs should be wrapped around his neck?’’

Milna starts coughing quite loudly. ‘’Milna? Are you okay?’’

‘’Sorry, you just surprised me with that one. Who said that to you?’’ She suddenly starts smiling suspiciously.

‘’It doesn’t matter. I just don’t understand what he means by it. Do you know?’’

‘’I’m pretty sure I do, but it’s rather embarrassing to say.’’

‘’Embarrassing? What is it?’’

‘’Well… It means that he would like to… you know… eat you.’’

‘’Eat me? That makes even less sense.’’

Milna starts laughing suddenly. ‘’You are so adorable sometimes Lady Lorelia. I can tell you really are a daughter of a High Priest.’’

What? What does that have to do anything with this?

‘’Can’t you just explain what it means?’’

‘’Well, eating you would indicate that he would like to satisfy you with his mouth… You know… down there. While your legs are wrapped around his neck.’’

My eyes widen in shock as the image of just that goes through me. How can he write something like that!?! And I’m so embarrassed that I asked that from Milna! Oh crap. I want to dig myself deep underground and stay there. Milna just starts laughing more at my reaction.

‘’Lady Lorelia, you really are so innocent, aren’t you? But I do wonder who would say something like that to you. Since he must be someone here at the Palace.’’ She smiles, somehow too knowingly.

‘’Please just forget that I ever asked that.’’ I bury my face in my hands.

I feel my cheeks flush way too much from this topic. Why the hell would Felix write a vulgar thing like that in his note? Why would he want to put his head… My cheeks burn even hotter now. Don’t think about it! Just ignore his stupid note and relax.

I’m so going to yell at Felix when he comes back.