Master of Minds, Master of Me

I stare at the Palace as my carriage closes in. I have never stepped inside the Palace gates, not even once. So even though I have lived in this loop and memorized the whole city, this place feels foreign and uncomfortable. My guts know I shouldn't be here.

The carriage drives through the Palace yard and I gaze at the garden. It's so beautiful. There are so many beautiful flowers everywhere. I guess there are some perks to coming in here. I bet this place has a huge greenhouse.

I have succeeded in calming myself down from this whole phenomenon. I’m sure I can manage just fine here. I will go through the education and then go back home. Simple as that. Nothing to worry about. And maybe I can even enjoy myself a little while strolling in the garden. I hope they let us walk freely in the yard in our free time.

Of course, I'm a little concerned that I can’t visit the temple while being here. But my father told me that the Palace has its own church. So that’s good. It makes me a little bit more at ease.

A maid directs me to my room. The Palace is, of course, very grand on the inside too. Nothing to be surprised about. Even though my family are nobles, I’m not used to anything remotely close to this. The whole place squirms with servants. I mean yes, we do have a couple of servants, but this feels just absurd. The maid escorts me to my room and soon another maid comes in.

“Lovely to meet you, Lady Lorelia. My name is Milna, I’m going to be your personal maid during your visit at the Palace.”

Personal maid? Why? But I guess I just need to do what they tell me to do. The best choice is just to accept anything they offer. Refusing her help would raise unnecessary attention. So I smile my usual warm smile.

“Pleasure is all mine, Milna. I trust myself in your aid.”

“I’ll do my best, my lady. First, you have some time to settle here comfortably. Soon there is going to be the first meeting among you candidates. But lessons start tomorrow. I will help you unpack.”

Unpack? I mean I guess it’s fine. She takes my luggage and starts unloading it into my closet. I go look outside the window where my eyes land on the beautiful garden. I can even see a waterfall from here. The beating of my heart slows down a little.

I’m going to be just fine.

---

Milna is leading me toward the first meeting, and my heart is starting to beat a little louder as we walk. So my slowed heart rate didn't last so long. I have only attended a couple of social events among the nobles, so I really don’t know any of the girls in here well. But I trust that God will help me get along with everyone. We are going to be here for two months after all. So it would be nice to have some company to talk to. And usually, people do like me. Not in the way that they would miss me or desire to see me again. But enough to be comfortable talking to me, not minding my company. I’m like the water at the dinner table. No one actually cares to drink that when there are other beverages around. But no one minds taking a sip of it once in a while.

I enter a huge room, where there are already many candidates waiting. Milna leads me to stand behind a couple of girls. I stand there and we wait for everyone to arrive. I do recognize some of the girls. Some I have seen before and some of them are the chosen Queens from my previous loops. There are fourteen of us. I thought there should be fifteen.

A tall man, maybe in his fifties, walks in front of us.

“Good evening everyone. I’m Count Fredrick Trive. I’m going to be the supervisor of the Selection. You are going to see me a lot during these two months. Tomorrow you will start the classes with Baroness Alante. You are going to start with learning Palace etiquette first, since you are going to use it here in everyday life. If you have any questions about the Selection, don’t hesitate to ask.”

I slowly move my gaze to look at the girls around me. Everyone's smiles are so bright, like they have dreamed of this moment for a long time. I really don’t understand that. Being a Queen? I can’t just see the positive sides of that. But I guess it’s just me. I’m not here to serve the country, I’m here to serve God.

“As you know, these two months are going to require hard work from all of you. We are going to test you in every aspect of life, to see if you are fit to stand next to our Crown Prince and future King, Felix Barham. Three of you will be chosen based on your results during these weeks, and then the Crown Prince is going to make the final decision. At the end of the Selection, the Crown Prince is going to spend time with you too. So he can also get to know you all before making the decision and we can also see how you get along with him.”

Count Trive keeps talking about the details of what is about to come, what subjects we are about to cover, and so on. I have never been a big fan of studying, but I will of course do enough work that I won’t raise any unnecessary attention. He also tells us that some parts of the Palace are in our use too, like the garden. And we only have to ask our personal maid before moving around here. I’m definitely going to ask that later today. I can’t wait to go see the greenhouse too.

“That’s all the information for today. And if you do have any questions, you can always ask your maid too. If they don’t know the answer, they will relay the message to me. But before we let you settle down in your rooms, you have the honor to meet with the Crown Prince. After today, you are only going to see him later on in the Selection, when the meetings among you and him start.”

He nods to one of the maids and she leaves the room, probably fetching the Crown Prince. I’m actually surprised that we see him today. And not in a good way. I have never met him personally, and only seen him from very far away. Like during his coronation, when he rode the fancy carriage around the capital, I got a glimpse of him in the plaza. Of course, I know what he looks like, since his pictures have been in newspapers many times. He is always portrayed in a good way, like he is perfect in every aspect.

I know better than that. I know he will cause the country to plummet. So no matter how he looks, he won’t fool me. But seeing the person who will end up killing people does make me nervous. I actually feel like I’m about to puke from nervousness. I’d rather not see him. But I guess there is no choice.

“You will all introduce yourselves to him in turn. I will call you out when the turn comes. You will go stand before him and bow gracefully and greet him and tell your names. After that, move so the next one can come.”

What? Do I need to talk to him? I don’t want to do that.

And then the door opens and my eyes focus on the door. I feel like my heart is about to burst inside my chest, but I keep my expression calm. Not letting it show. The Crown Prince steps in. He really does look like the perfect Prince everyone says. His bright blond hair shines above his blue eyes. His eyes remind me of a slightly turquoise ocean, glimmering under the sunlight. His facial features are sharp and elegant, making him look pretty appealing. It’s hard to imagine someone like him would ruin the country.

But I know looks can deceive. I drag my gaze away from him. I mostly keep my eyes on the floor. I just want to avoid any attention. Not risking him noticing me looking at him when he slides his eyes among us. He introduces himself, like there would be any need for that. It’s pretty obvious who he is. His voice is pretty soft but still quite bright and joyful. Count Trive starts to talk again, I kind of lose my focus on listening to him while I’m staring at the floor. My gaze travels between the hems of the dresses around me, then Count Trive’s shoes and then another pair of shoes next to him.

They are pretty fancy, which is expected since he is the Crown Prince. His clothes are pretty detailed too. I lift my gaze slowly, just curious about his clothing. When I reach his chest, my eyes snap to his. Only because I realize with my peripheral vision that he is looking at me. Me? Why is he looking at me? He is not just looking, he is staring. A faint smile tugs at the corner of his lips and seeing that makes my stomach knot. Now I really feel like I’m about to puke. I move my gaze away, not showing how uncomfortable I feel right now. Just ignore the whole gaze. Maybe it was just bad timing or something. I have no desire to peer into the eyes of someone like him. I listen while the girls start to introduce themselves. Some of them clearly try to open a bigger conversation with the Crown Prince, but Count Trive quickly interrupts their attempts.

I feel my heart hammering faster and faster, knowing that soon I have to walk over there too and face him.

“Okay. Now that everyone has introduced themselves, we can let the Crown Prince get back to his duties and you can withdraw to your own rooms to rest,” Count Trive says.

A huge wave of relief floods inside me. Did he really just forget me? Oh, I have never been so happy about my ability to be a wallflower. This is absolutely perfect. Now I can just—

“But that wasn’t everyone.” I hear the Crown Prince’s voice.

But I won't raise my gaze to look at him. Not making the same mistake twice.

“I do apologize, but I’m pretty sure that was it. Is there someone you want to talk to again perhaps?” Count Trive suggests.

Please, I hope that is the case. Even though I know in my guts that’s not it.

“No. I’m sure that the lady in the back with the white dress didn’t introduce herself.”

Oh crap! Oh, I mean, oh no! He definitely means me. I usually always wear white, since it’s the color of holiness. And I am here to serve God after all, that is my only purpose. I hoped that all the colorful dresses around me would make my white one disappear in the background. I thought I could blend in better with it, but I guess it wasn't good enough. Count Trive lifts his gaze toward me and I finally do the same. I guess there is no avoiding it after all.

“Oh. I do apologize, I didn’t notice you back there. Please step forward.”

Oh, I don’t mind that at all. I do mind that the Crown Prince did notice me. But I keep my appearance calm and proper as I walk to stand in front of him. I don’t raise my gaze to meet his. I grab the hem of my dress and bow to him gracefully while introducing myself.

“Greetings to the little sun of the Empire. My name is Lorelia Helesantra.”

I only say the bare minimum. Enough to be courteous, but nothing that would stand out from the other girls. Nothing to be remembered for. I straighten myself, ready to get back to stand behind the others. But his voice startles me.

“Lorelia, huh? Why haven’t I seen you before?”

My eyes snap to his. Not because I want them to. It’s just some basic reaction when someone suddenly talks to me. And I regret that, his gaze is somehow very intrusive. Why did he talk to me? He didn’t say anything to any other girls. But I guess I’m the only one that hasn’t met him before. So maybe his curiosity is understandable. Maybe that explains why he looked at me earlier. Maybe he just spotted me since I was the only one he hadn't seen before. I still keep my looks calm when I speak to him.

“I haven’t really joined high society.” I explain. Short and to the point. That’s the truth after all.

“So where have you been hiding then?”

He smiles at me in a weird way. I’m not sure what message he is trying to send me with that smile. Or is it more like a smirk?

“I’ve spent my life mostly at the temple.”

“The temple?” His voice sounds a little shocked.

“My father is the High Priest in the Grand Temple, so the temple is my second home.” I keep my voice steady, but the urge to puke is even worse now.

“Well, that surely explains it. Knowing that makes me regret not visiting the Grand Temple more.”

What does he mean by that? And why does he still keep talking to me? This should be a greeting, not a conversation. But Count Trive rescues me soon after.

“The Crown Prince is a busy man, so I think we should let him go back to his duties.”

The Crown Prince straightens his posture a little bit and talks.

“I hope you enjoy your stay here at the Palace, and don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything. We do our best to make your stay here comfortable.” His eyes snap to me when he says the final words. “It was a pleasure to meet you.” Then he bows and leaves the room.

I know he must have meant you as in all of us in the room. But I just have a bad feeling about all of this. I don’t like this at all. And my stomach strongly agrees.

When the Crown Prince leaves the room, the maids come pouring in to escort us back to our rooms. Milna says that dinner is going to be served in our room soon. When we arrive in my room, I eagerly wait for her to leave. When the door closes, I run to the bathroom and puke in the toilet.

All the pent-up nervousness and anxiousness just pour out of me.

I’m so glad we won’t see him for a long time. I really couldn’t handle being around him. His presence makes my body feel so weird. So unnatural. So I think even my body knows he is dangerous, despite his charming looks. I try to calm myself just sitting on the chair. Tomorrow will be an easier day, I’m sure of it.

And it doesn’t take long for Milna to knock on the door and arrive with my dinner. The food here really is fancy. Too fancy. The amount of food is enormous. Like it was meant for three people to eat. I could never eat this much. And after all that puking, I actually couldn’t care less about eating right now. But I don’t want to be rude and leave the food untouched. It tastes great, but still eating it feels forced. I eat what I can manage and go back to sit in the chair. After a while, Milna comes back to collect the dishes.

“I hope the food was to your liking,” she says with a smile.

“It was delicious.”

She looks pleased as she collects the dishes on her tray.

“Milna, can I ask you something?”

“Of course. Anything, Lady Lorelia.”

“Is it still possible to visit the garden today? I feel like taking a stroll, to help digest the food better.”

“Of course! It’s getting pretty late, so it is a little chilly. So you should take a cloak with you. I will come fetch you soon so I can show you around.”

“Thank you, Milna.”

I go already to grab my cloak. I really don’t see any need for that since the summer is warm. But I will do as she says.

And soon we step outside and I take a deep inhale of the fresh summer breeze. I already feel my body relaxing. We walk among the flowers and Milna shows me around the garden. She says that next time I can come by myself if I want, but she is always willing to join me if I want company.

I stop every once in a while to smell or admire the flowers. They are breathtakingly beautiful. Everything in this huge garden is beautiful. I ask Milna to show me the greenhouse and it’s absolutely splendid too. The greenhouse is empty when we arrive.

“Do people visit here regularly?” I ask, curious.

“No, not really. They more likely just stroll in the garden. So usually it’s only the gardeners.”

I feel pleased to hear that. Maybe this place could be like a little sanctuary for me.

“It’s getting late, we should head back and start to prepare your bath.”

It’s a shame. I could spend more time here. But I guess there is plenty of time to visit here during these two months. When we are just about to reach the greenhouse door I see a figure stepping in. I instinctively just move to the side, keeping my gaze down and slightly bow. Milna’s slightly high-pitched voice startles me.

“Your Highness! I had no idea you would visit the greenhouse today. If I had known, I would have made necessary preparations for it. I apologize.”

Your Highness? Please don’t tell me it’s him.

“No need for an apology. I was just passing by when I spotted the doors open. Since the gardeners are off duty already, I was just rather curious who was in here.”

That was definitely his voice. Crap!

I still keep my gaze down. Like not looking at him would make me invisible somehow. But soon his fancy shoes come into my field of vision.

“So you hide in temples and among the flowers?”

Is he talking to me? I raise my gaze to look at him, and find him staring down at me with a smile and gleam in his eyes. My stomach knots.

“Greetings, Your Highness. I was just curious about the Palace greenhouse. We were just heading out, so if you excuse us.”

I start to head outside.

“Why do I get the feeling you are trying to avoid me?”

I look at him, and he is wearing a teasing smile. I really don't understand him. Why would he ask that? I mean sure it’s true, but still.

“Of course not, Your Highness. It’s just late and I’m getting tired from all the walking.”

He takes a step closer to me and I feel a knot in my stomach tighten.

“Do you need me to carry you inside?”

What?

Absolutely not! That sounds like a nightmare. And why would he offer that in the first place? That's just absurd. My heart races, but I don't let it show.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m perfectly capable of walking myself. Have a nice evening, Your Highness. I wish that God blesses your day.” I say with my usual calm tone.

I bow along with my maid and we head outside. I hear his voice behind us.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure God has blessed me. I have always enjoyed watching pretty flowers too, you know. And I have a feeling I found the most beautiful today.”

Is he really thinking that some flower is a blessing from God? This man surely is a weird one. I don't even know what I should say to that. So I just give him my usual smile, give a little bow again, and keep walking.

Back in my room I sink myself in a bath. Milna washes my hair while I try to understand everything that has happened today.

Why did he have to talk to me like that today? First at the meeting and then in the garden? I thought he was a busy man, so why would he just stroll around the garden?

Actually, it doesn’t even matter. There is no reason to think about it. It was just a one-time incident. Tomorrow the lessons start so I’m not going to see him again. Well, at least not in a long time. I just should focus my thoughts on just managing the lessons. He is not going to go berserk during the Selection, so there is no need to worry about him.

My attempts to be unnoticed might have failed today. But I will do better in the future.