(BL) Taming the Field Guide

Sakura was sitting at her desk with only one lamp turned on. The reason being that the light was only making the deep, throbbing headache worse but she needed to keep working. She’d even drawn the blinds, making the room more into a cave than an office, when the door to her office was flung open.

It was a rather surprising sight, especially since the person who had flung open the door never acted in such ways. They were normally calm, composed, outside of when their eyes would glow with passion and excitement from time to time. It was one of the many reasons that Sakura liked having them by their side.

They had also just left on a break. One of many that Sakura allowed for her to go get something to drink or snack on. It was also something that tied into their guiding session, which Sakura had ordered for them. They needed one, even if they kept fighting Sakura about it.

Sakura would not let Veronica neglect her health, not when she cared about her so much. Especially when she was planning to start a relationship with someone. Even if that made Sakura’s heart hurt as much as her head pounded at the moment.

However, Veronica hadn’t been gone long, at least, that was what Sakura thought. Until her gaze slid to the clock on the edge of her desk and she realised with a start that Veronica must have gone to her guiding session and had come back.

That didn’t do anything but create more questions. Why was she flinging the door open? Had something happened? Sakura tried to grow interested, but her head throbbed. It was almost like a warning, telling Sakura to stand down. Knowing more, being more curious would only make it worse.

Sakura watched as Veronica stormed towards her desk, marching past Veronica’s own desk, a small object in her hand. It took her a moment to realise that it was a phone, and not just any phone, Veronica’s phone. It was covered in a cherry blossom case, which had always made Sakura smile under normal circumstances.

Sakura used to tease Veronica about it, saying that she must be secretly in love with Sakura if even her phone case was about her, but right now those words weren’t uttered out loud. Not when Sakura felt vulnerable after Veronica’s questions only a few days ago. Sakura wouldn’t tell Veronica, but she’d been rotating between working out after their day was done, fleeing from Veronica as soon as the day was over, and drinking in her home alone. She had worried that this headache was a side effect from her drinking, but she wasn’t going overboard. She was just...having a few and watching the night sky alone.

Maybe she had done some foolish things while drinking, but nothing harmful. Nothing dangerous. If Veronica did know what she was doing, maybe she had photo evidence on her phone. Sakura could see Veronica getting mad at her for it. It might even make Sakura smile under normal circumstances, the heart of the Guild looking out for the Captain. Like usual. However, the pulsing headache that was threatening to turn into a migraine was making it hard for Sakura to smile at anything.

Veronica marched over, her face red, her brown eyes watery, and thrust the front of the phone into Sakura’s line of sight. Sakura blinked, her eyes adjusting to what was on the screen but Veronica’s words got to her faster.

"What the hell is this? Why are you on a dating site?" Veronica was shouting before the door had even properly closed behind her, and Sakura caught a glimpse of the shocked expressions of the secretaries outside. Sakura was also confused and shocked. Why was Veronica so upset?

Sakura didn’t let any hope exist inside of her, not after she’d heard Veronica’s words ages ago at this point. She was more worried that something else was going on. Veronica never shouted like this, not outside of interrogations.

"Oh, I’ve been on dating sites before." Sakura said calmly, meeting Veronica’s gaze. She was tired. Her heart ached, she’d been working non-stop since it was decided that Captain Thatcher and Captain Sergei were going to leave for the conference and with the death of the damn monster, she just felt like nothing was going her way.

She’d reactivated the dating profile in a moment of weakness. In a moment of need. In a moment of drunk ambition. Sakura loved her Guild, had always loved her Guild and up until recently, when Veronica had asked her about her ’friend’, Sakura had thought that she could handle everything just fine. She wouldn’t trade what she had going on for the world, loved her people, loved her life, but...but knowing that Veronica was going to start moving forward with her life after Sakura had put everything else to the side...

Sakura was a big enough woman to admit that it had hurt her. Especially after they lost the monstrous bitch who had hurt her city and her people to suicide. It finally caught up to her. Going back to her empty apartment was getting exhausting. She was a good person, she did a lot for everyone. She deserved some happiness. She deserved some kind of love. She wasn’t asking for much. She just wanted...fuck. She wanted what Rhys and Kellen had.

It was a greedy thought, a greedy desire, but after hearing that even Captain Sergei of all people now had someone had made the pit in Sakura’s stomach churn. Hell, even Tom, that slippery piece of shit, had a wife. An ex wife now, but he’d had one for years before this!

Sakura raised her gaze to Veronica’s eyes, seeing the tears, seeing the anger in her eyes and wondered why she was so upset? She was the one who didn’t want anything to do with Sakura. Sakura was the one who was respecting the boundaries that she put down.

It was a bitter thought, a bitter reminder. She even came to Sakura to ask her hypothetical questions about her relationships, and for advice. It wasn’t as if Sakura had been subtle before she’d heard from Veronica’s own lips that she was only humouring her to keep her position.

Fuck. Sakura was being mean. It was the pain from the headache. It wasn’t fair, they didn’t know that Sakura had overheard them when they were talking to their friends, and it was partially on Sakura for never bringing it up. In fairness, it just got more awkward as time had gone on to bring it up, and when Veronica had agreed to move her office into Sakura’s, Sakura had just accepted it.

It wasn’t on Veronica’s shoulders that Sakura had gotten greedy. That she had wanted more. Sakura said she respected Veronica’s boundaries, and she needed to do just that, even the emotional ones.

Veronica’s eyes shifted from the pretty deep brown that they normally were to the fiery red of an Esper on the edge. Sakura watched the red grow and noticed the purity of her gaze. Good. She’d gone to her guiding session and had taken to it.

It was a secret power that Sakura had. She was able to tell how terrible the condition of those around her was by looking into their eyes when they used their powers. It was one of the reasons she had rarely looked into the eyes of Captain Thatcher for a long time. The fact that the man, the monster, had survived as long as he had without Kellen at his side was a damn miracle.

He appropriately let Kellen get away with whatever he wanted, because Sakura was convinced that he knew how fucked he’d be without him.

"Okay? But this seems recent. This doesn’t look like an old photo, Sakura!" Veronica shouted and Sakura winced. She tried to keep her reaction to herself. Veronica didn’t like when she hid that she wasn’t feeling well from her, but this was a choice that she made. It was a side effect from taking her medication, and she would rather die than stop taking medication that made her feel like a person.

"I reactivated it in a moment of weakness, Veronica. I don’t understand why you’re so upset. It’s not like I have time to go on dates right now, anyways." Veronica’s face went white. Her eyes widened, and the fire dimmed for a second before the air around them began to heat.

"What? Dates? Are you serious right now?" She asked, her voice dangerously low. Sakura frowned, finally reaching up and rubbing the spot between her eyebrows, her head beginning to pound. Maybe it was time for her to call it a day. Go get some guiding or go see their healer. The headache wasn’t getting better.

"Why wouldn’t I be?" Sakura asked, her annoyance leaking out as the pain grew harder to ignore. "I’m single, everyone else around me is getting into relationships, and I’m lonely. It was just a moment of weakness, V. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it." Sakura said, pushing back her chair as she got to her feet. "I’m sorry, I’m not really feeling up to continuing this conversation. I feel a migraine coming on and honestly," Sakura hesitated, "I don’t think you have the right to tell me what to do when it comes to who I date, Veronica." Sakura said.

It hurt her to say it, especially when Veronica stared at her, her eyes watering again. She looked so damn angry, pissed actually, but those words seemed to hurt her deeply. Sakura had no idea why she was acting like this. Veronica had never cared about this before now, so what was the change? Why now of all times?

A sick, sinking feeling filled Sakura’s stomach. Wait, what if there really had been a friend and Veronica was upset because she had wanted to set them up with Sakura? No, no. That thought was too painful to even consider, and didn’t fit with the trend of Veronica’s actions. Sakura was just getting upset at herself because her emotions were all over the place.

She was overworked, tired, and in pain. She needed to go deal with this on her own.

"I don’t have a right?" Veronica asked and Sakura gave her a look. Sakura’s pain was making her a little too bold, and the conversation from only a few days ago had a vice grip on her tender heart.

"You know why. Don’t pretend you don’t." Sakura whispered before she turned her gaze away and sighed. "Anyway, I don’t know how you found out, but I’m not doing anything with it right now anyways. I just..." She sighed, feeling a bitter smile touch her lips. "I just had a moment of weakness." She said. Sakura straightened. "I’ll be gone for a bit. I’m going to see if guiding or a healer might help this headache. Take a bit of a longer break, but that might be it for work for the rest of the night." Sakura said, nodding her head before she left Veronica behind.

Speechless, confused, and with a deep pit in her stomach.

Sakura couldn’t even look at her right now, her head pounding, her eyes feeling like they were going to pop out of her skull. It was the worst time in the world to have a headache this bad, but what else could she do? She did her best to navigate the situation as best as she could, she just hoped she hadn’t said anything too mean to her.

Sakura knew she tended to get a little rougher around the edges when she was in pain. It was why Veronica got upset when she didn’t tell her about it. Sakura smiled bitterly to herself as she finally gave in and let herself press the heel of her hand against the center of her forehead in an attempt to relieve the pressure there. The women who normally said hello didn’t. They knew the signs, but they were also curious about what that whole moment before was about.

All they caught was the back of their Captain leaving her office, and the back of the head Lieutenant in said off as the door closed behind her.

No doubt a rumour that they were fighting was going to spring up before the day was over.