Taming the Beast World with a Frying Pan

Ren stepped carefully over a scattered pile of shimmering emeralds, nudged a giant, polished turtle shell out of the way with her foot, and began rummaging through a wooden crate filled with random odds and ends.

Syris was on the opposite side of the icy cavern, tossing bone carvings and piles of molted snake skins over his shoulder as he searched for his mysterious item.

As Ren dug deeper into the crate, her fingers brushed against something startlingly familiar. It was rectangular, smooth, and had soft corners. It didn’t feel like a stone or a piece of carved wood.

Curious, she pulled it out and dusted off the cover.

Ren’s green eyes widened. She blinked, rubbed her eyes, and stared at the object resting in her palms.

It was a book. A paperback romance novel from her world.

The cover featured a muscular, half-naked man with flowing Fabio-style hair, passionately clutching a swooning woman whose bodice was practically dissolving off her shoulders. The bold, embossed English letters across the top read: The Duke’s Forbidden Desire.

"What in the world..." Ren whispered, tracing the printed text. It was undeniably a relic from her world.

Syris heard her voice and turned around. He spotted the colorful object in her hands, and a deep frown immediately formed on his beautiful face.

"I see you have found that worthless thing," Syris noted, his tone dripping with profound disdain. He stepped over a pile of gold trinkets to stand beside her. "I got that from the humans a very long time ago."

Ren tore her eyes away from the bare-chested Duke. "You got this from humans?"

"Yes," Syris sneered, glaring at the paperback. "They lied to me. They traded it in exchange for safe passage through the outer marsh. They swore to me that the object held the ultimate ’secrets to paradise.’ They claimed it contained unimaginable knowledge."

Ren opened the book. The pages were yellowed and slightly crisp from the cold, dry air of the vault, but the text was perfectly legible. She skimmed the middle of a random page, her eyes scanning the paragraphs.

’...Lord Harrington’s throbbing, hardened member pressed against the delicate lace of her pantaloons. He let out a ragged groan, capturing her quivering lips as his hands ruthlessly explored the soft, yielding flesh of her heaving bosom...’

Ren snapped the book shut, her cheeks instantly flushing a brilliant, fiery red. Oh, it held secrets to paradise, alright. Just not the kind a snake beastman would ever find useful.

Syris narrowed his amethyst eyes, observing her flushed reaction. His brow furrowed in sudden realization.

"Wait," Syris said, leaning closer. "You are human. Can you understand those strange markings?"

Ren froze, clutching the smutty novel to her chest. "Um..."

"What does it say?" Syris demanded, his voice turning serious. "Read the secrets to me."

Ren panicked. She quickly cracked the book open to the very first page, desperately hoping to find some benign exposition that didn’t involve throbbing members or quivering thighs. ’What a remarkably horny author,’ she thought to herself.

"It’s... well, it’s a love story," Ren told him, scanning the opening lines about a carriage ride in London. "It is a tale about a man and a woman meeting in a city and falling in love. That is the secret to paradise. True love."

Syris’s jaw clenched tight. An angry aura flared around him. "Those dirty, lying creatures," he hissed, his fangs extending slightly. "They tricked me with a useless fable."

Ren couldn’t let the opportunity pass her by. She clutched the paperback, stepping closer to him. "Syris, tell me about them. The other humans. Where did they come from? What happened to them?"

Syris let out a dismissive scoff, rolling his shoulders to shed his irritation. "I met a small group of them a long time ago. They were incredibly ugly, strange beasts. They carried around a bunch of strange, useless items."

He reached out, his long fingers gently brushing a stray lock of red hair behind her ear. His gaze softened. "You are the very first beautiful human I have ever come across."

Ren’s flushed cheeks burned even hotter at the sudden compliment, but she pushed forward. "Did they say where they came from?"

"They were insane," Syris stated, shaking his head. "They were always babbling, crying, and screaming that they came from ’another world.’ They constantly claimed they needed to find their way back home to their metal boxes and strange cities."

Syris waved his hand dismissively, gesturing to the cavern walls. "You are quite a lot like them, always speaking of strange things. But there is no other world. This land is simply vast. I deduced they must have come from a faraway territory across the oceans, and the difference in landscape was so great they foolishly believed it to be a different world. I found them quite funny and silly."

"What happened to them?" Ren asked softly.

Syris shrugged, his tone devoid of any empathy. "They all died from sickness, or they were eaten by wild beasts in the forest. I can imagine no beastman wanted them as mates. As I said, they were very ugly and dirty. They spent all their time screaming at everything they saw."

"Is it possible any of them are still around?" Ren asked, a tiny spark of hope lighting in her chest.

"Perhaps in other, distant parts of the world," Syris replied casually. "But there are none left in this territory. They all died out. You are the very first human I have encountered since then."

Ren swallowed hard. "How long ago was this?"

Syris hummed, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I am not entirely certain. But it was long before I claimed the title of Snake King. So, quite a long time ago."

Ren’s shoulders slumped in defeat. "I see."

Syris noticed her sudden change in mood. He tilted his head. "Did you wish to meet them? Were they your family tribe?"

"No," Ren sighed, offering a small, sad smile. "I was just curious."

She wasn’t sure why the news brought such a sharp pang of disappointment to her chest. She had already made peace with living the rest of her years in this brutal, prehistoric world.

The silence stretched comfortably across the icy vault. Syris returned to his piles, while Ren found a stone to sit on.

To distract herself from the existential dread, she opened the paperback novel again. Soon, she was deeply engrossed in the scandalous drama of Lord Harrington and Lady Elara. The plot was ridiculous, but the romance was delightfully spicy. Her face grew progressively redder as she turned the pages. The Duke was currently ravishing the young maiden against the velvet cushions of a moving carriage.

"Found it!"

Syris’s triumphant voice suddenly ripped through the quiet cavern.

Ren jumped, letting out a startled squeak. She quickly folded the corner of the page to mark her spot and put the novel into her inventory.

She stood up and hurried over. Syris was holding something small, carefully wrapped in a large, brown, dry leaf.

He handed the delicate package to Ren. "The beastman I acquired this from claimed it is a bud from the flower we spoke of."

Ren’s breath hitched. She carefully unfolded the brittle, dried leaf. Resting in the center was a shriveled, dark crimson flower bud. It looked ancient and fragile, as if it would turn to dust if she squeezed too hard.

"Log book," Ren murmured.

Ren held the dried bud up to the pages, waiting for the magical ink to identify the legendary fertility cure.

Nothing happened. The pages remained totally blank.

Ding!

[System: Error. The current Log Book is strictly programmed for flora and fauna located within the Swamp Territory. To identify items from other biomes, you require the corresponding regional text. There are separate log books for other parts of the world.]

Ren groaned in irritation. ’Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to get the other log books?’

[System: Through the completion of glorious quests, of course!]

Ren scowled. ’I need the log book that can identify this right now! So give me a quest that rewards it!’

[System: Very well, Host! Generating appropriate challenge...]

[New Quest Alert! The Great Escape!] [Objective: Free Vex the Fox Shaman from jail!] [Reward: The Log Book of the Northern Mountains!]

Ren stared at the glowing text, her brain stalling. ’What? Vex is in jail?!’

Right on cue, a loud commotion echoed from the stone staircase outside the vault.

"Keep moving, fox," a familiar voice commanded.

Ren spun around just as Viper, flanked by another snake guard, marched into the vault. Dragging between them, bound by vines was Vex.

The Fox Shaman looked unbothered by his captivity. His three orange tails were pinned, but his handsome face still carried that infuriating, arrogant smirk.

He spotted Ren standing next to Syris and winked.

WHAM!

Viper drove his fist brutally into Vex’s stomach. Vex doubled over with a wheezing groan, coughing as the breath left his lungs.

Ren’s eyes widened in shock. ’How the heck did they manage to catch him?!’ Catching him should have been impossible.

She looked up at Syris. The Snake King was staring down at the bound fox, and Ren had never, ever seen him smile so brightly.

Ding!

[System: Quest Update! Time is of the essence! You must save Vex from being executed!]

Ren swallowed hard, her heart pounding. ’Executed? How long do I have before he gets executed?’

"My mate has one night left in this swamp before she leaves for the forest," Syris announced, his amethyst eyes burning with victorious glee. "So, I will grant her a spectacle. We will publicly execute this miserable fox in the morning, and I will read out his endless crimes for all to hear."

Vex gasped for air, straightening up despite the pain. He offered a sarcastic eye roll. "How incredibly exciting."

"Silence," Viper hissed, jerking the vines.

"Excellent work, Viper," Syris praised, his tone dripping with satisfaction. "Take him to the lowest dungeon."

Viper literally beamed with pride, puffing out his chest. "Yes, my King! It is my honor!"

As the guards dragged Vex away, Syris turned back to Ren.

"The trickster fox will finally get what he deserves," Syris purred, gently taking her hands in his. "We will hold a grand feast tonight in celebration of his capture! It would be truly lovely if you could make some of your tasty food for the occasion."

Ren stared up at her husband, the image of Vex bleeding in chains flashing in her mind. If Vex died, she wouldn’t get the log book. If she didn’t get the log book, she couldn’t cure her infertility. And if she didn’t cure her infertility, she failed her main quest.

Ren forced a bright, eager smile onto her face, masking the panic clawing at her throat.

"Of course, Syris!" Ren chirped cheerfully. "A feast sounds wonderful!"

But inside her head, gears were turning at breakneck speed. She had less than twelve hours to plan a prison break under the nose of one of the most dangerous beastmen in the world.