Chapter 259: Lonely Together
Toy shook her head and said:
"Knowing what I know now, I get it. I get this forced seclusion. But, seriously. Stop acting as if you’re alone. It pisses me off. Someone truly alone."
"Toy, seriously? You know... the thing I hate most about you is your connection with Succubitch. I’m envious of it. I truly am. To dare claim yourself alone... it’s an affront to someone like me."
Toy quietly shrugged her shoulders and sat down.
"Think back to how the world felt when you were charmed. Were any of those desires your own? That’s what I don’t know. And how can something that’s never known itself connect with another? It’s not possible." Toy dragged her knees toward herself. "That’s the main reason I hate you."
Awilix was pissed at everything that just happened, but upon seeing the despondent look in Toy’s eyes, lost all her anger.
Awilix sat down on the grass, facing Toy.
"Your turn, Toy. Tell me who you are. It’s only fair."
***
Awilix intently listened to Toy’s story.
The tale of a puppet aware of the strings; strings her master refuses to pull. Yet those strings still shift and move on their own — or perhaps that’s something Toy had convinced herself of.
Toy added her struggles with becoming her own person; recognizing her own self.
It was when Toy finished, Awilix muttered:
"I’m... Sorry."
Toy’s head tilted to the side.
"An apology?" The small goblin scoffed. "I never asked for one. I hated you for what you said, yes... but a part of me is thankful for it. It help me unlock more of my ’self’."
Awilix sighed, then fell on her back, watching the moon ever so far away in the sky.
’Is that so...’
Toy copied the cat, their feet nearly touching. After a few minutes of silence, Toy asked:
"Awilix... when you danced, why were you sad?"
The cat gave no snarky response. No screaming about how she’d just spent the better half of an hour screaming that very answer in Toy’s face. Instead...
She answered honestly.
"Because I’m alone."
Toy spoke slowly, staring up at the starless sky.
"Thank you, Awilix. Thank you for your honesty. You finally gave an answer undeserving of pity. One deserving sympathy."
Awilix felt like she wanted to cry, so she did. Quietly, of course. But the tears steadily came and trailed down her cheek and onto the grass below.
As she silently cried, she said to Toy.
"You’d better not say anything to the others. If you dare, I’ll rip your head off."
Toy lightly laughed.
"I won’t... but I have a request."
"Yeah?"
"Well, I feel like I’ve relived all of my hatred, so we’re back at square one. I was wondering if you’d like to be lonely together?"
"Lonely together?" Awilix sniffled. "Are you dumb?"
"You have Selene, I have Master. We can’t really abandon them, can we? So, let’s share in our loneliness."
Awilix chuckled lightly.
"What about Master Vale?"
"He can be lonely with us as well."
"What are you saying?"
"Well... I might have eavesdropped on a couple of conversations between him and my master — kind of hard not to do when in a cave... But anyway, he... he’s much more like us than you think. In fact, he and you are very similar in your plight."
"I see..."
Awilix laughed inwardly at her pitiful self.
’I guess that’s my fault.’
Just how short-sighted and self-centered had she been?
’Vale could only come to love Salome?’
Was that really a fact?
’Not at all.’
Well then...
"Sure, Toy. We can be lonely together."
Awilix picked herself up off the ground.
Toy rolled her head around, studying the cat..
"What are you doing?"
Awilix didn’t respond. Instead, she smiled. She smiled and began to move her legs and arms in a fluid motion.
She began to dance.
Dancing under the moon with a bright smile on her face, calling upon Selene’s soul. As she did, she reminded herself what Toy said.
Gifted, not stolen.
Perhaps it was a lie meant to make Awilix push beyond the past, but perhaps it was the truth as well. And perhaps the validity of the fact didn’t matter.
What mattered was who she danced for.
Selene? Vale? No.
She danced for herself.
Awilix closed her eyes. She spun, twirled, flowed like water. Eventually, she felt the gently caress of Selene’s soul.
Yet, something was different this time.
As Awilix continued to dance, she felt she heard a faint whisper. Selene’s whisper.
Though it was not a whisper spoken with words, but the soul.
A whisper which Awilix interpreted with ease.
’Good.’
In the next moment, Awilix felt Selene’s soul vanish.
Normally, she would have freaked out, but she also had a sense of what happened...
’I didn’t deny her reincarnation...’
Awilix opened her eyes, staring at the full moon.
’Her soul stayed around to watch over me.’
[Moon Dancer] wasn’t calling upon Selene’s soul, not at all. It was calling upon her own soul. It was the manifestation of her own power locked deep within herself.
The manifestation of her deepest wants.
With an aloof smile, Awilix continued her dance.
’I’m truly a dumbass...’
How. How did she not see something so readily apparent?!
Why did it take Toy beating the sense in to her to realize her faults...
’No. Actually, it could have only been Toy.’
Toy was the person Awilix needed. A person who was once a reflection of her past self, yet had broken out of that weakness without forsaking herself.
’No, that’s also a lie.’
Awilix thought back to what Salome said:
’If you think she’s weak, fight her.’
Sure, Salome had called Toy weak literally minutes before, but weakness was not so one-dimensional. Toy may have been physically weak...
’But she has true strength.’
Awilix spun out of the last turn of her dance, then reached up toward the moon with an open palm as if to grab it. Or more so... to let Selene go.
As she stood there, she felt a euphoric sensation wash through her being.
She felt something within her chest break out, emerging from its shell.
To her side, her audience of one had a single tear trailing down her cheek.
"Your dance truly is beautiful."
Awilix brought down her hand, then clenched it into a fist.
"Thank you, Toy."
’Thank you...’