Chapter 258: Your Story
Awilix sneered, resisting Toy’s grip slightly.
"Seriously? I did what you asked. Get off."
"No, you didn’t. You still haven’t told me the rest. Your story here."
"You..."
Awilix’s voice trailed off.
"I want to know, Awilix. I’ve seen your time here from my perspective, yes. But I want to know how you see it. What you feel. I want to know how you see the world, having once been charmed. So, tell me. I need to know. Only then will I release you."
"You’re almost as annoying and insufferable as your master."
Toy gripped Awilix’s wrists tighter.
"Thank you for the compliment."
’...’
Awilix’s eyes rolled to the side.
’Damn.’
Begrudgingly, Awilix began her story. The story of a cat without memories, controlled by desire. The one where all she cared about was making her body feel good, using the man using her.
She detailed her will to battle only for Vale.
Then, she detailed the excruciating experience of remembering all at once. The painful influx of memories she hurriedly worked to suppress. The reforming of her broken soul.
All of it happened in a mere fraction of a moment.
Yet, her past fears and feelings had been returned to her, but they were muddled by the time she’d already spent in the dungeon.
Waking up in the Dungeon Core, Awilix knew Vale would be coming to find her, so she frantically ran and hid behind the rubble, buying even an extra second to sort out everything in her head.
Yet, as she feared, Vale’s voice soon reached her, screaming, "Fuck!"
Leaving no time to think, she pretended to sleep. She’d stifle her fears, her faults, her past — all because she didn’t know how to face it.
She continued living as if nothing had changed.
But a lot had changed in her mind.
She was pissed.
It didn’t take long to project her bottled hatred onto Toy, treating Toy as Awilix had once been treated in the past — how the weak were supposed to be treated...
She knew what she was doing, but she did it anyway. She needed an outlet.
She even called upon Selene’s soul.
As she came to a stark realization in her fight against Toy, Toy was a pseudo-reflection of her past.
And Awilix couldn’t bear to let her past self win over her current self. She had to show she’d changed, moved on.
Awilix laughed sharply.
"Yet look at us now..."
Toy stayed quiet, motioning for Awilix to continue.
Then, Awilix detailed the slow fading of her presence in the dungeon. Vale needed her less and less. He called on her less and less.
Her actions against Toy were not without consequences, or at least that’s how she deemed it resulted in her current standing.
Then, eventually, she found herself alone night after night, reflecting on her life, her weakness, trying to find her purpose here.
Yet, if such a purpose existed, it eluded her.
Toy, when Awilix was done, sighed. She sighed so heavily that her shoulders looked like they dislocated.
"Awilix..."
Then, Toy raised her right hand and sent a mean bitch slap from hell into Awilix’s cheek.
"Why could’t you have just said something?!"
"You—"
"Why not talk?! Tell someone about how you feel?!"
Awilix fought Toy’s grip, freeing her right hand, which she used to grip Toy’s left wrist and begin pushing back.
The cat yelled:
"You speak as if it’s oh so easy!"
"No! I know it’s not! But was taking it out on me really the correct option? You had a choice! You didn’t have to say those things — say my existence was useless — but you did!"
"I already told you, dumbass! I only did so because you reminded me of myself! So stop taking it to heart and release me! I told you everything you wanted!"
Toy head-butted the cat.
"Is that so?!"
A trickle of blood leaked from Awilix’s forehead.
"Yes! Yes, it is! So let me go!"
"Do you really think it is impossible for us to care about you the way Selene did?!"
"Huh?!"
"You made no mention of Vale’s relief when he saw you were okay! Did you forget?! Was that the face of someone who only sees you for your strength?! Tell me!"
"Just let me—"
Toy flipped her arm, pinning both of Awilix’s wrists again.
"See! You have no rebuttal. How hard is it to realize the truth? No, you obviously know the truth! So why do you actively deny it?!"
Awilix clicked her tongue and shouted back.
"You wouldn’t understand, fuckface! You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to lose your everything! That void is not something that can ever be covered or filled!"
Toy grit her teeth again and whispered:
"You are pitiful... you truly are. Selene’s soul? I can sense it when you dance... And I sense something that was gifted, not stolen!"
’W-what?’
"I won’t claim to know anything about her, but from the little I can piece together, this you — the current you — isn’t worthy of your dance. But the past you, before gaining your memories, was."
Awilix growled.
"I hate you."
"And I hate you as well, you obdurate fool."
Awilix resisted, and suddenly, Toy released her hold on her and jumped away.
Awilix clawed at the ground and pushed herself to her feet.
Toy, standing a little away, watched her slowly.
"Don’t pretend like you didn’t understand a word I said. Stop lying to me and stop lying to yourself."
’I—’
Awilix looked down at the grass, a small streak of blood running from her forehead to her chin.
She was prepared to scream at Toy. Denounce all her words.
’I’m sorry.’
Her arms fell listlessly to her sides.
Yet, that apology wasn’t meant for another.
Not Selene, not Toy, and not Vale.
It was for herself.
It was the first time she ever apologized to herself.
With a quiet grunt, Awilix nursed her wrists.
"What was all of that even for? What do you want from me?"
"I simply followed your example. Something pissed me off, and I wanted answers. You of all people should understand."
Awilix sighed.
"I see."
Then, her face contorted in a mix of displeasure and sadness.
"You said ’gifted,’ not ’stolen’... What did you mean?"
"Just that. I don’t exactly understand myself, but [Sixth Sense] led me to that conclusion."
’Ah... I’m a dumbass, aren’t I?’