Walking Disasters and Me

My mind is stirred on the thrum of a dull, throbbing ache. A sign I know all too well by now as I groan at myself mentally for getting carried away again. Well, at least a little bit. I may be a bit groggy and my head may have a mariachi band queuing up "Tequila" again, but at least its boisterous trumpets and shaking maracas are more of an annoying echo rather than a front row seat performance. And, for what it's worth, I don't particularly feel bad about having hazy memories after a lovely lunchtime celebrati-... Wait...

I creak open an eye, hopefully prepositioned to be viewing the ornate clicking clock in what I hope is my bedroom only to suddenly be face-to-face with a gently snoozing Ios. A naked, snoozing Ios. Her body pressed up nearly skin to skin with mine, only the faintest feather width separating us. I gulp a little at the tantalizing sight - both of us above the covers for some reason - but I do confirm that I'm at least in my room.

The second mystery, the one involving us being out and about naked as jay birds, is also quickly solved as a large, bushy black tail comes to drape across both of our bodies. Its heat more than enough to almost instantly push away any semblance of a chilly or uncomfortable atmosphere. Not that I would feel it since [Exhibitionist] is half powered on right now.

It's then that some foggy scenes begin to reveal themselves to me of the prior day's occurrence. Outside of the double whammy of the tribulation and torturous bath session. No, those events are firmly locked in place, but what followed after the feast and speech are harder to pin down.

The soft breath of Jun Li tickles my neck, the bed shifting slightly as her larger form rolls over to press her copious mounds into my back. A longer, dainty arm languidly reaching past me toward Ios as it then removes the previous distance between us and pulls both her and I into each other. And then, me further into the soft, cushiony body of Miss J. Forget being the little spoon, somehow I've turned into the middle spoon!

Ios nuzzles her head into my chest - and I'm still trying to remember if she said if she even needs to sleep or not - while Jun Li completes the double attack and sinks hers into my flowing, red strands. The overstimulation easily rocketing both my libido and blood pressure to the moon as my face turns scarlet. Not really sure what to do in this scenario, I decide to just play possum for a bit and go check the [Dream Archivist] vault to see if I got lucky and it counts being drunk as a 'liminal space'. Maybe then I can make sense of this precarious position.

As my soul avatar opens its eyes, I take in the rows upon rows of shelves. The first one now being filled out a decent way while the others remain vacant. Taking my time, since time is already a fuzzy concept while I'm in my soul space these days, I stroll over to the populated shelf and go towards the end. My mind focusing on a few tomes, five overall, as I sigh and pull them from their resting spots.

Going over towards the empty section of wall, I realize I may be here for a while trying to piece together how much of an idiot I possibly made myself along with when exactly that little performance was done. So, in a manifestation of will, I think about a large, comfy couch to rest on while I watch.

The resultant piece of furniture is... functional but looks beyond janky. Awkwardly stilted legs, rough looking cushions, and a back that isn't quite uniform. A flit of embarrassment passing my cheeks that I sigh away. The thought of someone seeing my shoddy first attempt at something like this easily mollified by the reminder that I'm all alone he-

"Wow, that was bad. Like, crayon drawing reluctantly stuck to the fridge with a magnet bad." I nearly vault to the ceiling of the vault, my instant scream of shock echoing among the vast, unamused halls as I land with a thundering heart. My brain only processing that last little teasing jab as I finally breathe again and turn to face the always resplendent, radiant form of my sister.

"S-Sandra! You jerk!!" I holler with puffed cheeks as I tackle into her, her own giggling peals of laughter the only response to the accusation as we tumble to the ground. My wriggling hands moving to attack her weak points with deft precision - some things never change it seems - as her chuckles become full blown tirades of chest heaving mirth.

"Okay~! Okay~! *Hahaha~!!* I give, Aims! Uncle~!" She tries to parlay and end the tickle attack, but my butt is on her tummy, and her sides look like they haven't learned their lesson yet~. I squeeze my legs around her waist to keep her still, hands coming up menacingly into her vision as I grin back to her. But, even though she has tears in her eyes, the look she fixes me with isn't one of a sibling desperate to break free of some lighthearted fun.

It's one of relief, pride, and oh so much love. I falter, my own little smirk subsiding as I ease up on my thigh press against her. A beam of pure warmth filling me from inside as she wipes a salty pearl of liquid from the corner of her honeyed eyes. "We haven't done something like this in forever. Play, rough house. I know we're both adults now, but when you started getting sick, physical affection become really hard for you. Or, well, it seemed like it..."

She pauses, the smile still present but its a softer, saddened shade now. "You almost quit hugging me, or mom, or dad entirely. Even little side arm gestures or kisses on the head were so few and far between. At least, when you weren't having an episode. Then, it was like all that pent up want to be touched exploded out from you and you wouldn't let go~... I missed it. I miss being so close to you without having to hear you crying or wipe away your tears. I'm proud of you and everything you've done to heal from that, baby girl."

Before I can offer a response, her hands reach up and intertwine with mine. A soft, but sure pull brining our chests smushing together before her arms eventually find their way to winding across my back. I sniffle a little, burying my head in her neck somewhat as I give a fake protest, "That's not fair... You can't be all mushy and lovey-dovey when I'm winning. New rule."

Sandy giggles against my ear, her tone the essence of music and breath the heat of a million suns. "Hmm~. I don't know if I can follow that one, my precious little sister~. I can't help but to be all doe-eyed and hopelessly filled with love for you, after all~."

The harumph leaves me lips as I lean back, pouting face meeting her still gorgeously smiling one as I lean in and lash our lips together. A pleased hum sounding out from her, from me, and from both of our hearts as the room splashes in pinks and golds. I pull back after a few meshes, licking my lips of her taste as I whine down to her, cheeks flaming and eyes sparkling, "Cheater."

The glimmer of her brown eyes matches my teal as she her smile deepens and light the room, "Yup~." We both laugh again, our lips finding each others between the escapes of breath. Tossing and turning a couple times until we reluctantly come back to standing. For Sandra, it feels like she is just reluctant to put any amount of distance between us. Something that is as heart warming as it is... arousing. Though, that last thought is something I don't really feel uncomfortable with anymore.

For me though... the reluctance is because as soon as we are back on our feet, I remember what I've been worried about recently as it pertains to her. Or, rather, to Raphiel and her. A topic I have no clue on how to broach, or even if I want to. The possible answer to the unspoken question terrifying to the point of stillness. A development that Sandra picks up on easily without even needing our special connection.

"What's up, Aims? You didn't do anything wild yesterday if that's what's got you on edge. Though challenging Gerra to a drinking contest wasn't your smartest move~. You only got to like, three cups before you just snoozed out. Apparently exhausted from the tribulation and the bath." She says as she waves her hand, removing my attempt at luxurious lounging as its replaced by a much more opulent version of her design. And I know its hers because there's a million butterflies sewn into the fabric, and its a gaudy pink.

As we plop down on the - admittedly very comfy - bright colored couch in front of the hidden screen, I give her a questioning tilt to my eyebrows as I reply, "Wait, have you been coming in here? After I showed you the memory of what happened with Sam?"

For the first time that I can ever remember, a slightly guilty look comes across her features as she awkwardly laughs and scratches her cheek, "Uhm... a bit?" I deadpan back to her as she breaks and says in defeat, "Okay, a lot. I've... well, I've seen everything in here so far. More than a few times... I-I try to keep up with your life on the outside while I take breaks from looking over my own memories, past thoughts, as well as past emotions."

"You've seen it all?" I ask out incredulously, my head tilting around her to see the plethora of tomes lining the still singular shelf. My mind harkening back to another of my thoughts regarding why Akiko seems so off when talking about my sister now, and the nature of this place. "Sandra, that's like a month of memories and dreams. At least, anything important it seems. Which, as I'm sure you know, has been basically every moment since landing on Mara!" I frown as I grab her hand, squeezing it tightly while my eyes gain a stern set to them.

"I told you not to overexert yourself. I know you're healing fast - and I'm so happy about that, trust me! - but you're worrying me, Sands. It's only been a couple days since I showed you how to get here, and now you're saying you've gone through that entire bookcase? Multiple times?? When are you resting??"

Sandra doesn't try to hide the shame she feels. Not on her face as it blossoms to blush, nor through our bond as its black waves meet and crest with my concern. "I do rest, Aims. But I'm sure you've noticed how weird the concept of time is in this space. Its... even more like that for me now, ever since I woke back up from the heart demon fight."

There. The hesitation. A stronger blip of shame held back purely by her own restraint but felt none the less. Blood turning to ice as I grab her hand as hard as I possible can. My newly peak 3rd Ranked soul should easily be enough to make her cry out in alarm, but instead... no reaction of pain from her whatsoever. A complicated mess of emotions erupting like a tormented volcano as I gasp and cover my mouth, her own eyes wide at the apparent misstep as she tries to lean over with consoling hands. Hands that I knock away as I stand once more.

"Aims!! Just, just hang on!Please don't get upset, I can explain! Please!" She says with fresh tears as my feet retreat once. Twice, before I still myself. Avatar shaking as the world around us dances in every color known to exist. Save for pinks and golds.

With a trembling voice, words spill from underneath the cover of my hand, "I k-knew it. I didn't think I'd confirm it so fast, but I knew it. Raphiel d-did something to you. O-or... is you." The thought occurs with an audible explosion of power. Red, vicious and deep, blankets the protesting vault. Bookcases bending under fury as a familiar winged spear materializes in my hand. The liminal space wavering as a snarl rips to my lips. Clarity beginning to distort as teal eyes begin to shift to scarlet.

"Give. Her. BACK!" My furious banshee wail slams among the stone and shoots past her as she stands, arms low and outstretched placatingly. Her look one of hurt, but not from anything I did.

"Aims, I promise I'm still me! Please, if you can just listen for a second, I can tell you everything." A single foot closes the distance between us. The touch of her heel louder than a gunshot in my mind.

"S-stay right there!!" I scream again as I shakily level the spear towards her. Her hands coming to rest at her side as she stays locked in mid stride as was asked. I bite my lip, white soul blood splashing into my mouth. Onto the ground as I growl in frustration. The beast inside me desperate to be free, shaking my body with the hungry want to hurt. To rip apart the thing that may have taken my sister from me.

The last shreds of sanity fighting with the monster at the thought of harming Sandra. It's already nearly impossible to raise a weapon towards her... Even if it may just be her body being puppeted. A thought that does little to help the sane side fight the insane. A growl mixes with heavy breath, my entire body trembling as I rage against madness before Sandra raises her voice again. Her words stilling both my body and mind.

"Raphiel gave me her powers. After the heart demon fight. I... I didn't know if I had hallucinated it at first, but when I had to take a break and woke up in the meadow, I tested some things. I'll have them until I fully heal my soul and get my body back. That's partially how I've been healing so fast..."

My stunned mind works my mouth ineffectually for a few moments before something clicks inside me. "The plants... T-they grew and responded to your touch. I-I thought that was just part of the dream..." I say as the shock thankfully overpowers the rage, the blood red fading in gradient ever so slightly. The entire universe becoming muted.

Sandra nods as she pulls her foot back, the scant few feet of distance between us wider than an ocean as she repeats, "I have her powers, for now. All of them, until I join you on Mara. Then, I'll have to regain them the proper way, like you're doing, after that. My soul..."

She pauses, her own lip coming to be prodded by her teeth before she continues, "It was too damaged in the fight with Panic. I was very close to... not existing anymore. The Empress put a band-aid on it when she put me to sleep, but Raphiel gave me the tools to truly begin healing myself after we met. Though it took some... convincing. Not that your help wasn't instrumental too. You healing the outer shell allowed me to wake up again and start combing through memories. To start piecing myself back together. And I wasn't lying when I said I do heal faster with you around."

My knees falter somewhat, the spear dissipating in motes of light carried by some unseen wind as I try my utmost to stay standing. "W-why..." I ask back to her. Hurt and confusion roiling on my tone and cresting black waves through our bond, "Why didn't you tell me? About any of this?"

"Because I was scared." She says back, tears flowing like a river down her face as my heart clinches. The red hues finally - instantly - breaking into sapphire as I almost subconsciously go to run and wipe them away. My feet only staying planted by a stubborn, wounded heart awaiting an answer. "And I know its a shitty excuse. One that I've comforted you after using countless times, but I was scared you'd be upset with me. Or frightened of me. Or hate me. Or pull back from me after so long of me wanting to be in this very spot."

Her voice, while still laden with tears and chokes, takes a dreamy quality as she looks to me longingly with watery eyes, "Years of yearning to hold you close. And kissyou. And tell you how I've always felt but been too afraid to say. But I knew from snippets how scared you were of the Empress. I was so scared, soterrified of telling you something that I thought was going to pull you away from me. Like how you were when we met after happened between you and Sam, now that I think about it..."

A wet chuckle leaves her lips as she rubs away the tears on her own, "Guess I shouldn't be surprised we both had the same hang ups about virtually the same thing, right? Fucked up way to be twinsies, but it tracks..." She hiccups through the jinxed humor, drying her face again as I stand stock still and she continues on, "It's kind of funny. I was so petrified of telling you exactly how I loved you back on Earth for the same reasons I was holding this back. That, and I didn't want to add to your heavy heart and mind both times. But I shouldn't have done that to you... I should have told you sooner. Shouldn't have let my own past worries mess with me so much and just... trusted you..."

Another first for all my lives combined occurs. The face of utter, crushing despair on Sandra as she fixes me with pure, unrestrained sorrow. "I'm s-sorry, baby girl. I've done a horrible job at being a sister back on Earth, and now at being a soulmate here on Mara."

Movement returns to me in a flash, my feet thudding forward faster than lightning as I barrel into the surprised yet open arms of my blood. Both of us once again tumbling from momentum, but this time onto the still materialized couch that was waiting just behind her. A brief exhale of air as her back lands on the seats, my leaning over form on top in a mirror of what happened earlier.

Though this time, the teasing mirth, warm and cuddly feelings, and easy smiles are missing. Replaced by shaking wrists, a quivering frown, and teary eyes. "Wrong." I whisper out on choked breath. Her eyes widening a touch as I lay into her more, slamming her wrists against the couch, blinding prismatic light shining around us and nearly drowning our connection. "You're wrong, Sandra! Don't you ever talk about yourself like that again!! You're my sister, my best friend in any and all realities, and someone that the word love fails to even hold a candle to!"

"But still, I hid something so important from you!" She shouts back with her own messy, tearful, remorseful face. "Even if it was because I was scared, I shouldn't have done that!"

"Then don't!!" I yell, our faces only hairs breadth apart from the small tussle on the couch. Heart slamming in my chest like it wants to escape as I pull in her scent. Hear her whimpers caressing their forlorn song in my ears. Feel the radiant, wet heat from her breath on my lips as I cry down to her, "It was a bad idea! One that did and still does upset me, but not because you kept something so important secret because you were scared!Fuck, Sandra, if anything I can relate to that part the most!! No, I'm upset because you hiding it for this long makes me feel like you don't trust me! Like you don't mean it when you tell me how much I've grown and healed!"

Her chest stills; our breasts long having been pressed together on the sofa as she gasps in shock. "Amelia!! I would never lie to you like that! I wouldn't evergaslight you about your mental health!!"

"Then stop acting like I'm still broken!" My crying voice begs to her face. Both of us falling still as I shake and sob. "You, Ios, Akiko, the girls... Nearly everysingletime something heavy comes up, you treat me like some... some fragile doll made out of glass! One that you'd rather lock up in box than actually play with! But in the next breath, you'll tell me how good I've been doing! How much I've been healing!"

Another slam of her wrists on the cushions as I raise my voice in a flash of blazing red frustration and anger. Not directed at her, specifically, but in general as the words spill from my mouth in ranting fashion, "So which is it?!Am I healing?!Am I well enough in your eyes to just tell me a hard truth and trust me to handle it like an adult?! Or am I still a pretty ornament a secondaway from being shattered that you keep on a shelf in your mind?!? Locked in a gilded cage labeled 'fragile' and sheltered away from anything you think will break me?!"

A pitiful choke as I let go of her wrists, hands coming to rest on her shoulders instead as I hang my head low. Dull, graying colors filling the space as our foreheads touch and I whimper out, "Because I can't be both, Sandra. I can'tbe the scared, frightened girl who could barely handle making a phone call at the same time as who I am now. Who I'm trying so fucking hard to grow into while moving past that broken version of me. A broken, sad mirror of myself that I don't want to ever be again. So please," I pause as I lift my face, crashing our lips together in a messy, desperate, and aggressive plea of understanding. My body sinking into hers as she moans into my mouth.

Another rainbow tinted burst of color suffuses us. Its kaleidoscope splatter on every wall, both in the vault and in our souls. My hands coming up to cup her face as hers dig themselves into my hair. I pull back, a string of our combined spit tethering us as I beg her slightly still stunned eyes again, "Please, trust me like I trust you. With everything. With allof my heart and my soul. All those things you said to me when I broke down in your lap after telling you what happened in that bunker... Trust me now when I say that I feel the exact same way. That I will never leave you. That we are always going to love each other. And if you truly think I'm healing, that I'm getting stronger, then act like it and trust me with uncomfortable things that may still upset me."

I pause again as my lungs valiantly pull in a needed - yet unneeded, given we're in the soul space - breath as I stare down at her. White tears splashing on her face as my lips arc downwards. "And even if we fight or bicker in the future, don't you ever say those things about yourself again. Or I really willbe mad at you."

We stare at each other for a few moments, the cocktail of emotions slowing its rushing flow down to a trickle as the tension in the vault lowers with each passing second. Peaking again as the still wet cheeks of Sandra tilt upwards into a soft smile before she nods. The mix of messy and radiant somehow making her even more alluring than ever before as she finally answers back, "You're right, baby girl. I guess I've still been thinking of you like that in my mind, to some degree. Like someone who needs to be protected from any and everything, even though my eyes and heart know how much you've grown. And I'm sorry for that."

Her hands pull my head back into her neck, her scent nearly blinding as I let the residual tears from the outpouring of emotions flow free. Washed away by her apology, and admission. "I'm sorry that I ever made you think, even for a moment, that you weren't getting better. That I made you doubt the night and day difference from all the years I've known you, in all of the best ways possible. And I'm sorry it took me keeping a secret to make that sink in, for both of us. I promise, I'll never do that again. Because I do trust you, Amelia. With everything I am."

I sniffle into her skin, tucking my legs up against her as I try and burrow my body into hers, "You better. We're going to be with each other for all eternity."

She gives a soft, small giggle as she raises my face back up to take in hers, a smirk splaying on her lips as she replies, "For all eternity, huh~?"

I playfully scoff and capture her lips in mine. The prismatic hues once more dazzling the space, though in a softer intensity as we both just... exist together. Passion, relief, acceptance. All present and tangible along with the vibrant pinks and golds, but more akin to a soft linen blanket than the suffocating pressure of what it was before. Comforting, complete.

With a wet smack of our lips disentangling, I press our foreheads together once more. My legs and arms wrapping around her as we nuzzle together, my voice sounding out in a loving whisper as she returns the grapple, "Yeah~. Because you have me now. And I'm never letting go of you again."