Reunion – Ch 138
The petal tickles my nose as my eyes go cross-eyed while I stare at it, the urge to sneeze rising up within me as Akiko gives a soft chuckle from above. "Cute~." She praises before lifting the offending foliage from its perch on the tip of my button nose. The playful energy present but still subdued after... well, after everything we just went through together. I give a faint smile in return, knowing that while both of us may be healing. That we both have things we need to work on, separately and together. I can feel that the bond between us came out stronger in the end for it.
A wonderful reassurance on its own, but needed all the same. I close my eyes again, lulled into a calm and peaceful hum as Akiko strokes my hair and blankets me with her tails. Both of us content to stay cuddled together wordlessly until the sun begins to give its parting rays, making way for the dazzling rings and moon overhead. At some point, some system messages filter through, but my sleepy and comfortable mind simply ignores them for now~.
I'm stirred from my half sleep, half dream state by a rustling from Akiko. "Gerra should have made dinner by now, my love. Do you want to come and eat? I think we both could use the company of our companions, and they are eager to see you. To verify your wellbeing with their own eyes and senses." She says softly, the petting continuous as her tails wave lazily against me.
"I... I don't know... I'm not sure if I'm ready to see Sam again..." I mumble against her tummy after turning my head into it. Her fresh fragrance filling my mind and helping to ease my worries, somewhat.
"I understand." Akiko once more coos out in a kind, gentle tone. "I shall have Gerra make a plate for you and bring it to your room. Unless you wish for me to deliver it?"
"N-no... Ugh... I don't know..." I sigh out frustratedly. "I do want to see them. All of them, even Sam. But just thinking about trying to talk to her again so soon is just... terrifying. But I know they're worried, and rightfully so. So I feel bad if I brush them off. And I don't want to exclude Sam or something either..." Well, much as things change they seem to stay the same, sort of. At least now I know for certain my desire to see them even if it makes me scared isn't based on some placement of value or something. I genuinely do want to see them. But... yeah. Terrifying.
"Hmm..." Akiko hums as she shifts me effortlessly into a carry, my legs wrapping around her waist and arms around her neck like a child as we still sit on the bench. "I do not think they will mind waiting another night. Or until you are ready. But, if you can marshal courage, I am sure you will find their company healing in and of itself. And if it becomes too much, the trepidation too great, I can escort you back to your room. No bother, no fuss."
It's my turn to hum as I nestle my face against her neck and hair, the silver ribbons shielding me from the outside world as I ponder. "Okay... I... I'll try. At the very least, I can reassure them that I'm okay. Well, not okay necessarily yet, but you know what I mean."
The kitsune nods agreeably, raising us off the bench as she pats my back comfortingly. "I do~. Just do as much as you feel secure in, Amelia. The girls will understand. Just seeing your adorable face will be more than enough to ease their hearts."
As Akiko ferries us toward the kitchens, I use the allotted time to prepare mentally. It helps immensely that Akiko has willingly accepted her position in what happened, the burden of guilt shifting and sliding its mercurial weight between us now instead of solely on me like I initially wanted it. Making the nervous fear of seeing Jun Li and Gerra again lessen considerably, even though its still an intimidating prospect.
But for Samantha? My heart races as I squeeze onto Akiko at the thought of interacting with her again. Mind torn on how to even approach such an encounter. Do I try to act normal? Ios seems to think that Sam sees what happened in a different way. An opinion brought about by the woman's own words, no less. But does that give me the excuse to... brush off what occurred? Even if she forgave me, or holds a kinder view on the matter? How much do I let the regret and the hurt that I see as my own and Sam's feelings on things influence how I interpret what happened?
I groan internally at the imagined scales of such a problem. The weight of my own views, beliefs, and painful interpretations opposed and weighted by the same of Samantha. I know its not fair - to either of us - to let those odds tilt heavily in one direction or the other. Symbolizing the loss of agency and importance for whoever is on the raised metal dais. But at the same time, I don't know what that balanced middle ground between us even looks like.
The situation so extreme, so different from anything I've ever done before. Something I never thought myself ever capable of. And... In a way, I am growingly seeing that notion as true still, the enraged version of me and I are separate. But it doesn't change the fact that it still happened. And now I have to navigate how to claw my life back to normal from it. I guess the real question is whether or when do I let the other person that was the victim in this help me with that. And how do I help her in turn, if she needs or wants me to.
I sigh as I tuck into Akiko more. My wrapped embrace being met with affectionate tail presses and gentle pats to my back with her hand as she carries me along at a leisurely pace. I suspect she is doing so to give me time to get my mind right, which is greatly appreciated. Although I doubt all the time in the world would truly be enough to prepare myself. Some things just need to be faced and confronted before you can move forward... And this sure as shit counts as one of those things...
Our lackadaisical stroll comes to an end all too soon, the scents of fresh grilled meats and spices wafting from the still closed doors and filling the hallway with its alluring aroma. Akiko gives me a kiss to the cheek, her chilly lips making a small blush come to heat my skin before she sets me back down to the ground. A tail coming to gingerly wrap around my waist as her hand slides into mine.
She turns to look down to me, nothing but kindness and understanding - deeper now than it ever has been - as she says, "We will stay as long as you feel comfortable with, my love. Remember, everyone on the other side of these doors loves and cares for you. No judgement or scorned glances will be found once we cross this threshold. You are safe and among friend and family here, if you wish to see it in such a manner."
I wordlessly nod back, not trusting my words as my body trembles regardless of how much I try and calm myself down. Akiko likely not even needing the bond to feel and smell the fear wafting off me, juxtaposed with the scents and warmth radiating from the room in front of us. She squeezes my hand softly, raising the other to open one of the large, oaken doors and bring us into the room. My free hand gripping the life preserver that is her tail around my waist in a vice as I shakily follow in behind her.
We meander through the recently used space, the violet and orange of the parting sun lights the courtyard beyond the kitchen in its glow. There, the table is set and prepared as the Gerra and Jun Li patiently wait, their hands seated in their laps as they face back towards the kitchen. Towards the emerging forms of Akiko and I.
I regret the mental sigh of relief at not seeing Samantha here, but it happens all the same. Just as it happens that both women at the table piled with food stand and walk forward as we approach, the concern and worry plastered on their faces and displayed openly by their bodies. Tails low, dusting the grass beneath them. Eyes subdued with the obvious questions of wellness and empathy. Ears fastened to the tops of their heads.
Gerra seems to be mostly put together out of the two of them. Her usual playfulness gone, but collected in her stance and posture in her usual tank top that exposes her muscled abs and shorts that show off her trim thighs and legs. Jun Li, on the other hand, looks like she is about to physically vibrate out of her body and purple kimono with the needy want to hug me. Her keening cry of concern only just managing to be kept securely in her throat as her eyes wobble with the threat of tears.
It's just like Akiko said, I admit. Just seeing them, even from my partially shielded vantage point behind the snow white kitsune as I unconsciously moved behind her, does indeed help ease my worries and tension. And seeing Jun Li in such a state has the weird effect of making me want to forget everything and console her, flipping the dreaded dynamic on its head even further.
Akiko gives my hand a squeeze, looking down and back at me as I turn up towards her. Her eyes flicking from me to the two worried women calmly waiting for any kind of sign. Well, maybe not calmly in the black furred fox's case, but waiting all the same.
I swallow down a knot of anxiousness, my heartbeat increasing its pace in my ears as I squeeze her hand back and move back to her side properly on trembling legs. Once there, I manage to unclench my grip on Akiko's poor tail around my waist, awkwardly raising the newly freed appendage to give them a little wave and greeting. "H-hi, Gerra. Jun Li."
Gerra's smile is quick as it is comforting, her tugging lips pulling back as she gently replies, "Hi there yourself, little bird."
Jun Li, however, seems barely able to control herself any longer, her shaking body almost mirroring mine as the sorrowful high-pitched cry finally makes its daring escape out of her mouth. Its tone and meaning easy to identify as it pierces our ears and she wrings her hands. Gerra, who was standing right next to her, rubs the pink catkin ear closest to the outburst while she winces before turning to the distraught fox woman.
"Damn it, Jun Li. You promised you'd keep it together and not spook her! Get ahold of yourself!" Jun Li turns back to the annoyed face of Gerra, her own responding with trembling lips and puppy dog eyes that threaten to spill over with salty tears. Wait... Fox puppy eyes? Baby fox eyes? Baby fox eyes.
The sight is almost too precious and equally too much to bear. A genuine smile crossing my face at Miss J's antics. I turn to Akiko as the distraught kitsune and worried yet annoyed catkin focus back to me, squeezing her hand in an unspoken request that she grants without issue. Her tail slowly glides off my waist as her hand retreats back from my grip, the round and motherly face coming to kiss the top of my head before she takes a step back.
As soon as there is the scantest bit of room, I'm waylaid by a fluffy and furry missile of the purest black fur. Keens and cries and nips and kisses landing on my every part of my face and head. Before said head is rapidly shoved between her breasts and earthy scent, the rest of my body enveloped in her thick, black tails. Like she is trying to shelter me from any pain or sadness forever~. Wetness splashing in drips on top of my hair as I hear a muffled sigh with a southern drawl while Jun Li continues the love attack.
"Seriously, Junnie. We talked about this..." The tone is reproachful, but even still I soon feel the warm press of a second body against mine on the ground. A muscular pair of arms crossing underneath my chest while a similarly firm and dexterous single tail wraps and latches around my waist. With a loud, bone rattling purr, Gerra softly apologizes as she presses her head against my back, "Sorry, Amelia. I honestly did try to keep this worried girl on her best behavior, but foxes can be quite the emotional and physical creatures as I'm sure you're figurin' out."
I hear a choked cry come from above me, still faded due to my head being smushed into one of the most cozy and comfortable places in existence~. "Y-you!!You are j-just as guilty, Gerra! It must be har- *Hic* hard to levy such criticism while you commit the s-same crime as I am. Besides, *sob* you are just as worried, too!! Look how you cling to her, and your rumbling concern can be felt for miles! S-so I do not want to hear such hollow and d-dishonest critiques! HMPH!"
As if I'm somehow to blame for this odd yet charming confrontation, Jun Li shoves my head even further between her pillows. My nose almost booping against her chest proper as the act of breathing becomes... difficult. Still though, the absurdity of their fighting and the undeniable concern is more than effective. In a surprise to all involved, I laugh. A pure, honest exclamation of mirth, one that has been nearly foreign to me since waking up from cultivating.
The situation and banter too silly, and too pure, and too heartwarming for my brain to process any longer. Too relieving as they instantly and effortlessly slap away all my worries about seeing them again. Too healing to my tired and recovering heart to deny the joy and comfort they've given me. That I needed them to give me, even if I was scared and confused on how to ask for it. Even if that fear manifested in a way that worried me to see them at all. Another concept dashed and destroyed upon the rocks of their love.
The laughter mixes and molds, shifting its tone and color from vibrant yellows to sapphire blues as the emotional dams once more sunder open. Relieved tears at their continued and painfully obvious love swirling with sobs as I shift underneath them. Pulling my crying face free from Jun Li's jiggling bosom to wrap one arm around each of their necks, dragging their foreheads down to mine as I wordlessly wail out more pent-up emotions now relieved from their prisons.
Tears splashing on my face from both women who also silently maneuver into the changed embrace. The pink tail of Gerra mixing and intertwining with Jun Li's as they both equally comfort me. Gerra's strong hand and arm crossing over the daintier one of Jun Li as they cup my face, our three foreheads pressing firmly against each other's. A small keen coming back onto the stage periodically between the kitsune's breaths as the catkin's purr rumbles and shakes the ground beneath us.
Overwhelmed by the release of so many heavy and twisting emotions, colors intertwining and merging their gradients all across my soul space, I lean forward without thinking. My lips planting heavily and messily onto Jun Li's who gives a sound of muted surprise before I shift over and do the same to Gerra. My legs hooking around a single one from each of them as I break the kiss and go back to rubbing my forehead against them.
"T-thank you, both of you." I say out between lingering hitches of breath. The gratitude enough for the moment as both women blink to each other, smile wonderfully, and then squeeze me tighter in our tangled wrapping of bodies.
After a few more moments of shared contact, all three of us are picked up by a smattering of white, ice tipped tails. As our feet touch the ground properly once more, postures returning to vertical, Akiko gives each of us a warm, small kiss before she loving looks between our faces. Each of us just as tear stained as the other. "I am glad for each of you, heartened to see the relief pour from your hearts as well as your eyes~. Amelia..."
She pauses as she cups my cheek with a hand, her eyes shifting from wistful joy to empathetic concern. "Before we return to the table, would you be amenable to Samantha joining us? I know you wished to not exclude her, but the decision is yours. She would understand either way."
I jolt between the grips of the three of them, Gerra's purr returning in force as she grabs one of my hands. Jun Li pressing her cloud soft body tight against me as she grabs the other. Akiko feeding as much calming thoughts and emotions through the bond as she holds my face in her hand. All of them doing their best to lift me up and support me. Akiko's words about family coming back to me in that moment. Something I've often begun to think of this group as, and something that I want with every fiber of my being.
Likely the only thing I want more in this world than the closeness, and love, and belonging that being with all of them give me is the return of Sandy. But even then, as a secondary bullet point on my list of wants and desires, it still is tremendously important to me. So, with that solidified in my mind and with their unwavering support, I gulp and nod my head without speaking. The intent clear enough for Akiko to do the same in return as the girls comfortingly pat my back, rub my arms, or have their tails gently wave and wrap around me.
We stand there for only a few moments, likely just long enough for Akiko to reach the doors. The same ones that squeak and creak as they open, her footfalls being joined by another set as she begins her return. My heart throbbing near painfully in my chest as my breathing begins to become unsteady. My hands tightening their grip against the two women at my sides as they unceasingly continue their best attempts to comfort me.
I try to keep my twitching eyes still as Akiko returns to view, the three of our combined bodies standing off to the side so that we cannot see deeper into the kitchen. Akiko yet again gives me a kind look and calming emotions as she moves into the courtyard. Her hand trailing behind her as it turns out to be guiding the last member of our group into the grassy clearing and into view.
As Samantha comes into view, my breath hitches. Her hair is tied up in a bun that sits on the crown of her head, a few tasteful ribbons of her curly blonde hair coming to dangle at the sides of her face. She wears a silver and gold kimono that borders on becoming a traditional dress, the hems of it flaring out and nearly reaching her ankles. Her free arm wrapped across the belt of fabric at her waist.
The usual air of confidence that surrounds her vacant. Replaced by a shyness that would be adorable if the true reason for my stumbling breath wasn't a factor. Because even for how radiant and soft she looks, all I can see is her broken body against the wall. Her dazed eyes as the maul struck her. The fear in her eyes and weighing her voice after I broke through her wall. My wailing cries of apology as I hold on to her for dear life, silently begging her not to seal my fate.
A regretful smile comes to bear on her face, her eyes sadly looking over to me as I cower in between Gerra and Jun Li with wild eyes. "It was good to see you, Amelia. But I am sorry that my presence is still... hard for you to bear. I... I shall go. But I truly appreciate your courage in attempting this regardless. I love you, little pup." With that she leans up to kiss Akiko who has an equally forlorn look about her, but nods and whispers something to Samantha. She gives a shake of her head in return before turning back to me, shyly waving a hand before beginning to turn and make her exit.
The sight of her slowly fading figure making my soul cry and struggle against the painful memories and visions while they freeze me in place. Disturbing enough that I close my eyes and pull my focus inward, time outside the soul space slowing to a crawl as I open my avatar's teary eyes. The blues of the space meshing and deepening before slowly becoming purple... and then red. The transition mirroring my searching gaze as I find what I came here for.
There, in some pocket of the space, I see it. The twisting mass of black vileness whispering those poisonous visions. Feedingme those memories. In a flash, I slam my hand around its sickening blob, surprise wafting off it like it did when Sandra did the same not too long ago. Though the power and strength she had when she did it was leagues ahead of my own, strangely...
Throwing off the question, I sneer down to the trapped creature, "Shut. The fuck. Up. I get it, you piece of shit. While I may not be 100% ready to fight you right now, the more you try and twist things the sooner I am going to fucking kill you. Now, are you going to be quiet, or do we do this now you mother fucker?" My voice colder than the deepest reaches of space as my avatar's skin begins to turn black. White firelight flaring to life in my eyes as a pointed crown fades into existence and sits on my head.
The malformed entity twists and writhes under my growingly steel grip, futilely trying to break free before it stills. Its mass that's not under my ironclad grasp shifting and molding into a new form. A familiar one.
Like looking into a mirror, my perfectly recreated face glares back at me, its words sickly and taunting as it screeches across my mind. "Fine. For now. But you are more reckless and foolhardy than I thought if you think it will be so easy to be rid of me. After what you did. And how it made you feel~."
I flex my hands, the white bonfires of my eyes roaring to life as I snarl at its laughing and choking form. It's disgusting voice creeping along the walls of the soul space before it disappears along with the inky mass itself. I growl as I shake off my hand, the thought of any amount of that filth lingering on my fingers sickening me almost as much as its presence in general.
With another huff, I leave this warped space and return the avatar to its place in the flow model, opening my real eyes back up as Samantha only just now takes her next step to leave. Akiko is studying me intently, but I ignore it as I break free from both Jun Li's and Gerra's grips. My feet rapidly crossing the scant distance between us as I lash a hand out toward Sam.
The same hand that gingerly wraps around hers, stilling her retreating movements as she turns back to look at me in surprise. Her green eyes hopeful as they await my next words. And though a small sliver of that fear and doubt remains - my own this time - I swallow nervously before suppling her with the answer to that question.
With a mouth drier than a desert, my words fumble out of my mouth. Desperation as well as timid anxiousness filling the courtyard as I ask, "S-stay. Please?"
Her smile returns, lacking any hint of remorsefulness like before. Instead, all of that regretful pallor is replaced by the radiance of relief, hope, and joy. As she squeezes my hand in hers and turns to face me, that same energy lifts to her voice as she answers back, "I would love to, Amelia."