Chapter 887 887 - A child's future
Silence fell. Elora's intense, emerald eyes looked deep into Erik's amber gaze. He could see how much she wanted this, and could understand why she hadn't brought it up before. He saw the profound confidence in her own abilities, as well as a hint of doubt and fear she desperately tried to hide.
Emma sat next to them, nervously looking between the two. She wasn't sure what to think or do in this moment, but felt the weight of it.
Erik himself felt a little sombre. On the one hand, he liked the idea of his daughter with Elora being more than just a fairy with his amber eyes, and obviously he wanted Elora to have what she wanted, but… was he okay with gambling on his future daughter's life?
'Perhaps… not so much a gamble,' he suddenly thought with an internal sigh. 'After all, if I don't trust in Elora's abilities, then what can I trust? She's never let me down before.'
Slowly, he raised a hand and cupped Elora's cheek. "I've always considered you to have four fundamental aspects to your personality," he began. "There's the researcher, the empress, the family, and the wife. Tell me which one you're listening to right now."
Though his voice was soft at first, it turned harsher at the end as his eyes turned hard. He loved Elora, but he also knew her. He knew the researcher wanted this for the chance to learn and experiment, and the empress wanted this for the chance to have a more powerful daughter.
He also didn't doubt the family and wife wanted this for the more wholesome reasons she'd mentioned, but… he needed to know which voice was the loudest within her mind right now.
Elora's breath hitched a little. Slight struggle appeared in her eyes. "A-All of them…" she finally admitted. She gripped his chest harder. "But the family and wife most of all! I promise you!" she quickly added, leaning closer as the intensity in her eyes grew.
Erik's gaze softened, and he smiled softly in response. He slowly caressed her cheek. "I believe you, Elora," he whispered, much to the fairy's relief.
"Of course I do," he continued, before frowning a little. "Now tell me… if in the end you don't succeed and we lose our first child—meaning we also lose one of your two chances to have a child at all—will you hurt more or less compared to looking at our naturally-born child and thinking what might have been?"
Pain sparked in Elora's eyes, and she closed them for a moment. Her breath sped up… "I— Of course I would hurt more…" she finally whispered hoarsely, opening her eyes again with some wetness in them. "But it would be different. We… We could have our second child the normal way, and with my magic and body, the chances for something to go wrong would be as good as nothing."
She angled her eyes downward for a moment. "If we have our first child that way, I'm afraid I'll love her less because I'll obsess over what could have been… But if we have our second child that way… then I'll only love her more because she'll be the only child I ever have."
Erik looked at her downcast expression deeply. He was a little surprised. She must have been thinking about this for a long time, but never showed even a hint of it when they discussed having children. Even just a few hours ago, when he mentioned his intentions of starting now, she seemed fine. Had she prepared herself because she'd heard him discuss it with Astrid before?
Most of all, however, his thoughts drifted to questioning if there was anything else she'd been able to hide from him to this extent…
The thought didn't make him doubt her, but it did make him worry for her.
Regardless, he could see what she meant. In her eyes, the pain of losing her first child—while much harder—would not last for the entirety of their extremely long lifetimes, but the small stings of wondering what would have been would last as long as their child lived.
In a way, it was a cold, calculating way to look at it… but that didn't surprise him. That was who she was. Yet… he wondered if she was right. He wondered if the pain of losing their first child would not last for an eternity.
In the end, however, all of this came down to one simple question: did he believe Elora would succeed?
Using his grip on her cheek and chin, he slowly pulled Elora's face up again so that she was looking at him once more. "Let's do it," he smiled with trust and confidence.
Elora's eyes widened—perhaps not having expected his acceptance. "Do you… believe I can do it?" she asked softly, pleadingly, and with hope in her voice. She was showing a level of uncertainty and reliance that perhaps she'd never shown before and never would again.
"I believe you can do anything you set your mind to," Erik promised her, his voice full of sincerity and matching his true thoughts. "My questions were just meant to probe you a little. I know our daughter will grow healthy and powerful under your touch."'
Though he truly believed that, he also knew it was the only thing he could say to her right now. He could see the usually-so-confident Elora had a little doubt herself, and it would only hurt her chances if he showed similar doubt.
For a moment, excitement rose on Elora's face, but then she deflated a little again. "Will you… hate me if I fail?"
"You won't, and I'm not sure I ever could hate you," Erik immediately assured her, pulling her closer to him and caressing her hair. "But even if something went wrong… the only way I'd blame you for anything is if you insisted on trying again."
He knew how obsessive she could get. If she failed believing she'd been at 99% she might want to gamble their second child on the belief she'd succeed this time… and that's when he might not forgive her.
Elora clasped her arms around his chest and released a shuddering breath of relief. "I won't… I promise…" she whispered softly.
With that, the future of their first child had been determined, and only time would tell if they made the right decision.