The Simulacrum

Half an hour after the previous revelation, our hotel suite was abuzz once more, this time thanks to the whole gang deciding to cram themselves into the living room. It wasn't a small place, but it wasn't a conference room either.

I was once again sitting on the couch, and the Matron was still seated on the sofa, a fresh cup of espresso in hand, but the rest of our little gathering was all over the place. Let's start with the least talkative individual in the room; Ollie was sitting next to me and, despite all the noise and talking surrounding us, he looked like he was just about to doze off. I couldn't blame him; this was a pretty long and eventful day, and he got caught up in the middle of it all.

"This was such a crazy day!" Angie exclaimed on my left, echoing my sentiment. "I mean, think about it!"

"We're thinking about it, yes," Josh responded flatly, but she kept insisting all the same.

"No, I mean, really think about it!"

She was standing a bit away from the couch, in the company of Josh and the class rep. The latter took the time to change out of her fancy blue dress and was wearing a casual outdoorsy kind of outfit. It looked a bit too short and tight in a few places, so she probably borrowed it from one of the girls. Probably not Angie though, as she was using her Magiformer all the time. Speaking of her, despite her boyfriend's efforts to quiet her down, she continued to talk like she was compelled to.

"First, we went over to rescue Leo, but then Leo already rescued himself, so we had to turn around and rescue Ms Shamash, and then we had the biggest battle ever, the world nearly ended, and somehow at the end of it all, I got myself a brand new grandma! How surreal is that?"

In the meantime, the Matron took a sip from her tiny coffee cup and let out a soft noise that wasn't quite a groan, but infinitely approaching one.

"Surreal indeed." Her voice, raspy as usual, had a disconcerting, almost pained undertone to it. She levelled her eyes upon Angie, her face trying, and failing, to hide her conflicted emotions. "I have gained an unlikely grandchild on the same day I lost another."

"Yes, it's…" The Celestial girl's words got stuck in her throat, and she hastily waved her hands in front of her. "W-Wait! We all agreed that it couldn't be helped, right? And, I mean, I wasn't the one who shot him, it was Deus!" Seeing that the old woman's eyes continued to bore dispassionately into her, she tugged at her boyfriend's sleeve and hissed, "Josh! Support!"

"What?" Suddenly finding himself dragged into a topic he really didn't want to touch, Josh tried to come up with a satisfying response. He failed. "Don't look at me like that! Aren't you the one who always says that you and Deus are the same?"

"You're not helping!" she hissed again, followed by a tagged-on, "Deus! Tag in!" She blinked, and even once her eyes turned gold, she remained stumped for a few seconds before suddenly snapping. "Girl! You can't do this!" Whatever inner discussion they had after that, I wasn't privy to, but in the end, she also turned to Josh and pleaded, "Boy! Say something in our defense already!"

"I mean…"

Seeing that he was still stumped, the Matron exhaled another breath, this one more of a tired sigh, and flicked her finger in their direction to signal she was about to speak up.

"There's no need to fret, children. As you have said, Noir had made his choices, and he suffered the consequences."

"Exactly," the class rep chimed in, her hand twitching as if she had a hard time restraining it from reaching up to tweak her still-missing glasses. "He was asking for it."

Oh, wow. If this were one of our tabletop RPG sessions, I would've been getting suspicious that the dice got cursed, seeing how they kept fumbling their persuasion checks. It wasn't a game though, so no fudging, and the Matron narrowed her eyes at Ammy, urging her to quickly clarify herself.

"He was! He kept draining the Mana Wells even after we repeatedly told him it was literally destroying the Abyss!"

"And the world!" Angie commented on the side, taking control just long enough to say that before retreating behind Deus again, metaphorically speaking.

"Yes, that too," the class rep doubled down with a soft huff, and shockingly enough, it was the old woman who backed down first.

"I wish I could say you're incorrect, but you aren't," she admitted, but before we could breathe in relief, she tagged on a contrary, "However, if we must lay today's events at someone's feet, it should be Bel of the Abyss."

She… wasn't entirely wrong about that, from a certain point of view, yet the class rep was oddly adamant about rebuking her.

"Yes, some of the blame lies with him, but he didn't make me wear the enchanted choker. Or Neige, for that matter."

"While yes, I admit that Noir's actions were beyond the pale, his intentions can no longer be ascertained, since he's no longer with us."

"Intentions?" Josh interjected with a critically raised brow. "He was shouting about being the 'god of the Abyss' and 'destroying and rebuilding the world in his image' from the top of his lungs. I think he was very clear about those."

"You took the words right out of my mouth, Boy!" Deus backed him up with a satisfied huff. "That man had the worst god-complex I've ever seen!"

Once again, the Matron narrowed her eyes and directed an acerbic gaze at her.

"Aren't you claiming to be Deus, the god of Elysium?"

"I'm not claiming, I'm…" She suddenly faltered, her eyes opening wide as if just realising she stepped on a landmine, and she hastily said, "I'm suddenly very tired! Girl, tag in!" A confused blink later, Angie stood there, her blue eyes open wide, and she looked down at her chest with a fiery scowl. "Hey! You can't do that! No, actually, how did you even do that?! Deus? Don't act like you're asleep!"

While that skit was playing out on my left, my attention was soon drawn to my right, where my sisters were busy discussing something else.

"You didn't know?!" Penny whispered, but that loud kind of whisper that I could hear even over Angie's outrage. In other words, not a whisper at all. "How could you not know?!"

"I was never told," Snowy told her, and in her case, I had to strain my ears a little.

"But, like… She's the mum of your mum, right?"

"Apparently."

"And you never noticed? I mean, in the way they talked to each other, or…?"

"I was still small when mother died. I don't remember much about her."

"Ah, s-sorry! That was thoughtless of me," Penny apologised first, but then immediately continued asking questions all the same. "But if you didn't know, then who did? Did your brother know?"

"I don't—"

Before she could respond, the Matron let out a loud harrumph and put her coffee cup down with a loud clank, probably on purpose, to draw attention. Her attention was on my sisters, and it wasn't too surprising, since if I could overhear Penny's 'whispering', so could she.

"I have purposefully kept my blood relation with my Persie a secret, but Noir, as the next head of House Inanna, had to know," she explained, and after a long beat, Penny awkwardly cleared her throat.

"Ehm… E-Excuse me, but who's 'Persie'?"

"Persephone," Snowy clarified, her voice barely audible. "It was my mother's nickname."

Really? Someone from a 'divine' (applying a very loose definition of the term) background coming to the 'underworld', only to fall in love with a ruler therein and deciding to stay behind? And her name's 'Persephone'? I know I shouldn't be too surprised, as the names of our main actors were also quite on the nose, but it was rarely this bloody blunt.

Meanwhile, the old woman let out a wistful breath and spoke in a quiet voice full of reminiscence.

"She was such a free spirit, that girl. Once she made up her mind, nothing could deter her, and as her mother, I chose her happiness over duty. Sadly, I knew from experience that the Nobility of the Abyss would not readily believe that she stayed behind without any nefarious intentions, as our Celestial kin is often poised to do, so I did the only thing I could and cut ties with her. Officially, of course. We had to ensure that nobody would even suspect her to be of Celestial origin, lest the same ire would befall on her family as the one which consumed House Ashur."

Hearing the word, Ollie stirred at my side, but seeing that he wasn't the one being addressed, he soon dozed off again. On a different note, I could've pointed out that the one who effectively destroyed them was Crowy himself. Now I had to wonder; was it just pure realpolitik calculus, or was it one of those 'suspiciously over-committing' situations? Kind of like how, statistically speaking, the priests and/or politicians who were the most adamantly and loudly against the 'gays' were the most likely to turn out to be gay all along. Usually revealed by them being caught escaping some 'special interest orgy' or the other. I had a feeling it might've been the same kind of psychological effect going on with Crowy.

In any case, the Matron didn't wait for me to finish my pondering and continued.

"We faked her demise and crafted a new identity for her, one that would allow her to stay with my late son-in-law. As for me, I stayed behind to support her and her new family, and before long, I became an accepted part of House Inanna's inner circle. For many years, it all worked out flawlessly." She paused and let her straight back slouch a little, as if just remembering something put physical weight on her shoulders. "It all started going wrong when I was informed that my youngest died. I could not believe it at first, suspecting a Celestial ploy, so I put my resources to work. Yet, I couldn't find much." Once again, she fell silent, this time looking at Angie. "I never even knew she had a child."

"Ah, to be fair, I didn't know anything about my biological mom either," she told her, sounding just a tad awkward. "I was a baby when I was taken by the Celestial Intelligence Network and put up for adoption, so I only know my current mom and dad."

"I see. It is indeed standard CIN protocol." The old lady nodded, then she returned to the topic. "The grief distracted me. I put too much time and effort into discovering what happened to my youngest, and I neglected what was right in front of me. My eldest and my son-in-law both suffered a terrible fate while I was away. To this day, it's hard to tell if it was an accident or a masterfully executed assassination, but it does not change the fact that I wasn't by their side when it happened. The heartache… it broke me. I retreated from the public to mourn, and in my grief, I let many a troubling development escape my sight. Too many."

That was one way to put 'I didn't notice my grandson put a mind-control slave-collar on my granddaughter', but I digress.

"Aw, don't worry, granny! It all worked out in the end! Sorta!" I imagine Angie was trying to cheer her up after her melancholic confession, but seeing the Matron's scowl, she decided to quickly change the topic. "More importantly, does that mean that we're cousins?"

That question was aimed at Snowy, but before she could formulate an answer, the main entrance of the hotel room was flung open, followed by a deadpanly upbeat (or maybe upbeatly deadpan), "That is a perfectly timed enquiry. Allow us to investigate."

Judy was standing in the doorway, holding it open, while my other girlfriend was holding a…

"Is that a chalkboard?"

The question slipped out of my mouth unbidden, and the princess flashed a grin, barely visible behind the frame of the large, green… whatever it was made of. Slate? Painted metal? I had no clue.

I was just about to get up to help, but then Ollie tipped over in his sleep, so I had to grab him instead, and by the time I laid him down, Elly somehow managed to manoeuvre the portable chalkboard into the room and set it down onto its wooden easel.

"Wow!" Penny skipped over to take a closer look, and she was closely followed by my other sister as well. "Where did you get this?"

"We asked the Praetorian Guards to get us one," Elly answered with a cute little smirk, and my dear assistant nodded along.

"The new recruits are very eager to prove themselves." She acted like that was a full explanation, and she casually took a big, white piece of chalk out of her pocket, like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Let us discuss the relationship-chart."

"Do we have to?" I asked, but I was summarily ignored.

In a few short seconds, Judy proceeded to write up a whole lot of names, circled in various, stylised ways, and connected by either straight, wavy, or dashed lines. Once she finished, she tapped the chalk against the wooden frame and turned to the rest of us in a manner that reminded me of Mrs Applebottom.

"Since the most relevant related parties are here, let us discuss how the Chief…" She paused here, just long enough to write my name into the hitherto empty circle in the middle, then turned to face me in particular. "… is related to everyone."

"… Excuse me?"

Once again, I was completely ignored.

"First off, the Chief is related to us two, since we are engaged. That means he's now part of the Dracis family, including Mister von Fraenir…" She drew a few more lines, then pointed back to me. "As well as the Sennoma family, including Éolienne."

"A moment, child," the Matron interrupted, and she looked the most confused out of all of us. "How are you related to the heir of Ashur?"

"We're adopting him," Judy stated matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, then she moved on before she could ask anything else. "Now, the Chief is also obviously related to Penelope and Neige, which not only links them all to the Dunning family, but through Neige, House Inanna as well. For the sake of simplicity, we'll refer to it as the Inanna-Dunning line from now on."

"And that," Elly chimed in, eager to get a word in, "connects Leo to the Elder Matron here, making her his grandma."

Judy uttered a simple, "Indeed," followed by a few more lines on the chalkboard, and a rather enthusiastic (by Judy standards), "But wait. There's more. As you can see here, Neige and Angeline are both related to the esteemed Matron Tsarah Calypso, making you cousins… But. Since the Chief is Neige's brother, it means he is also Angline's cousin."

Angie's eyes lit up, and she turned to me with an excited, "Really?!"

"Yes!" Elly cut in before I could respond first and pointed at the confused guy by the Celestial girl's side. "And if you two marry, then Josh is also going to be part of the family."

"Am I?" he blurted out, while Angie muttered, 'This is so cool!' in the background.

However, that wasn't the end of it.

"But wait. There's even more." A few more lines later, she pointed at Angie again. "Michael Khurshid is also Angeline's cousin."

"Who's that?" the Matron inquired, prompting Elly to quickly clarify things for her.

"Oh, he's like, Angie's cousin on her human parents' side."

"So, he's a human?"

"No, actually. He's a Celestial too…"

"But legally speaking," Judy cut in again, tapping on the chalkboard, "it means he's technically part of the greater Inanna-Dunnig family tree. Legally speaking."

"You said that twice," I pointed out, but she didn't respond, because she was busy writing even more lines and names. As in…

"Me?" the class rep blurted out, flabbergasted.

"Yes!" Elly declared in turn and pointed a forefinger at her. "Since Michael is technically Angie's cousin, and Angie is technically Leo's cousin, it means he's technically a cousin's cousin, and since you're dating him, you're technically part of the family now! Or at least going to be!"

"That's technically right," Josh noted with the kind of mild disinterest the topic deserved.

"And being technically right is the best kind of right," Judy said with a hum, and then a beat later, she raised her voice again and tapped the board for the umpteenth time. "But wait. There is even more."

"How? Everyone's already accounted for," I pointed out, but it didn't stop Judy from making a brand-new branch on the diagram.

"Ms Rinne Yamako," she proclaimed, underlining her name. "As per her newly established identity, she is also the Chief's cousin. Since Ichiko Yamako is registered as her sister, it makes her the Chief's cousin by proxy as well. But more importantly…" She started furiously writing again, nearly running out of chalk in the process. "Since Ms Yamako is to marry Mr Naoren Feilong, it means the Chief is soon going to be related to the top echelon of Clan Feilong, including Zihao Feilong and Xiao Feilong."

Seemingly finished, she put down the small bit of remaining chalk and turned to face me.

"In other words, the Chief is technically related to pretty much everyone."

"So what does that make me? An honorary Habsburg?"

I intended that as a joke, but then the princess suddenly dropped her fist in her other palm and declared, "Actually, my great-great-grandma was from that family! Didn't Sebastian tell you about it?"

Did he? Maybe he did, but in any case, I had no idea what to think of this whole thing. No, actually, that was a lie. My first thought was that the girls really needed to get some proper rest, because they were getting weird, but I couldn't say that out loud, so let's pretend I was drawing a complete blank.

Luckily (or maybe due to Id-me's meddling, if he was real, that is), it was at this very moment, just before things could get even more awkward and/or zany, that someone knocked on the door.

"It's open! Come in!"

They did, and I soon found Karukk poking his head through the door. He glanced around, and when he found me, he fully walked in and said, "[Sorry to interrupt, boss, but the general's looking for you. Sir Roland just came back, and they want to discuss this whole…]" He made a vague gesture with his hand, eventually dropping it with a quiet, "[Eh? You know?]"

"Yeah, I know," I answered in a hurry and stood up, making sure not to bump into Ollie on the way, and turned to face the rest. "I have to step out for a moment. Don't mind me."

"Don't worry, Chief," Judy reassured me, even while she was ominously wiping the board with a sponge she got from somewhere, while I was paying attention to the Faun. "We won't start the power level discussion without you."

"Oh, but you can. Don't worry about me, and just do your thing."

Quickly slipping by, I planted a peck on her forehead (and the princess's too, for good measure) before beelining towards the door and practically pushing Karukk outside.

"Phew. Dodged a bullet there."

"[Is… everything all right?]"

"Yeah, it's fine," I said as I closed the door behind me and circled my shoulder. "I just wasn't in the right mind-space for this family-tree malarkey. Or ever, for that matter."

"[… I don't get it.]"

"Maybe that's for the better," I said solemnly, and gestured down the hallway. "Lead the way."

Karukk did so, and I followed right behind him, all the while wondering if Judy would actually get along really well with Fulgor. She might even be considered a 'woman of culture'. Or maybe not.

"… I really need to look up what that means one of these days…"