The Simulacrum

Let me paint a picture. A pretty one, or rather, something very scenic and as atmospheric as it gets. A shore of pristine white sand, bereft of people. An endless horizon kissed by the never-changing orange of the late afternoon sky. Rows of palm trees swaying gently in the warm breeze of the sea filling the air with the taste of brine. Surfboards lined up in messy rows next to colourful blankets and large parasols, and if you listened closely, under the ever-present churning of the waves, you could hear the low beat of lo-fi music, indistinct yet oddly familiar. An old boombox somewhere out of sight, but not out of mind.

A never-changing scenery, locked in one picturesque moment. There was no concept of time here, only an endless summer dusk underscored by the quiet yet incessant tunes of distant synth music. A snapshot of nostalgia, of something special coming to an end, and the faint knowledge that the ever summer sun must set behind the horizon.

But not yet. It was a liminal space; the last embers of an unseen summer trapped in the brilliant amber of the sky. One bereft of the comfortable presence of humanity, yet somehow still full of residual warmth. For whose sake did these languid waves, these warm sands, and these muffled yet catchy distant tunes come to be? Where were they now? What did they experience in this place? And most importantly…

Would they mind if I permanently turned this into our personal beach?

All these thoughts washed over me like the salty breeze as I lay on the sunbed at the edge of the beach, mocktail in hand, head filled with an odd sense of sentimentality. In fact, despite the scenery, I almost felt melancholic. There was a sense of finality in the air, yet there was still so much to do. I felt thick, sort of pent up, like too much butter piled over too little bread.

"Okay, I have to admit, this is new…"

Suddenly, there was a wholly unexpected yet shockingly familiar voice coming from the direction of the surfboards and blankets mentioned before. I flipped up the sunglasses perched on my nose, and I couldn't help but grin. I didn't see this coming, but this was precisely what the doctor ordered to kick me out of this funk.

"Hey, canon-me!" I greeted the newcomer with a wave over my head, and he immediately gave me the stink-eye. Hah. That's so me.

"And you are…?" he asked as he walked over, the soles of his shoes sinking into the fine sand with every step. He looked just like me, obviously, and he was even wearing the black long coat over his sweater and jeans. Was that our 'default' look, I wondered.

Anyhow, I was asked a question, so I allowed myself a knowing smirk and offered myself a hand.

"I'm you. The non-canon version. Pleased to meet me."

He reflexively shook my hand, followed by a groan.

"Don't tell me we're going to do the whole shtick where we mess around with the pronouns."

"Naaah!" I let go of his hand and gestured at the empty sunbed next to mine. "I'm just pulling your leg, mate. Come, sit down."

"I… might as well," canon-me muttered and took a seat, but didn't lie down. I wasn’t too surprised. Lounging on the beach like me while wearing a long coat would've looked weird as heck.

"So? What brings you to my neck of the woods? Is the canon scenario over now?"

"Yes, and…" He was still eyeing me suspiciously. I couldn't blame him. From his point of view, I was suspicious as heck. "I was just checking my Domain when I had this… itch? Let's call it an itch. I decided to give it a look, and here we are."

"Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. Don't fret too much. This kind of stuff tends to happen regularly."

"Regularly?"

"Once a year, right on schedule," I told him with my best 'mysteriously knowledgeable stranger' impression. "We're already used to it, but I guess from a canon perspective, it would be stupid-weird. It's best you just ignore it from now on."

"We?" he repeated after me and looked around. "Is there anyone else here?"

"Oh, yeah. Time's sort of screwy in this place, so it's actually nighttime. Everyone else's sleeping."

"Except for you."

"Yeah, I kind of inherited that from you," I shot back. "That's how canon-stuff works." That reminded me of something, and I sat up properly. "Oh, speaking of which, congrats on completing the canon and Emerging. Good job. I mean, it was a foregone conclusion, but still, good job."

He kept eyeing me for a while, then finally asked, "Okay, how about we address the elephant in the room? What exactly are you?"

"You, just not canon." He was still looking at me funny, so I tried again. "Okay, so you know there's a whole lot of me-s out there, right? A whole lot of us, you could say. Anyhow, I'm kind of a more malleable version of you. While you were locked into the canon scenario, I've been outside of it, so all kinds of wacky shit could happen around me. Heck, I'm not even a singular non-canon you, but more like an amalgamation of a bunch of episodic non-canon me-s. There's even a Christmas Carol version of me somewhere in here! It's kind of like you merging with other me-s, but waaay more literal. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

"… No."

"And I don't fault you at all!" I declared with a nod. "Seriously, it's best not to think about all this bollocks. It's almost as bad as time-blocks, if you get what I'm saying."

"That, I do get, and… Can we rewind a bit? What was that about a Christmas Carol?"

"Oh, yeah. That was a thing. It totally blindsided me, because it was out of season. I mean, it was in season for the holidays, but these kinds of stuff usually happens around early spring, so I didn't see it coming at all. It was all kinds of screwy, and Penny was the Ghost of Christmas Future. Still wasn't as bad as the hypnotic sheep conspiracy. That one's a classic, but it still makes my head hurt."

"… Oookay, I take your word for that." Canon-me apparently gave up on trying to untangle what I just said. I knew, because that's what I would've done. I would've also masked by changing the question, such as… "And why do you have a stone in your forehead?"

Yep. That's me all right.

"Oh, this?" I touched the well-cut crystal over my brows and explained, "This is the in-universe representation of the Simulacrum." That only made canon-me more confused, so I tried again. "It's not the actual thing, obviously. It was just used for a gag, to give a Watsonian justification for why things were wacky in non-canon-land. Something about The Girl spilling orange juice on it, or something. I don't know, it's been years."

"Hooold on, slow the heck down. One thing at a time." Canon me pointed a palm at my face, and since he was collecting his thoughts, I used the opportunity to finish my mocktail and put it down onto the small round table at the head of our sunbeds. At last, he let his hand down and said, "Okay, so you're aware of the not-dark not-room crew?"

"Yeah, but not the real ones." That got me another blank look. "Seriously, canon-me? Do I have to explain everything?" I sat up properly, so we would be face to face, but mostly so that I could properly gesticulate with my hands to get my point across. "There are the placeholders, who are just extras most of the time. Then there are the actors, who are doing the heavy lifting in a scenario. We classified them into side and main characters, but it's just semantics. Then there are the Free Actors, who are the prime movers of a scenario. And then we have the Emergents, who are outside the Simulacrum, unless they do a self-insert like us, in which case they're more or less like Free Actors. Do you follow me so far?" He nodded. Good. "Okay, so the Emergents you know, like The Girl and The Woman, are actual Emergents, while the ones I took this from were just actors playing their role in some non-canon episode. Got that?"

"I think I do. In other words, you didn't encounter the real Emergents."

"No, I actually did. That was much later, but we didn't interact," I tell him with a shiver, remembering that guy made of teeth. He was obviously bad news. I wondered how canon-me dealt with him, but one thing at a time. "Normally, canon and non-canon stuff just don't mix. That's just asking for all kinds of continuity-breaking shenanigans."

"Then what do you call what we're doing right now?"

"I don't know, but if we ask Judy, she would surely have a good idea."

"She sure would…" Canon-me squinted at me, but didn't press the issue and changed the subject by asking, "Putting that aside, did you say 'years'? As in, plural?"

"Yep."

"… How long have you been around?"

"Around seven years, I think."

His eyes opened wide as saucers, quickly replaced by a troubled frown.

"Bloody hell. Does that mean you're older than me?"

"Don't be daft. You can't be older than yourself. It's an oxymoron." I was getting tired of answering his questions, so I used the gap in the conversation to initiate a counterattack. "But enough about me, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"That's what I'm asking. I'm a bit out of the loop right now, because we Emerged and the non-canon-verse is kind of losing its point, and we're no longer synced up properly, and other metaphysical mumbo-jumbo stuff. So? How did the finale go? Did you beat Crowy to a pulp?"

"Actually, it was Josh. It was a whole thing with stages and minions and everything."

"I'm listening."

At first, canon-me was reluctant, but then he gradually relaxed and told me the whole story. There was another compartmentalised future-us acting as Bel, and a retcon that put him in the past, and being attacked by the Predator Moon, and…

"Hold your horses!" I cut him off with my hands in a T-shape. "You re-Defined him into a Benjamin?!" He nodded. "Seriously, mate? And I'm the wacky non-canon-me? What sense does that make?"

"Hey, it made sense in the heat of the moment, and it worked out. Mostly."

I shook my head with a 'Bah!', and pointed a finger at him, "What about Crowy?"

"Dead," canon-me uttered indifferently, taking me aback for a moment.

"Seriously? Wow, I didn't think Josh had it in him."

"It was Deus, actually."

"Really? That… actually makes more sense. He's a menace, I tell you."

"She's a she now," canon-me reveals without fanfare, and if I didn't finish my mocktail before, I would've one hundred percent surely done a spit-take.

"Come again?"

"Deus is a girl now. That was also a whole thing, with lots of UST and soul-searching and stuff."

"Oh. Oooh! So that's why our non-canon Josh and Angie have been acting so weird lately! Those cheeky rascals never told me!" I would've continued to fume, but then this whole discussion reminded me of something else, so I snapped the same finger from before and pointed at him again. "Speaking of them, how's the harem situation?"

"There isn't one, unless you're counting him dating Angie and Deus in parallel."

"That's… something, I guess." I let my hand down and crossed my arms next. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. Did we get saddled with a last-minute harem?"

Canon-me eyed me like I was out of my mind and uttered a flat, "Fuck no," much to my relief.

"Oh, good. Honestly, I was half-expecting that one of my non-canon episodes was foreshadowing."

"Of what?"

"Oh, you know? A comically big harem getting foisted on me."

He stared daggers at me once again, followed by a frosty, "How big are we talking about?"

"Literally every single named female actor in the scenario. And Cal, too. For some reason."

"But Cal's a sword."

"And Deus used to be a grumpy grandpa living in Angie's head. Face it; we've seen weirder stuff than that."

"Fair enough, but… Bloody hell…"

"Hey, don't look at me like I wanted any part of that!" I objected, and he finally stopped giving me the sideways look. I took the opportunity to guide the conversation back onto track with, "So it's just us three? With the girls?"

"Yeah. Just Judy and Elly. As it was meant to be."

"I concur. I mean, my Judy and Elly would absolutely kill me, even if the rest of the polycule were just actors."

"Your Judy and Elly?" canon-me echoed my words, making me shrug.

"Mate, please. Don't sound jealous of yourself. It's unhealthy."

"No, I mean… Are they also actors, like your version of the Emergents?"

That was a… surprisingly dumb question, so now it was my turn to give my other self the patented critically-raised-brow treatment.

"What are you talking about? Of course not. They are…" It was at this point that a suspicion dawned on me, and I asked, point-blank, "You know they're ********** *************, right?"

"I mean… yeah, I more or less figured that out the other day, but…"

"Holy bollocks, mate. You just figured that out? Have you told them? Do they know?" Canon-me looked really uncomfortable, so I didn't need to wait for an answer. "What the shit, canon-me?"

"Hey, give me a break!" he snapped back at me. "I only just started looking into this kind of stuff, and I haven't figured out how to break the ice yet."

"What ice? Just tell them. It's not that big a deal."

Canon-me narrowed his eyes and suddenly asked, "Do your girls know?"

"Of course."

"And are they in the same situation that we are?"

"More or less," I said that with a shrug, because I couldn't be one hundred percent sure. As I said, I was a bit out of the loop about a bunch of things, but apparently so was my canon version.

"Carmine did say that the Submerged Ones were following my example, but I didn't expect it to be this literal."

"I don't even know what a 'Carmine' is."

"Long story, I'll tell you later."

"Fair," I shrugged again, and capped the topic with, "Just tell them straight. It won't hurt anyone. We'll probably be stuck together for a potentially literal eternity, so they'll get used to the idea. Oh, and you could come and visit us all together, and—"

I couldn’t finish that sentence, because I could immediately feel an alarm ring in the back of my mind. Canon-me seemed to experience something similar, because his face went slack, and then we both spoke at the same time.

"Bad idea."/"Bad idea."

Perfect unison.

Then he said, "Judy would start coming up with anti-harem counter-measures against herself."

In turn, I added, "And then there would be a bunch of drama, followed by makeup sex."

"The princess would totally just go with the flow."

"Totally. With the Judies leading the charge. What would that even be?"

"Six-some?"

I clicked my tongue, "Sounds like a huge hassle. Let's keep things simple and separated."

"Good idea."

For once, we were exactly on the same page, and after shaking a hand in agreement, canon-me grabbed the reins of the conversation first.

"You've been talking about these 'non-canon episodes', but what exactly are you doing, really?"

"Oh, all kinds of stuff," I tell him, trying not to sound too awkward. "At first, things were kind of disjointed. Dumb stuff full of fourth-wall breaks. We had episodes like soap opera reveals and alien tax collectors…"

"Orangutan on a Segway," canon-me cuts in, startling me.

"Yes, exactly. How did you know?"

"No, I mean. There's an orangutan on a Segway coming this way," he says, and points at the gravely edge of the beach.

"Oh, yeah. His name's Steve." I raise a hand over my head and call out, "Hey, Steve!"

"Good evening, gentlemen," he responds glibly. "Don't mind me, I'm just enjoying a refreshing stroll by the seaside."

He then rolled away, and when I turned back to canon-me, he was giving a look that said he suspected I was messing with him on purpose.

"He still comes around from time to time. He's a good chap, even if he came out of one of our weirder, absurdist episodes. I'll introduce you properly next time." Canon me looked a bit impatient, so I switched gears. "But back to the point. We weren't very well-defined back then, but with each year, things got a little better, and I even managed to wrestle some control over these episodes a few years ago. Things have been relatively sane around here since then."

"So, no sharks on motorcycles?"

"Not a single one."

"Good." He nodded, then subsequently squinted at me. "And what have you been doing since you 'gained control', as you put it?"

"Oh, you know? Mostly just self-insert genre-deconstructions with the girls."

"That sounds…"

"Weird, I know, but it's actually a lot of fun. Trust me, you'll get it once we're fully consolidated. For example, we just wrapped up a goofy magical girl episode not too long ago."

That immediately perked up canon-me's attention.

"Judy and Elly in frilly dresses?"

"Yep."

"Pics?"

With a grin, I told him, "In high definition." There was an unspoken question in the air, but there was no need to play coy, so I added, "Bring your own data stick; we'll figure out a way."

"Absolutely"

I smiled, feeling a bit more relaxed. Honestly, when he first showed up, I was a bit anxious around canon-me. After all, he was technically the 'prime' version of me, so I was a tad worried about us having different perspectives and our opinions clashing on things, but while he was a bit clueless about a few things, we were mostly on the same page.

Since we finished explaining ourselves, the discussion gradually moved on to more light-hearted topics. I told canon-me about our short stint as colour-coded mecha pilots serving under Space Princess Snowy, and he told me about how he effectively adopted a kid called Ollie, and they've been playing video games and building LAGOs together. I shared the details of our escapades in a villainess regression narrative, and in return, he gave me a lot of vignettes from his beach episode about playing around in Celestial-land and even burying one of them. That was a bit weird. I even told him about my un-murder-mystery prank on Elly, which he followed up with a recollection of the special Valentine's date and concert he arranged for the girls.

In fact, we got so engrossed in our discussion, which at some point shifted to trying to figure out just how many 'harem members' I got saddled with in that one particular episode, and the legality of including Ichiko in the bunch, that we didn't even notice that the sun… Actually, no. The sun didn't rise, because this scenario fragment was locked into this languid late afternoon, so let's just blame that for losing our sense of time.

Anyhow, before I knew it…

"Aw, hell no!" a familiar voice exclaimed, and when I looked over, I found Josh standing there in his swimming trunks, arms crossed in front of him like he was trying to ward off a demon. "I knew it! Things have been too quiet lately, so I knew something like this would happen!"

In contrast, a similarly swimsuit-clad Angie casually walked past him while smacking him on the shoulder and said, "Oh, cut it out, sill-ferret! You're overreacting."

"No, I'm not! You know that there's always something dumb happening at this time of year. We avoided getting entangled in it last year; I'm not getting dragged in this time either!"

She let out an 'Oh, what am I gonna do with you?' kind of giggle, then turned to us.

"Morning, Leo! Hi, other Leo!"

"Hi, guys."/"Hi, guys."

We greeted them back in unison, but then canon-me poked me in the side and asked, "Hey? Are they, like…?"

"Dating? Of course. Didn't you say they are also canonically—"

"No. I mean, are they also ********** ************?"

And now we were back to the dumb questions and sideways glances. Oh well. Being in sync was nice while it lasted.

"Mate. Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

"I told you I just started looking into this, so I didn't have the time to check everyone," she hissed, soon followed by an addendum, which was more of a groan. "How am I going to explain this to Carmine?"

"You still haven't told me who or what that is," I pointed out, only for him to glare at me.

"If you want to know, that's The Woman's name. Also, she's kind of our—"

Whatever else he wanted to say had to wait, because someone else also noticed his presence and was calling out to us from the direction of the ice cream court.

"Wooow! Look, Judy! Look! There's another Leo!" the princess exclaimed, her floppers making funny sounds as she dashed towards us, dragging my other girlfriend behind her.

"I can see that, but stop pulling. We're going to fall over."

"Ah, then I'll just pick you up!" Elly offered, but my other girlfriend flatly turned her down.

"No. You're going to make our swimsuit slip and turn this into an ecchi scene."

"R-Right, that would be bad…"

"Huh. They really are just like my girls," canon me mused aloud, but before I could get a word in, there was a surprised, high-pitched yelp as someone got picked up… except it wasn't Judy.

"We're gonna go swimming!" Josh declared as he hefted his girlfriend in a princess carry, no doubt inspired by Elly's previous words, and turned on his heels. "We're gonna swim all over the place. It'll take aaall day, and who knows where we're gonna end up, so don't bother looking for us!" and then he suddenly sprouted red wings and…

"Whoa! What's that? It's so cool!" Angie exclaimed even as they flew away, and she spoke my mind. With the first part, I mean.

"Good question," I said as I turned to canon-me. "Why're Josh's wings like that?"

"Oh, he's an Abyssal now," he answered like it was self-evident. "It's a new development."

It was at this point that the girls closed the distance, and Judy immediately inserted herself into the discussion with a deadpan, "Which confirms our theory that our canon version is our primary one, and changes to it affect all other iterations." She paused to look at my canon-self and then greeted him with a simple, "Hi, canon-Chief."

"Um… Hi non-canon Dormouse?" canon-me responded, and seeing that my other girlfriend was also looking at him expectantly, he hastily added, "And hi non-canon-princess, too."

"Hi!" Elly greeted him, and as expected, it didn't take them any time to recognise him. Attagirls.

"Chief? What's canon-Chief doing here?" Judy asked, this time looking at me.

"Just a courtesy visit, right?"

"Right," canon-me backed me up at once, and it seemed to ease Judy's worries a little. As for Elly…

"Wow! This is amazing! There really are two Leo-s! And both of them are real!"

She hopped around the sunbeds while observing us from different angles, her 'assets' visibly bouncing in her bikini, and… Wait. Was canon-me staring just now? Hey, mate. It's not cool to ogle someone's girlfriends and… oh bollocks, now I'm doing the whole 'getting jealous of myself' thing, aren't I?

Meanwhile, Elly finally came to a halt at the head of my sunbed and put both hands on it as he leaned forward.

"Ah! I just realized something! You say that if something happens to canon-me, it affects me as well?"

"That's the idea," I told her, and she suddenly paled with shock and turned to my other self.

"Canon-Leo!"

"Yes?" he uttered by reflex, startled by her volume.

"M-Make sure you use protection, okay! We can't have babies yet!"

Meanwhile, my dear assistant let out a soft hum and asked, "Shouldn't you be more worried about him protecting us in the more traditional sense of the word?"

"That goes without saying!" Elly declared arms akimbo, once again making things jiggle a bit too much.

Non-canon me tried his best to ignore them, unsure about personal boundaries in this situation. Or at least that's what I would've felt in this same situation, so that was my educated guess.

While we were paying attention to her, my other girlfriend also came closer, and since she was wearing a one-piece swimsuit (and wasn't hopping around), there was no reason to worry about excessively bouncing bits derailing her conversation.

"What about the reverse, then?" Judy posited out of the blue, doing the derailing manually, it seemed. "If our hypothesis is correct, and the canon takes precedence, then Elly's conjecture is also correct in saying that our canon-selves getting pregnant would make us pregnant. Conversely, wouldn’t that mean that as long as our canon selves aren't pregnant, we can't get pregnant no matter what we do?"

"Uuu… S-Saying the word so many times in a row makes me feel a little…" the princess muttered, using her hand to fan her reddening face, while Judy remained completely stoic and turned to me.

"Chief? Would you like to help me test the hypothesis?"

"Dormouse!" I hissed back in a low voice. "Stop teasing me in front of myself."

"I'm not teasing you," she denied with a straight face and pointed at me. "I'm only offering you a research initiative along with my co-researcher."

"That's me, right?" Elly asked, and when Judy nodded, a bright smile bloomed on her face. "I'm a research associate now! I… should ask a scientific question then, right?" She put a finger on her lower lip, pondering for a few seconds, and then she turned to us. "Leo? Other-Leo? You're both Leo, right? Does that mean you can read each other's thoughts?"

"No,"/"That's not how it works," we said at the same time, and she whispered a soft 'Bummer,' under her breath.

I was still thankful, because her impromptu question helped take Judy's mind off her mischief and made her seriously consider things for a moment.

"Meaning you don't share a mind-space. I need to write that down later," she noted, then leaned in to take a better look at canon-me. "It's my turn to ask a scientific question. Since you're here, does that make us officially part of the canon now?"

"I have no clue," he said and vaguely gestured at me. "We were actually hoping that you would have a better idea."

She let out a thoughtful hum and prompted me with a soft, "Chief?"

"Sorry, Dormouse, but if we really don't know. The canon narrative is apparently wrapping up, so this might be some kind of semi-canon episode?"

"Or maybe some kind of epilogue," canon-me posited, and after some ruminating, I nodded along.

"Maybe."

"In other words, it's a topic worth investigating," Judy declared and got ready to turn on her heel and return to our room, only for Elly to practically leap over and grab her.

"No! We're on vacation now! We don't work during vacation!"

"I didn't say I was going for my notes."

"But you were! I know you!"

The two of them tousled for a while, and those pesky swimsuits did start to slip, making canon-me look even more awkward than before. Of course, Judy couldn't quite contend with the princess when it came to physical strength, so it did take long for her to tap out.

"Fine," my dear assistant relented, but her eyes remained on canon-me. "Can I still ask a few… dozen questions? I promise I'll make it less than fifty."

I could see the gears turning in his head, and it was just a matter of time until he would do exactly what I thought he would in this situation.

"I'd love to, really. You know I love a good discussion," he said, with a glance at me that said 'probably', then he finished with, "but I was just about to leave. I'm kind of busy with all kinds of Simulacrum things and you're on a vacation and how about next time?"

"Oh, you're coming over again?" Elly chimed in, looking extra excited. "I'll make sure to prep our photo album by then! Leo looked really good in our giant robot pilot suit, you know?"

"A pity," Judy noted absently. "I'll be patient then. Say hello to canon-Judy for me."

"And canon-Elly too!" my other girlfriend chimed in with a grin, immediately replaced by a startled expression as if she just had the greatest idea ever. "Wait! Why not cut the middlemen? Just bring her along, too! Then we can all talk together and… ah! Maybe we can sing a duet! It would be so awesome!"

"You can already sing one with Judy," I pointed out, but it only made her more excited.

"Aaah! You're right! We can all sing together! Maybe we can form an a capella group!" She then pointed at us, one finger aimed at my chest, the other at canon-me. "And you two can sing in Faunish to provide the background vocals! It will be double-awesome!"

"Not a bad idea," Judy said, suddenly intrigued again.

"I know, right?" Elly exclaimed, but my dear assistant poured some water on her fire.

"I didn't mean the singing part," she started, but the moment she uttered that, the princess went into full sulking mode, and there were few forces in the universe that could fend off something so potent. "… But if canon-me agrees, I'll play along."

"Yay!"

Seeing that the princess was back in full throttle, Judy turned her attention back to us again.

"As I was saying, since canon-me and I are independent manifestations of two separate thought processes of the same extra-dimensional entity, a Super-Judy if you will, I'm really curious about how closely our mental faculties resemble each other's. Would it be talking to a similar yet distinct individual, or more like a single person playing both sides of a chessboard? I have a feeling it would be a fascinating discussion."

"Right!" Elly backed her up with a bright smile. "You absolutely have to bring canon-us over, okay?"

"S-Sure," canon-me uttered in a hurry, clearly overwhelmed, and he hurriedly flagged me down. "I guess I won't hold you up any longer. Have a fun vacation, I guess, and… erm…" He glanced at each one of us in turn and then promptly left with a plain, "See you later."

Then poof. He just retraced his Definition and he was suddenly gone, leaving me under the parasol with the girls and…

"Ah, speaking of games, if canon-us comes over, we could play volleyball together! Three on three!" Elly exclaimed, audibly hyped by the encounter and its future prospects. My other girlfriend was much more reserved on the surface, but just as eager.

"I'm still not a fan of team sports, but since both teams would be perfectly balanced, I think we could give it a try. That said, there are lots of other physical activities we could engage in that don't involve staying out in the sun."

The princess cocked her head to the side and asked, "Like diving?"

"Among other things. Think more in-doorsy things."

"Oh, Judy! We're on vacation! I know you want to do all kinds of brainy discussions with canon-you—"

"And scientific experiments," she interrupted, but Elly took it in stride.

"— and experiments of some kind, but look around! We have this whole beach for ourselves! We should play outside!"

"I have my reservations, but if it's a well-secluded spot and just the three… pardon, six of us, I guess I'll try everything once."

"You see! I knew you would come around! That's the spirit!"

Well, let's look at the bright side of things. We weathered the encounter with canon-me without much trouble, we didn't trigger any annoying April Fools shenanigans, monkeyshines, or even tomfooleries, and by the sound of it, we sailed right past the potential anti-harem countermeasure drama. At this rate, we could probably look forward to some nice and wholesome group… activities…?

…

Oh.

Now I get it.

…

Well, I guess I'd better start making preparations for a six-some. Just in case.