The Simulacrum

When was the last time I'd ridden a train, I wondered.

The first (and most memorable) occasion was definitely during our first research trip with Judy that rapidly turned into a silly amusement park date, but after that, I never had much reason to make use of the services of the Critias National Railway Company. After all, I could Phase around the place to go wherever I wanted, so other forms of transportation became pretty meaningless to me. It wasn't like I had much reason to leave Timaeus anyway, and when the stars aligned and I had to do it in a way where Phasing would've blown my self-imposed cover, I could always just fall back to borrowing the limo from Dad-in-law.

What I was trying to get at was that the experience was rather novel, though I admit I couldn't quite enjoy it considering the circumstances.

"Auntie Penny?"

"No-no! Not auntie! Call me… um… Big Sis Penny!" my knightly sister declared, and when Ollie nodded with all the unwarranted seriousness that request didn't deserve, she practically melted.

"Okay, Big Sis Penny! But… should I call you Big Sis Neige, too?"

That question was aimed at my other sister, and Snowy was momentarily stumped.

"Uuu… Um… N-No need for that, Lord Eolienne."

"You're being too stiff," Angie chimed in from the side.

"B-But he's technically the Lord of House Ashur…"

We were all squeezed in here like sardines, including some unexpected faces. Angie and Penny were sitting on the seats at the other side of the cabin, with Ollie sandwiched between them, while on my side, I had Snowy and Judy, with Elly reserving my lap for herself.

The kid wasn't supposed to come with us to the warzone, but he just casually followed after me when we boarded, and the girls were so curious about him that he ended up staying. I'd have to make sure he stays somewhere safe during the upcoming kerfuffle, with maybe some Faun guards assigned to him for safety, but for the time being, he was surrounded by the girls and being spoiled with whatever sweets they could get their hands on.

Honestly speaking, I still wasn't sure what to expect from the final confrontation between us and Crowy. Things felt way too rushed, and while I wanted to believe everything was going according to future-me's machinations, from my perspective, it was one big mess. But then again, if things weren't on the rails (figuratively, not literally), then he would've probably already warned me about it, so I had to presume that the messiness of the situation was intentional.

"What are you thinking about?"

That question came from Judy, and while on the surface she still kept up the 'I'm mad at you' façade, she was also nuzzling up to me on every opportunity she got. In other words, I was getting mixed messages, but I was getting used to them.

"Just meta things, as usual," I told her frankly, earning me a giggle from the princess.

"We're so back to normal, aren't we?"

"The situation is far from 'normal'," my dear assistant retorted with a soft huff, followed by a quiet. "I still think we should've found a quiet place where nobody would bother us and make up for the lost time."

"I don't think doing that would be appropriate, considering the circumstances."

My response made her look up at me and utter, "I was referring to having a proper discussion about the narrative implications of the latest events. What did you think I meant?"

We locked gazes for a few seconds as I tried to figure out just how serious she was, but seeing that she didn't move a muscle, I soon gave up and said, "Fine, whatever. We'll have plenty of time to do that after the night is over."

"Technically, it's already morning."

Elly blurted out an incredulous, "Is it?" and Judy answered with a nonchalantly echoed, "Technically."

While that intermezzo on semantics was going on, my sisters and Angie continued to pester Ollie, and their conversation just touched upon something tricky.

"Wow, you even had video games down there?" the Celestial girl marvelled with undisguised envy. "The last time we got locked up like that, we couldn't even get our hands on any handhelds!"

"… Why are you looking at me like that?"

My question made her huff, and then she pointedly turned away with a terse, "Think about it."

However, just as I thought that this conversation was over, her eyes shifted, and Deus suddenly stated, "The Girl is simply peeved because she got reminded that you broke your promise and didn't bring her any electronic toys back during our days in Elysium," followed by an indignant, "Hey!" this time coming from Angie again.

Whether it was due to his upbringing, being a kid, or just getting inoculated to weirdness by spending too much time around present- and future-me, but Ollie took the Celestial girl's switcheroo in stride and let out an amused giggle.

"Uncle Polemos's friends are so quirky."

"They sure are!" Penny declared with a grin, probably oblivious to the fact that she was included in that category. "You're part of the family now, so you'll never get bored again!"

"Is he?" my other sister blurted out in mild surprise, halting Penny in her tracks.

"Judy said he's getting adopted, right?"

"I'm… not sure she was serious," my Abyssal sister pointed out, only for my dear assistant to speak up.

"I was," she stated with the utmost solemnity. "I'm still working on the logistics of that, but mark my word."

"Dad always wanted a boy," Elly chimed in, her hair tickling my nose as she readjusted herself in my lap. "It would be a nice political move, too."

"Establishing a foothold among the Noble Houses in the Abyss like this does sound like a worthwhile endeavour," Judy noted, yet that wasn't the direction the conversation continued, because Ollie dropped a bombshell in a way only an innocent kid could.

"Uncle Antonio said I shouldn't worry about politics…"

That was followed by a short beat and Angie blurting out, "Uncle who?"

"Uncle Antonio," Ollie repeated himself, and seeing that everyone was confused, he tried his best to clarify things. "He's Uncle Polemos's friend, and he brought me all my toys and video games and cassettes!"

"You had another collaborator in the Abyss?" Deus asked, her head cocked to the side in mild confusion. "How come you never mentioned him before?"

"It's a long story, and I don't have the time to explain it right now."

I used deflection. It wasn't very effective.

"Suspicious…"

I really didn't want to even try explaining the 'Uncle Antonio' situation (I wasn't even sure I could), so I sent an SOS signal to my dear assistant. She gave me a deadpan look in return, but then she eventually let out a soft sigh that said 'You owe me one,' and she waved to Ollie to get his attention.

"Eolienne? I remember you said you had LAGOs. Did you manage to build something interesting?"

"Ah, right! I promised that I would show Auntie Judy my pirate ninja robot ship! But… we left it back in the cell…"

I chimed in with a reassuring, "Don't worry, Beansprout. I told you that we'll pick up everything once all of this is over."

"R-Right! Then I will show it to everyone! It's really cool, I promise!"

With the conversation successfully derailed, I was just about to relax, but then something caught my eye, and I lightly patted Elly's thigh.

"Princess? I'd like to get up."

"Oh, okay!" She hopped out of my lap, and as soon as I was on my feet, she took my place on the seat, as if afraid that it would get cold. "Where are you going?"

"The sun's almost rising." I pointed out the window with my thumb. "I'll go and check to see if everyone's ready and prepared."

"Don't go far," my dear assistant warned, as if afraid that I would disappear. I couldn't even if I wanted to, but I just nodded along to reassure her before kissing her on the forehead (plus giving one to Elly as well, in the name of equal treatment) and heading outside.

Ollie would normally follow right after me like a little duckling, but he was too engrossed in discussing LAGO stuff with Angie and my sisters, so I managed to slip out without any issues. This worked out pretty well, all things considered. While taking a nap was out of the question, it was best they relaxed as much as possible before our next (and potentially final) battle in a few short hours.

Or at least so I presumed. Again, I was clear as mud on the timetable, but the horizon outside the train's window was turning a deep shade of red, so I presumed sunrise was just around the corner, which was also our estimated time of arrival. I was a bit curious about how things were going with Crowy and Ammy and the rest, but before I had the opportunity to Far Glance their way, I was interrupted by a soft harrumph coming from inside another passenger cabin.

"Have you rested enough, Lord Peacemaker?"

Stepping closer, I found the Matron, the Head of House Ninhursag, the nameless military liaison, and Josh of all people sitting in there. The atmosphere wasn't exactly jovial, but that was to be expected. Also…

"Could you please stop calling me that?" I asked, but her expression remained stony.

"We must observe diplomatic decorum," she insisted and simultaneously sent a sideways glance at Josh. Did he piss her off with something, I wondered.

As much as I was curious about that, it was best to ignore it for the time being, so I told her, "Sure, but this isn't exactly a diplomatic mission."

"Are you still displeased by my presence?" she asked, and while I was raring to tell her I was more baffled by her insistence than anything else, she immediately followed that with, "I've listened to Neige, as you requested. Now it's Noir's turn to defend himself against the accusations, and I can't leave the matter of the questioning to anyone else."

"I still think it's a waste of time," Josh noted with a grunt, and this time it got him an outright glare.

"I don't know how things are done in Elysium these days, but here in the Abyss, noblesse oblige requires a certain propriety to be upheld, and I'm determined to uncover the truth without any prejudice."

"No offence, but I agree with Josh," I noted, earning me a glare of my own. "I also don't know what you expect from Crowy."

My friend got emboldened by my support, and he raised his voice with a defiant, "That's right!" followed by a rather more exasperated, "Let's say you talk to him and he admits everything. What are you going to do about it? Send him to Abyssal jail?"

She narrowed her eyes into a displeased squint and told him, "Let me deal with that when the time comes."

"Meaning you have no idea. Gothcha." Josh threw his hands into the air and got up. "I can't take this anymore. I need to clear my head."

"I was just about to catch some fresh air, too," I noted.

"Perfect."

He jumped to his feet and marched out of the cabin, leaving behind the sternly disapproving old woman, the curiously silent patriarch, and the other placeholder man whose continued presence still confused me to no end. Anyhow, I also bit my farewells and followed after Josh.

He was heading right towards the end of the passenger car, where a Faun was standing guard, halberd and all. I wasn't familiar with him, though the colours of his coat told me he was one of the Inannas', and while he didn't as much acknowledge Josh's presence, he immediately tensed up and politely shuffled out of the way as soon as we made eye contact.

I nodded in appreciation, and then we both stepped outside to the junction area, where the next car was attached to this one, and both ends had a small porch-like spot with an overhanging roof and wrought iron railings, with a narrow steel walkway connecting the two in the middle. It was, indeed, the most obvious place to get some fresh air, so long as one didn't have wings and wanted to sit on the top of the roof or something.

As soon as I closed the door behind me, my friend turned to me and his first question was, "When did you have the time to turn all those Fauns to your side?"

"… Pardon?"

"You know what I'm talking about," he insisted and made a gesture towards the door, or rather, the rammish man on the other side. "We've been all worried about you and stuff, and then we show up, not only are you out of the prison and waiting for us, but you're ordering everyone around like you own the place." He stopped his tirade and narrowed his eyes. "Do you own the place?"

"No, not yet," I jested, but he looked dead serious, so I hastily added, "Look, I maaay have been accidentally messing with the heads of the Fauns for a while, and they maaay have turned a bit too obedient after I beat them in Dominance, but that doesn't mean I'm their boss now or anything."

"Yet," he echoed me, so I rolled my eyes and geared up for an explanation. I had it all worked out already, how once we beat Crowy, Snowy is going to be the new Lord (or Lady, or whatever) of Inanna, and since I was her regent (sorta, it was never made official), I could be potentially in charge of the place for a while and whatnot. However, before I could say any of that, he continued with, "Once you're in charge, can you keep the old grandma away from me? She's getting on my nerves."

"Does she?"

"Yeah. It's all 'Elysium this' and 'Celestials that' and 'noble responsibilities whatever', like I have anything to do with any of that."

"Strange. She was mostly cordial with me," I noted, much to his further annoyance.

"I'm telling you, man, she's super-annoying. It's like, she thinks she's the most important person in any room, and I should be thankful she's willing to teach me stuff even though I never asked!" He let out a loud groan, and then inhaled sharply and added, in a much calmer voice, "Phew. I'm glad I could finally let that out."

"Whatever you say, buddy."

He nodded, and we both leaned on the railings for a while, just standing there in comfortable silence. Or maybe I was the only one who found it comfortable, because after some shuffling, Josh called out to me again.

"Hey? Leo?"

"Mm?"

"We have a plan, right?"

I turned to face him and raised a brow at his question.

"Don't you?"

"Well, we did, before Lili's bastard brother showed up and it all went to hell, but…" He met my gaze with an uncertain look in his eyes and asked, "You must have a plan too, right? I mean, you had a plan when you came down here, and you… what's the word?"

He snapped his fingers and looked like I was supposed to know.

"The word for what?"

"When you go to a place and manipulate everyone to do what you want?"

"… Subvert?"

He snapped his fingers one last time and pointed at me with a smirk.

"That wasn't the one I was looking for, but close enough. You subverted House Inanna for a reason, right?"

"I didn't do that, but even if I did, what kind of plan do you expect me to come up with in prison?"

"Idunno? One of your big, multi-step ones?" he told me with a careless shrug, but his eyes remained on my face, as if trying to read me.

"Don't be silly. This is just our regularly scheduled flustercuck on a slightly larger scale. All we can do is fly by the seat of our collective pants and hope that everything will turn out just fine."

"… That sounded way too optimistic." He pointed a finger at my nose and sternly asked, "Who are you, and what have you done with the real Leo?"

"Oh, ha, ha." I brushed his finger aside and leaned on the railing again. "Sorry to disappoint you, buddy, but I'm just as clueless about what's about to happen as you are."

"Riiight… Suuure…"

To say that he didn't look entirely convinced would be like saying that the ocean wasn't entirely dry.

"Listen, pal. You've seen how chaotic things have been down here. Did you think I orchestrated all this in some kind of master plan?" He unironically nodded, so it was time to deploy a tactical facepalm. "Oh, come on!"

He remained expressionless for a while, but eventually exhaled a long sigh and said, "To be fair to me, look at how many weird and erratic stuff happened to us since we came here. We just happened to land in a village in the middle of nowhere in Ninhursag lands, where we accidentally ran into Hareng, which caused us to get involved in their coup and we kinda took their Mana Well without meaning to, then we escaped on this train, only to get ambushed by Lili's brother looking for the Mana Well, except he didn't take the Mana Well, and then we went to rescue you while he was away, only for you to not need rescuing, and now we're rushing back to the place we came from to stop him from invading. Do you know what I call that?"

"… Rushed?"

"Nuts! But yeah, that too, I suppose."

Oh, boy. Josh was about as deaf to narrative shenanigans as it got, and yet even he was starting to see that this situation was contrived. He just didn't think in meta-terms, so he expected it to all be part of some kind of giant scheme, instead of the scenario floundering like a fish out of water for some weird reason. Though again, things were being orchestrated by future-me, so was he really wrong?

I didn't have much time to ponder that though, because he suddenly switched tracks and said, "That reminds me of something. Remember that you once said you're fighting against destiny?"

"… That's how you interpreted it, yes," I told him flatly, but he didn't get the message and continued with gusto.

"Yep. So, that had to do with these prophecies and stuff, right?" He didn't even wait for me to respond, and immediately revealed, "That village I mentioned just now? Back there, Angie… Or rather, Deus… Well, the two of us ran into this old woman, and… Man, I really have no luck with those in the Abyss, huh?" He hastily shook his head and started again. "Anyhow, listen to this! She sold us this old book about myths and stuff."

"I know." Josh paused to raise a brow at me, so I told him, "I've heard it from Judy."

"Oh. Good. But listen, she probably didn't tell you about how this whole Abyssal Emperor prophecy stuff that Lili's brother is peddling is bogus. Originally, it was supposed to be the Herald coming from outside of the Abyss, and then the Emperor being revealed after that."

"Yeah. So?"

"Now, listen. This might sound kinda far-fetched, but hear me out." Josh even went as far as to raise his palms and incline his head, like some kind of allegedly sciency-man on an allegedly educational TV channel going 'I'm not saying it's aliens…' He held the tension for a beat, then said, "I'm supposed to be this 'chosen one' thing, right?"

"Sure."

"And there were all the prophecies and stuff around me, right?"

"Also sure."

"And Lili's brother thought I was the Herald. Before he decided to take the spot himself." This time, I only nodded. "So, hypothetically speaking, let's assume that according to this destiny thing of yours, I really am supposed to be the Herald, and now I'm in the Abyss, right where I can do some Heralding, or whatever. Who do you think the Emperor of the Abyss could be?"

That was actually a question I seriously considered in the past, but before I could formulate an answer, I noticed something peculiar.

"… Josh?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you pointing at me?"

He let out a soft 'Pff!' and made his pointing even more blatant.

"Think about it, dude! You've been taking all these titles wherever we go! Who else could it be?"

"What? No. Nonono!" I crossed my arms for extra emphasis. "Just no! Don't even joke about that."

"But you have to admit it would make a lot of sense."

"I'm not admitting anything. This is silly, and you're silly for even entertaining the…" My words trailed off at this point, much to my friend's apprehension, so I jerked my head towards the skyline on our left to draw his attention there. "We're getting close."

"What? How can you tell in the…?" his words also trailed off when he looked over, and his whole attitude took a quick one-eighty on the spot. "I'll go fetch the others."

"Bring the patriarch and the Matron too," I told him, and while he clicked his tongue, he didn't argue.

Meanwhile, I kept my eyes on the giant red dome in the distance, shining bright in the twilight of the early dawn and surrounded by countless streaks of light and magical explosions visible even from this distance.

"Well, crap…" I whispered, once again wishing that future-me would've given me a heads up for something like this. "I guess this is going to be a bit more involved than just riding the train in there and bonking Crowy on the top of his head, huh?"