Chapter 32 - 032. Persist, move, fulfill
Fearing that this sudden move by her brother would make their marriage even more challenging and difficult, Shuzhen couldn’t care less about all those previous concerns. Whether underestimated or looked down upon, what did it matter if her partner laughed at her lifelong devotion to him? As long as the marriage could proceed, as long as she could finally claim this silly man as her own, Shuzhen didn’t care about anything else.
All notions of face and reservation, be gone!
All she wanted now was her own man, the one who never despised her or abandoned her no matter how crazy or foolish she was, the silly old guy who always treated her like a treasure.
Besieged once again by those expectant, dewy eyes, Lianshan felt his heart pounding like a drum, his blood boiling. He swallowed hard several times before the parching sensation in his throat eased a bit. Having lived a full twenty-six years, due to poverty, Lianshan had mostly been met with disdain and contempt. Even on rare occasions when one or two widows who weren’t afraid of his poverty asked for a matchmaker, it was with the precondition of properly caring for the children left behind and maintaining distance from his brother and sister. After all, they were adults starting their own families, and couldn’t have situations where the elder brother had to rush in with money and effort.
The cold-blooded opportunism was revolting, utterly quashing any impulse to meet, let alone to face life’s ups and downs together.
After experiencing a few such disdainful and contemptuous encounters, Lianshan no longer entertained the idea of marriage. At least, not until he paid off the family’s debts, built a decent thatched house, and had some savings on hand.
Already hurt deeply by reality and without hope, he suddenly heard a woman as perfect as Shuzhen sincerely confessing her feelings, willing to endure hardship and toil for his sake. She only sought him, couldn’t imagine finding anyone else, and would rather spend a lifetime alone if it meant settling for anything less. Even without any affection for Shuzhen, such words would inevitably stir him; how much more when he’d already lost his heart entirely to her since rescuing her from the river?
At first hearing, Lianshan’s reason and emotions began an intense struggle.
Reason said no, at least not now. Without money or food, there was more famine than anything else. He couldn’t let her experience a fulfilling life of being well-fed and warmly dressed, and dragging her into ridicule and disdain seemed inevitable. Shuzhen was a good woman, and loving her meant not entangling her in such a predicament!
Emotion scoffed: By the time you’re ready, it’ll be too late! A real man should seize the opportunity when it presents itself, so why let it pass? Even if you become wealthy later, will a chance like this come again? If you don’t want to remember this with regret, downing bottle after bottle in remorse when thinking of it, then stop dithering and act!
Faced with such compelling reasoning, the thought of never wanting her to become someone else’s wife, enduring life’s ups and downs with another without any connection to him, made Lianshan feel suffocated. As if an invisible hand had clamped tightly around his heart, fearing that even a moment’s hesitation would mean losing her forever, Lianshan hurriedly spoke up, "No, no, how could that be? Shuzhen, you’re so good, so kind. My only fear is being too old and poor to match you. How could I disdain you? Even when I refused before, it was only because my family is so destitute, and I’m afraid I can’t give you a good life..."