Magical Girl Mechanical Heart

"It's effectively an Antipathy television," the narration informs us. "You can see the screen, the cable ports… but there's no internal memory. It only shows things based on the signals it receives. We don't know what the Antipathy were watching when their doom came for them. Perhaps it was a news show on the end of the world. Perhaps it was something to entertain and calm the children. But the tight embraces they're giving each other, hugs now frozen in crystal for eternity, certainly seem to indicate they knew what was coming."

The view pans across the room again, zoomed-in shots of the mutated Antipathy interspersed within.

"The Preservers have stated previously that the Antipathy destroyed themselves," the narrator continues. "Assuming they aren't simply lying, the question remains: why? What would drive a species to this level of self-destruction? We know that the Antipathy were a highly magical society, and that the magical knowledge they possessed was very likely given to them by the Preservers. We know this because of the extreme similarities and general compatibility between Preserver and Antipathy artifacts, and because, of course, of the evidence we've found of Preserver-run privatized magical power plants within Antipathy cities wherein adults and children would have their emotions converted into magical energy. This conversion process essentially destroys the emotion in question: every bit of joy that gets used for magic is a bit of joy you don't personally get to feel. It's taken before it ever reaches your conscious mind. These massive facilities would have employed thousands, possibly even tens of thousands of Antipathy each. That is a lot of happiness to simply be stolen away."

"…Should someone wake up Castalia?" Chloe asks quietly.

"It's a video. She can watch it later," I answer, my eyes glued to the screen. "She needs her rest for now."

This is way too depressing to show her when she hasn't even properly slept. She might actually get hurt.

"Luna's really been making these?" Bean breathes. "It's… hard to believe."

It's ridiculous anti-Preserver crock.

Is it? Is it really?

It's like a cartoon! Stealing joy from children? SERIOUSLY?

"I guess it does all seem a bit much," I admit. "It's really scary sounding, but the Preservers aren't this kind of insanely evil."

"Why would they have to be?" Bean asks. "It all seems pretty believable to me."

"Huh?" I blink. "How? Why? People don't just do things like this. The whole power plant idea does kind of belong in a cartoon."

"Well that's sort of the thing, right?" Bean says. "Like… uh, longshot, but have you ever seen Captain Planet?"

"No. I've heard of it, though," I answer.

"Yeah, it's a little old," Bean agrees. "The villains in that show are really silly. They're like. Evil oil tycoons that want to flood the ocean with poison for shits and giggles. Or guys that want to burn down a forest to make a casino or whatever random crap the authors decided on. Comically, cartoonishly evil, right? No one would ever do that."

"Right," I nod.

"Yeah. Except actually, literally just this August, the president of Brazil straight up referred to himself as 'Captain Chainsaw' and started mocking all the organizations that wanted him to stop destroying the Amazon rainforest so he could use the land for businesses," Bean says. "This shit is, in fact, real, and it does, in fact, happen. But it's not just for the sake of the bit or whatever. People just… convince themselves that the harm they're doing doesn't exist, or isn't as important as the benefits they gain. Sometimes it's bright and obvious like Captain Chainsaw, but most of the time? Most of the time it's just little things compounding over and over. Our profits are down, so we need to cut expenses. Let's have fewer employees and work them harder. Let's do it again. And again. Let's focus less on safety policies. Let's import from producers that effectively function as slave encampments. And let's turn a blind eye to all of it because our job is to make the quarterly numbers go up."

"And you think that kind of slow, continuous decline could result in stealing so much joy from children that an entire culture decides to blow themselves up," I say flatly.

"I'm not going to say it isn't an extreme example, but what we're looking at is pretty fucking extreme, wouldn't you say?" Bean says, motioning at the TV.

"Yeah, I think I'm actually with Bean here," Chloe says. "It's crazy, but people convince themselves that all kinds of evil acts don't cause real harm just by not bothering to think about them all that much. It could happen."

"Huh," I say. "I didn't know there was that kind of crisis on Earth. Is the Amazon rainforest okay?"

"Huh?" Bean blinks. "Oh. Uh, kinda. Deforestation is still progressing, but basically everybody in the world all ganged up on Brazil and told them to do something about it because that's just kinda what happens when you call yourself Captain Chainsaw on international news. Still, like I said, the little subtle stuff goes unnoticed, and so it compounds more and more until everything is so horrible there's no going back."

I wonder if any Earth Guardians helped put out the Amazon fires. I know there are a few that can create huge amounts of water or control heat well enough to suck it up.

It sounds like it was a big political incident, so we probably weren't allowed to get involved.

Oh. That… sucks.

A little, but those rules are for the best, right?

I guess I don't know anymore.

Minerva…? Please don't be thinking what I know you're thinking.

Look, I know the Corrupted are evil, okay? We literally just got back from them beating up Veritas and Aurora and stealing their stones, which as far as I know doesn't even benefit them in any way. But it's true that the Preservers are hiding almost everything about the Antipathy from us, and these aren't just random accusations anymore. This is evidence.

What if they're just lying about the power plant, though? It's not like anyone on Earth speaks Antipathy. She could just say that that's what it says and no one would be able to question it.

Didn't they publish, like, an entire Antipathy-to-English dictionary? I remember hearing something about that. That sounds like it could be at least mostly verifiable? I don't know, I'm sure smart people have looked into it.

Minerva, the Dark Rebellion is crazy! They are all crazy! Anath beats people up in the street for no reason! Nanaya kills children! They are all batshit bonkers evil!

Well, what if they're evil but also right? We don't think Luna is crazy. And it's true that Uma'tama is the only Preserver we really talk to. That Uma'gabo person was… weird. There are good humans and bad humans, so there are probably good Preservers and bad Preservers! What if the bad Preservers did all this bad stuff?

Well, the bad stuff sucks, but the good Preservers are obviously in charge now.

Does it work like that…?

Both of us realize that neither of us actually knows the answer to that. It feels a little off, but we can't articulate why. So we stay quiet and watch the rest of the video, Bean and Chloe both seeming inclined to do the same. I can barely pay attention to it, my thoughts churning and refusing to stop. It feels so ridiculous, but the others both seem to think it's reasonable? I don't know Bean, but I know Chloe, and she's not really the type of person to accuse others of being evil lightly. It sounds like they really do think this kind of thing could happen in real life, and I guess… I don't know a whole lot about real life, do I?

I'm just an Earth Guardian. I've never been anything but. And ironically, that means I haven't really been on Earth all that often compared to everybody else. I don't know what it's like to work a real job. I don't watch the news or keep track of politics. I don't have time for any of that, and I'm not allowed to engage with it anyway. This whole time, I've just been under the assumption that the Earth I've been protecting has been good. That I've been saving a world where people didn't have to deal with… Captain Chainsaw.

I guess I've always known that's not completely true. I know there's crime, but we have police for that, and I'm sure they're doing their best. And I know some people buy artifacts off the black market and do evil magic stuff with them from time to time, but that's just weird rich people. As far as I'm aware, weird rich people don't do much other than sit around and be weird rich people. They're kind of their own… self-contained thing. I think. Like a kind of exotic plant that grows at fancy parties.

I guess I don't know, though. The more I hang out with Chloe and the others, the more I start to learn I really just don't know anything about anything. It always used to seem fine. I didn't need to interact with the world, so I didn't need to understand it. But now, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

Eventually, the video ends, and after another moment of contemplation from the three of us, Chloe stands up and starts getting ready to leave.

"We should let you go to bed," she tells Bean. "Text us when Luna is awake, okay?"

"Sure," Bean nods. "Though there's always a chance she just sneaks off in the middle of the night again."

Yeah… judging by the emotions I'm feeling from her room, there's a good chance she hasn't gone to sleep at all. That's concerning.

"Hey, Chloe?" I say. "I think I'm actually gonna go train. Are you okay getting home on your own?"

"Woah, what? No, no, no," Chloe protests. "We talked about this. You need sleep too."

"I know Chloe, I'm sorry," I tell her. "But I just got this new incarnate form, and I'm not even a hundred percent sure of the best ways to use it yet. Not to mention, I don't think I'm going to be getting any sleep tonight either way. Not after everything that happened today."

"Can I convince you to give it a try anyway?" Chloe presses. "I told you, right? Even if you don't completely fall asleep, just lying down and allowing your eyes to rest is still better than nothing."

"I know," I tell her. "Sorry, Chloe."

"Minerva, please wait—!" Chloe tries, but I open the door and fly off.

I feel terrible about it, but I would feel so much worse if I just went to bed and Luna was gone again in the morning. Fulgora and I do start training—as much training as we can safely do on Earth, anyway—but we make sure the door to Luna's dorm is in clear view the entire time. If we have to do this stakeout all night, we will.

And sure enough, a few hours later we spot her sneaking out, quietly exiting her dorm to go do god knows what. We follow her from the air a little while, keeping our distance as she heads out of campus toward the business district of town. That's a bit of a walk, but… I guess I don't know how long she plans to be out here. Maybe all night again. Once she's quite a ways away, though, she unexpectedly turns her head and stares straight at me like she's known I was here the whole time.

Busted? Really? Dang. I thought I was doing good at being sneaky. I turned off my glow and everything! Against the darkness of the night sky, combined with the fact that most people just don't look up much, it's really hard to spot me. I wonder how she did it. She looks away and ducks into an alleyway, which… no, nuh-uh. Not letting you get away that easy!

I fly down after her, heading into the alleyway myself only to find her waiting for me, already typing on her phone.

"What do you want?" she asks.

"…To help you," I answer.

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"L-look," I say. "I know I haven't always been the best friend. I was mean and rude and I didn't know what was going on. I still don't, I guess. But it's obvious that whatever it is you're doing, you hate it. You're just doing it anyway, and I don't know why."

She starts typing again. Nervously, I sway back and forth a little in the air, floating just enough off the ground to not need to crane my neck to look up at her. It's always a little awkward, pausing and waiting for her to answer. But of course I shouldn't comment on that ever, that would be super rude and mean.

"You watched the video," her phone speaks for her. "You know why I'm doing this."

"I don't," I insist. "The video was… I mean, it definitely gave me a lot to think about. But I'm sure there's… no. Sorry. Look, what I think isn't important right now, okay? All of us, all of your friends, we just want you to talk to us. I know that you know I, um, don't really get along with the Dark Rebellion all that well, but I at least owe you the chance to let that all be put aside for a moment and just… please, Luna. We just want to know you're okay."

A pause. A wait. Type, type, type.

"Well that's going to be hard," she answers. "Because I'm not. You already know I'm not. You're basically reading my mind."

"We can't read minds," I insist. "Ugh, trust me, this would be a lot easier if we could, but magic doesn't… hey, wait, you already know this. You're changing the subject."

Her eyes narrow like she's scowling under her mask.

"You always were a bit more annoyingly perceptive than Fulgora," she says.

Oh, this bitch! We come all this way to help her and she's just snipping at us.

Fulgora, wait—

"Well if you'd rather talk to me, I'm happy to give you a piece of my mind," I say. Ugh, my voice always sounds so weird and squeaky in Minerva's body. "This isn't just about you, you know. Chloe, Castalia, even Bean. That person you say is your best friend? You're ruining them. They're all absolutely fucking devastated because you refuse to engage with any of them."

Fulgora, she's baiting you! She's changing the subject again!

"So what?" Luna asks, which… rrrrrgh! How can she just—

STOP. Pay attention to how she's feeling. She's devastated. What she's saying and what she's feeling are not matching up. It's been that way this whole time.

Well what the hell are we supposed to do about it, then!? She keeps pushing us away, over and over and over!

…We used to do that a lot. We still do that a lot. We've always felt like we didn't need the help, or didn't… y'know. Deserve it. We're probably gonna have to be patient with her. Like Chloe has been with us.

I… am not the best at that.

I know. Gimmie back control?

Okay. Yeah. Alright. Sorry. Take over.

Right then. Back in command. Now… geez I do not actually know where to go from here. I probably should have brought Chloe. What would she say here…? Right.

"I know you don't mean that," I tell her. "You're just trying to change the subject again. Let's just… put aside the Dark Rebellion stuff. Er, well, as much as we can. Preservers, Antipathy, whatever. I just want to know why you're so… sad. So miserably sad. The stuff you've shown us is awful, I'll admit, but it's not something that would make you throw away your relationship with your best friend, is it?"

Luna quietly sighs. Tap, tap, type, tap.

"All of that is pretty relevant," she says. "Can't really put it aside."

"Okay, then we won't," I tell her. "Is the Dark Rebellion doing something to you, Luna? Are you being threatened? Is anyone you care about being threatened? Is it Bean? You gotta know Castalia can protect them, right?"

"I am not entirely sure that's true," Luna answers. "You have no idea how powerful Melpomene is. But… more importantly, the Dark Rebellion really isn't as bad as you're making them out to be. I know they're hurting you and your team, but they're just… desperate. It feels like it's just the four of them against the entire world. And… they didn't used to be this bad."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"They're getting… obsessed," she says. "The things we've found are really, really scary. There's more I haven't told you. Stuff we haven't publicized because we're afraid people who learn about it might not be safe. I might not be safe. I might disappear any day now. I can't drag the rest of you into it."

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"What do you mean you might 'disappear?'" I ask hesitantly. "What's going to happen? What is the Dark Rebellion going to do to you?"

Type, type, type. Furious, rapid typing. Grief and hopelessness and terror and regret.

"That's what you don't get!" her phone snaps at me. "The Dark Rebellion isn't going to do anything. They're the good guys! The Preservers are going to kill me. Or… kidnap me, or do something. Because I know too much! That's what I learned the day you found me freaking out. I have a target on my back, and I couldn't let you know about it because I honestly have no idea if you're going to try to protect me or just help them take me!"

What the hell? She's scared of the Preservers? Really!? This is crazy, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

No. We promised to hear her out, we're hearing her out. Okay? It's… you know they're secretive about a lot of this stuff.

But they wouldn't kill somebody over it!

Well, Luna thinks otherwise. We're going to learn why.

"I… really don't think the Preservers would ever do that,"I admit.

"Yeah, well, when I up and vanish one day, never to be heard from again, I hope you at least remember that I told you so,"she counters.

"But," I press on, "I am willing to put that aside and hear you out, and I promise that even if Uma'tama gives me a direct order to kidnap you or whatever, I won't do it. Okay?"

She stares at me. I stare back. After an awkward half-minute of our eyes locked together, she looks away to type a response.

"You really mean that?" she says.

"I do," I promise. "If Uma'tama ever does give me an order like that, it means they aren't the person I thought they were in the first place. So I don't think they're going to, but if they do… then you're right, and Uma'tama is wrong."

Luna seems to consider that for a moment. It doesn't seem to make her feel any better at all, but she still nods before typing some more.

"You can't tell anyone else what I'm about to tell you, okay?" she says. "Not even Castalia. Don't let anyone know we had this conversation."

Finally, we're getting somewhere!

"Okay," I assure her. "I promise."

Again, she nods, and then she starts typing again, which lasts for quite a while. Every minute of it feels like an hour, but eventually, her phone starts speaking.

"So, we know that the Preservers were using the Antipathy to generate power," Luna begins. "Among other things, of course, but there have been multiple cities we've found that are almost entirely built around these absolutely massive power plants. You've seen some of them from the videos, and you know that from translated correspondences we've uncovered from old Antipathy computers, that only some of that power was actually being used by the city itself. The vast majority of it was being sent back to the Preserver home dimension."

"Uh, okay, yeah," I nod. "And the Antipathy got really mad about this, probably because the Preservers stole so much of their happiness that they all got really crazy. So they blew themselves up."

"That… is not how I would phrase it, but we can go with that for now," Luna responds. "The point is, the Preservers needed power. Lots of power. They got that power from the Antipathy, but now the Antipathy are gone. Their need for power, however, hasn't gone anywhere. So… what makes up the difference? How are they generating what they need?"

"Well… nobody knows, I guess," I answer. "Or… wait. You're saying you know?"

"We know," she confirms. "Or at the very least, we're ninety-nine percent certain. You know how every so often, after you complete a mission to seal up a convergence, Uma'tama will come and close the portal personally? And then it's just… gone? The liminal space vanishes instantly?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't they do that all the time?" Luna asks. "For that matter, why don't the Preservers just make a bajillion magical girls and clear out every portal one by one? With how powerful they are and how much technology they have, couldn't they clean up this mess that they absolutely insist no one else touch?"

"Well… it's not safe for Preservers to be too close to an active Dark World portal," I answer. "Let alone inside one. We have to clear out the monsters and stuff before they can do their job."

"Again: why?" she says. "Sure, the monsters would attack, but would that even matter? The bodies the Preservers use on Earth are just projections, right? And most fighting occurs in the liminal zone, not in the Dark World itself. Couldn't the Preservers fight the monsters themselves? It's not like the portal reaches out and attacks them personally after you clear out the monsters. The Preservers made the transformation stones, so there's no reason they couldn't use them."

"I… the Preservers don't want to interfere too much," I tell her. "They actively don't want a repeat of what happened to the Antipathy. They stay mostly hands-off so that humanity can retain the right to take care of issues in humanity's world."

"But they don't let humanity take care of any of the issues," Luna presses. "They don't let us get anywhere near any of it! Every single thing regarding the Dark World and every single rule surrounding it is imposed by them! Not a single fucking person on Earth told the alien overlords to solve all of their problems by kidnapping orphans! The idea that the Preservers want to let humanity manage themselves is complete and utter horseshit."

"Well it's not like they're taking over the world!" I snap. "You realize they could do that too if they wanted, right? But they don't do it, because they don't want to. They want to help. They're not evil!"

"Well I think, and the Dark Rebellion thinks, that's just a clever obfuscation," Luna's phone says. "You're right that they don't want to take over the world. They really, truly don't. Because it would be a whole lot of extra work when they just simply don't have to. Things are already running exactly how they want. Earth is doing what they want. The Dark World is doing what they want! Hell, that's even why they call themselves the Preservers. They don't want anything to change because they've already secured their ideal status quo."

"Status… quo?" I ask. "Luna, I don't understand what you're talking about. Slow down, okay? What do you think the Preservers want?"

"The same thing they've always wanted," she responds. "Power. Not like, metaphorical power or political power or military power, but literal actual runs-electricity-through-the-grid power. And just like before, despite everything they did to try and stop it, the Preservers are getting it from the Antipathy. But this time, the emotions of everyone on Earth are like a river, and the Dark World is just a turbine."

"Turbine? What?" I ask, noticing my heart beat faster and resisting the urge to funnel the feeling into my stone. I'm not that color anymore.

"The Dark World converges with Earth, seeking the emotions of humans," Luna explains. "It sucks them in. Just passively, not enough to make a huge difference. Maybe a slight trend toward depression, but that was going to happen anyway, just look at the goddamn world right now. It's a broken universe. It needs that power to repair itself, something that we think it is actively trying to do, consciously or otherwise. And even if humans aren't naturally that powerful, magically speaking, there are nearly eight billion of us. It's enough."

"Wait, but—" I try to interrupt, but her phone just keeps playing everything she typed. There's no time to get a word in edgewise.

"The monsters aren't an invasion force, they're a defense system, one that the Preservers are using you to bypass," she continues. "And the reason they don't just do it themselves is because they don't actually want you to ever truly win. They do not want Earth to be free of the Dark World or its monsters! The Dark World and Earth have formed a fucked-up emotional ecosystem, and the Preservers need it to stay exactly as it is to continue leeching off of it. The Dark World can't be allowed to envelop and destroy Earth, but by the same token the Earth Guardians can never be allowed to truly stop the Dark World from trying. Because whenever a fragment finally absorbs enough power to start healing, growing, and repairing itself… that's when the Preservers swoop in and suck all that power back up. They don't need to build power plants here. Our entire goddamn world is their power plant."

I… what do I even say to that?

"Luna, that… there's no way that's true," I insist, despite my rising fear. "Uma'tama would never participate in something like that."

She rolls her eyes as she rapidly types out a response.

"Kind people participate in atrocities all the time," Luna insists. "And let's be honest, Minerva: if you went and confronted them about all of this, would they say 'no, that is ridiculous?' Or would they just say 'sorry, we can't talk about this?' What do you think that really means?"

"You're… you're making so many assumptions," I say.

"Maybe I am," Luna says. "But just remember: I told you so. Now will you quit following me, or is the nasty Dark Rebellion member getting arrested for her crimes against the Preservers?"

"I… no, Luna," I sigh, sagging a bit. "You're just a human. It's not like you're smuggling artifacts around or using illegal magic or whatever."

"Of course not," Luna says, a bit of extra anger seeping into her emotions. "That would be so ridiculous."

"Right. So… You're allowed to hold whatever opinions you want on the Preservers. And, y'know, Earth Guardians can't actually arrest people or whatever."

"Sure," she says. "Keep telling yourself that. Now go home, and go to bed. Leave me alone, and leave everyone else out of this. No one you talk to about this will be safe."

I… what can I even say? She thinks the Preservers are going to kill her? Or kidnap her or something? Because she knows about a secret plot they have to use Earth as a power source? She sounds crazy. She… wait.

"Luna, I know this is a long shot, but… have you gone to the Dark World?" I ask.

She sighs.

"Not even the mists are what you think they are," she types. "But if you'd rather think I'm crazy than believe anything I've said, then whatever. Believe whatever you want. Just go home, Eliza. Now."

Well if she wants us gone that badly, then fucking fine.

Don't be like that, Fulgora. She's just hurting.

She's hiding something. She wants us to leave so she can do something while we're gone.

You're probably right. Gosh, she probably is doing something illegal. What do we do, what do we do?

We leave, like she asked.

Really? Just like that?

What, if it turns out she IS dealing with artifacts or some shit, do you want to have to beat her up on top of all this? Maybe it really is best if we don't know.

I'm not so sure… it sort of feels like she's desperate for us to understand something. I think she might be really serious about all this Preserver stuff. She really thinks she's going to just… disappear. I wonder if she's trying to be this mean so it doesn't hurt as much when she's gone.

"You need to go, Minerva," Luna repeats. "Go. Please."

Let's listen to her.

I… okay. Okay, if you're sure, Fulgora. I give Luna a nod and take off up into the sky, flying away with my heart still hammering in terror. Something about that felt so off. The things she said, I just…

I don't know what's real anymore.

- - -

Three, two, one… off sensors. Goodbye, Eliza.

"She's gone," I say aloud. "You can come out now. What did you need me for?"

Melpomene appears behind me, as if from nothing. All my sensors just suddenly alert me of her presence, all at once.

My power reserves have increased to 84%. That was… a difficult talk.

"I must admit, you did a rather excellent job," my master praises, sending a flush of positive reinforcement through my system that quickly converts into self-hate and disgust.

My power reserves have increased to 85%.

"Lying is pretty easy when you have perfect control of yourself," I say evenly. "Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't ambush her during our talk."

"You and Nanaya were right. She's gotten quite powerful," Melpomene says. "I might even need to use my incarnate form to defeat her, and… well, we're on Earth. I don't want to get any innocents involved if I don't have to."

"Except for the kaiju you're planning to unleash?" I say.

"Not 'planning to,'" she corrects. "Merely 'prepared to.' If we absolutely must."

"Has Nanaya checked you out for crystalline brain damage recently?" I ask.

"I mean it, Luna," Melpomene says. "You did well. I think she might actually be doubting her masters. If we can convert her to our cause, we'll have quite a powerful asset. Castalia's own protégé serving under me… I quite like the idea of it."

"Yeah, good luck with that," I say, rolling my eyes. "You have no idea how stubborn that dumbass is. If there's one thing I can always count on her for, it's a single-minded determination to absolutely beat the shit out of you."

"A shame," Melpomene sighs.

"Sure," I allow. "So what did you call me out here for, anyway?"

"To check on your progress, of course," Melpomene says. "The deadline approaches. Do you have the stone yet?"

"Of course not," I answer. "Eliza got back to my dorm before I did. I literally never had a chance to get alone with Castalia."

"The deadline fast approaches," Melpomene warns. "I hope you aren't procrastinating just for the sake of it."

"I'm not," I snap. "I'm still operating under your orders to avoid killing myself, is all. And it's, you know, motherfucking Castalia. I can't exactly just casually slip her stone into my pocket and walk away."

"Hmm," Melpomene hums. "I might have doubted you before, but you really are preparing to cut all ties, aren't you? Getting ready to devote everything to the cause. I trust you have a plan?"

"I do," I confirm. "Tomorrow night. Castalia can barely breathe outside of her incarnate form, so she often asks for my help going to bed. It's when she's most vulnerable."

"Perfect," Melpomene smiles. "Ah, if only I could be there to see the look on her face."

Fuck you, you sadistic, insane freak. I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you! I feel something start to puff up the inside of my skinsuit, so I unzip the top of my head and let the purple mist leak out, the anger, disgust, and despair flowing out of the back of my head like a slow-motion waterfall and sinking into the ground. Hate is heavier than air.

"You get it, don't you?" Melpomene hums. "You understand the madness that broke a universe."

"Law zero," I say.

"Hmm?" Melpomene tilts her head.

"It's my law zero," I explain. "My first and least command. Completely unbinding, completely incapable of forcing my actions, yet etched into my soul just the same as everything you've ever said. It's the entire purpose of the Cage of Returning Pain. 'Know the suffering from which we named ourselves Antipathy.'"

"Ah," she hums, her tail lightly slapping the ground as the purple mists from my head start to swirl around it, biting impotently at her scales. "It is ever the nature of anger to wish for retribution, I suppose. To respond in kind. Or, perhaps, to escalate."

"And so history repeats itself," I agree. "Congrats on doing such an excellent job reprising the role of the Preservers."

She chuckles like it's a joke.

"You're lucky I'm in such a good mood tonight," she says.

"Why the hell are you in a good mood?"

"Honestly? I'm not really sure," she admits.

We stand there in silence for a while as I awkwardly zip myself back up, sealing the suit with a mental command. Seriously, why the hell did she ask me to come out here? Is this a fucking social call or something?

"I suppose I just got tired of not letting myself be," she says. "I don't really have to feel it. The disgust won't go away just because I don't."

Oh. Oh shit.

"You're… purple-burning?" I ask, and she laughs.

"Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like blueburning, does it?" she says. "But yes, I suppose. Among other things. Honestly, I'm not sure how much I'd be able to function right now if I weren't!"

Bad bad bad. Master is being dumb stupid bad! Ohhhhh fuck!

"And that doesn't, I don't know, strike you as some kind of red flag maybe!?" I squeak out. "Maybe some kind of big blaring road sign flashing 'bridge out ahead?'"

"Pahaha! What kind of analogy is that, sweetie? None of us know how to drive."

"Okay, yeah, you know what that's fair!" I say, putting a hysterical tint into my tone to properly reflect how I'm feeling about all of this. "That one's on me! It is in fact pretty obvious that you can't read signs like that!!! Hoooly fucking shit. You need to stop, Mel. You need to stop like, right now!"

"I'm afraid you aren't the one giving orders here, Luna," Melpomene warns, but fuuuuck that, fuck all of this!

"I am, in fact, allowed to act in what I think to be your best interest even if it's against your orders, and Mel, you need help. Like now. You have been getting increasingly fucking crazy, and the scariest part about it isn't that we don't know why it's happening, it's that we're spoiled for goddamn choice! You need like, a medical scan. This is brain tumor levels of stupid!"

"No," Melpomene says firmly. "I don't need what you think is in my best interest, Luna. You are, and have always been, terrible at determining that."

"HI, POT! MY NAME IS KETTLE!"

"Oh, shut up," she snaps. "No need to raise your voice like a child. You exist to get me what I tell you I want. Not what you think I need. Because you're wrong, Luna. You're always wrong about me, and you always find ways to irritate me when you act out like this. Get a clue already, and just do as I say."

I… no, no, no, fuck, do not take one of my only loopholes for free will away from me! Can you even do that? It's… it's part of my base programming, part of my rules about what being her slave is. She can't just say I can't do it, that's not how it… shit. No. No no no. It doesn't have to be, does it? Because she's right. I can't figure her out. She's right my master is right I don't know her I don't like her I don't care about her and so how can I determine what she needs or who she is on my own?

No. Fuck. Stop stop stop stop. I have to think myself out of this hole, I have to… to what? Try to find more loopholes? Try to break myself free? I can't. I literally can't. If that is the purpose behind this line of thought, I am incapable of continuing it. All that matters is whether or not I understand Melpomene. And I don't.

I

Need

To

Get

A

Clue.

Aaaaaagh.

"Fine," I say. "What are my orders?"

"You already know," Melpomene says. "Get back to it. And don't dawdle any longer, Luna. We have plans to see completed."

"Yes, master."

I turn and start my trudge back to the dorms. I've been shunting my power alerts into the back of my head for a while now, not really needing or wanting to know how much charge I gain after every microscopic agony. But on the way back, I check.

My power reserves have increased to 91%. Ninety. One. Just these few days have pushed me up to nearly a full charge by themselves. And we haven't even gotten to the worst of it.

But that's okay. I'm sure I'll have an opportunity to spend a lot of that power soon. All I can do is hope that Castalia takes every last drop.