Chapter 229: Squeeze My Hand If You’re Happy
Chapter 229: Squeeze My Hand If You’re Happy
Before I could object, Elara placed the baby in my arms.
My entire body tensed instinctively.
Elara adjusted my arms into the correct position and rested the baby’s head against the crook of my elbow.
"Relax," she said.
"I am relaxed."
"You’re sitting like a stone statue."
I looked down at the tiny creature in my arms.
I had killed countless people with these hands. I had broken bones, torn apart hearts, and burned living bodies to ash.
Yet those same hands now held a baby too helpless to protect their own life.
Granted, this wasn’t the first baby I had ever held. I had my daughter, Auralis.
But Auralis wasn’t an ordinary baby. She was a dragon hatchling.
Only six months had passed since she hatched, yet she already looked like a six-year-old child.
The baby stared at my face for a while.
Then their tiny hand closed around my index finger.
Their fingers were so weak that I could have broken their grip without even noticing.
Still, they didn’t let go.
A strange warmth formed in my chest.
This child didn’t know who I was.
They knew nothing about what my hands had done, how many people’s blood had stained them, or the curse I carried inside me.
They simply looked at me and held my finger.
"I think the baby likes you," Iris said.
"Babies haven’t developed the ability to judge people yet."
Iris laughed.
Elara rolled her eyes.
"For a moment, I thought you were going to say something normal."
The baby released my finger and reached for the braid beside my hair instead. Tiny fingers grabbed it and pulled it closer.
My head tilted slightly forward.
"Strong," I said.
"The baby is only a few weeks old," Elara replied.
"Strong for their age."
Iris carefully opened the baby’s fingers and freed my hair.
"They clearly like your white hair."
Just as I was beginning to get used to holding the baby, the lock on the front door turned.
Adam entered with a small package in his hand.
He stopped when he saw us in the living room.
First, he looked at Elara. Then Iris. Finally, his gaze settled on the baby in my arms.
"I see no one died," he said.
Elara slowly turned toward him.
"You knew about him?"
The relaxed expression on Adam’s face froze.
"About who?"
"Adam."
Her voice was even more dangerous than the tone I used against invaders who entered my territory in the North.
Realizing there was no escape, Adam sighed.
"They came to the restaurant. That’s where I saw Cassian."
"And you didn’t tell me."
"I didn’t want to ruin the surprise."
Elara grabbed a small cushion from the table and threw it at him.
Adam caught it in one hand.
"The baby was asleep," he said. "If I had sent you a message, you would have panicked and woken them up."
"The baby is already awake!"
"But they aren’t crying."
Adam pointed at the baby in my arms.
"Besides, it looks like they’ve found a new caretaker."
"I’m not a caretaker," I said.
"You’re holding my baby."
"This is temporary."
Adam walked over and gently stroked the baby’s head. Then he leaned down and placed a brief kiss on Elara’s forehead.
Her anger didn’t disappear completely, but her expression softened slightly.
Then, as if suddenly remembering something, she looked at Iris and me.
"Wait... You came here together."
"Yes," Iris replied.
"And you were holding hands at the door."
Iris’s face immediately turned red.
"Elara, that’s—"
"I want to marry Iris," I said.
Adam laughed as he placed the package on the table.
"He told me that too."
Elara’s head snapped toward him.
"You knew about that as well?"
"For about half an hour."
Elara reached for the cushion again, but Adam was still holding it, and there was nothing else nearby for her to throw.
In the end, she directed her frustration toward us.
"Iris," she said seriously. "What do you think?"
Iris lowered her gaze to her knees. Her cheeks grew redder as she intertwined her fingers.
"I..."
She looked at me briefly.
The moment our eyes met, she quickly looked away again.
"I love Cassian too."
My mind went completely blank for several seconds.
I knew Iris cared about me. I knew she wanted to stay by my side, trusted me, and valued our childhood memories.
But this was the first time I had heard her say it directly.
I love Cassian too.
It was a simple sentence.
Even so, it was enough to change the rhythm of the heart beating inside my chest.
I remembered the small velvet box hidden inside my spatial ring.
The ring inside suddenly felt much heavier than before.
Iris quickly continued.
"But that doesn’t mean we’re getting married immediately! We only just met again. Cassian needs to ask me properly. We also need to get to know each other again, and—"
"I understand," Elara said.
There was a faint smile on her face.
Then she turned to me.
"Did you hear that?"
"Yes."
"You won’t decide for her."
"I didn’t."
"Saying ’I’m going to marry her’ sounds a little like you’re deciding for her."
She had a point.
"Then I’ll ask if she wants to marry me."
"Not now!" Iris exclaimed in panic.
"Why?"
"Because... Because you can’t ask while we’re just sitting on a sofa!"
Humans had special rules for marriage proposals as well.
I would need to research them properly later.
Elara leaned toward me.
"If you truly love Iris, don’t rush," she said. "Wait for the right time. Ask her what she wants and listen to her answer."
I looked at the warm light in Iris’s eyes.
"I don’t want to hurt her."
The smile on Elara’s face faded.
"Why do you think you’ll hurt her?"
"Because the people around me usually get hurt."
Silence fell over the room again.
Without saying anything, Iris moved closer and rested her head on my shoulder.
"That’s for me to decide," she said. "I know being by your side is dangerous."
"Iris—"
"I know, Cass."
The determination in her voice stopped me from arguing.
Elara watched us for a while.
"You’re both troubled," she finally said.
Adam shrugged as he passed behind the sofa.
"Maybe that’s why they suit each other."
Elara glared at him.
Adam quickly walked toward the kitchen.
"I’ll make tea."
For the next half hour, I had to answer Elara’s questions while she ate the sweets we had brought.
More accurately, I avoided the questions I didn’t want to answer.
Elara wanted to know what I had been doing in the North, who had braided my hair, why I had joined the Academy, and what I intended to do from now on.
I gave short answers to most of them.
I completely ignored the others.
Iris claimed the second box of sweets had also been meant for Elara. However, nearly half of the sweets inside were already missing.
"I was checking to make sure they weren’t poisoned," she said.
When Adam heard the excuse, he looked at me.
"Did she say the same thing on the way to the restaurant?"
"Something similar."
Iris gave both of us an angry look.
As the night went on, the baby’s eyes began to close again. They were still in my arms.
Elara tried to take the baby several times, but gave up whenever they refused to release my finger.
Once the baby had fallen completely asleep, I carefully placed them in the cradle.
After adjusting the blanket, I stared at their face for a few seconds.
It felt strange that such a small and defenseless creature could sleep so peacefully.
Perhaps this was what it felt like to know you were safe.
We needed to return before the Academy gates closed. So, despite Elara’s reluctance, we stood to leave.
As I reached the door, Elara called out from behind me.
"Cassian."
I turned toward her.
She approached and took hold of my arm.
"The Duke, the Duchess, Evelyn, and the others have the right to know you’re alive."
"I know."
"When are you going to tell them?"
"I don’t know yet."
Elara looked into my eyes for a while.
"All right," she finally said. "I won’t force you. But don’t wait too long."
I nodded.
Elara’s fingers tightened around my arm.
"There’s one more thing I want you to know."
"What?"
"I don’t care what happened to you in the past or what you’ve become now. You were part of our family then."
Her eyes grew slightly wet.
"And you still are."
I didn’t know what to say.
Thanking her felt inadequate.
Apologizing felt pointless.
So I simply lowered my head.
"I won’t disappear without telling you again."
A relieved smile appeared on Elara’s face.
"Now that was the right answer."
By the time Iris and I left the house, it was already late.
The streets were quiet. Snowflakes passing beneath the streetlamps shone like tiny fireflies.
After walking a few steps, Iris took my hand.
"How did it go?" she asked.
"Elara hit me."
"That isn’t what I asked."
"I was also forced to hold a baby."
Iris smiled.
"Did you like it?"
"It wasn’t bad."
We walked in silence for a while.
Then Iris rested her head on my shoulder.
"Are you happy, Cass?"
Finding an answer to that simple question was more difficult than I expected.
I didn’t fully understand what happiness was supposed to feel like. The darkness inside me was still there. The weight of the past, the people I had lost, and the enemies I would face in the future hadn’t disappeared.
But when I looked back at the warm windows of the house behind us, I could feel the weight in my chest growing a little lighter.
"I don’t know," I answered honestly.
Iris intertwined her fingers with mine.
"Then squeeze my hand if you’re happy."
I squeezed her hand.
Iris didn’t say anything.
She simply smiled and moved a little closer to me.
Perhaps coming back from the dead didn’t only mean breathing again.
Sometimes, it meant being able to return to a place you thought you had lost years ago.