Chapter 330: The mistakes
"I hope you do stop him, my lady," Darcio said his words sincerely, "But I also hope that you stop yourself from losing patience. The past shouldn’t repeat once again"
As soon as Lyra understood his words, a sad smile broke out on her face. He was warning her not to harm herself as she did before. Her back stung a little when she recalled that event, "I had nothing to live for, Darcio. My husband was dead" The pain she felt when she saw his death had been too much for her to bear. She had wanted the ground to swallow her whole, to not leave any evidence of her existence for it was too lonely without her beloved by her side.
"I may not understand the extent of your grief" The older man started, "But I do understand what it must have been to your daughter to grow up without both the father and mother" Lyra’s eyes shook as he added, "My prince Demir was a grown-up when I met him, but the pain he held within himself not knowing of mother’ love was far too great that left him scared. Now think about your infant, my lady. What must have Lady Vanadey gone through? Have you ever thought about it?"
Lyra’s chest clenched painfully when she recalled her infant daughter that she had abandoned. She was too busy dwelling on her own sorrow that she failed to see how it would affect her daughter. What kind of a mother was she that she thought about herself before the small life she and her husband decided to bring into the world. It was the parents’ responsibility to take care of their child no matter the circumstance.
Just like Vanadey and Adrian took care of her even though that meant forfeiting their life. Lyra still had a hard time digesting the fact that she managed to get reborn in her own daughter’s womb. Did she really deserve such loving parents when she failed to be the same to her daughter, Vanadey? What would Blake think of her if he remembered their past life and her leaving their baby all alone? She didn’t even want to think about it. She knew him well; her sweet mate, even then, would feel sad for her instead of admonishing her. This guilt and pain was hers alone to carry, she didn’t want to burden him anymore.
"I loved my child, Darcio" That was all she could manage to say. How could she not love the child that she had by her beloved husband? But she had to admit to herself, or her soul and her conscience would always hurt her. Yes, she did love her child but more than that, she loved her husband. What she did was a desperate attempt to free herself from the pain she would have to endure without her husband by her side. She was Selfish in that regard.
"I was a mother; I had a duty towards my child, I shouldn’t have been so selfish"
Darcio sighed, "No one is perfect in this world, my lady. Don’t chide yourself so much for what happened in the past. For the past can never be changed"
"I know," Lyra nodded with a hesitant smile on her face, "I did wrong, and maybe this is my punishment, living with the truth that I abandoned my child in the past. I will have to constantly think about what I did whenever I see my children in this life. Not knowing whether I’m a good mother, constantly doubting myself....ha" A hollow laugh left her lips, "But I will try my best this time, Darcio. That much I can promise myself"