Frostbound

It was a few hours after the fight that I really came back mentally. Killing a human for the first time was a lot different than I thought it would be. The physical act wasn't what was different, hit anything hard enough and it would die all the same, but the mental side was different.

"You all right there bud?" Austin said.

I was sitting on the wall staring out into the forest when he found me. The blood was gone after some vigorous washing and there weren't any signs of the previous battle, but my thoughts were still in turmoil.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just a lot, you know." I said back.

My hands had stopped shaking and I was trying to clear my mind from replaying the events on repeat.

"They deserved it." He said.

"I know they did, but that doesn't change what I did," I answered.

Knowing they deserved it did little to change the fact that 5 lives were ended by my hand. 5 people wouldn't see another sunrise. I was working through the mental gymnastics to be ok with that and it was taking longer than anticipated. The fact I would have to do it again didn't feel good.

"Having this be the first of many doesn't sit well with me. I know the world isn't sunshine and rainbows, this will happen again." I said forlornly.

"That's dark, buddy. Why don't you try to take the emotion out of it. They have definitely killed before, think about it like you saved someone in the future from dying." Austin said.

Think about it like you saved a life. That was a generous mental leap but not entirely wrong. They would've killed another person and I technically prevented that from happening, probably more than once. Logically, it was a net positive.

Logically wasn't emotionally though. This was something I would have to work through and I didn't see it being easy.