Chapter 175: Just Checking
Using the amazing power of insomnia that very few people rarely talked about. Mainly because it was so obvious...I cannot sleep...pretty much did not need mentioning after the word insomnia was said. Derek had been able to work his way all through Saturday night. He had worked, and worked until the letters before him had began to blur, taking on the quality of alphabet soup as they flowed together.
It was not a fun experience, and with it, Derek had been forced to put his work aside and go for an old standby.
Swimming.
He had swum until his whole body ached. Only then did he pull himself out of the waters and lay next to the pool, catching his breath. As expected, he had not been able to fall asleep afterwards. But he had at least been able to access that calm state that often came if he focused hard enough on blocking out everything that was going on around him. Entering that state was easier to do than normal.
Derek had a niggling suspicion that it had more to do with the good sleep that he had had on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night rather than on his body’s ability to relax having improved overnight. But even so, he allowed himself to enjoy it, knowing that it was a rare treat, that he should be grateful for. It had kept him going for many years before he had met Emily after all. Derek had kept the meditative state up for a few hours. And come sunrise, he had been able to be a somewhat functional human being during the day.
But night had fallen once more, he was back to his old routine. The very one that he’d had on Saturday night, and that was work, work, work, and more work. He worked until just the sight of paperwork with the Haven Group logo on it made him want to throw up, and it was once he got to that point that he decided it was time for a break.
Just as he had done the night before, Derek made his way to the rooftop pool. But this time, instead of swimming as he had intended to, he found himself doing the opposite. Instead, he sat at the edge of the pool. His feet dipped into the water, all the way up to the knee. He kicked them slightly, enjoying the way that the water parted and then came together with each movement, feeling as though it was pushing him forward and then holding him back at the same time. Without actively meaning to. Derek found his eyes searching the city. He did not stop until they were in the general direction of where he knew Emily’s apartment was. "Are you awake too? Are the nightmares bothering you? Keeping you awake when everybody else is asleep?" He found himself saying aloud.
There was no answer.
Of course there was not. How could she answer when she did not know that he was talking to her? But even so, after saying those words, Derek did not say anything for a long while, waiting the same way somebody who had just asked a companion a question would when they were expecting a reply.
When none came as was expected, he let out a sigh. But he could not stop himself from continuing to stare. Just by looking in that direction, it felt as though Emily were right next to him.
She was the only other person who understood just how important sleep was, and how devastating it was to go without it. And in thinking about her in the darkness of the night. When everybody was fast asleep, and they had gotten into that state without even having to work for it. The bitterness that normally came over Derek at the thought vanished. He felt just felt a sense of peace, knowing that Emily was sharing the experience with him. It was like having a companion on a long hard road.
When you were alone, the road seemed longer, harsher somehow. But with somebody walking step by step with you, things became easier. Just being able to look over and know that there was someone going through the same thing as you, but they were not giving up. Instead, they were pushing forward, one step at a time. Because that was what life was, putting one step in front of the other, even if you had no idea where that step would land.