Chapter 162: Guilt
Emily loved her mother. She loved that woman to bits. How could she have anything but love for a woman who had raised her single-handedly since Emily was a child? Holding it all together after the death of Emily’s father.
But as much as Emily loved her mom, she was still lying to her, and would continue to do so. It was all done in an effort to try and shield her from the struggles that Emily went through when it came to issues of sleep. But even though Emily had kept up the consistent lie for years, that did not make telling it any easier.
Nor did it make telling other lies in addition to that one any better. In fact it got harder and harder to do the longer Emily carried on. After writing her list, and boarding the bus, Emily had spent the entire ride with guilt gnawing at her gut, her mind intent on reminding her of her dishonesty. Taunting her with the fact that, by going to sleep with Derek, in order to get out of the house without her rousing suspicion, she would have to tell yet another lie.
As she had made the apartment, Emily had been torn between wanting to find her mom already at home and wanting to find the apartment empty. If she found her mom already there, then she could just get it over and done with and start getting ready to go spend the night with Derek. But if she found her mom not there, then she could use the time to come up with something, that felt more authentic. In the end, when she got off the bus and headed home, she walked into the apartment to find it empty.
Her mom was not there yet.
Seeing that she was absent. Emily had instantly wished that the older woman had arrived before her, but even as she was making that wish, she had been pretty sure that if she had arrived to find her mom there. She would have been wishing that her mom had not been in yet.
Deciding to just go with it, and face events as they unfolded, Emily went to get changed.
Clothes changed, Emily stared at her bed.
There was a high possibility that sleeping with Derek might not work in curing her nightmares. It would have been best for Emily to take a bit of a power nap. And even if she did not sleep. Just resting for a bit would have been good for her. She had earned it. Emily was very tired. There had not been a moment of peace at Haven Group the entire week. Her first week back and she was already feeling as though she had been run over by a truck, and then got worked over by a professional sumo wrestler.
But guilt was a very powerful motivator and given the level of guilt that Emily was currently experiencing, nothing could keep her down. So rather than just lazing about while she waited. Emily suddenly found herself having the energy to clean the house. So she left her room instead of getting into bed. She dusted, she wiped, she vacuumed and she even took the time to take out the plates and rearrange them until she felt that they were just right. Emily then turned her attention to her ultimate weapon when it came to apologizing to her mom without saying the word sorry.
Cooking.