Chapter 109: Sudden Case Of Cowardice
All along, Derek had known that he was missing Emily, he had not lied to himself on that front, in fact he had been brutally honest about it. But not even being honest with himself could come close to actually revealing just how much Derek had missed her. Saying that he had missed her a lot, felt like an understatement.
He had really missed her. From the way that she smelled, the closest things that came to mind when she passed by close enough for Derek to get a whiff of her scent was...spring. It was a scent that reminded him of sunshine and flowers all rolled into one. Even hearing the sound of her footsteps had him feeling more at ease. He had never thought that he would miss anyone to the point of being comforted by the sound of their footsteps but Emily was proving to him that he could. And she was not even doing it on purpose, she was just being Emily and Derek already felt all warm inside.
When she returned, she had with her his order, as she had promised. And just as she had suggested, there was a chocolate chip muffin, and some tea. It was nothing special, nothing to write home about, but somehow, the simple fact that Emily had been the one to give him the food made it taste a million times better. It felt as though he was getting a little taste of heaven.
After Emily had quit, food had become something that he only ever remembered sometimes. And even when he did manage to eat something, he was not eating because he was enjoying it. Food had become just something that he occasionally made time for, because his body needed fuel in order to keep going. He had not been enjoying it at all. But now that he was eating a meal that Emily had brought, Derek was suddenly realizing just how hungry he had been all along. He barely managed to keep himself from wolfing all of the food down, just barely managing to restrict himself to small bites and tiny sips of tea. Years and years of etiquette lessons helping him retain control of himself.
His mother, as well as several of his regular associates would have been quite shocked to see Derek in such an easily forgettable place. But Derek did not care about any of that. Not caring what people thought however did not mean that Derek was not ashamed. Even as he ate he was very ashamed, but it had nothing to do with the establishment that he was in.
No, the thing that brought Derek shame was himself. He was doing it again, taking and taking from Emily. He had come to apologize, but instead he was enjoying Emily’s hospitality. Enjoying being served by her in a place that she was way over qualified and over experienced to be working in. And all because of what he had done.
A lie that he had told in a bid to keep her, terrified of what the future would look like without her by his side.
The muffin began to taste like ash, the tea suddenly bitter. Guilt overwhelming him and taking away his enjoyment of the food.
But even though it no longer tasted as good as when he had begun, Derek still forced himself to eat. He would have loved to say that it was a form of punishment that he had constructed for himself, but deep down he knew that it was not.