Chapter 34: Vacation?
Lanz crept down the narrow alley beside the apartment block, plastic bags dangling off his wrists like he’d just looted an entire thrift store, which, in a way, he kinda did.
He squinted up at his third-floor window, hood half-pulled over his eyes.
"This is gonna be some real Spider-Man sh*t," he muttered under his breath, balancing one boot on the rusted drainpipe that ran up the side of the building.
He half-expected Miku to pop her head out the window and record him for the next ’local dumbass’ MemeNet clip.
Step by step, he clawed his way up, bags swinging dangerously every time his foot slipped against the chipped paint. "Yeah, genius, climb a drainpipe with your whole new drip in plastic. What could possibly go wrong?"
When he finally reached his windowsill, he braced his knee against the frame, free hand fumbling for the latch. One by one, he set the helmet down first, like the delicate crown that it is, then the boots, then the cool looking new gloves and clothes, and finally the cheap black boxers that almost fell straight to the neighbor’s balcony below.
"Whoa, whoa, nope!" he hissed, grabbing the bag’s handle with two fingers just before it could break free.
He froze there, crouched like a raccoon caught stealing snack bars. His heart did this weird skip-beat thingy until the bag settled safe and sound next to the boots.
He let out a quiet, triumphant breath. "See that sh*t? Smooth. F*cking smooth."
Once everything was safely inside his room, Lanz braced his palms on the outer ledge, twisted his shoulders with a dumb grin, and just hopped down onto the narrow metal stair rail that ran along the side of the building.
He rode it down like he was twelve again, boots skidding, landing with a solid thud behind the garbage shed.
He dusted off his hoodie, straightened up, and walked around to the front door like he’d just strolled home from the corner store. "Nothing to see here. Just your not-so-friendly neighborhood Handsome-Man."