Chapter 49 Courage
Hongxia, my daughter:
Time has slipped by, and the days no longer return. Without realizing it, more than thirty years have passed since your father ventured out into the world, my heart wild as untamed grass, only desiring to live freely, which led me to neglect your mother and you, causing our relationship to fracture and ultimately end in separation.
Over the years, your father has missed you terribly. I still remember the day you were born, the insane joy in my heart. When you lay in my arms, so tiny, with sparse hair on your head – at that moment, I experienced a feeling I’d never had before, like drinking ice water on a hot summer day, a chill spreading throughout my body...
Writing this, Shen Siyuan paused, looking over towards Lu Guanchang, unsure of how sincere his words were.
Perhaps everything he was saying was true, but then why did it change? Why did he abandon them, not inquiring after them for so many years...
It is only after one has experienced pain that they understand regret.
If it weren’t for wanting to try and see, to help such a person, to see if there was any merit in it, Shen Siyuan would have never agreed to help him.
"What’s wrong?" Lu Guanchang noticed Shen Siyuan had stopped writing and came back to reality.
"Nothing, continue," Shen Siyuan said.
So Lu Guanchang resumed organizing his thoughts.
He began with reminiscences, recounting many interesting moments between father and daughter when she was young, then expressed his remorse towards his daughter, and only at the end did he speak of his own matters, how his lifelong efforts had come to naught and he felt unwilling to accept that, all of it should have belonged to her; he hoped she would come to Bin Hai to meet him face to face.