Chapter 53: Air Breathing Technique
"Did he deserve it?" Jennette asks me. Her voice is unexpectedly calm despite the heavy information I just relayed to her.
"He was a man who had done despicable things for the vague sake of change." I reply, my voice shaky, barely above a whisper. My head’s low, looking down on the wooden floorboard as I’m sitting on my bed.
"Hmmmm, Ed, this.. How do I put it.. let me just say it plainly— don’t let it consume you." she suddenly says, her voice’s low but it’s also soft.
"What do you mean?" I ask, genuinely curious, and my eyes snap— flickering to her direction. She’s sitting on her bed— clipping her toe nails.
"I mean exactly what I mean. Do you forget? I have lived the life of a mercenary, Ed. I know all about that life, and I know exactly how it feels, and how you’re feeling. I don’t even know why you chose this life.
We could be living a calm and peaceful life, but you decided to— for whatever reason— live the life of a mercenary.
And that reason that’s driving you.. it’s making you desperate. The desperation. It’s raw, it’s sometimes visible on your face, and It shows in every step you take." she speaks in a straightforward tone, and her voice is calm. As if she’s talking about a normal topic.
She shrugs, "and you can choose to ignore me, but.. I just want to tell you. The life of a mercenary.. this sour and gritty life that you chose. You’d experience more of this feeling sinking in your chest right now. Even worse than that. So steel yourself. And don’t let that desperation consume you."
What is she talking about? Desperation? Desperation! Desperation. Me? Well, yes. But is it really visible? Or is Jennette the only one that notices it?
But, it’s not something I can help. I need to get stronger, it’s the only way back.
"Honestly, what you did was pretty stupid— going straight for a C-rank task immediately you got your license. You’re supposed to start with small tasks your rank. Kill little monsters, find things, and other small stuff.