Chapter 154: The Past
Long after Emily shut the door in his face, Callan stood there in the hallway, his back leaning against the closed door of Emily’s room.
The hallway was quiet. The kind of quiet that made your ears ring, and his ears did ring with her last words.
He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. His chest felt heavy, like someone had dropped a big rock in it.
He didn’t mind her hating him. He didn’t mind her seeing him as a jerk. What tore at him was the hurt in her eyes. He would have preferred she was mad then hurt.
His fingers curled into a fist, then opened, then curled again. He wanted to knock one more time. He wanted her to come out so they could have a proper conversation.
He wished he could really explain to her and wipe away the hurt in her eyes. He wished he could make her understand things from his point of view, but something stopped him.
If she was still that hurt over the past, then maybe there was still a little feeling there. If that was the case, then it was better to just leave things as they were.
He would let her keep seeing him as the jerk. That would make her continue to keep him at arm’s length, and that would also help him stay away from her.
Even after all these years he couldn’t trust himself around her. The only way he could stay sane being around her was by teasing and annoying her. If he treated her like an annoying little cousin as he had been doing, then maybe someday it would eventually sink into his heart and body that they were cousins and nothing could be done about it.
Callan turned away slowly and walked down the hallway to his bedroom. His feet felt like they had weights tied to them as he dragged himself to his bedroom.
He sat on his bed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he covered his face with both hands.