Nightmare Realm Summoner

“Teddy,” Alex said through clenched teeth. He knew Teddy couldn’t hear him, but he couldn’t help himself. It felt like it had been years since the last time he’d seen his former best friend. But, unsurprisingly, Teddy looked exactly the same as he always had. That was somehow rather infuriating. The entire world had changed, but he had somehow managed to remain exactly the same.

“I bet you’ve got some questions,” Teddy said. He sat down on an invisible chair before leaning back and crossing one leg over the other. “Man, I wish I could see your face right now.”

“No, you don’t,” Alex said. “I’d punch your shit in. Why’d you shove me into hell after I saved your ass, you dickhead?”

“Why indeed?” Teddy mused.

Alex stiffened.

What? Did he just answer my question? That can’t be right. Finley said that this was just a recorded message. There’s no way he—

“It is,” Teddy said. His smug grin widened. “Recorded, that is. We aren’t actually having a normal conversation. There isn’t really a trick. You’ve just always been a bit predictable, Alex.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed. He clamped his mouth shut and stared at Teddy. He wasn’t so sure he believed a single word coming out of the bastard’s mouth. If this was actually a recording, then Teddy would probably say some snarky shit in a moment in response to an answer that Alex had no plans of giving.

Several seconds dragged by.

Then Teddy snickered.

“How’s the silence treating you? You were never much a fan of it. I imagine you’re probably shivering in wait for me to say something right about now to see if you can catch me out. Or have you already jumped the gun? No. I don’t imagine you have.”

Goddamn it.

Alex’s eye twitched.

“You are one annoying prick when you want to be,” Alex informed Teddy. The best way to win a game like this was to not play at all. It didn’t matter if the message was recorded or not. He’d just treat it like a normal conversation. “What do you want, Teddy?”

“You realize he can’t respond, right?” Finley asked.

“Hush,” Claire said. “Let him concentrate.”

Teddy’s grin faded slightly. He leaned forward on his chair and braced his elbows against his knees, interlacing his fingers.

“But this is why I always liked you, Alex. You do shit. Even when you don’t realize you’re doing shit, you do it. You remember that bullshit final Dr. Freeman’s gave? The one you stole the answer sheet for by catfishing him as that one chick in our class? God, that was funny. I’m pretty sure we were the only ones that passed that exam.”

Alex did remember. He really hadn’t wanted to study for that particular test. It had been painfully easy getting the answer sheet out of the old, insufferable teacher that seemed to take pride in failing just about everyone he could.

Once he got the sheet, it had been a simple matter to make sure he got just enough questions right to pass — but not so many as to make it clear that he’d cheated. It hadn’t been his proudest moment, but it would have been lying to say that he felt particularly bad about it.

Dr. Freeman had been a dickwad.

But Teddy had passed that exam too. He hadn’t even looked at the answer sheet that Alex had slipped him. Teddy had just strolled into class, taken the exam, and somehow passed with flying colors.

There had been a lot of ways that everything could have gone wrong. Alex was pretty sure sheer dumb luck had saved his ass. Dr. Freeman definitely would have been suspicious that one of his most average students had randomly gotten a B on an exam that everyone else had failed had he not come down with e-coli poisoning that landed him in the hospital for weeks after the exam.

By the time Dr. Freeman had gotten out of the hospital, university grades for the year had already been finalized. That had been that. The old man had better things to do than sniff around an old exam — especially when he had new students to creep on.

“Yes,” Alex said, somewhat pointlessly. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Teddy shook his head. “No matter. You know how it is. Sometimes things work out. Sometimes life just finds a way. You know what I mean?”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Life finds a way? That’s what you say when some idiot teen gets their girlfriend pregnant, dude. Not about the apocalypse. And it certainly isn’t what you say to the guy you shoved into hell for no reason at all.”

A shrill beep cut through the air. Teddy glanced down at his watch. The final remnants of his smile fell away as he blew out a tired sigh.

“But sometimes it doesn’t,” Teddy said. “Sometimes life fucks up. And then there’s nobody left to pick up the pieces but us. Doesn’t feel like our job. It isn’t, really. But we don’t get much of a choice in the matter.”

“Is this all how you’re going to somehow work up to justifying shoving me into hell? You wanted to get control of your life back or something?”

“I didn’t push you into the Mirrorlands just to get some semblance of control back,” Teddy continued. “Though I’m sure it might seem that way.”

“Then why?” Alex demanded.

“And I’d imagine you’re wondering, if that wasn’t the reason I shoved you — then what was?”

“Yes,” Alex said. “What an astute observation. The person who you tried to kill wants to know why the hell you did it. That’s brilliant, Teddy. An impressive deduction. You might be a mastermind hidden in broad daylight.”

The corner of Teddy’s lips twitched. “It’s not because I wanted you dead.”

“Wow. You could have fooled me.”

“Perhaps it seems that way right now,” Teddy said. “And I don’t blame you for thinking poorly of me for doing it.”

“So are you going to say why?” Alex asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Or are you going to just vaguely hint at it and then skip past the part where you do anything useful at all?”

“I’m not going to tell you,” Teddy said. “Not here, at least. Not like this. After all, it doesn’t really feel like the kind of conversation you have over the phone. It’s like breaking up with your long term girlfriend via text message. Not cool, yeah?”

“I can think of a number of things that weren’t cool,” Alex said. “Some fucking answers would not fall in that list, no matter how they came about. What was the point of any of this if you’re literally just going to waffle around? Did you just want to waste my time?”

Teddy raised his hands before himself. “Hey. Come on. No point doing things half-assed, is there? To be honest, and as I’m sure you’re already voicing, there really wasn’t that much of a point for me to contact you like this. I guess I just wanted to swing by. Let you know I’m still kicking.”

“Unless you’ve died since sending this,” Alex muttered.

“I haven’t,” Teddy said. “I’m still alive. Just in case you were wondering. Trust me on that.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed.

Damn. Am I seriously this predictable? That… kind of hurts. I really have to work on that.

“I’m not inclined to trust you on much of anything,” Alex said. “Especially when you don’t even have the guts to show yourself properly. Sending me this pre-recorded message where half of your lines are just screwing around comes off pretty disingenuous.”

“Not that you’d want to trust me on much,” Teddy continued. He shook his head. “But that’s how it is sometimes. You gotta deal with the Dr. Freemans in your way, and I’ll deal with them in mine.”

What’s that meant to mean? Teddy just showed up and aced the exam because he already knew all the material. Is he trying to imply he’s going to stroll his way to victory? God, that’s insufferable.

“Great. Good talk,” Alex said. “Lots of help. I’m going to punch you twice, now. Just so you know.”

Another beep cut through the air.

How many damn alarms can he set on that thing?

“Would you look at that?” Teddy asked. “Damn. I let myself blabber. I was hoping to talk a bit longer, but it looks like we’re out of time. Look, I’ve got two important things I want to say before we’re done here. I’m on a bit of a time limit.”

Maybe you should have started with the important shit instead of aura farming for a few minutes.

“Oh, shut it,” Teddy said.

Alex’s eyes lit up and a smug grin crossed his face. “Hah! You read me wrong. I didn’t say anything.”

I just thought it.

“Look,” Teddy said. “I want to tell you more. I do. But it can’t be like this. It has to be in person. So come find me. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

“You can say that again,” Alex said, his fists clenched. “I’d have found your ass already if I knew where—”

“You already know where to find me,” Teddy said. “And you’re actually strong enough to make it here.”

“I do not,” Alex said. He threw his hands up into the air. “Don’t do that shit. Tell me where the hell you are.”

“You do know where to find me, right?” Teddy asked. He tilted his head to the side. “It would be awkward if you didn’t. But I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually if you haven’t already. Just keep at what you’ve been doing.”

“Goddamn it,” Alex snarled. “Don’t screw with me, man. Seriously. What is your problem? Did you binge the Saw movies when I wasn’t home or something? Why all the riddle shit?”

Teddy slapped his hands against his knees. Then he rose to his feet.

“Whelp,” Teddy said. “That’s just about all the time I’ve got. I have someone to kill. Busy times, you know. Don’t keep me waiting for long.”

“Wait!” Alex exclaimed, taking a step toward Teddy. “There’s no way you can just leave without giving me at least some kind of—”

“Oh!” Teddy said, his eyes lighting up. “The last thing. Right. Almost forgot.”

“What? Did you forget some vague mystical warning that’ll haunt my dreams? Because that’s basically the only thing you’re missing on in your scuffed Sage Mentor cosplay.”

Teddy adjusted his shirt. His gaze moved to meet Alex’s. A smile pulled up one half of his lips. “Nice tux, man. Who would have thought the apocalypse would make you fashionable? Keep it up.”

Alex froze.

“What?”

“Anyway. That’s all for now. Until next time,” Teddy said.

Then he was gone.

Alex stared at the spot where Teddy’s apparition had been a moment before. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

How did he know I’m wearing a tux?