Chapter 2
I don’t know what happened after I closed my eyes seeing Dad. I don’t know how I ended up coming home. I don’t know in what situation dad brought me home or what the reaction on Jace’s face was.
Was he worried about me?
Was he thinking about me with sincerity when I was closing my eyes, making them worried?
I don’t know about anything but the moment I opened my eyes I found myself in my bed while my hands were connected with syringes which gave me enough pain for me to scream loud but I endured. Maybe this must be the first time I felt like a grown-up person.
After getting up from the bed, I removed the shots connecting my wrist. I went near the window and looked outside where all I could see were lights wherever I tried to look, but this is not what I wanted. I wanted to see the dark even if it was scary. Nothing is going the way I want, but I want to feel calm. Seeing everything moving smoothly with a bright smile as if there is no tomorrow makes me feel greedy.
My insides keep saying, is there anything I could say it is mine? There is nothing right? But I didn’t get a single answer.
I stood barefoot at the entrance of the window which could push me down if my feet trembled even for a second but still I got hold of myself trying to take my step forward to experience how it could be to feel the true physical pain? Would it be less than the mental pain I’m having right now? I don’t know.
I closed my eyes but the moment I opened my eyes I was standing near the window, not on the verge of dying, which made me realize it was all my imagination seeing me dying, but when I again think of the moment, it keeps giving me goosebumps. I’m just too scared to kill myself.
I walked toward the downstairs thinking I may have a worried dad. I should have said sorry to him, but the moment I was standing at the upper stairs I found them laughing, giggling as if I didn’t exist. It was so loud which was making the entire hall echo their voice again and again making me laugh louder than them. Here I kept getting worried about them, but what about me? Do they ever think of having the worry I have for myself? Am I not their responsibility too?
I don’t know anything. I thought I could have little thought about my life, but all just ended up being an illusion I could never, ever erase.
I kept standing in the same place where I saw Dad looking at me.
"You woke up?" he asked, coming running toward me, but I stopped waving my hand.